Help me sort out my reaction to a mainstream mama - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-12-2009, 04:22 PM
 
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But... hopefully an AP'd child perpetuates that love and attachment to his or her own children. THAT is the difference!

SANDRA, 41 year old VERY laid-back mama to VERY free range kids Brett (16), Justus (11), Autumn (4), and Ayla (1)... four perfect NCB's! :::
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Old 06-12-2009, 05:57 PM
 
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I thik its easier for you to feel "superior" in a sense because you've made choices based on information and people you've had access to in your life, whom had a positive effect on your parenting. It's hard to see people causing pain "unknowingly" (they dont really realize what they are doing, even though it so obvious to us). However, there are might be people who think that YOU are causing unneccesary stress to your child, even though you may not realize that you are. If there was a more baby friendly way of doing something that you werent aware of, wouldn't you rather have someone share it with you rather than judge you and leave the room?

What if I said when you were changing your infant's cloth diaper "You dont ACTUALLY let him poo and pee in his pants do you?! That's disgusting." just because I had information and support on how to learn my newborn baby's bathroom cues and you have been told that baies need diapers. If I chose not to be friends with you because your baby was in diapers, you would feel hurt, and your baby might have missed the chance to communicate his bathroom needs. I see infants all the time who are trying to get their moms attention regarding pees and poops, but most mums aren't aware. Perhaps one day, when most parents have tuned in with their infants needs, IT MIGHT BE CONSIDERED CHILD ABUSE TO LET YOUR CHILD SIT IN WASTE, AND "DIAPER RASH" WILL BE A SIGN ON NEGLECT!! Obviously at this point in time, I don't expect or think that the parents who have their children in diapers are "bad," just unaware of this aspect of infant communication

stay open, and teach eachother where's the love? We moms need to stick together and quit hating!!!!

Placenta eating EC mom to my sweet DS Skyy 08/24/08 and Lotus Birth HBAC DD Aspen 01/13/2010 Healed by her birth
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Old 06-12-2009, 06:11 PM
 
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Originally Posted by nudhistbudhist View Post
What if I said when you were changing your infant's cloth diaper "You dont ACTUALLY let him poo and pee in his pants do you?! That's disgusting." just because I had information and support on how to learn my newborn baby's bathroom cues and you have been told that baies need diapers. If I chose not to be friends with you because your baby was in diapers, you would feel hurt, and your baby might have missed the chance to communicate his bathroom needs. I see infants all the time who are trying to get their moms attention regarding pees and poops, but most mums aren't aware.
This is a great example and really made me think.
I would be pretty happy to have a real life friend who was actually ECing, that would rock and push me to want to do more, not make me feel bad. I would be glad for the push. And I would understand and sympathize with her level of empathy for children.
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Old 06-12-2009, 06:18 PM
 
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Honestly, this is why GD is my single biggest AP platform issue. I also can usually tell the difference between kids who have had positive but firm discipline versus those who have either had overly permissive parenting or overly harsh parenting.

cosleeping, breastfeeding, all other AP practices are wonderful and go a long way in creating a deep bond between a child and parent - but honestly, if I had to pick one single thing to convert parents all over the world, and it could only be one thins I would choose GD, hands down over breastfeeding, or cosleeping or vaxing or even circumcision - it reaches every aspect of a child's life, and results in lifelong effects that others may or may not.

I was formula fed, never coslept, mom let me CIO one night for 15 min when I was under a year old and I never cried again (and she is not an exaggerator or liar, so I trust her on that), we didn't use natural healthcare products or organic food (though mom did cook from scratch largely)- so I had a pretty darn mainstream baby and childhood...BUT - BUT - BUT! They were GD to the core...and it has had such a profound impact on my entire life, that it is the single most important parenting choice I personally can think of...many other AP things kind of fade away as children get beyond the baby/toddler years, or at least fade in outward appearances...but GD goes on throughout your child and teen years and even beyond, and IMO is the most far-reaching parenting choice a parent can make.

Sooo, it's the one I'm most vocal about.

So while I can kind of agree that by the time kids get to be 5 years old or so it is difficult to tell the difference outwardly between a formula fed child and a breastfed child, or a CIOd child versus a cosleeping child (though this one usually correlates with AP more than others, too), or a stroller child vs a babyworn child, I can absolutely say in my own personal experience I can often see a difference in kids that have been parented with GD versus other discipline philosphies.

wow thanks for the interesting post. i would also argue that you can tell the difference on other topics as well. for example, i can always tell if a baby/small toddler is fed milk or formula. and i can tell if an older child is fed cow's milk or is dairy free. there is a big difference in their structure and health (e.g. bags under the eyes/mucus). i didn't think this was even up for argument; it was just the way it was.

i guess you could also say other things can cause a difference too, such as babywearing and 'responding quickly' could raise an attached and happy baby. the problem with going into such an argument is that imo a lot of it is genetic and personality based. i think my dd would be a happy camper whether i wore her or not. she is just happy.

Mama to expecting Babe 2
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Old 06-12-2009, 06:49 PM
 
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This is a great example and really made me think.
I would be pretty happy to have a real life friend who was actually ECing, that would rock and push me to want to do more, not make me feel bad. I would be glad for the push. And I would understand and sympathize with her level of empathy for children.
We have a parents group where mums can come and socialize, plus an "infosession" on random topics each week. My gf asked to do an EC info session, and so many mums were so amazed, they went home and tried it themselves. I spoke also, and actually ended up doing a lil demo with my tiny baby who had to pee. I just whipped out his yogurt container with lid, and peed him right there It was wonderful. It just went to show us how much parents need support and information to make choices... with out knowing your options, you're not really "making a choice."

The CIO method is not promoted at all in our parent group. Parents are instructed to hold their babies, even if they cry in arms, it is better than crying alone This is a group put on by the government. I'm working up the courage to do an infosession on antivax, since they only do pro-vax ones. I'm just too passionate and dont wan't to end up getting mad

I really think in this day and age, most parents do seek out more info than what their doctor and parents offer in order to do what is best for they LO. Gotta love the internet. There is hope for us yet!!!

Placenta eating EC mom to my sweet DS Skyy 08/24/08 and Lotus Birth HBAC DD Aspen 01/13/2010 Healed by her birth
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Old 06-12-2009, 07:49 PM
 
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you can do it! i would have loved an info session like that! until MDC not vaxxing had never even crossed my mind.
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Old 06-12-2009, 09:34 PM
 
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Thank you for your vote of confidence I just get so angry when the publice health nurse comes in and says her bit. When I brought up mercury, for example, she says "Well, there's no more mercury in a vaccination than there is in a can of tuna." Interesting. I stopped eating tuna 4 years ago because of the MERCURY CONTENT!!! and the impact on the ocean too. Our own gov't says you shouldn't eat tuna more that once a month while pregnant. And thats for a full size human!!!!!

Oooops sorry. Rant.

Here's some love and good thoughts to moms and dads every where to dig deep and uncover truths for themselves, and spread the word, whether its about vax, circ, BF, EC, CIO, GD, co-sleeping, babywearing and all our other beautiful babylovin practices

Placenta eating EC mom to my sweet DS Skyy 08/24/08 and Lotus Birth HBAC DD Aspen 01/13/2010 Healed by her birth
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