wwyd? Would this bother you? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 42 Old 06-10-2009, 08:59 PM
 
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Originally Posted by limabean View Post
I don't think the OP thinks her friend should just give her the clothes. I think she just thinks it would have been less tacky to just not bring it up at all rather than offering to sell clothes to the OP right after the OP gave her clothes.

The timing is just bad, I guess. If the two incidents had been separated by a year or two you probably wouldn't have even thought about it, but I can see how it's noticeable since it did happen so close together.

However, I agree with Joyster that to send any reply other than, "No thank you, but thanks for the offer" would be tacky on your part. End the tacky cycle!
You're right, I skimmed through the last paragraph, I should have read more closely. The timing was definitely off. I'm running across more and more people these days who are pretty clueless about that kind of thing though. I have a mother in my group of friends who has treated me pretty crummy throughout our time together and when I mentioned I was looking to buy a certain item, she was right there offering me to sell her hers. In the end, all you can do is laugh, if she's an otherwise nice person, I'd chalk it up to baby brain.

Don't trust anyone under 5! Mom to 3 boys under 5. Blogging to save my sanity.
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#32 of 42 Old 06-10-2009, 09:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks, guys!

It was a Fbook message/pm, and it was just to me, or else I would totally have thought "d'oh! bcc!".

Baby brain! I hadn't even thought of that possibility, or social cluelessness. That could really be it. I'm glad that others have had similar things happen, not that I'd wish irritation on anyone!

I will laugh tomorrow, I'm sure! She has a 9 wk old and I'm nearly 33 wks pregnant.. probably any interaction at this point between us would result in a hormone related body count, so I don't think I'll bring it up with her again! If she mentions it, I'll just say "we're all set" or something, with as little eye rolling as I can muster!

Laura, Mom of Cameron 07/01, Evan 01/08, and Madeline 07/09. Busy, but very happy! :
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#33 of 42 Old 06-10-2009, 10:40 PM
 
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Maybe she thought you were just lending her the clothes?

It's complicated.
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#34 of 42 Old 06-10-2009, 10:52 PM
 
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Yes, it was tacky and ungracious. No, there's no way to call her on it without being so yourself. Just write it off as someone who is less giving than you are and ignore it.
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#35 of 42 Old 06-10-2009, 11:12 PM
 
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Originally Posted by lauratheexplorer View Post
She has a 9 wk old and I'm nearly 33 wks pregnant.. probably any interaction at this point between us would result in a hormone related body count, so I don't think I'll bring it up with her again!


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If she mentions it, I'll just say "we're all set" or something, with as little eye rolling as I can muster!
Perfect.

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#36 of 42 Old 06-11-2009, 12:47 AM
 
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Well it wouldn't particularly bother me at all. I'd just think she had girl clothes and I had a girl and she needed the money.

If it happened repeatedly with her asking me to buy stuff and she acted like I was obligated to buy things then I'd get annoyed.

I'd just say "no thanks" and not think about it any more.

Kim ~mom to one awesome dd (12)

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#37 of 42 Old 06-11-2009, 12:47 AM
 
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I am bothered just reading it happen to you.

I would do nothing, but mentally write her off. She isnt a match for you, it is a huge red flag (imo).
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#38 of 42 Old 06-11-2009, 01:15 AM
 
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Hmmmm, had a baby nine weeks ago?? I'd let it slide. By let it slide, I mean, I'd completely ignore the communication from her and laugh it off.

I say ignore it, because there is always the slight possibility that she doesn't remember, as completely rude and strange as that may be...and I try to be super forgiving of any parent in the first few months...I mean, sooo sleepy. I just remember being SO sleepy. Who knows what sort of silly things I may have said that I don't even remember!!

Yeah...let it slide. Laugh it off. Thank your lucky stars, that you are not so tacky as she! That's a really silly move...if she wants to sell the clothes, fine...but don't try and sell them to YOU! You know?

My goodness...people!

Yeah, 9 weeks pp would be enough to make me forgive her. lol

My DD STTN and I was still a walking zombie. As in, literally walked into the door/wall. One time a stranger asked what DD's name was and I stared at her then kept walking...like literally couldn't think to stop and say her name. OMGsh it was humiliating.

And then one time someone asked how old she was (doing the ole count back to see if she was conceived after marriage or not) and I knew that's what she was doing so I blurted out the correct number of months to equal conception before marriage b/c I was trying to point out she was rude and it wasn't true...but it came out as an answer to how old she was.

If you can get through that diatribe...as you see I am 7months pp and still in a fog.

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#39 of 42 Old 06-11-2009, 01:34 AM
 
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I don't know I remember a friend who was so kind and gave me hand-me-downs from her twins and a walker. Well she had an unplanned pregnancy shortly after my last child and I gave her everything I could from our youngest. That's what friends do, they are thoughtful and take care of each other. Our girls are turning 16 and I still remember how thrilled I was at that point in my life to get a garbage bag full of baby clothes for dd. Of course we didn't have ebay yet so maybe the rules have changed.

I don't understand why she didn't need the girl clothes.??? Did she have a boy just 9 weeks ago? If she didn't need them and you are having a girl then I think the polite thing to do would be to offer them back if you found yourself pregnant again with a girl. Or let you pick from what she's got if she has some stuff she doesn't need but has accumulated elsewhere. If she has received a lot of hand-me-downs she might not know what came from where.

But it does seem a little inconsiderate. When I gave my friend ds's crib (baby #2) and then found myself pregant almost immediately after doing so with #3. I told her keep it...but it was a nice gesture that she offered to give it back to me.

We had a family issue with hand-me-downs recently. My mom tried to give away my sister's bassinette to our new sil, but she had already passed it on to another army family! My mom was furious because she bought the bassinette for my sister. So I guess that's why she thought sis still had it. So anyhow SIL threw a hissy fit. What is she supposed to do where is her baby going to sleep. Well that's for her and my brother to figure out I guess. You can't count on taking someone else's stuff before their baby is potty-trained. Lol.
They actually expect my sister to ship a bunch of stuff at my sister's expense just because she had a boy. Well there's no guarantees it will fit...he's a chunky lil guy and we haven't seen the new addition yet and sil plans on having him way early so likely it wouldn't be the right season /body type etc...Anyhow My sister isn't having any more kids but the point is it's far easier for her to pass it on to someone local and keep it in her army mom's circle where people will reciprocate the favor in other ways (Friendship, coop childcare, other's giving kids clothes, toys, and equipment) than ship it here to a demanding girl. But the new SIL just expects everyone to buy her everything she needs for their first baby. Oh boy was that a tense conversation. Far better to give it to charity or a second hand store, I think than have strings attached.
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#40 of 42 Old 06-11-2009, 01:46 AM
 
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I can understand getting some money out of clothes but offering to sell clothes to someone who has given you lots of clothes for free is a bit tacky for lack of better words.

Personally, I would just ignore it. If she asks again and just say "No thanks."
I agree
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#41 of 42 Old 06-11-2009, 01:52 AM
 
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Originally Posted by CheapPearls View Post
That is a little weird to me as well. I can understand getting some money out of clothes but offering to sell clothes to someone who has given you lots of clothes for free is a bit tacky for lack of better words.

Personally, I would just ignore it. If she asks again and just say "No thanks." and smile. No need to say anything more even if you are thinking it.
:

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#42 of 42 Old 06-11-2009, 01:47 PM
 
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I think the timing combined with her offering it out of the blue with no request from you makes it definitely on the tacky side, but being only 9weeks PP, I can see how she may not even remember you gave her all those clothes. I would either say no thanks or take a look if you are interested and see what she is offering. Maybe she is just looking to recoup a bit? Maybe most of it is really nice stuff that she doesn't feel she can just give away? I dunno, I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I definitely would have had the same initial "Huh?" reaction you did!

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