WWYD...Neighbor told DS she wants to have SEX with Him!! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 171 Old 06-03-2009, 04:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So my 6 year old son told me today that the 5 year old neighbor told him she wants to have SEX with him!!!

WHAT would you do in this situation? We are acquaintances with the parents...I am thinking I should tell them about it, right? I would certainly want to know if it were my daughter saying things like that to little boys.

Also, what should I tell my DS? He is really embarrassed and upset about it. He is a very modest guy, and it really freaked him out. He does know what sex is, and I told him that it isn't for kids to do, then he told me that other kids in the neighborhood (10 years old) are doing it.

Now I am worried that my son is going to start feeling peer pressure to have sex. At barely 6 years old!!!

I want to give him some ideas of what he can say in the future if this girl, or anyone else, is making him feel uncomfortable about sex stuff. He just feels miserable about what happened...like he was sexually harassed. I guess I can be happy that this makes him uncomfortable and he knows it is wrong for kids to be acting out in this way, but still...

AAACCCKK I am not ready for this!!!

Also, I am not upset with the girl in any way. Just wanted to make that clear...if nothing else I am concerned that she is going to get herself in trouble. Some little boys may have said yes...
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#2 of 171 Old 06-03-2009, 04:15 PM
 
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I would definitely talk to her parents about it, making it clear that you're not angry at her. She probably doesn't even know what it really means, just has picked it up from listening to other kids and whatnot. I'd like to know if my little girl said something age-inappropriate and potentially dangerous like that, for sure.
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#3 of 171 Old 06-03-2009, 04:18 PM
 
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This must be so stressful and I'm sorry your little boy is feeling so bad. I would hazard a guess that although he may understand what the word sex means, the little girl may not have a clear understanding. She may think it means kissing or hugging or some sort of fondling. Letting your son know this may help alleviate some of the darkness of his feelings.

I would talk to the parents. Just keep it like you stated here - you're not angry at the girl at all, just concerned and felt that they should know. This may be just something she heard in the neighborhood, especially if your son has heard such things, or it may be more. Her parents will have to determine that.

Meanwhile I would talk to your son about ways he can respond if the subject comes up again with her or any other kids. Role playing might help him feel more confident. You can also offer to keep playtime close to home and in his own yard for a while so that he can feel your presence and knows he has back-up right at hand.
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#4 of 171 Old 06-03-2009, 04:24 PM
 
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I agree with the other replys. Let the little girl's parents know what she said, also tell them that she may have picked it up around the neighborhood and that your ds heard older kids talking about it. It may be important for them to know that it's going on where these kids play.

Also, let your ds know he did the right thing by telling you what happened...then give him a big hug
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#5 of 171 Old 06-03-2009, 04:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the responses!!

I have considered that she may not know what sex is, but I think she may have a pretty good idea. I hadn't considered explaining that to my son. That is a GREAT idea! She might not understand that you get naked when you have sex...I am sure that was the main thing that terrified my son.

I am very worried about the little girl because she is seriously the prettiest little girl I have ever seen. But not little girl pretty...more like a miniature super model. And she flaunts herself around. In fact, I just remembered that last weekend I thought I saw her lifting her bikini top up ( in a VERY seductive way...like a stripper!) in front of my son and another little boy, but I told myself I was being paranoid. And she was chasing them around and trying to kiss them...and on Sunday my son supposedly smacked her on the bottom. We play around like that in our family so I thought that was all it was...oh dear. I wonder if my son has been feeding into this, and it escalated to the little girl saying that.

I thought I had a few more years before I had to worry about this!!!
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#6 of 171 Old 06-03-2009, 04:28 PM
 
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TEN!! OH maaan. Oh I really hope that is just rumor talk that he picked up and not true....oh sweetie...I get why you are stressed, this is way too soon to be having this kind of "practical application" talk about sex...it's supposed to be about "when a man and a woman love each other...." not about "When you are propositioned by your five year old neighbor...".

Yes, you must tell this girls parents. Best case scenario, she is overhearing things she should...allowed to watch TV and saw/heard something, etc....WORST case scenario...something not right is going on in her life, which is exposing her to ideas she is supposed to be too young to even be thinking about in those terms.

GL....ugh. Your poor boy...my brother was a sensitive kid at 6 and that would have really concerned him, had he been in that situation.

OKay, ETA: I just read your next post (above mine) and am SERIOUSLY weirded out at how sexualized this little girl is...oh man, and I know what you mean about miniature super model...oh man. OTHER MAMAS: is that normal, for a five year old?? If she is a TV watcher, is it maybe normal?? That sounds WAY over the top sexual for a five year old...FIVE IS TINY!? My baby is going to be five in four years!!! Ohhhh!! :vomit that is too much...way too much. OP, you need to tell these parents what you've seen...if this is her at five, what the HELL is this situation going to look like when she's 13!?

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#7 of 171 Old 06-03-2009, 04:30 PM
 
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I wonder about telling her parents. A girl that young shouldn't know about flaunting herself. I suspect sexual abuse in that poor child's life.

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#8 of 171 Old 06-03-2009, 04:41 PM
 
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well devil's advocate, when I was 5-6 years old I used to chase around my friends who were boys and try to kiss them. I have several memories of lifting up my dress in front of my brother's friends. I don't think that "screams" concern.

Also I know lots of kids who talk about "sex." Working with kids and going to school with teachers/future teachers you hear all kinds of stories about kids saying stuff like "lets go play sex" and "girl i'm going to sex you up!" but not *really* knowing what it means, just repeating it.

I think, yea, mention it to the parents, but does she have older siblings, cousins etc who are around? I think there is a chance she is hearing/seeing media that is exposing her to ideas/
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#9 of 171 Old 06-03-2009, 04:44 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Teenytoona View Post
I wonder about telling her parents. A girl that young shouldn't know about flaunting herself. I suspect sexual abuse in that poor child's life.
Sexual abuse is the red flag that goes up for me, too....but I feel the the quickest way to stop it, if something is happening to her, is to tell her mother...at least, one would hope.

Maybe....and I usually don't like stuff like this...but maybe calling the school and telling them about this and what she said to her son?? Because they are bound by law to speakto the parents and report red flags for sexual abuse...maybe? I hate doing things like that...but I can't help but think that this girls behavior is beyond normal...I jsut don't know, because I don't have afive year old. I'VE never known a five year old like that, though. ???

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#10 of 171 Old 06-03-2009, 04:44 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Teenytoona View Post
I wonder about telling her parents. A girl that young shouldn't know about flaunting herself. I suspect sexual abuse in that poor child's life.
I agree. My dd is 7.5 and has absolutely NO clue about sex (I don't think she even knows the word).

How do kids that are 5 even know the word sex let alone the mechanics of it or what to do to sexually entice another without somehow having seen it? I mean, even if she were curious about where babies come from, at that age, it's not normal to explain turning someone on, getting them in bed and exactly what happens. This is an age to give straight-forward and honest but *vague* answers, not specifics.

I would definitely talk to the mother.
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#11 of 171 Old 06-03-2009, 04:48 PM
 
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I agree. My dd is 7.5 and has absolutely NO clue about sex (I don't think she even knows the word).

How do kids that are 5 even know the word sex let alone the mechanics of it or what to do to sexually entice another without somehow having seen it? I mean, even if she were curious about where babies come from, at that age, it's not normal to explain turning someone on, getting them in bed and exactly what happens. This is an age to give straight-forward and honest but *vague* answers, not specifics.

I would definitely talk to the mother.

THAT'S what I thought...if my fiveyear old asks me where babies come from...the conversation that follows is goin to be much more about "When a man and a woman love each other and want to have a family" and "A womans body is designed to grow a baby inside..." etc...and NOTHING to do with exposing breasts, seductive behavior, etc....

But I do wonder how much TV the girl watches..if she has an older sibling or if she's just allowed to watch whatever she wants...she could have a lot of ideas in her head that are WAY innapropriate for her age...

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#12 of 171 Old 06-03-2009, 04:53 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Teenytoona View Post
I wonder about telling her parents. A girl that young shouldn't know about flaunting herself. I suspect sexual abuse in that poor child's life.
Or she just turned on the TV. But I agree I would "scope out" the parents first. You may be adding gasoline to the fire if there is something amiss in their home.

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OKay, ETA: I just read your next post (above mine) and am SERIOUSLY weirded out at how sexualized this little girl is...oh man, and I know what you mean about miniature super model...oh man. OTHER MAMAS: is that normal, for a five year old?? If she is a TV watcher, is it maybe normal?? That sounds WAY over the top sexual for a five year old...FIVE IS TINY!? My baby is going to be five in four years!!! Ohhhh!! :vomit that is too much...way too much. OP, you need to tell these parents what you've seen...if this is her at five, what the HELL is this situation going to look like when she's 13!?
I have a 5 year old and I have seen her try and act like this. Well not this badly but I have caught her trying to walk out the door to play with the neighbor kids in her 3 year old sister's skirt that hardly covers her bum and a really reveling top that also belongs to her sister. I know this is because her other girl friends around the same age wear that sort of stuff as we have discussed it. She feels left out. When we have asked her to not wear her sister's things and to cover her belly and legs and such these "friends" have told her it is because we think those parts of her are ugly. She came to us crying over that! : These girls are wearing tube tops and mini skirts and flipping their hair around and such. I have over heard these same girls talking about sex and fashion and it just sickens me what they have to say. My DH has caught them trying to get our DD to kiss other little boys and go with them to the little alley thing we have between apartments. I thought he was going to go through the roof!! We have since instituted a lot of rules like she has to play where we can see her, no going to these girl's houses, only playing outside in her play clothes, etc. There has been more than a few times I have just gotten fed up and sent these girls off my porch and had my DD play with her other friends right beneath our open window so I can hear her.

Yes we have approached their parents and I can sadly report they see nothing wrong with this behavior. As long as their DDs are leaving them alone they don't care. One of the Dads though REALLY gives us the creeps. I just do not get a good feeling around him at all.

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#13 of 171 Old 06-03-2009, 05:00 PM
 
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I have to agree that most of what is on television today is enough to give this girl these ideas and plenty more:. I wouldn't really think abuse but I would definitely talk to her mother about ALL the incidents you described as well as telling her about the 10yos supposedly having sex as well. Her daughter sounds like she is in real danger. I would also as my child which kids said they were having sex and then talk to their parents as well or just keep my kid far. far. away. from. them.
Poor little guy

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#14 of 171 Old 06-03-2009, 05:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Okay...DEEP BREATH...

DH and I were just discussing this, and the responses here, and he told me that he heard this same girl say 'Spanking isn't okay unless it is ADULTS in the BEDROOM' to one of the other kids in the neighborhood.

WTF??!!!! That is NUTS! Why would anyone say that to a FIVE year old???


Also, I think that she does watch pretty much whatever she wants to on TV. I am not sure if they have cable, but I was thinking maybe she watches MTV or something.

Oh man...little kids are being exposed to way too much, way too soon. I am so sad right now I really like this girl. She is so smart and spunky!
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#15 of 171 Old 06-03-2009, 05:08 PM
 
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Ok wow! That little one is hearing waaaay too much. :Puke

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#16 of 171 Old 06-03-2009, 05:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by magstphil View Post
Or she just turned on the TV. But I agree I would "scope out" the parents first. You may be adding gasoline to the fire if there is something amiss in their home.


I have a 5 year old and I have seen her try and act like this. Well not this badly but I have caught her trying to walk out the door to play with the neighbor kids in her 3 year old sister's skirt that hardly covers her bum and a really reveling top that also belongs to her sister. I know this is because her other girl friends around the same age wear that sort of stuff as we have discussed it. She feels left out. When we have asked her to not wear her sister's things and to cover her belly and legs and such these "friends" have told her it is because we think those parts of her are ugly. She came to us crying over that! : These girls are wearing tube tops and mini skirts and flipping their hair around and such. I have over heard these same girls talking about sex and fashion and it just sickens me what they have to say. My DH has caught them trying to get our DD to kiss other little boys and go with them to the little alley thing we have between apartments. I thought he was going to go through the roof!! We have since instituted a lot of rules like she has to play where we can see her, no going to these girl's houses, only playing outside in her play clothes, etc. There has been more than a few times I have just gotten fed up and sent these girls off my porch and had my DD play with her other friends right beneath our open window so I can hear her.

Yes we have approached their parents and I can sadly report they see nothing wrong with this behavior. As long as their DDs are leaving them alone they don't care. One of the Dads though REALLY gives us the creeps. I just do not get a good feeling around him at all.
I always wanted a daughter, but sometimes I breathe a sigh of relief that I have only boys.

Please pay attention to that bad feeling you get. It is very valid. I don't envy you at all.
It really broke my heart to hear that your dd's playmates told her that you thought parts of her body are ugly
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#17 of 171 Old 06-03-2009, 05:15 PM
 
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Egads. My DD1 is 6, and wouldn't dream of behaving like that. She's still my baby! I can't imagine that this kind of behaviour is at all normal. Maybe, like some of the other mamas have suggested, she watches more grown up tv than she should. Does she have older siblings? ((()))S

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#18 of 171 Old 06-03-2009, 05:16 PM
 
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dubfam~ I do have to say that having 5 little girls has really made me see the sexualization (sp?) of our little girls in a lot of places I never noticed before. DH, too, and he is really not happy about that.

I hear ya about paying attention to that bad feeling! I was molested and I remember the first time I saw him out there watching all the kids play I said out loud to myself "I know that look". DH overheard me and ever since has stood out there and stared right back at him. He will drop what he is doing to make sure that creep knows someone is watching him. the guy usually gets uncomfortable and leaves. I want to do something for his kids but you know how it goes- you can't without proof.

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#19 of 171 Old 06-03-2009, 05:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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No older siblings
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#20 of 171 Old 06-03-2009, 05:19 PM
 
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No older siblings
It makes me shudder to think she might have younger.

You know another thought I had is how this little girl is showing little boys how to treat girls/women in general. I am wondering if maybe this is how she sees her own parents behave? Maybe they are being too open around her.

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#21 of 171 Old 06-03-2009, 05:24 PM
 
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DH and I were just discussing this, and the responses here, and he told me that he heard this same girl say 'Spanking isn't okay unless it is ADULTS in the BEDROOM' to one of the other kids in the neighborhood.
Oh dear... I can only hope that maybe she walked in at an inopportune moment in the parental bedroom? Perhaps she recently saw some sexual stuff that she's now acting out with the neighbourhood kids?

Not that it's a much better scenario but at least it's not molestation.

Hopefully this is an isolated incident? Or maybe it's a cable TV issue... Cripes. We're pretty open/liberal but I can't imagine having a 5 year old who's familiar with S & M.

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#22 of 171 Old 06-03-2009, 05:31 PM
 
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I was going to say that it was probably nothing: my 6yo once told my husband and me to stop having sex. We were kissing in a doorway. Even though he knew all about the "facts of life" he had somehow conflated the word "sex" with anything to do with hugging and kissing. So your op seemed like it could have an innocent explanation.

But the spanking comment? That's....unusual, to say the least. I would talk to the mother.
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#23 of 171 Old 06-03-2009, 05:34 PM
 
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I agree. My dd is 7.5 and has absolutely NO clue about sex (I don't think she even knows the word).

How do kids that are 5 even know the word sex let alone the mechanics of it or what to do to sexually entice another without somehow having seen it?
If there are older siblings, or other older kids around, it's not that uncommon to have picked things up. DS1 used to sometimes overhear some pretty raunchy conversations between my sister and some of her friends...and I think dd is, overall, even less sheltered than he was. She's picked stuff up. She's seen her older brother cuddling up on the couch with his gf...and he came home with a hickey about a month ago. Kids ask questions. (And, yeah - I wasn't that wild about having the "what is a hickey?" conversation with my six year old, either. That's life, I guess.)

This girl doesn't really sound that extreme to me. DD doesn't "flash" as far as I know - although she might - but she does pose in very adult ways sometimes. I honestly don't know where she's picked it up, but I think it's from another little girl she plays with, who watched a lot of tv. (We watch a lot of movies and a lot of them aren't what most would call age-appropriate, but they don't tend to be heavy on sexual content, either. We don't watch tv at all.) Sometimes, strange things stick in a child's head. Even the lifting her bikini top...I could see dd doing that, because she'd think it was funny. She and ds2 run around naked all the time, and nudity taboos are something that dd only semi-understands. Breaking them still holds considerable humour for her.

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#24 of 171 Old 06-03-2009, 05:47 PM
 
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I agree. My dd is 7.5 and has absolutely NO clue about sex (I don't think she even knows the word).

How do kids that are 5 even know the word sex let alone the mechanics of it or what to do to sexually entice another without somehow having seen it? I mean, even if she were curious about where babies come from, at that age, it's not normal to explain turning someone on, getting them in bed and exactly what happens. This is an age to give straight-forward and honest but *vague* answers, not specifics.
The OP's 6 year old knows what sex is, and was embarrassed. Why is it weird that the little girl would know, but not weird that the OPs sone knows?
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#25 of 171 Old 06-03-2009, 05:53 PM
 
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I'm actually more inclined to believe that the little girl in the OP doesn't really know much about sex and is just piecing it together. It seems like she has a TV/schoolyard understanding of sex whereas with the OP's son it has been explained to him properly.

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#26 of 171 Old 06-03-2009, 06:00 PM
 
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OTHER MAMAS: is that normal, for a five year old?? If she is a TV watcher, is it maybe normal?? That sounds WAY over the top sexual for a five year old...FIVE IS TINY!? My baby is going to be five in four years!!! Ohhhh!! :vomit that is too much...way too much. OP, you need to tell these parents what you've seen...if this is her at five, what the HELL is this situation going to look like when she's 13!?
Not normal here!!!

Oh my goodness, I can't believe this has come up at such a young age!

OP, good luck and I agree that the parents should be told, in an unjudgemental way

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#27 of 171 Old 06-03-2009, 06:03 PM
 
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You know...I just remembered that when I was in kindergarten, kids used to talk all the time about "humping". It was usually pretty general, but I can remember an occasional comment about wanting to hump some specific girl or boy or whatever. If you actually talked to most of them about it, they had no clue what they were talking about. Many of them had older siblings, as well. Kids pick stuff up, and it doesn't have to mean anything sinister is happening.

OP: I'm not sure what I'd say to my son, but I'd definitely reassure him that he doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to, and that most emphatically includes taking off his clothes!

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#28 of 171 Old 06-03-2009, 06:07 PM
 
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So, after walking away from this thread for the afternoon and thinking...I think the little girl probably doesn't have anyone around safegaurding her innocence...she probably watches way too much TV and is privy to adult conversations she shouldn't be...I think it's absolutely tragic...just, unspeakable, that this child is too busy tryin to be sexy, to play out the rest of her childhood. I'm sure she's pieced things together, as another PP said, and says these things because no one treats her like a child at home and she equates "grown up" with "sexual" - ugh.


As the mother of a DD, I'm just so disheartened. What the hell is wrong with us? What has happened to our culture, that this is where we've landed.

This is why my house is a no tv house. This is why my children will be homeschooled in a coop, this is why we're buying a house in the country...people have said to me, "You know, you can't hide form the world" and I always become defensive and say "nono it's not to HIDE" - but you know what? I don't think I have any reason to feel ashamed, of my desire to hide away from this crap. I refuse to accept a reality, where my child is going to be having raunchy conversations with other five year olds about sex. I refuse to accept a reality, in which ten year olds are having sex and young girls are telling each other that their parents don't want them wearin tube tops because they think their DDs stomach is ugly. I won't acept it, I won't be a part of it and your damn right, that I'm going to hide my precious daughter away in the woods somewhere, to give her the childhood she deserves.

GEEEEZ!! I'm just steaming mad right now...I'm steaming mad, that simply being exposed to the culture of my people, is so corrupting to youth as this. We've known that when we had a family, we would do our best to try and carve out a little corner of the earth for ourselves..not even to prtend away the world...just to create a buffer, to create a reality which is gentle, slower and more..well, freakin' NORMAL, than the reality that is being pushed on people these days....today, I have been strengthened in my conviction...I am more sure now, than ever, that this is what we need to do.

I'm just sickened, by what some of you have shown me on this thread....I had NO idea how bad things have become in some places. WHAT ARE WE DOING to our children???

OP....what are you thinking?? Maybe a letter? Are you worried at all about the parents getting angry at this girl? I'd hate for her to be in trouble...

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#29 of 171 Old 06-03-2009, 06:14 PM
 
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Originally Posted by AverysMomma View Post
I'm just steaming mad right now...I'm steaming mad, that simply being exposed to the culture of my people, is so corrupting to youth as this.
Yeah, I've felt that way about various things too. I can get really worked up sometimes.

Homeschooling mama to 6 year old DD.

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#30 of 171 Old 06-03-2009, 06:33 PM
 
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Yes, maybe this is a little weird, maybe. But it's not outside the realm of normal 5-6 year old behavior. I don't think you need to tell her parents. I don't think you need to do anything but coach your son to say,"I don't like to play like that" and teach him about good and bad touches, etc.
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