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Old 05-30-2009, 07:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My 5yr old dd was at a birthday party today of a neighbor I don't know very well. At the end of the party I came to p/u and she said "just a moment I have to ask her(mom of birthday girl) something. I waited and, in front of another mom, she said very sweetly "excuse me, do you have anything we can take home?" It was a bit awkward as there were no party favors. On one hand I appreciate her confidence and poise when talking to adults and on the other hand I feel like she was inadvertently rude. wwyd if your dd or ds did this?
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Old 05-30-2009, 07:41 PM
 
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If my DD did this, I would talk to her about how I was proud of her for being so polite, but that it is very rude to ask for presents.

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Old 05-30-2009, 09:02 PM
 
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I too would explain that while she spoke very politely, and it's great to feel confident while talking to adult, it is impolite to ask for presents. It is pretty normal for 4 yo to be impolite in ways like this, and we need to simply provide gentle guidance to help them learn what is OK and what isn't. As long as you keep it clear that talking to adult and expressing needs is a seperate issue, and a good thing, then it should be fine to help her understand why people do not ask for gifts.

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Old 05-30-2009, 10:15 PM
 
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I would have apologized to the other mother and told my daughter that it's rude to ask for presents, no matter how polite your tone of voice is.
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Old 05-30-2009, 10:31 PM
 
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I would take her aside and explain that it's rude to ask people to give you things and ask her to apoligize to the host.

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Old 05-30-2009, 11:02 PM
 
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Ditto to the pps. But I have to say that if I was the host mom, I would have gotten a good chuckle. I mean, your dd asked so politely!
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Old 05-30-2009, 11:02 PM
 
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is she just used to having stuff to take home from the parties? maybe she was confuused b/c this time there wasnt and she didnt want to miss out.

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Old 05-30-2009, 11:11 PM
 
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Awww... such sweet innocence.
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Old 05-30-2009, 11:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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is she just used to having stuff to take home from the parties? maybe she was confuused b/c this time there wasnt and she didnt want to miss out.
Yes- she probably didn't want to miss out- she has never been to a party without gift bags at the end. I have talked to her and told her it is considered rude to ask for gifts although she asked very politely.

"I would have apologized to the other mother and told my daughter that it's rude to ask for presents, no matter how polite your tone of voice is."

"I would take her aside and explain that it's rude to ask people to give you things and ask her to apoligize to the host."

I appreciate your thoughts- I probably should have mouthed a "sorry" above dd's head. I wouldn't have felt right about apologizing out loud in front of dd or asking for an apology in the moment. Dd would not get the reason for her "sorry" in the moment and it would have made the moment more awkward. I usually try to be respectful to dd by not drawing attn to her mistakes in front of others. Thoughts?

The worst part was- the hostess was talking to her own dd as mine was saying "just a minute mom, I have to ask her something" Worse case scenario she thinks I initiated the question. Whatever- gotta let it go...
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Old 05-31-2009, 12:06 AM
 
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Yes- she probably didn't want to miss out- she has never been to a party without gift bags at the end. I have talked to her and told her it is considered rude to ask for gifts although she asked very politely.

"I would have apologized to the other mother and told my daughter that it's rude to ask for presents, no matter how polite your tone of voice is."

"I would take her aside and explain that it's rude to ask people to give you things and ask her to apoligize to the host."

I appreciate your thoughts- I probably should have mouthed a "sorry" above dd's head. I wouldn't have felt right about apologizing out loud in front of dd or asking for an apology in the moment. Dd would not get the reason for her "sorry" in the moment and it would have made the moment more awkward. I usually try to be respectful to dd by not drawing attn to her mistakes in front of others. Thoughts?

The worst part was- the hostess was talking to her own dd as mine was saying "just a minute mom, I have to ask her something" Worse case scenario she thinks I initiated the question. Whatever- gotta let it go...
You did fine! I wouldn't have done anything at the moment, either. I would have waited until I was alone with dd and explained it to her. It was an honest misunderstanding on the part of your dd. She wasn't demanding a goody bag, she simply thought that "the end of the party=goody bag". I can't imagine that the host mom thought anything of it. Like I said, I would have gotten a good chuckle afterward.
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Old 05-31-2009, 01:01 AM
 
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awww, lol, that's sweet my dd did that same thing a time or two-im sure the hostess has heard that from her own kids before. maybe not as polite i would tell dd how polite she was, and that was great, but that it's considered impolite to ask people for gifts. and i'd add that a goodie bag at a party, though fairly common, isn't always going to be given at every party. not a big deal.

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Old 05-31-2009, 01:19 AM
 
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Awww... such sweet innocence.
this
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Old 05-31-2009, 01:36 AM
 
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I wouldn't have told her to apologize either. I don't think she was even being rude, she was just completing normal party protocol. She most likely thought she was being quite polite, and in her own, 5 yo way, she was! Insisting that she apologize would probably have done a lot to take away some of that confidence.

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