CPS is coming **UPDATE Page 2** - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 27 Old 06-26-2009, 02:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I was welcomed home from a long day at work yesterday by a business card from a social worker in my door. I called last night and left a message. She called me back this morning before I left for work.

Apparently, someone called CPS on me regarding my house, something I said about my daughter, and the fact that I think she may have some behavioral/mental issues.

My house is a MESS. DD gets into EVERYTHING and it's allll over. To the extent that I will most likely have to replace carpet in our apartment when we move out. It's messy. But it's not uninhabitable. She's not in any danger living in the house. No one is. It's just a lot messier then I ever have the energy to clean.

What I said about my daughter was in a joking manner and taken COMPLETELY out of context.

The behavior/mental issues I think she may have is a sensory processing disorder or something similar.

By law, they can't tell me who said it, but I have my suspicions.

I'm planning on having as many people as I can come over and help me clean up my apartment this weekend and get some groceries in my fridge, etc. Outside of that, I'm completely at a loss as to what to do. I'm scared my own mental issues will come into play here. And while I THINK they can't do anything about it (I'm taking all my medicine and going to therapy), I'm scared they might. And I think it's bogus that someone is reporting me for trying to get help for my child regarding the b/m issues. I understand that they have to look into every report, but I'm pissed that it's happening to me.

If it helps at all, I live in Wisconsin.

Please, if you have any advice at all, please share it here or in a PM. Thank you!
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#2 of 27 Old 06-26-2009, 02:36 PM
 
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You don't have to let them in unless they have a warrant. They may try to bully you but you can still say No.

Definitely clean your house up. Get it spotless. Put lots of food in the refrigerator and pantry. Make sure you have a separate space for your daughter to sleep, even if you cosleep with her. They may want to know that a bed is available for your daughter if she wants it.

You don't have to sign anything. You can refuse them at the door.

I'm sorry for this extra stress in your life.

Live and love with your whole being.
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#3 of 27 Old 06-26-2009, 02:38 PM
 
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Well, as I'm SURE you are well aware, CPS here on mothering is a can of worms and I predict a slew of "protect yourself" emails...

But before that all starts, I want to say that this *may* be an opportunity. Many agencies have resources to provide medical evaluations, support, and other things that might actually help you and your daughter.

If things appear *safe* and you feel that you actually could benefit from some help, I might encourage you to be open with the worker about your needs.

And, I'd clean up .
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#4 of 27 Old 06-26-2009, 02:47 PM
 
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Originally Posted by alexsam View Post
Well, as I'm SURE you are well aware, CPS here on mothering is a can of worms and I predict a slew of "protect yourself" emails...

But before that all starts, I want to say that this *may* be an opportunity. Many agencies have resources to provide medical evaluations, support, and other things that might actually help you and your daughter.

If things appear *safe* and you feel that you actually could benefit from some help, I might encourage you to be open with the worker about your needs.

And, I'd clean up .
I'll add my :

I agree with the cleaning too.
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#5 of 27 Old 06-26-2009, 02:58 PM
 
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I agree with AlexSam.

Definitely clean up. And while it's wise to be on your guard, I think most CPS workers are really in it because they care about people. I used to work as a CASA, and there were some great social workers. They might be able to offer you some much-needed help!

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#6 of 27 Old 06-26-2009, 02:58 PM
 
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Whenever someone is in crisis here at MDC, I notice a theme, people always comb through your previous threads to try and better understand your situation.

I just did that with you and I have to say you posted a thread a while back that had red flags all over it.

You lost your job, you got depressed and began sleeping during the day.

Your child was trashing your house, pooping in things and just wreaking havoc on your house.

A lot of people were worried and asked you to get help for your depression.

Have you done that yet? I'm not trying to gang up on you, but I think your situation might be "that bad".

Please don't shut out help. People care, I care so please don't take this as judgment.

When you are in the thick of depression it's easy to say "well things aren't that bad, my kids are just messy and it's hard to keep up."

If you have food messes and things smeared all over that aren't from today it is that bad.

Be honest with yourself. Are your dishes piled up? Is there trash overflowing? Are there little messes and destructive places all over your house that you just haven't got around to yet?

I'm saying this as someone who struggles with mental illness, I'm not judging you. I just want you to be honest with yourself.

This could be an opportunity to change.
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#7 of 27 Old 06-26-2009, 03:02 PM
 
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#8 of 27 Old 06-26-2009, 03:09 PM
 
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If it makes you feel any better.......

I totally did the kitchen this morning, I have cleaned and hoovered and been out shopping and even though the place was spotless, it looks like a herd of elephants has stampeded through the place and I simply cannot be bothered (I am on medication for pain and depression and DH is only 2 weeks out the hospital and is still dealing with a rib that was sawn into three pieces for the surgery)........... There have been times when I simply haven't bothered for DAYS, because I have just been too tired, so I do know how you feel etc, I know what it can be like. I have just found that trying to do things regularly helps (although motivation can be an issue ).

Just do as much as you possibly can and while you are at it, declutter, throw out anything you no longer need or that is no longer being used/played with. I do this at least twice a year now and it makes a HUGE difference.

Wishing you luck and thinking of you!
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#9 of 27 Old 06-26-2009, 03:18 PM
 
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I think you have a good plan. Get your place spotless and plenty of food in the frigde and pantry. I know that you can legally tell the CPS worker to come back w/a warrant, but I personally, would probably let them in if I was sure that I wasn't doing anything wrong. Just to go through the motions, see what the concern was, and get help if it's needed. Cooperation doesn't have to mean you go through a horrible, drawn out process. Hang in there, and try to remain calm.


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#10 of 27 Old 06-26-2009, 03:38 PM
 
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I would let them in. Honestly, if you clean up, are on meds, child has it's own sleeping place, and you are cooperative, then all should be ok. CPS can be helpful.

It sounds as though you may need a little help right now. A disorganized home is different than a dirty home. If you have trash, old food, dirty bathroom and do not already have food in your home, that is a red flag you may need help and it is a safety/health issue. I have bi-polar disorder, believe me I understand crippling depression.

Hang in there mama. We all care here and most CPS workers do too.
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#11 of 27 Old 06-28-2009, 07:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Porcelain Interior View Post
Whenever someone is in crisis here at MDC, I notice a theme, people always comb through your previous threads to try and better understand your situation.

I just did that with you and I have to say you posted a thread a while back that had red flags all over it.

You lost your job, you got depressed and began sleeping during the day.

Your child was trashing your house, pooping in things and just wreaking havoc on your house.

A lot of people were worried and asked you to get help for your depression.

Have you done that yet? I'm not trying to gang up on you, but I think your situation might be "that bad".

Please don't shut out help. People care, I care so please don't take this as judgment.

When you are in the thick of depression it's easy to say "well things aren't that bad, my kids are just messy and it's hard to keep up."

If you have food messes and things smeared all over that aren't from today it is that bad.

Be honest with yourself. Are your dishes piled up? Is there trash overflowing? Are there little messes and destructive places all over your house that you just haven't got around to yet?

I'm saying this as someone who struggles with mental illness, I'm not judging you. I just want you to be honest with yourself.

This could be an opportunity to change.


Things have, for the most part, been going pretty good latey. I started a new job and have been there for three weeks. While my depression was pretty bad as lately as 2 weeks ago, I'm getting the help I need, I take my meds, and I go to therapy...although I'm late going this time due to the new job.

Her destructive behavior has decreased significantly.

I went to the store today and stocked the fridge (the freezers and cupboards are full enough already). I made sure I had milk, butter, and produce. The fridge isn't FULL, but it's full ENOUGH. I get paid Friday and will do a more major shopping trip then.

While my house was dirty/messy/whatever, it's getting much cleaner today. There was garbage that needed to be taken out, but it wasn't smelly, rotting garbage. The place didn't smell as bad as it has in the past. In fact, a friend walked in and said it smells like bread.

There are area that need to be cleaned better (bathroom, dishes, laundry), but it's not moldy, disgusting, I-wouldn't-shower-in-that kind of dirty.

While I KNOW that I don't HAVE to let her into my house, and I've toyed with that idea, I've decided to cooperate. I have a strong enough trail, medically, showing that I'm taking care of the both of us. I go to my therapy. She goes to her doctor appointments. I've had her evaluated and am looking into getting a second opinion on the things I question.

The thing I said about her was completely jokingly, in no way serious. And every parent I've talked to about this said "If you can't say things about your kids, you may as well turn me in too!"

What I was quoted saying was calling her a "devil child." The story is that I had spent a looooong time picking out her name, making sure everything worked (initials, first last, etc) but it took until she was 3 before I realized if you count the letters in her first, middle, and last names, it's 666. My atheist friend had made a comment about being friends with her mom, and being "safe." *I* think it's a funny story. I did not CALL her a devil child, refer to her as one, call her the spawn of Satan...nothing. I wouldn't. Yes, she drives me batty sometimes. But she's my daughter, the love of my life, and she's a KID. Her JOB is to drive me batty! It's super hard sometimes. But that doesn't mean I hate her, don't like her, NOTHING. The whole thing was taken out of context.

Well...back to cleaning!!
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#12 of 27 Old 06-28-2009, 10:12 PM
 
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I just saw this thread, and want you to know that I said something to a therapist once that was taken WAY out of context and CPS was called. The day they came out, I toyed around with not letting them in. I decided since I knew it was taken out of context, I would let them in... I was certain they wouldn't find anything. Sure enough, the lady was only over for 10 minutes before she decided she didn't need to be at our house, and then she even apologized to me for the whole incident.

Either way... good luck momma! I know all the "what ifs" that are running through your head!

Kourtney, happily married to my soldier and raising ds 7/08 .... dd 7/10..... and ds 11/11

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#13 of 27 Old 06-29-2009, 12:37 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Aliviasmom View Post
"devil child." !
Weird. I call my child things like that all the time. We refer to her as "Princess of Sleepalot".

I also have twin nieces that the parents call "The evil twin" and "the good one". (It's entirely true too)

I hope this goes well for you. I also think that maybe this is a good thing. They may be able to help you find the right services if you need them. If nothing else, it might give you the motivation to get yourself organized. I have a HUGE issue with organization. My areas are very cluttered and it's hard to even see my desk. My half of the closet if a mess. I look like a pig. But, I can't seem to be able to change that. The only way for me to declutter is to throw things away. I just toss perfectly good stuff.. then vow to never again let it get that way.. but a week later is looks just as bad.
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#14 of 27 Old 06-29-2009, 01:42 PM
 
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I hope it goes well.

I sure wish people would offer real help instead of getting CPS involved (unless there is no doubt that a child is actually being abused of course). Yes, CPS can offer help but they can also wreck your and your children's life. I wouldn't take that chance over a dirty house and someone calling a child a devil's child (I know people who call their kids devil spawn etc joking and not in front of kids and I also know parents vent and sometimes say not too nice things about their children, I don't consider that abuse).

OUR DAUGHTERS ARE PROTECTED SHOULDN'T OUR SONS BE TOO! :
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#15 of 27 Old 06-29-2009, 02:05 PM
 
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I think single parents get targeted easily. Working long hours and caring for children with no help, often no financial help from the other parent and we are left with very little mental and physical energy. I know it is easy to get overwhelmed and it sounds like you are taking the proper steps to take care of your needs now maybe with this incident you can use it to better your families life as well. I believe children and us parents deserve a clean home. Now i clean multiple times a day and there are still messes, but it is decent. Right now there is toilet paper all over the living room floor because my toddler decided to have a parade but it won't be left there all day. Just spot cleaning can keep things manageable so that you don't find yourself with days worth of cleaning to do. Also seek help for the sensory issues and the bm issues. You don't have to take on the burden yourself of trying to figure out how to deal with it. There are people that can help. I wouldn't stress too much because it sounds like you are taking very positive steps to make things better.
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#16 of 27 Old 06-29-2009, 03:30 PM
 
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I hope things went well!
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#17 of 27 Old 06-29-2009, 03:36 PM
 
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I would try and keep in mind that they are required to investigate any call they get, no matter how trivial the reason may or may not be. We have friends who had someone call on them because their 11 year old changed her baby brother's diaper. They assumed that she was being treated like a slave so they called. They came, they went, end of story. I don't know what part of the state you are in, but by us you have to be darn near living in complete squalor and regularly beating the living tar out of your kids before they will take them. I have been told that they are more than willing to offer help and support services if you need them too without branding you a terrible parent forever. Good luck!
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#18 of 27 Old 07-01-2009, 02:28 PM
 
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How are things going?
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#19 of 27 Old 07-01-2009, 04:12 PM
 
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Also wondering...

Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
13yo ds   10yo dd  8yo ds and 6yo ds and 1yo ds  
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#20 of 27 Old 07-01-2009, 04:22 PM
 
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Me too. I hope all is well.

Any misspellings or grammatical errors in the above statement are intentional;
they are placed there for the amusement of those who like to point them out.
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#21 of 27 Old 07-01-2009, 09:39 PM
 
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Hoping everything went well...

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#22 of 27 Old 07-01-2009, 10:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So the social worker, M, came over Monday night. Things seemed to go very well. She was very friendly, complimented many things (my daughter's room and comforter, pictures on our wall, etc), and listened pretty well. I explained my story on everything, including the "devil child" issue. When she asked about it, she had the tone of voice like she was .

M said she needed to meet with Alivia, and also told me of a program that would evaluate and help with any behavioral/mental issues. We set up the meeting for tonight.

I ran late at work, so I showed up three minutes later then M, which was fine since my friend (who was also here on Monday) had been babysitting Alivia at my house today. Alivia did a great job being her normal self, showing off all her toys, etc. She answered all the questions M asked her honestly, in her cute little four year old way.

I asked her on her way out if I had to worry or anything. She said there was nothing to worry about, there was obviously rules, routine, etc. here. She said she has 60 days, just in case there is another report. It is also possible that she will stop by sometime without warning.

I am very comfortable with how things went down. She could see pretty easily how much love there is in this house. She can tell Alivia is well cared for and is top priority in this house. I knew all of this before she came over. I just didn't want to give her anything that she could use against me.

::::
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#23 of 27 Old 07-01-2009, 10:13 PM
 
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Well that's great news. :
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#24 of 27 Old 07-02-2009, 12:20 PM
 
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What I find interesting about CPS threads is that in circumstances where people need help, CPS seems to be the first line of help. I know not everyone has friends and family who are supportive but it does sadden me that friends/family are not helping out.

I think CPS is needed but what happened to families taking care of families?

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#25 of 27 Old 07-02-2009, 12:27 PM
 
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Glad everything worked out well for you thus far! Hang in there, we know how hard it can be with a challenging child, and just wanted to give you big hugs for doing so well. It's hard.

Married to Michael and Mother of Jake 9, Jillianne 7, Jensen 5, Jacen 4. I've got severe osteoporosis, a fractured hip and chronic pain-so please be patient with me! Pagan,Crocheter,Reader,Homeschooler- that's me in a nutshell.

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#26 of 27 Old 07-03-2009, 05:19 PM
 
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i'm glad everything worked out well for you!
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#27 of 27 Old 07-04-2009, 05:15 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Aeress View Post
What I find interesting about CPS threads is that in circumstances where people need help, CPS seems to be the first line of help. I know not everyone has friends and family who are supportive but it does sadden me that friends/family are not helping out.

I think CPS is needed but what happened to families taking care of families?

(this is just something I noticed. My family has stepped in to help me get on track at various points in my life.)
That's what it's there for, though. CPS exists because we- society- want kids to be raised right, and sometimes there just isn't anyone else who can give a family the help they need.

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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