Hi There. I have an annoying situation, and would like your stories and advice.
My dad has a terrible temper, and is very controlling. Not physically abusive, but goes into temper tantrums with yelling etc. He tells my mom to shut up, and she acts like a mouse when he gets this way. He also acts as though his way is the right way, and anybody who does not follow his way is wrong. I haven't had any problems with my father since I was in my early twenties, as I refused to take his behavior and explained to him that he must treat me properly or I will leave.
My dh grew up with an abusive father. He has a very strong sense of self and refuses to allow folks to walk all over him. With me and my daughter he is gentle, loving, and the best father/husband a woman could ask for. BUT...he doesn't take much crap from others.
Last spring, while I was pregnant, they had a terrible argument while we were visiting my parents, they had a terrible blow out. When my dad started having his fit, he was expecting my dh to shrink into the corner, which is his usual result with folks. Not the case...dh went to to toe with him and stood his ground. The next day, early in the morning my father came to our house, yelling and screaming. Dh told him to get off our property. My mom actually believes that he came over the next day to make peace. When he called to 'talk' about it, I told him that I do not plan to allow my daughter to be exposed to these temper tantrums and his manner of behavior towards my mom.
Any how...nothing has been resolved. When we were in the hospital to have the baby, DH was very polite, and made sure to tell both my parents they were welcome to come over. My dad, on the other hand, kept making angry, irritated faces behind dh's back. DH is a champ...he know this was happening but ignored it for my sake and that of my baby.
My dad did not come to visit the baby in her first month of life. When I invited him over by the phone, he proceeded to demand I go over there without my baby so he could talk to me "eyeball to eyeball". When I told him that would not happen, he started to yell at me over the phone. Mind you....I was already emotional because breastfeeding started out to be difficult and painful.
Anyhow....now baby is 6 months old, and he never visits. My mom comes once in a while, and dh is not welcome at their home. This is their first long awaited grandbaby, and they did not spend any holidays with her! I have taken her to their house to visit or met my mom half way for lunch/shopping-but frankly I am tired of it. He still insists I come over without dd. I know what he wants to do...he wants to yell at me, and I won't allow it. Because I have refused to meet his demand for so long, he has given me a preview of what he plans to say. He has said that I have treated them poorly, that if dh does that again he will tan his behind...on and on.
When I do take her to visit, she gets fussy, which is unusual for her. As soon as he walks into the room, even if he is being 'nice' she gets upset and cries! They keep buying her gaudy loud toys which are scary and over stimulating. I think she is able to see through his facade and senses his hostility.
I can ignore his constant comments that are meant to bait me....but I draw the line on what he did on a recent visit. When dd got upset, he actually started laughing! When I took her to offer my comfort he said she was spoiled.
Please give me your stories!
How often do you take kids to visit their grandparents?....How often do they come to visit?
I am fed up, and ready to just stay at home until he gets over it and starts visiting.
Am I being unreasonable?