s/o nudity and young children - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: What age should my dd be when it's no longer appropriate for DH to sleep naked?
6 months or younger 6 7.89%
9 months 1 1.32%
1 year 4 5.26%
18 months 6 7.89%
2 years 6 7.89%
3 years 5 6.58%
Other 48 63.16%
Voters: 76. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 06-09-2009, 07:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My 6 month old dd sleeps in a cosleeper and often ends in bed with us for a significant amount of the night.

My DH and I like to sleep naked I now have to sleep with a sleeping bra on and my DH sleeps naked.

My dd always sleeps cuddled up next to me and at this point doesn't even really touch my DH at all during sleep.

So I know at some point it will no longer be appropriate for my DH to sleep naked if dd is still in the bed. Assuming that DD is not cuddling with DH but just sleeping next to him in bed, at what age do you think it becomes inappropriate for DH to be naked?

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Old 06-09-2009, 07:19 PM
 
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I'm one of the few odd balls around here. My vote is "never" but that wasn't an option so I chose "other".

A lot of famlies have no problem with naked co sleeping. To each their own and you have to do whatever floats your boat.....but my opinions is "gross!".

Whatever you do, I wouldn't tell people IRL about your sleeping habits. I've known CPS to take kids away for naked co-sleeping before. Like most things, just don't broadcast it.
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Old 06-09-2009, 07:23 PM
 
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Until one of them stops being comfortable with it. For some parents, this is at birth. In "nudist" families, it might be "never" or "when the child hits puberty."

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Old 06-09-2009, 07:32 PM
 
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Other.

When either your dd or your dh is uncomfortable, then it's time to stop. DD stopped cosleeping with us long before it reached that point. It's not a big deal around here if she happens to walk in and see dh naked, and she does crawl in for a morning cuddle sometimes. Usually, dh is up before she is, but not always. It's not an issue for any of us. DH does, however, kick her out so he can get dressed. He's not comfortable with her seeing him naked (maybe because she makes embarrassing comments).

So, if dd were still cosleeping, I expect dh would wear boxers or something, just so he didn't have to get up naked with her in the room. It's hard to say.

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Old 06-09-2009, 07:40 PM
 
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My parents always slept naked. And I was never rejected if I came in during the night with a nightmare, wanting to share the bed. Sometimes I would be in the middle, sometimes next to my mom. I dont remember when I stopped coming to sleep in their bed at night - around age 9 maybe? I actually have no idea. I know I stopped when I started feeling like I was "too old" to go sleep with mom and dad when getting a bit spooked.

What I do know is that my dad - and my mom for that matter - always slept naked. And it was NEVER EVER an issue. Not ever. I have not ever thought twice about it.
As long as nothing inappropriate is going on and as long as noone is bothered by it - whats the big deal?
I am european, so I may be missing some cultural issues here - but really - its no bigger deal than what is made of it.

I guess what people are nervous about is the whole sex monster/ child molester fear. But hey - a guy can be a monster even when wearing boxers. Putting them on wont turn an abuser into a good decent guy - just like taking them off wont make a good ordinary guy an abuser.

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Old 06-09-2009, 07:48 PM
 
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When either your DH, DD or both are uncomfortable with the arraingment.

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Old 06-09-2009, 08:10 PM
 
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It's only inappropriate if one of them becomes uncomfortable with it.

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Old 06-09-2009, 08:12 PM
 
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What I do know is that my dad - and my mom for that matter - always slept naked. And it was NEVER EVER an issue. Not ever. I have not ever thought twice about it.
As long as nothing inappropriate is going on and as long as noone is bothered by it - whats the big deal?
I don't get it, either. I think there's just a very strong "nudity = sex" thing in people's minds. There's also the modesty thing, but I don't understand anything about that part of it.

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Old 06-09-2009, 08:51 PM
 
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Until one of them stops being comfortable with it. For some parents, this is at birth. In "nudist" families, it might be "never" or "when the child hits puberty."
I agree with this. It is really a personal choice for your family to make.
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Old 06-09-2009, 10:10 PM
 
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In our house it's when someone is uncomfortable. DD1 is 6 and we are still very comfortable with it.

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Old 06-09-2009, 10:45 PM
 
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It doesn't have to change at any certain/set age IMO. As PP have stated I think it should change when your child/Dh feel a shift in needs/need for more privacy.

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Old 06-10-2009, 12:50 AM
 
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Until one of them stops being comfortable with it. For some parents, this is at birth. In "nudist" families, it might be "never" or "when the child hits puberty."
:

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Old 06-10-2009, 01:04 AM
 
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"Other" here, too, and I'm with the "when someone gets uncomfortable."

In our case, that was sometime around age 2, when one of our daughters demonstrated that she's a "burrower." She likes to have her feet under someone. Waaaay under. My husband only had to get his goods scratched by little tiny toes once to start sleeping with boxers!

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Old 06-10-2009, 01:09 AM
 
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i hit 3 by mistake when i meant to hit other. ditto the pps.

Just a thought, would it make a difference if YOU were naked and you had a son? I bathe with my 5 yr old periodcally and we are pretty blase about nudity around here (though we don't sleep naked, due to comfort).

You know the attributes for a great adult? Initiative, creativity, intellectual curiosity? They make for a helluva kid...
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Old 06-10-2009, 01:30 AM
 
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Until one of them stops being comfortable with it. For some parents, this is at birth. In "nudist" families, it might be "never" or "when the child hits puberty."
:

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Old 06-10-2009, 01:52 AM
 
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I guess what people are nervous about is the whole sex monster/ child molester fear. But hey - a guy can be a monster even when wearing boxers. Putting them on wont turn an abuser into a good decent guy - just like taking them off wont make a good ordinary guy an abuser.
I can't speak for everyone, but I *highly* doubt anyone here is concerned about this. Actually, I can't imagine ANYONE making this sort of leap.

I think it's more of a "is seeing their parents naked going to psychologically damage my child" sort of fear.

I agree with pp's that it's cool up until it isn't cool with either you, your DH or your DD anymore.

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Old 06-10-2009, 07:02 AM
 
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I think it's more of a "is seeing their parents naked going to psychologically damage my child" sort of fear.
Could someone explain this to me? Cause I truely, honestly dont understand how seing parents naked could damage a child? IMO its more damaging to be overly modest as that will show the child that there is something shameful about the naked body. I am sure though that if the parents have that approach, and a child accidentally saw a naked parent, it could cause the child to feel ashamed and embarressed.

About the link sex monster and nudity - my point was just that it seems to me that with all the talk of and fear of child molestation and sexual abuse we have become more afraid of nudity around children in general - even though in the vast majority of families there are no problems with that kind of abuse - whether the parents run around naked or not.

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Old 06-10-2009, 07:26 AM
 
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nudity is not dirty. nor is it inharently (sp?) sexual. if your daughter or either parent is uncomfortable with it, then it's time to stop. otherwise, i don't see what the problem is. sometimes i sleep naked, sometimes my dp does, & sometimes we wear pjs. we are comfortable being naked & i know this sends the message to our sons that there's nothing wrong with it.

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Old 06-10-2009, 08:27 AM
 
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DH hardly ever (almost never) sleeps nude but if he did it would be when someone felt uncomfortable.

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Old 06-10-2009, 10:23 AM
 
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For our family, *if* the child remained in bed and slept cuddled with dh, it would be around the 18 mo to 2 year stage.

For us, nudism is not a regular social activity. Dh and I usually sleep "undressed" but it is something private. At two we still giggle at the kid who likes to run around naked before getting ready for bed, but we are gradually directing a child that age towards modesty.
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Old 06-10-2009, 10:32 AM
 
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When the child makes a comment that dad looks like a naked mole rat........LOL.

Actually my dh never slept naked. But we both often walked from bathroom to bedroom naked after bathing. My dh stopped when my oldest made that comment.
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Old 06-10-2009, 10:32 AM
 
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It's only inappropriate if one of them becomes uncomfortable with it.
You guys are brave. I'd be so worried CPS would get involved somehow...DD mentions it at school or something, and BAM. CPS at your doorstep. Not worth the risk to me...

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Old 06-10-2009, 10:41 AM
 
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I've read a lot of comments on this board that seem to equate any type of modesty with 'teaching children their bodies are shameful.' I strongly disagree.

As far as naked cosleeping, I just don't see the need. Who does it hurt to wear some underoos? In view of the fact that many mainstreamers view it as wrong, CPS views it as wrong, and there are no tangible benefits (we aren't talking about extended breastfeeding here) I voted age 1.

Now I don't in any way believe that it is doing harm to most families, only that to me, it seems unecessary. DH and I have parts of us that are only for one another, only to be seen by one another.

To each family, their own!

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Old 06-10-2009, 11:18 AM
 
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You guys are brave. I'd be so worried CPS would get involved somehow...DD mentions it at school or something, and BAM. CPS at your doorstep. Not worth the risk to me...
Oh mama...I know exactly what you mean...but you know, I've come to a point in my life, where I recognize that I am a good and generous human, who has a hard working, loving husband and a great kid...I"M OKAY! MY rules, the way our family lives...is OKAY. It is good, sweet, honest and true to ourselves and kind to others. We don't live in such a way, that we need the confines of "moral law"...I should be able to live for my own comfort, but I do not. Look at all of these things I do, the rules I follow, the things I fear which I should not...all imposed upon us by "society". I look around at this crazy society that I really find quite barbaric, unfeeling and cold and often, wish I could drop out of....but I don't have that choice...all I can do, is turn inward for as much of the day as possible...make a cacoon in my home, that is a true reflection of the way we want to live, the lifestyle which brings smiles to the lips of those I love the most.

So...yeah. "Society" can't deal with my beautiful husband sleeping naked, with a naked baby next to him...and a naked wife on the other side....and you know what I say to that. Tough crap. Life is too short for me to cast aside such a beautiul pleasure as sleeping in the nude, burrowed in a warm little sleep den, with those people I love the most. It's too precious, it's too perfect...I won't deny my child that closeness, if that's the way we all prefer to sleep, because of some lingering fear...about this crazy, evil of misunderstanding and "body shame" which lives outside our homes...apparently waiting for a chance to swipe at us, steal from us what is most precious, because they can't cope with the fact that we are free in our own home, to abandon such crap as "Everybody has to feel the same way about their body and tailor their parenting as such".

To me, there is nothing more beautiful than a naked person...a person free of clothing, is unhindered in the most basic, and therefore, purest sense. There is nothing hanging off of him, preventing a breeze from making itself felt...there is nothing to hide the beautiful cruves, hairy legs, pretty, young bum! It's wonderful, to see a body in motion....we are not nudists, so I really relish the delightful glimpses I get here and there of my handsome husband completely in the buff. He sleeps naked, I always have...much less so during the early infant days...more and more so again as she is a solid nighttime sleeper...and I am simply smitten, to return to this glorious state of "Free sleep"...I love the feeling of nakedness during sleep. Our DD will sleep naked along side naked parents until DH is no longer comfortable with it...but, it's not like DD hangs around him naked, you know? When he gets up in the morning, he roots around for boxers and throws them on...then a tshirt (or, my favorite, no shirt ad a robe! YES!) and we go about our business. She catches flashes here and there of him naked...and well, she is around me naked ALL the time. SO...hangy boobs and all, it's out there! But breasts are very familiar and boring to her, being an obvious utility...and the rest of me is so normal for her, that really, it's just me, the mama beasty. Big and fleshy, great for resting on....not really anything to think about!

That's how I want to live. For us. For our comfort. I refuse to let anyone...this "society" of ours or whatever else, make me feel different or shamed, because I refuse to cover up at all times or deny my child healthy exposure to the day to day, practical aspect of living, that is nudity. It's normal, it's okay, I don't feel shame, I don't want her to either.

I want my DD to be naked as long as it suits her. There is nothing so precious, as a child running free and naked, living naked...before they get ideas of modesty in their heads. It's nice, to see a kid...unaware of themselves in that manner...unaware that there is anything wrong or shameful with them, at their truest, most basic level...just, them. I want DD free like that as long as she feels good about it...and when she hits that age of modesty...so be it, she'll find nothing but acceptance and safety here, in THAT phase too.....but I do wish her to be free as long as possible.

Anyway...long winded, as per usual...but...my take.

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Old 06-10-2009, 11:36 AM
 
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I've read a lot of comments on this board that seem to equate any type of modesty with 'teaching children their bodies are shameful.' I strongly disagree.

As far as naked cosleeping, I just don't see the need. Who does it hurt to wear some underoos? In view of the fact that many mainstreamers view it as wrong, CPS views it as wrong, and there are no tangible benefits (we aren't talking about extended breastfeeding here) I voted age 1.

Now I don't in any way believe that it is doing harm to most families, only that to me, it seems unecessary. DH and I have parts of us that are only for one another, only to be seen by one another.

To each family, their own!

Right...but then, YOUR view outlines the feeling that nudity is inherently sexual by it's very nature...I'm assuming, because it leaves sexual parts unclothed.

"It's just as easy to put on some underoos" - it's just as easy not to....YOU find it sexual, to leave some body parts uncovered. *I* do not. Why should I live my life, based on what may or may not require CPS to take my child away?

Furthermore...in a placeand time where these "requirements" of CPS don't extend to the kind of child abuse/neglect that I see in the mainstream culture and would never allow in my home...I say "screw 'em" doubly hard.

The lady down the street, can schedule feedings and let her child scream in agonizing hunger, so that she can get him on a schedule that is more convenient for HER, deny her child the basic right to eat when he's hungry....then she can dump him in his crib, to let him scream alone in the dark, without any hope for comfort, blanket train him with a ruler when he's six months old...and don't forget the very mainstream practice of genital mutilation, which still, somehow, exists in our culture.....all of these things are okay, but nobody better catch wind of my DD sleeping naked in between two naked parents...for fear that someone will come and snatch MY f-ing kid away? My blood, is actually boiling, thinking of it.

These people out here, who make the rules....are LOCO. Theyare damn crazy. I'm not going to allow these circ lovin', formula preferring, CIO fanatic, spanking pushing UAV, to make me FEAR them....in my home, in my own home....where chidlren are loved ALWAYS, never have to cry alone in the dark, are fed when they're hungry and are never without a cozy lap, or warm bossom to cuddle up into for warmth, comfort. In MY house, we follow OUR rules....not the stupid ones based on fear and body hating...and, in my view, man/boy fearing/hating...I refuse to be ruled in my heart and mind by these people. No way.

Man. The very thought that these people might "find out" about our "weird" sleeping arrangement and swoop in to take my baby away, should strike enough fear in my heart, that we should all just throw on some underoos, because, "it's jut as easy"?? In my mind, that comes through as: "You should just let these people strike fear in your heart and tailor your lifestyle around their warped views...because, you know, they have control over you....just submit to it, it's just as easy." NEVER!! NEVER EVER! I'm a mother, damn it. What kind of kids am I raising, if I allow them to think, that somehow their best intentions, they're best and most genuine effort to live well and be who they think they are, isn't enough? That at the end of the day, no matter how good they are, no matter how strong and proud they are in their own personhood...they should bow to some useless, failing, powertripping beaurocracey, out of fear. NEVER. I would rather die i nthe streets, fighting for a free future for my children, then allow them to become a part of the masses of people, who have allowed the chains of enslaved living, to be tightened every generation or so, all for the sake of what's "easiest". It's just as easy to live on your knees.....well, maybe for some people, but thanks very much I'll die standing and fighting for my freedom to parent my children the way I see fit. And dammit I'll sleep naked with whoever, whenever and for however long as we all want to!

In MY home state...our motto, is Live Free or Die. And you know, some folks around here still feel that way. I'm not going to let anyone rule my life with some vague fear...I'm an excellent parent and dammit I'll live how I want to. My kids are lucky, to have such crazy adoring love - everything we do, is to make our lives perfect for these kids.

I'm so sick of CPS. It shouldn't even enter my mind, that CPS would ever show up at my door. I give my very life blood...we pour our SOULS into trying to make our life everything it should be for our kids....I have tears running down my face right now, because of the number of mamas here who I KNOW are GREAT mamas....who have this fear in the back of their heads...it's WRONG. Whatever happened to standing up for ourselves?? Whatever happened to believing that we have a right to stand tall and live proudly??? What is the future for our children...if we should have so much fear right now? As we sit here?? It's not just naked cosleeping...look at all of the areas of your life, which are not lived as you wish...which are tailored toward keeping your head down, not bucking the system. Over on the UC boards, big topic right now....people are nervous, because the "Patriot" Act is making it more difficult to get a birth certificate if you birth alone...people...why are we letting ourselves slip along with this? I'm just so fed up with my family life and the ways in which I want to parent, causing me to second guess...because I worry about a neighbor hearing me UC, or a friend who is not like minded catching wind of something we do, which is not considered "normal". Well....whatever, I see normal everyday, in the mother who slaps her kid in the grocery store...and the small children left alone in the car in the summer time with the windows rolled up and the baby, next door to us, whose screams can be heard for hours on end. I'm sick of normal. I'm quite proudly, NOT NORMAL.


Oh man. This topic stirs me, to say the least. My apologies for ranting, mispelling and the like.

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Old 06-10-2009, 02:35 PM
 
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As far as naked cosleeping, I just don't see the need. Who does it hurt to wear some underoos?
Well I know at least one person who can't sleep in anything and wakes up continuously through out the night when she does wear clothes or underwear to bed, so it does hurt some people to have to wear something to bed.

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Old 06-10-2009, 02:59 PM
 
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I've read a lot of comments on this board that seem to equate any type of modesty with 'teaching children their bodies are shameful.' I strongly disagree.
There are those of us who don't even understand "modesty" in this context. Modesty, to me, is about humility, lack of boastfulness, etc...not about naked bodies, which we all have.

Quote:
As far as naked cosleeping, I just don't see the need. Who does it hurt to wear some underoos? In view of the fact that many mainstreamers view it as wrong, CPS views it as wrong, and there are no tangible benefits (we aren't talking about extended breastfeeding here) I voted age 1.
The day I decide how to parent based on what mainstream society and/or CPS thinks about it, someone better check me into a psych ward. I can't even imagine caring about that kind of thing. As for me, it's not about any particular benefit. All three of my kids have preferred to sleep naked. I prefer to sleep naked (actually, wearing any clothing to bed makes it harder for me to sleep). I see no reason not to cosleep naked, when everybody involved is more comfortable that way.

I know that after my divorce, ds1 used to sleep with me some nights, when he was feeling a bit insecure. He didn't stop doing that until dh moved in (ds1 was not even remotely comfortable with that). So, ds1 still slept with me occasionally until he was a few months past his 8th birthday.

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
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Old 06-10-2009, 03:01 PM
 
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I went with other as well, when one of the two of them is uncomfortable with it.

Sarah nak.gif married to DH Dan (August 2001) dh_malesling.GIF and Mommy to DS Desmond (April 2007) pinktongue.gif, DD Eloise (March 2009) hearts.gif and Sullivan (March 29, 2011) babyboy.gifselectivevax.gifdelayedvax.giflactivist.gifcd.giffamilybed2.gif
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Old 06-10-2009, 03:02 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthla View Post
Until one of them stops being comfortable with it. For some parents, this is at birth. In "nudist" families, it might be "never" or "when the child hits puberty."
:

The human body is a wonderful beautiful thing, and it's not shameful at all!

SANDRA, 41 year old VERY laid-back mama to VERY free range kids Brett (16), Justus (11), Autumn (4), and Ayla (1)... four perfect NCB's! :::
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Old 06-10-2009, 03:11 PM
 
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I think the question of comfortability on both people's part makes a difference. I do actually care what CPS might think or the kids might say that could cause trouble, but I wouldn't structure my life around it. I think having things very matter of fact and not "there's your dad NAKED!!!!" makes a difference too. There was a stage where DH felt more comfortable with swim trunks on when bathing with DD. I thought it a bit silly personally. Then she got old enough to insist on taking "swimsuit baths like Daddy." I guess she thought DH always bathed with a suit on!

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