Why won't they just lock her in her room at night? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 90 Old 07-07-2009, 01:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm not a fan of locking her in a room at night...

But, these parents sleep through everything.

She's two, and she gets up at night. Every night. She has...

Colored on herself with sharpies (repeadetly)

Gotten Dad's razor that in the SAME ROOM AS MOM AND DAD, and cut her hand up.

Been found asleep on the kitchen counters with a fully eaten box of poptarts.

Eats all the food she can find.

Leaves the fridge open all night.

has opened the back door. Left that open.

It's only a matter of time before she eats something dangerous, or heaven forbid opens the front door?

She's not a normal two year old. I think she can scale walls. Eventually she will learn to unlock even the highest lock.

They have a pool What if she figures out the lock to the pool gate? She swims like a fish.. but what if she hurts herself then falls in?

I have offered to help them rearrange the bedrooms so that she can sleep alone in one room, and I will GIVE them a baby gate (or two) to lock her in safely. They can put a lock on the outside of her door. They can remove everything dangerous, so she can get up and play if she wants.

If they cant/wont wake up when she's tearing the house apart...even when she's in their own room... shouldn't they take precautions to keep her safe? She does this every single night. It's not occasionally. It's every night.
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#2 of 90 Old 07-07-2009, 01:12 PM
 
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That is scarry! They don't need to actually lock her in her room. They make alars for doors and windows that cost very little. They could just put one on her door and close it at night and then turn the alarm on. That way if she wakes and tries to leave her room the alarm will wake the parents so they can usher her back to bed.

I can't believe that the parents aren't more concerned about this.
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#3 of 90 Old 07-07-2009, 01:14 PM
 
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nak

instead of locking her in- which i'm not completely against as a very last resort- how about one of those door alarms that go off when the door is opened? or the parents setting an alarm clock for a bit before she normally wakes up?

i had to put slide locks at the top of my outside doors to make ds4 didn't escape- he did once before luckily the police found him.
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#4 of 90 Old 07-07-2009, 01:17 PM
 
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why aren't they waking up during this? are they drug users or something?

it's really really scary that they aren't more concerned.

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#5 of 90 Old 07-07-2009, 01:18 PM
 
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When my oldest started doing this, we put a child proof door knob cover on the inside of his door. It seemed like a mean thing to do but we had to keep him safe.

I was terrified that he would leave the house.

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#6 of 90 Old 07-07-2009, 01:19 PM
 
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Originally Posted by readytobedone View Post
why aren't they waking up during this? are they drug users or something?
My DS could do it without waking me up and I had an infant. He was being sneaky.

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#7 of 90 Old 07-07-2009, 01:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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why aren't they waking up during this? are they drug users or something?

it's really really scary that they aren't more concerned.

No. They try to work opposite shifts, so I think they are just really tired. And, they just sleep through it. I don't know how. I hear everything. So, I don't understand it.

But, still.. if you know this is GOING to happen, why not find a way to put a stop to it?

I don't think those alarms would wake them up either. If she was rummaging in the master bathroom without waking anybody, I doubt they'd hear an alarm on her door.
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#8 of 90 Old 07-07-2009, 01:22 PM
 
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can two year olds be sneaky?
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#9 of 90 Old 07-07-2009, 01:22 PM
 
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Originally Posted by funkymamajoy View Post
My DS could do it without waking me up and I had an infant. He was being sneaky.
But you had a reasonable response of extreme concern and taking action to prevent it from happening again. The lack of concern on the part of the parents discussed in the OP is terrifying!

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#10 of 90 Old 07-07-2009, 01:27 PM
 
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We recently had a three year old in our general area who was very badly injured when he was hit by a car - at 1 in the morning. He got out. It was tragic.

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#11 of 90 Old 07-07-2009, 01:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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can two year olds be sneaky?
She's not very good at it. Which just means she doesn't care, and sees no reason to sneak.. since she's planning to do it anyway.

But, yes. Two year olds can be sneaky. They just don't hide it well.
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#12 of 90 Old 07-07-2009, 01:30 PM
 
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No. They try to work opposite shifts, so I think they are just really tired. And, they just sleep through it. I don't know how. I hear everything. So, I don't understand it.

But, still.. if you know this is GOING to happen, why not find a way to put a stop to it?

I don't think those alarms would wake them up either. If she was rummaging in the master bathroom without waking anybody, I doubt they'd hear an alarm on her door.
Why do they have to put her in her own room? They could just put an alarm on the door to the masterbedroom and keep co-sleeping. That way they are closer to the alarm and may hear it better. And their daughter doesn't loose the benefits of co-sleeping.
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#13 of 90 Old 07-07-2009, 01:36 PM
 
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We put a lock on the inside of the playroom door and our door stays locked. The girls have access to their bedroom, the back bathroom (only the toilet because we turned off the water to the sink) and the playroom with their toys.

The lock is at the absolute highest point on the door, because they figured out how to unlock a regular lock, popped the doorknob cover open using a toy as a crowbar, and used toys to stack and climb to get the first lock unlatched.

I am a heavy sleeper - so is my husband. At one point we set an alarm but then it would wake the kids up if they weren't awake when the alarm went off, making them crabby and miserable until nap time.

You have to do something to keep your kids safe - even if it means they are locked in somewhere separate from where you are. If one of the girls falls or gets hurt (or if they just get hungry) they come knock on our door and wake us up. But generally they prefer to have time to themselves without parents being around and when we wake up they know they'll get breakfast right away and snugs and love...so it's worked out well for us.

Of course it probably helps there are two of them (3 and 4) I don't know how it would work with just one...but if there are safe toys and board books available, a little independent play time is not a bad thing, in my opinion.

Oh - for safety purposes the girls' beds don't have frames and we took the doors off the closet (they played with them and we got scared) so other than safe stuff it's pretty sparse in the playroom and their bedroom and the back bathroom.

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#14 of 90 Old 07-07-2009, 01:43 PM
 
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This was one reason I had for cosleeping -- I remember wandering the house in the dead of night as a child.
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#15 of 90 Old 07-07-2009, 01:50 PM
 
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Close friends of ours had a similar problem with their youngest who would get into all sorts of trouble in the middle of the night. The worst being he would leave house and wander the neighborhood. It was crazy.

They had a pool and lived on a heavily travelled street. The kid would leave the house in the middle of the night and wander about at 3-4 years old. Sometimes a neighbor would find him, other times the only clue was a wide-open door.

Their attitude was la la la, oh gee, he got out again? I never understood it.

The parents should be able to find wireless door/window alarms at any major retailer for $5 a peice.

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#16 of 90 Old 07-07-2009, 01:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Why do they have to put her in her own room? They could just put an alarm on the door to the masterbedroom and keep co-sleeping. That way they are closer to the alarm and may hear it better. And their daughter doesn't loose the benefits of co-sleeping.

She's always had her own room. But, once she started climbing out of her crib, they took it down and got her a twin bed.
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#17 of 90 Old 07-07-2009, 01:56 PM
 
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Jennidecki: I'm so sorry, don't take this the wrong way...but imagining your kids using a toy as a crowbar to pop a locked door...had me in between fits of laughter and sheer terror at what is to come for me, on my own parenting path! Your kids sound like hethens(sp)!! (the GOOD kind! the kind I hope to have!)

As for us....my DH is a very light sleeper...I used to be a heavier sleeper, like...could sleep through ANYTHING heavy...now, since having a baby, my ears are fine tuned to any of the noises associated with babies/sneaking around, etc...my DD is 13 mos old...she is extremely sneaky...it is SO funny to watch! She;ll look at me in the night, decide that I'm sleeping...and roll over, then look at me again...roll over again, so her feet are hanging off the bed...then, she looks at me and sloooooowly sliiiides backward, off the bed, with the funniest face on her, wide eyes, mouth scrunched up into a tiny "o"...(it is SO hard to pretend to be sleeping while she's doing this...and if she can make out the tiniest little smile on my face, she knows I'm awake and will start laughing) and then, her little head disappears...and she's LOOSE! She quietly craaawwwlls out of the room and goes t find her toys!

I know she's sneaking, because she goes sooo slowly off the bed, when we both knows she can practically JUMP down....that and because she crawls quietly out of the room...when she's not "sneaking" she NEVER crawls..she knows how to walk and is almost running! So...she is trying not to wake me...whether it's to be nice, or to try and get away with mischief, I don't know...either way it's cute as hell.


OP....this baby child waking up on the counter, box of eaten poptarts next to her...FREAKS me out...the first time that happens, it's funny....there doens't need to be a second time, for the reason mentioned by another poster...once a kid learns the basic function of door locks, etc they can get into and out of ANYTHING...including the front door. Something that stands 3 feet off the ground, should NOT be wandering outside, alone, in the night...that's a recipe for terrible, terrible tragedy.

I don't know what to tell you to DO, because I'm not a huge fan of getting in other peoples business and telling them what to do....but I'd say bring up with them, next time you're around, that a lady you know, told you about a three year old who got out and was hit by a car and that it reminded you of their little one and made you worry...mention the door alarm, etc...but beyond that, I wouldn't push with them...I know it's hard to bite your tongue at stuff like this...

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#18 of 90 Old 07-07-2009, 01:57 PM
 
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I would be concerned that the parents DON'T seem concerned!

A couple of years ago my DH called me from work just devastated. He had just gotten a call that the 2 yo son of his cousin had drowned. The little boy had woken up before his parents did, let himself out the front door, and made his way to a nearby pond. It CAN and DOES happen.
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#19 of 90 Old 07-07-2009, 02:03 PM
 
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wow, if my kid got out like that i would have them sleep in my room at least. then lock us all in. that way id they do wake up i will still be there.

i wake up at every little sound though. DD turns over in her bed in her room and i wake up.

with DS though, i slept through it. the morning i woke up to find my 2 yo DS on top of the fridge with hot cocoa mix all over him, was the day i bought a gate to put in his doorway. that way he could yell to make me wake up, play in his safe room, but not get out. that scared me. i tell him that story all the time. he thinks it is funny. it is now, but not then. he was such a monkey boy. DD is the same, but i wake easier now for some reason....

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#20 of 90 Old 07-07-2009, 02:03 PM
 
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@AverysMomma I feel the SAME way!!! I'm proud and horrified all at once. You want to be all, "No! Don't do that!" but you kind of WANT them to do that because it encourages learning and exploration and....yeah...I'm screwed...LOL (am I allowed to say that on the board? I'm sorry if that's considered cussing)

I thought of something else. This might be a wee bit extreme, but you could call the police. As a formerly falsely-accused victim of the child services system I cringe to say it out loud...but...better that than a dead kid.

I remember the first time my 1.5yo got out of the house - when the people at the end of the walk she'd gone out to play with brought her back to the front door I swear I died a little inside...and put a lock on the inside of the door.

(Yes, my house has latch locks EVERYWHERE - it's fun to watch guests try and get out of the house or into rooms that are locked - they forget...)

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#21 of 90 Old 07-07-2009, 02:08 PM
 
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She's not very good at it. Which just means she doesn't care, and sees no reason to sneak.. since she's planning to do it anyway.

But, yes. Two year olds can be sneaky. They just don't hide it well.
Hee, agreed. My DS is pretty obvious when he wants to me to leave at night so that he can play instead of sleep.

But yeah... all of that is very, VERY scary. It makes me think *I* should do more, have more gates up, etc. DS hasn't yet come out of his room and done any of this, but he certainly could if he wanted to. I would probably wake up, but there's no guarantee of that.
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#22 of 90 Old 07-07-2009, 02:13 PM
 
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Have you said things like, "Oh my god, aren't you afraid she'll get hurt or find her way outside?!?" How do they respond? Are they just somehow completely clueless or do they really not see a problem with a 2yo being alone for hours at night and getting into dangerous things? How well do they supervise her during the day?

This sounds neglectful to me -- allowing her to hurt herself repeatedly when it would be relatively easy to keep her safe is just not okay.

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#23 of 90 Old 07-07-2009, 02:18 PM
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In addition to what everyone else has already mentioned, I'm wondering why this child is so hungry at night. Is she getting enough to eat during the day?
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#24 of 90 Old 07-07-2009, 02:20 PM
 
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I won't be popular for saying this, but if I knew this family and knew about all this happening, I couldn't not call cps and be ok with myself. This little girls parents are neglecting her - and something needs to be done about it before something happens to her.
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#25 of 90 Old 07-07-2009, 02:21 PM
 
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We had to put a lock on #1 son's door. He got out and got into My husband's medicine, thenthe cats' medicine, then he got out of the house in a bad neighborhood, and we lived on the 2nd floor with rather treacherous back stairs (We caught him before he got away) he ate 3/4 of each of a dozen peaches. He got into so many things so many times that we really had no choice (since he was big enough to climb over a gate and skinny ehough to shinny under if we put it higher in the door. He's old enough now to know better, but we're ready for the little one now. We live in a different house in a better area and have bells on the front door.
I hope these parents are more dilligent in the future.

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#26 of 90 Old 07-07-2009, 02:27 PM
 
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with DS though, i slept through it. the morning i woke up to find my 2 yo DS on top of the fridge with hot cocoa mix all over him, was the day i bought a gate to put in his doorway. that way he could yell to make me wake up, play in his safe room, but not get out. that scared me. i tell him that story all the time. he thinks it is funny. it is now, but not then. he was such a monkey boy. DD is the same, but i wake easier now for some reason....
I'm just curious. If the kid can scale the fridge - how is a baby gate keeping him in his room?

Mom to DS 4/24/03 and DD 4/17/06
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#27 of 90 Old 07-07-2009, 02:28 PM
 
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getting ahold of the razor and cutting herself really scares me! and of course, getting out of the house. This is foreign to me. My two always come and get me before they'll even go in the living room by themselves. I can't imagine them opening the front door by themselves. Sometimes I wish they would go and get themselves a snack! But not in the middle of the night. It's really wild how kids are SO different.
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#28 of 90 Old 07-07-2009, 02:30 PM
 
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I think they should lock everything dangerous up and have her sleep with them in their room. An alarm is also a very good idea. I would also wonder why she is restless at night but they are dead to the world. Perhaps they need to take turns napping during the day so they sleep later at night and can keep their child safe. If they are absolutely unwilling to try to keep their child safe then I do think you should report them to CPS even though that is a terrible solution. The child is in very real danger and they really need to take steps to try to keep her safe even if it is a hard thing to do.
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#29 of 90 Old 07-07-2009, 02:37 PM
 
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Actually to be fair, the OP does not address the parent's level of concern at all. She does not give their response to her offer of help, or any commentary she has heard from them regarding the situation. Now, it wouldn't surprise me if they were unconcerned and turned down her offer based on the original post, but I'm just saying, we don't KNOW their level of concern at all. So maybe that should be the first question. How did they respond when you offered to help?
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#30 of 90 Old 07-07-2009, 02:49 PM
 
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Sometimes people who feel overwhelmed, embarrassed, or judged won't give their true feelings or discuss attempts to fix issues, so I don't think we can judge. Their casual attitude is based on one person's observations. There may be more concern or efforts to brainstorm a solution occurring behind the scenes. Not everyone problem solves by spilling their guts to other people,or asking every Tom, Dick, and Harry they meet what they would do in their situation.

And heck, after having been around these forums for so long, I wouldn't be surprised if this mom has heard it is illegal or abusive to install a lock (or door knob guards) on her child's door. There has been some massive flaming in the past with regards to locking children in their rooms, even for their own safety. She may not have truly thought all the way through what could happen. She may be at a complete loss as to what to do.

Perhaps a letter (if you aren't good at verbal discussion) or a phone call/face to face is in order. Write down talking points beforehand outlining: 1) The possible consequences of the child continuing to get out- CPS, possible injury in and out of the home, including drowning, getting hit by a car, choking, poisoning, falling, getting cut and bleeding out etc.
2) any and all possible solutions you can think of- a mom's helper or friend who will wake up that would be willing to help over night, medical testing/ health issues contributing to the child's frequent waking and the parents' inability to wake, alarms, other sleeping arrangements, other modifications to the room or house (I knew a woman that had a child with ADHD who installed a screen door on her child's room- better air circulation and hearing)
3) other resources she can contact for help- for the parents as well as the child.

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Most users ever online was 449,755, 06-25-2014 at 12:21 PM.