kids sharing birthdays? Or with birthdays close together? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 31 Old 06-09-2009, 09:01 PM - Thread Starter
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Dh and i have been debating if it's relevent at all to our TTC plans to try to avoid having a baby with a due date near to our DD"s birthday.

A childhood friend has 2 kids, 3 yrs apart and their birthdays 1 day apart. I know another woman who has 3 kids of differnt ages but all the same birth month.

So i was just wondering if there are parents here who have 2 or more kids with birthdays in the same month or close dates and if it actually matters to the kids or to you at all.

Mom to Lizzy born May 2007 & expecting Baby#2 June/July 2010
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#2 of 31 Old 06-09-2009, 09:11 PM
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My youngest and my oldest have birthday's 4 days apart. Well, 5 years and 4 days apart. When we decided to try to conceive our 3rd child we decided not to ttc in April because we didn't want another child born in January (our oldest is January, the middle is November). So we decided to ttc in May. We figured we wouldn't conceive right away so the baby would be born in the spring of the following year. Surprise! We conceived the very first month and then she was a month early! LOL So as hard as we tried to plan it differently their birthday are 4 days apart (January 18 and 22). We haven't really found it to be an issue. We don't do a joint party. They are a different sex (oldest is boy, youngest is girl) and they are 5 years apart. What we do is our son has his friend birthday party the week before his birthday and our daughter has her friend birthday party the week after. So the parties end up being two weeks apart. We have a small joint family party for both of them right around their actual birthday (usually on the 20th) and they open their presents from us on their actual birthdays. I don't think it's a big deal and I don't think planning a ttc date around it makes a difference because as my circumstance shows, sometimes you can't plan these things! Good luck ttc!

Shawna, married to Michael, mommy to Elijah 1/18/01, Olivia 11/9/02, and Eliana 1/22/06
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#3 of 31 Old 06-09-2009, 09:32 PM
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My kids birthdays are a month apart so this doesn't really apply to me, except that my birthday is August 15th & my 2-years-younger sister's birthday is August 12th. I don't think it's a problem as long as the parents handle it well. I often felt short-changed because we would go to celebrate my sister's birthday at grandparents' houses and after she blew out her candles, they'd have me blow out mine. I didn't have a separate birthday celebration ever. It felt sucky. I'm not permanently scarred from it though.

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#4 of 31 Old 06-09-2009, 09:45 PM
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My kids are 5 days apart. In fact, this is what our February month looks like:
11 - my birthday
12 - my son's birthday
13 - my best friend's birthday
14 - my best friends mom's birthday
15 - my dad's birthday
16 - day off
17 - my daughter's birthday
19 - my daughter's friends birthday

(oh, and the third baby is due sometime in January)

I may be wrong, but I think it's important NOT to combine birthdays, because then the child won't feel as special. Instead of having a big expensive party for both, we opt for two modest parties, but make sure each kid feels special and be in the center of attention.

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#5 of 31 Old 06-09-2009, 09:57 PM
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I don't but between DH and I we have 14 siblings between the two of us. We have lots of multiples in certain months. Starting in Jan.:

Uncle 1: Jan 11
Uncle 2: Jan 13
Dad: Jan 18
MIL: Jan 18
Feb....can't remember who but there are 2.
BIL: March 26
Me: March 27
April...same as Feb.
DD1: May 18
DH: May 26
Sister 1: June 11
Brother 1 (deceased): June 22
July may be an empty month
Mom: August 21
DD2: August 23
Brother 2: Sept. 14
Neice: Sept. 17 (not sure on day exactly...I know she was at our wedding on the 22nd)
Brothers 2&3: Sept. 24

That's only up to Sept. but you get the idea. I agree....don't combine..especially with younger ones. As they get older it just makes it easy to remember...ask my MIL. :

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#6 of 31 Old 06-09-2009, 09:58 PM
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My sister and I are 2 years 51 weeks years apart, our birthdays are a week apart.

It was OK growing up. We never had huge hoopla invite-everyone-you-know style birthdays anyways, we just weren't that kind of family. We just did the birthday person's favorite restaurant for dinner (sometimes on the weekend if we couldn't all have a free night on the actual birthday), and cake and presents at home, just the 4 of us. I did have a Sweet 16 party, but by then my sister was away at college.

My DH and his brother have a similar situation, they're 4 years apart, but thir birthdays are only 4 days apart. Never bothered them, either.
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#7 of 31 Old 06-09-2009, 10:03 PM
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I don't think it's necessarily wrong to combine parties, but I would make a point to make sure it will be a special event for BOTH children. Maybe you could post over in the multiples forum and see what parents with children who have exactly the same birthday do to celebrate each child individually.

Amy loving DH 5/04, raising DD 2/05 and DS 11/09; missing my mom& my babies 6/07, 12/07; and on the side
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#8 of 31 Old 06-09-2009, 10:10 PM
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My boys' birthdays are 10 days apart (two year difference) and I think it's great. When I was pregnant with the second I did worry about the first not feeling special around his birthday but for us it has worked out really well. Their birthdays are both in April and they really look forward to the "birthday month" It's kind of like another Christmastime around here. They each had their own 1st birthday party but we have combined since. Later, when they have more school friends we may split parties but it works out well for now. Then on the day of their birthday, they each get a "special day" when they get a gift or two from us, and they can pick out what they want to do, what to have for dinner, etc... The only real problem is that during April we have way too much cake for the adults' liking but I can't say the kids mind.

Also, FWIW my sister and I have birthdays 5 days apart (one year difference) and I never minded or felt slighted as a result.

Good luck TTC, whenever you decide to start!
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#9 of 31 Old 06-09-2009, 10:15 PM
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We just found out we are expecting #3 with an EDD of January 19th. Dd (1.5 years) birthday is January 22. So while I have no experience with it yet, it didn't matter to us as parents enough to TTC around it.

Unlike others we do plan on having joint birthday parties, but probably with separate cakes or goody bags or themes--just something to differentiate. I don't want to monopolize 2 weekends in January, especially since people are burned out from Christmas.

mommy to ds 11/05, dd1 01/08, and dd2 01/10!
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#10 of 31 Old 06-09-2009, 10:31 PM
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My older and younger sister share a birthday, just 7 years apart. My older sis liked it the year baby sis was born, and has never liked it again since!
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#11 of 31 Old 06-09-2009, 10:42 PM
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I share a birthday with my sister, and it was kind of a bummer some years when we weren't perfectly getting along, but I don't see what our parents could have done about it. Twins just have to suck these things up.

My DH and his (3 years younger) sister share a birthday. His sister was born 6 weeks early, which, IMO, shows the futility of trying to plan these things.

I wouldn't let any concern about having kids with close birthdays affect my plans to TTC. These things are impossible to control, you just have to take what you get.
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#12 of 31 Old 06-09-2009, 10:43 PM
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My sister and I each share our birthday with one of our cousins (not exactly the same situation, but we grew up seeing our cousins multiple times a week most of the time, so we were very close). My cousin is 5 years younger than I am, and my sister's was born on the exact same day. Half hour apart. At the same hosptial, delivered by the same doctor. It was written up in the paper.

I think we all felt special having a connection like that, and we had combined family parties. We all loved it, it meant we got two different kinds of cake!

That is just my experience with shared birthdays; I am sure there are others who hated it.
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#13 of 31 Old 06-09-2009, 11:02 PM
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My brother and I were 6 days apart, we celebrated separately. It was never an issue. Mainly a very enjoyable thing because of the way my parents handled it.

Even if I had twins, I would do two cakes, two songs, all of that.
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#14 of 31 Old 06-09-2009, 11:55 PM
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My mother, sister, and I all share a same birth month. Growing up, we had separate parties, but these were immediate family parties in which the birthday girl chose the cake and the meal. So no biggie.

Now, that birth month has expanded to a brother in law and a nephew, and we do a joint birthday party. We only sing one song, and there might be individual cakes or not, depending on the year. It's a great time.

My twins have separate cakes, but we sing one song using both names. They share a birth month with my husband and MIL, but we don't do a combined party.

I could see how this issue gets more complicated when one moves beyond the realm of family parties and into friends.

Twin boys (2/05) and little sister (10/07)
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#15 of 31 Old 06-10-2009, 12:02 AM
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My youngest brother and I are eight years apart in age. He was born the day before my 8th birthday, and came home from the hospital on my birthday.

I thought for sure I was getting a little sister, so when my dad told me I had a new baby brother ("Isn't that a wonderful birthday present, honey?") I was devastated.

Then I met him later that day and couldn't help but love him. Everyone always called me his second mommy over the years, because I took care of him and we were incredibly close.

We've always shared our birthday celebrations, although less so now that we're adults no longer living in the same city. As a kid, I always liked celebrating my birthday with him. It was fun, especially because we got along so well.

SAHM to DD (6/07) and DS (10/09); happily married to DH since 2/04 .
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#16 of 31 Old 06-10-2009, 12:07 AM
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My kids have birthdays 8 days apart - 4 years between them. They actually had the same due date but neither of them came on that day. DS (the older one) liked having his sister born for his birthday. So far, we have done separate parties but the little one is only 2. I plan on doing some joint parties because then it's only one mess to clean up . When we were TTC I really wanted the kids to be born early summer because dh is a teacher and then he would be off for the summer to help me out. That meant more to me than future party worries. If I ever talk him into #3 we'll probably go with that same time frame.

Hope your plans go well!
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#17 of 31 Old 06-10-2009, 12:08 AM
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My sister is 2 years and 15 days younger than me. My second brother's birthday is the day before mine. Between the age and gender differences, we usually celebrated my brother's birthday the weekend before / of our birthdays. Then my sister and I (same gender, closer ages, many common friends) usually had a joint party on a weekend between our birthdays.

My husband's youngest brother was born the day before DH's birthday.
(My brother whose birthday is the day before mine, is the same age as his brother whose birthday is the day before his!)

With the age differences, I doubt they shared birthday parties as children. Their family tradition was that the birthday child got to pick a restaurant, so I guess they ate out two days in a row.

DS was born the same week as DH, his brother, and one of their aunt's, so we did a quadruple birthday party with the extended family.

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#18 of 31 Old 06-10-2009, 04:24 AM
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My sis and I have b-days 11 days apart. As young kids it was combo parties and then when we got older it was smaller separate parties. Not a huge deal. What sucked was the combo b-day gifts everyone gave us.

Our family has 3 January, 3 February and 6 April birthdays. My sis jokes that her newest is breaking trend by being an October. LOL

Miriam , mom to jumpers.gif
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#19 of 31 Old 06-10-2009, 05:52 AM
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Our kids birthday's fall within a week of each other. They share. We don't make a big deal of birthdays anyway (dh would prefer not to have them at all ), so it's not a "loss".

On each child's actual birthday, I make them a special breakfast (their choice) and we acknowledge their birth at family supper that day as well. Then, whatever weekend is most convenient for the whole family to get together, we celebrate together with cake and a big meal and a few presents.
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#20 of 31 Old 06-10-2009, 09:04 AM
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It can be great, specially when the kids are young and it's so hard to wait until their own birthday. 2 of my sibs are only one day apart. I remember one year the cake being half vanilla and half chocolate, each kid having picked what they wanted. Usually we just had family dinners, maybe with a special friend over, cake and presents. I don't think they always shared a celebration, though. That might have only been the years there was a new baby or something.

My bro and I have birthdays 5 days apart. We never celebrated together growing up but as adults we might have a family celebration on the weekend in between.

As a wife/mother, I wish dh and ds didn't have birthdays only 5 days apart. I don't like doing two birthdays so close together. I'm not the most energetic of people, lol.

But ultimately, it's fine however the chips fall.

Mom to unschooling 4everboy since 8/01
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#21 of 31 Old 06-10-2009, 09:46 AM
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My boys are 2 years and one month apart (March 26 and April 26). My dh's birthday is April 15.

We always see that month as kind of the "birthday month". On their actual birthday, each person gets to pick somewhere to eat out. We don't eat out a lot, so this is a big treat for them (we do this for the adults in our family too). When they were younger we had a big combined barbecue/party at home (think 60-75 people). As they have gotten older, we've had parties at different locations for them individually with thier school friends. We also still do the at home party for both of them combined.

If anything, dh gets the shaft. He gets dinner and that's about it.

I have 5 siblings and our birthdays are in Febrary, 2 in July, 2 in September and December. Now that we are all grown, married and have kids (I have 11 nieces and nephews), we have multiple birthdays each month.

In the end, I think as long as you recognize each person's birthday individually, you will be fine.

As a side note, we have been TTC #3 for a while now (2 years) and while I would love to have another spring baby, I will take any day of the year and be thrilled
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#22 of 31 Old 06-10-2009, 09:56 AM
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My dc's birthdays are 2.5 weeks apart. They actually had the same due date.

Because our extended families have to travel a distance, we only plan one party to include them for both dc's birthdays. We have a separate immediate family party on the actual day of their birthdays. So far this has worked for us, and neither of the kids feels slighted. They actually look forward to "birthday month," because it's one party after another!

Laura - Mom to ds (10) and dd (7) "Time stands still best in moments that look suspiciously like ordinary life." Brian Andreas.

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#23 of 31 Old 06-10-2009, 11:03 AM
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My kids birthdays are a week apart. Because I had a planned c-section for my second we avoided having them on the same day (her due date was on his birthday).

We do do a joint birthday party. This last year my son turned 6 and my daughter turned three. We had a pool party at a motel and a pirate theme. They had so much fun planning everything together. Even at this age they understand that Mom and Dad aren't shelling out the money for a motel pool party twice a week apart. Plus they end up inviting alot of the same families anyway and it's easier for their friends to only have one party to plan around. They really do like sharing their party. I think they would miss it if I tried to plan separate birthday parties. They consider each other very good friends. Who wouldn't want to have a party with one of their best friends?

They each get a special family day on their birthday. I make their favorites for breakfast and they get their presents from mom and dad at breakfast. They get to pick one fun activity such as a movie, the zoo, the children's museum, the circus, ect. They pick what we do for supper. That day is all about the birthday boy or girl. They make the decisions and usually they end up considering their brother or sister in even the plans for that day, though they don't have to.

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#24 of 31 Old 06-10-2009, 12:23 PM
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My brother's birthday is six days after mine and my sister's is six days after his! It never bothered any of us. In fact we thought it was cool. My parents (being poor) would often groan about birthday season aproaching and it say that once they recovered financiall from birthday season it was Christmas time. We always had our own cake an present night. Some years we also had a big combo party where we all invited about six of our friends and ran amok at the playground.

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#25 of 31 Old 06-10-2009, 12:32 PM
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Yay for birthday buddies! We have alot of them in our family. My sister and brother are 5 years apart exactly, another sister and brother are 6 years and 364 days apart, my neice and nephew are 4years 363 days apart, my other nephew shares his birthday with 2 cousins and a cousin in law and the summer solstice and my DSS and I are 24 years apart to the day. Woohoo birthday buddies!

Our extended family is great about doing joint birthday parties and they end up beign alot of fun!

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#26 of 31 Old 06-10-2009, 01:26 PM
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My brothers (who are twins) and I have birthdays 4 days apart (they are 3 years younger & were due on my birthday, came 4 days early). When we lived near our relatives, we would have 1 big party w/ all the relatives, then separate small birthdays with our friends. I don't remember it ever being a problem - if anything, we thought it was cool (and as a PP mentioned, my bros would be sharing a bday anyway).

That being said, if it were up to me, I would not want any future kiddos to have their birthday near DD's, but that's b/c her's is right smack in the middle of the winter holiday season, which has its own issues.
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#27 of 31 Old 06-10-2009, 02:15 PM
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I have twins who are in kindergarten and obviously share a birthday. Every year we just do one party for the two of them and they have had zero problem with it. This is the first year where we have done a friend's party and when I asked them did they want to do their party together or separately they both agreed they wanted to do one party (they are boy/girl so they don't have the same friends). We have done separate cakes every year since they turned three and this year they requested separate pinatas.
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#28 of 31 Old 06-10-2009, 02:44 PM
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We actually had an unbirthday for DS2, because there is two days between DS1's birthday and his sister's birthday (7 years younger) and it felt wrong to exclude him- so we did candles and cakes on all three days the year DD turned 1- we also had the midwife who caught Alex out during his 7th birthday party, because I was stuck in prodromal labour and she wanted to do another FHT check. It's cool. It's nice. Don't worry about it.

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#29 of 31 Old 06-10-2009, 06:46 PM
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My 13 yr old's and 7 yr old's bdays are 6 days apart. It's never really been a big deal. We did a combo party with her ds' first birthday but since then we've done seperate things.

Amy - mom to Anna-Rebekah 14, Logan 13, Christian 8, Ethan 7 and Adan 07/15/08
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#30 of 31 Old 06-10-2009, 08:34 PM
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I don't think it really matters in the big scheme of things.

DS2, DD2, and I all have birthdays within a week of each other. And then a few days later is Christmas. Not a big deal. There's usually a super busy weekend in December where one kid has a friend party on Friday night, one kid has a friend party on Saturday, and we have a combined family birthday party on Sunday. It's exhausting, but fun.

When our kids were younger, we had combined friend birthday parties. Most of their friends were family friends that we met at playgroup and we were friendly with the whole family. But now that they're older and have different school friends, we have separate parties.

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