I'm so sorry you got some rather...not so nice responses. I know where you're coming from since I've been through it myself. Heck, even now that I'm divorced, I STILL hear it-my ex keeps making a big deal out of the fact that he has no furniture (I kept the kids furniture and the living room stuff; he took the bedroom stuff and most of the kitchen stuff), yet he makes $30 an hour, works full time...and guess what? He just bought a big screen plasma TV. But its my fault he still doesnt have furniture.
: Nevermind that we're sleeping on the floor, on a futon mattress, and have NO other bedroom stuff-and no income at the moment. The sad thing is, we'll most likely replace the stuff he took well before he gets himself stuff.
Some people absolutely refuse to see themselves as having any fault in anything. He's one of those people. I understand learning to get around and work with someones personality-I mean, even my fiance has this quirk where something small will make him mad and its like...wow, why? But I've learned how to get around it-I just go in, kiss him, and tell him to stop being so emo, until he smiles.
But it sounds like your husband is really LOOKING for something to start. He wants to fight. He wants conflict. Or, at the very least, he wants to make you feel like crap, which is definately abusive behavior.
I'd definately get yourself a job. Even if you cant save any money up for moving, you can at least already have a job if you do leave him.
My fiance told me once that when a guy feels guilty or is doing something he knows is wrong, they'll get snippy over everything. They try to belittle you, because they dont like knowing they're wrong. Obviously he's home most of the time right? So, I doubt he's cheating on you now, but maybe he kept cheating longer than he admits? Perhaps he is just thinking about doing something, which makes him feel guilty? I dont know...I never, ever thought my ex cheated on me until I found out I had an STD last week. How humiliating...even moreso that I had zero clue.
Anyway, if I were you, I'd start making plans to leave, but just hold off saying anything yet. Keep trying to make it work if you can. Maybe he needs you to just become an uncaring UA violation for him to see what you do for him. I mean, trying to be caring hasnt worked, right? (By the way, I tried that and all I got was complaining, it didnt make him see anything different)
I dont know what else you can do. Good luck~