Neighbor called the cops on me- VENT - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

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Old 07-18-2009, 06:34 PM
 
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the week after thanksgiving, salem who at the time was 14 months, somehow got out the front door, down the steps and was "chatting" with our neighbour who was putting up xmas lights, i had been doing the dishes, it got ya know QUIET and i looked for her.
when i saw her outside, (with just a glance out the window, cuz why would she be out there?) i saw her...
ron was great..he said, "she is a good helper!" she was "safe" we live on a small cult-de-sac with only 3 houses way off the road but still!.

but lots of people suck

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Old 07-18-2009, 07:03 PM
 
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Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post
If I were you, I'd make sure the whole town knows exactly what happened. Firstly, because you don't want anyone thinking the cops were called for something real. Secondly, because it's not fair to let other parents miss laughing about your UAV neighbors.
I agree!

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Old 07-18-2009, 09:28 PM
 
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Originally Posted by sunanthem View Post
I just had CPS called on me also, my 3 yr. old crossed the street in front of our house while we were coming in from the car. I was bringing in groceries and thought she was right behind me. By the time I had put the groceries down in the kitchen and was headed back to the front door, a neighbor had her there and was yelling at me. I thanked her for getting her and said good bye so I could have a nice long talk with my dd. A few days later CPS called and wanted to stop by for a visit. I could not believe it. I told them, sure, come on over and see how well I take care of my kids! I had to waste half my day chatting with them about everything in our family life.

I'm so glad I have helpful neighbors.

I know exactly how you feel purplemoon.
That is frustrating :

When I was in school there was a case about neighbors that hated each other ... they said never get on your neigbors bad side because that one neighbors house caught fire and the other one didnt call 911. I have always lived by that as a kind of golden rule. Wish others would follow.
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Old 07-19-2009, 12:27 AM
 
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Originally Posted by sunanthem View Post
I just had CPS called on me also, my 3 yr. old crossed the street in front of our house while we were coming in from the car. I was bringing in groceries and thought she was right behind me. By the time I had put the groceries down in the kitchen and was headed back to the front door, a neighbor had her there and was yelling at me. I thanked her for getting her and said good bye so I could have a nice long talk with my dd. A few days later CPS called and wanted to stop by for a visit. I could not believe it. I told them, sure, come on over and see how well I take care of my kids! I had to waste half my day chatting with them about everything in our family life.

I'm so glad I have helpful neighbors.

I know exactly how you feel purplemoon.
Are you serious? WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE THESE DAYS?!

Holy crap.
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Old 07-19-2009, 02:03 AM
 
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my son got out a few times when he learned how to open the doof before i got into the habit of locking it. usually i heard it open, but once i was in the kitchen and someone rang my doorbell.... i went and saw the door open and though "oh crap!" he had opened the door and was playing in the grass in the rain!

the lady was driving by and saw him and saw my door open and put 2 and 2 together

i about had a hear attack. he was about a year and a half or so

*~*Ashley*~* newly single mama to Tristan 10/01/2007
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Old 07-19-2009, 06:08 AM
 
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Originally Posted by laohaire View Post
Yeah, perhaps. I don't know for sure what I'd do in that case but for sure, it wouldn't be a given that I would grab the kid. I would LIKE to grab the kid, but I'm not sure if I would ...


I understand your concern, but honestly.. I am always helping other moms with their kids. .. ESP at stores! I'll see a child running away and a mom far behind so I'll just semi block the child and make eye contact with the mom to let her know I'm friendly. LOL I live in a southern town, and the attitude is pretty laid back here. If a child is alone, looks like it could be in danger, etc I always try to help out. If the parent gets mad.. well, I won't loose sleep over it. I just believe Children are precious, and that maternal instinct kicks in.
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Old 07-19-2009, 11:17 AM
 
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That is frustrating :

When I was in school there was a case about neighbors that hated each other ... they said never get on your neigbors bad side because that one neighbors house caught fire and the other one didnt call 911. I have always lived by that as a kind of golden rule. Wish others would follow.
Haha! I am chuckling at your point of view! I am pretty angry, though I still think I would call 911 if a house was burning.


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Are you serious? WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE THESE DAYS?!

Holy crap.
I am totally serious. You should see our street too.. its a small residential street, its not 2 lanes, doesnt have a light, our front door is about ten paces from the street.. we ride our bikes in the street all the time, and there are tons of families on the street whose kids are always out and about, its a walking neighborhood, so you see dog walkers, strollers and bikes all day long, AND we have a sign on our front lawn that says "SLOW HILL 15 MPH".
CPS seemed to understand but wants us to ask our landlord to put up a fence, so that it never happens again. I am aware that it isn't safe for her to be crossing the street alone, and have always taught her to look both ways, and don't play in the street w/o an adult- but that day my dd simply told me she "wanted to cross the street". Kids are darn fast, and we can't have eyes on them every single second of the day, ya know?

I just wish my neighbor would have talked to me a bit more about it, instead of yelling or calling outside folks for help.

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Old 07-20-2009, 02:19 AM
 
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Originally Posted by laohaire View Post

It sucks and I hate it but that's just my experience. You never touch another child, unless you know them/their parents well. So, yes, I would be one of those people watching a pregnant woman trying to run after her kid too.
All these things really make me sad here in America. People are frozen with fear, paranoid and over protective. I am originally from Russia and children run free with other kids playing in the street. neighbours talk to neighbours and help each other out.

I recently read a sad real story that had happened in GB, I believe. A toddler girl walked away from the kindergarden. The farmer passed by in a truck and didn't stop. he feared people would think he's a pedofile. The girl walked right into the pond and drawned. This is what happens when we are afraid to do the right thing because the culture tell us the opposite.

In my opinion, CPS is given too much power. i have heard of families ruined because of CPS intervention, children taken away from wonderful parents, parents on trials because of the CPS allegations. This system is not working well, something has to change.
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Old 07-20-2009, 04:26 AM
 
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When the cops show up ask *them* to help you fix the gate... Seriously. They'd help. Most cops want to keep kids safe and if they're is something to judge, it wouldn't be you. Cops usually see some messed stuff, even in small towns, so when they see a mama who wants to keep her kids safe and needs some help, they'll help.

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Old 07-20-2009, 11:34 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Swan3 View Post
Mine's a runner and just the other day took off on me, I'm 37 weeks pregnant and COULD.NOT.KEEP.UP. I did run (sort of run) past lots of people pointing and laughing though. Grrr. In that case if someone had physically stopped her I probably would have thanked them profusely, but that's me!
And that's how it has always gone for me when I've helped catch a kid.

I do think, briefly, about what if the parent gets mad, and then I think "well, UAV like that deserves to be POed, them"

Mind you, I do say stuff like "wait for your grown-up sweetie" and generally make it clear that I'm catching the kid for the mom/dad/babysitter.
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Old 07-20-2009, 11:37 AM
 
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Originally Posted by 2cutiekitties View Post
When I was in school there was a case about neighbors that hated each other ... they said never get on your neigbors bad side because that one neighbors house caught fire and the other one didnt call 911.
No, that's a reason to always live right up next to your neighbors so if they do stuff like that their house burns too.
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Old 07-20-2009, 12:11 PM
 
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Dear PurpleMoon's neighbors:

It take a village to raise a child. Maybe it's hard to understand toddlerhood as parents of an infant. But the next time you see a child in danger and a mother at her wit's end, try helping. If you can, slow the child down. Block the child. Hold his or her hand if they'll come to you while telling them it's time to go find Mama.


Thanks.

Long before I had kids, i've been the one asking small children where their parent is. Yelling to a screaming, frantic, running mom with other kids and a stroller in tow that I can see her child, may I take his hand? No one has EVER said no. Many have thanked me profusely, some while crying.

I've stopped children from shoplifting in a store. My line is "That's not yours" when I see a child opening a package in secret without a parent around. Once, a child ratted me out. They came around the corner into my aisle, behind me, kid pointed me out, and Dad got in front of me. To thank me.

Seriously, I'm in the NYC area and I wouldn't have a problem with a kind-hearted adult grabbing my child to prevent them from running into the street, or away from me. Toddlers in particular can be strong-willed and way faster than a PG mom or mom with an infant.

OP, sorry it happened. Seriously, who calls the cops and stands by watching a child potentially in trouble/lost?
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Old 07-20-2009, 06:07 PM
 
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updates op?

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Old 07-20-2009, 06:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My son's birthday party (turned 4) was on Saturday and yes, the whole town knew about the cops. As I was getting milk at the store the guy asked about it. Some of my friends from town asked (they were worried it was domestic violence or something scary) and we all had a big laugh. They know my sons and they know me and they are moms.

So I told the story and they kept guessing who the neighbor was (was she short? Maybe it was Sarah, no, was it Melissa? Was her husband fat?) but I didn't give any other information because I thought it wouldn't do well to have people know how much of a UAV the neighbors were. As mad as I am, I don't like animosity and don't feed gossip.

My dh put a padlock on the back gate and it is secure.

I figure CPS saw the cops report and put it in the circular file. I hope so anyway! The fact that I haven't heard anything has to be good news since if I was a horribly neglectful parent I would hope that CPS wouldn't sit around and hem and haw over it for days on end. So I think I won't have to deal with the intrusion of CPS. I am knocking on wood though!

Haven't seen the neighbor yet but plan to go out with the kids tomorrow morning before the heat of the day and if I see them I can manage to say my piece without being emotional about it.

Mom of two boys (7/05 and 2/09)
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Old 07-20-2009, 07:34 PM
 
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Originally Posted by lness View Post
A thought on why they didn't do anything (just playing devil's advocate here, I still would have grabbed him!) - think about how our society is now. You might not be this way, but look at from their perspective: Your child disappears and when you run outside, you see a strange man down the street, holding him. How would an awful lot of people interpret that? Unfortunately, a lot of people won't touch a child they don't know, even to be helpful, because they're afraid of the reaction.
that's what i was thinking...i will try to redirect but i will rarely touch anyone's child. you never know what some crazies will accuse you of.

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Old 07-20-2009, 07:43 PM
 
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I'm sorry your neighbors reacted that way. I have 2.5 year old twins and Aslan is a houdini. There's nothing like the fear of waking up in the morning and realizing that he isn't in his bed and the back door is cracked open and finding your 2.5 year old nearly naked playing on the neighbor's playset. We have our doors locked and dead bolted with child-proof knobs on them plus a fenced in yard with locks on both gates but he has figured out how to conquer all of them. He manages to sneak out in spite of constant vigilance. I'm glad my neighbors all have gone through the toddler stage and take a helpful, caring approach.
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Old 07-20-2009, 08:25 PM
 
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I think you need to remember we live in a parinoid society. Men and women are affriad to touch kids...that is why HE call the police instead of stopping your child.

Think how bad it would have been if he had grabbed your son and your son start to cry because this strange man had stopped him -- once accused he can never get unaccused.

Not everyone body knows how to redirect a child. Or they can try and it not work. I have tried to redirect with no avial.

It is one of those times you have to think of it as a mixed thanks that they did call not just ignore your child completely.

The woman might be a new enough mom not to understand the houdini child. Actually unless you see it on video tape or you have been there done that you don't get it. ***** I had a friend whose houdini child escaped and got picked up by the police. The police officer took child back to police house called CPS and started looking for parents. When she went to go pick up her child the police and cps was looking for the child in the police station. She had houdinied her self under a desk and fell asleep -- LOL.
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Old 07-21-2009, 11:43 AM
 
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You don't have to grab a running child--at least a small one--to put the brakes on. I probably would not grab another person's child, as in physically put my hands on them, unless it meant literally pulling them out of traffic. But I would and have stopped kids racing away from their parents into harm's way.

Actually, when we were down in Savannah meeting Annika's birthmom for the first time--she was about 8 months pregnant--we were all going out for Mexican food and as we crossed the gravel parking lot, a boy of about two or three sped in my direction. His mom was running after him but she was in heels and he was f.a.s.t. No way was I going to grab a stranger's child, but I just planted myself in front of him in a basketball-style blocking maneuver and in a playful way said, "Now just where do you think you're going? I think your mommy's back there!" He stopped, stared at me like I was a crazy lady, and then looked back in time to see his mom catch up to us and grab him. She was relieved and grateful.

So it's not like their only alternatives were "grab child" or "call police." There are options other than those extremes. Especially since there were two of them, one of them could have tried to head the 2.5-year-old off while the other ran to get purplemoon. Instead, they were both busily calling the cops. How stupid and unhelpful.

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Old 07-21-2009, 12:06 PM
 
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Originally Posted by purplemoon View Post
My dh put a padlock on the back gate and it is secure.
Hey, you just answered my question...I was wondering why there wasn't a padlock on the gate. We have a relatively large unusually shaped yard (there's more yard on the two sides of our house than the back!) But it's completely fensed in. The padlock was what I absolutely insisted on...though DH might grumble about having to undo it every time he mows the lawn...but tough! I've got a three year old who is super strong, super fast and fearless and there is no way (especially when I was pregnant) I could risk him bolting away.

Sounds like, hopefully, the whole drama is behind you though. If it were me, I would definitely talk to those neighbors/send a letter, etc.

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Old 07-22-2009, 02:21 AM
 
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Who are these people with CPS on speed dial?? It makes me sick to my stomach...I see young kids in the worse-off part of my town walking the streets, in the snow of winter, at near night time, no coat on, in canvas shoes with no socks and pants so small for them that they come up to their mid calf....that's who CPS needs to be looking after....not chasing "leads" about parents with three year olds up to mischeif.

I never ceased to be amazed....it would just never ever in a million years, EVER occur to me to call CPS for less than actual abuse...I would never do it and can't manage to cram my brain into that frame of mind. :
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Originally Posted by Cascadian View Post
IME when I screened calls, typically middle class, white collar, educated, professional people call CPS, so it makes sense it's coming from the better neighbourhoods. Some are mandated, some have blinkers on as to anyone living outside of their comfort zone. Many callers in the 'worse' part of town are either hell-bent on some kind of revenge on neighbours or in custody battles. Otherwise, they don't go poking beehives with sticks as it could swing the lens on themselves.
Both of the above posts kind of make a lot of assumptions about people based on income. Perhaps kids in too small clothes have loving parents who are struggling yet still cant make ends meet and would welcome some help in for the form of hand me downs or help filling out applications for foodstamps or maybe they need help paying the waterbill to get it turned back on so that they can bathe thier children. It scares me when we assume that poverty equals neglect. And middle class families often are just better at covering up neglect and abuse when it is present.

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Originally Posted by DocsNemesis View Post
I've had CPS involvement for years because of an escape artist too. My oldest started getting out of the house when he was 3. Twice the cops got called, they called CPS, and at the time, we had this horrible, power hungry social worker. She nitpicked EVERYTHING. I mean, she yelled at me for having a fork (on my plate, which I was using when she showed up)-because he could stab his sister. Seriously.

Anyway, I have CPS involvement now too due to the same kid, who's NINE now, deciding to walk to the gas station to get bug juice. And because he likes to sound big, he decided to brag that he was giving himself his own meds (which he doesnt). Blarg. This time I got a decent worker and after they had been called at least 8 times for various things (the above stuff, as well as due to my neighbor calling anytime my 3 year old has a fit. Thanks.), I was referred to some other program. Its annoying, but at least they dont knitpick.

I sincerly hope that your neighbors child is a little escape artist in a few years too. *evil laugh*
Yeah, cps workers are just people, there are reasonable, rational ones and thier are self important unreasonable incompetent ones and God help you if you get the latter. One of my sisters did and was told flat out that "I will do everything in my power to make sure you never get "S" back becuase he belongs with his own kind". His "own kind" meant black, since he was mixed. She got her white child back. Her other son has spent the last ten years in fostercare hell no matter what we do. I was told flat out that I couldnt have him for the same reason, he needs to be with his own kind. If my sister were such a bad mother, why did she get her older child back? And if shes fit to parent him, why not the younger one? Doesnt make sense.

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Originally Posted by laohaire View Post
I definitely would not have called CPS (nor would it have crossed my mind) but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have grabbed the kid either unless there was imminent danger (kid about to run out onto a street with traffic, for instance).

Everything I've experience in real life, and everything I've read here on MDC, reinforces the point - you do NOT touch or interfere with another person's child.

Frankly I think that even in the case of imminent danger I would more likely than not have to deal with consequences (i.e. I think most parents would yell at me for grabbing a child even in dire circumstances) but that's a risk I'm willing to take when the danger is that great.

It sucks and I hate it but that's just my experience. You never touch another child, unless you know them/their parents well. So, yes, I would be one of those people watching a pregnant woman trying to run after her kid too.
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Mine's a runner and just the other day took off on me, I'm 37 weeks pregnant and COULD.NOT.KEEP.UP. I did run (sort of run) past lots of people pointing and laughing though. Grrr. In that case if someone had physically stopped her I probably would have thanked them profusely, but that's me!
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Originally Posted by bebebradford View Post
I understand your concern, but honestly.. I am always helping other moms with their kids. .. ESP at stores! I'll see a child running away and a mom far behind so I'll just semi block the child and make eye contact with the mom to let her know I'm friendly. LOL I live in a southern town, and the attitude is pretty laid back here. If a child is alone, looks like it could be in danger, etc I always try to help out. If the parent gets mad.. well, I won't loose sleep over it. I just believe Children are precious, and that maternal instinct kicks in.
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Originally Posted by ninsk View Post
All these things really make me sad here in America. People are frozen with fear, paranoid and over protective. I am originally from Russia and children run free with other kids playing in the street. neighbours talk to neighbours and help each other out.

I recently read a sad real story that had happened in GB, I believe. A toddler girl walked away from the kindergarden. The farmer passed by in a truck and didn't stop. he feared people would think he's a pedofile. The girl walked right into the pond and drawned. This is what happens when we are afraid to do the right thing because the culture tell us the opposite.

In my opinion, CPS is given too much power. i have heard of families ruined because of CPS intervention, children taken away from wonderful parents, parents on trials because of the CPS allegations. This system is not working well, something has to change.
To all of the above: my four year old is my runner. Picture this: walmart, really really crowed, he takes off at a dead run and dd wanting to help yells, "Ill catch him!" and takes off after him, causing him to break into peals of laughter as he runs even faster. I grab my two year old becuase I cant just leave him unattended and ditch the cart, purse and all and take off at a dead run after them. Lugging the two year old which is seriously slowing me down. We run through the entire store, across, up then across again until he was getting so close to the door that I was in a dead panic, I mean terror but I could not catch him. Everyone stopped to watch. Finally, I dont know why, he just stopped, I couldnt even grab him, I had to stand there panting, my heart was pounding so hard it literally hurt, I couldnt catch my breath. I was crying. If anyone had grabbed him and stopped him, I would have KISSED them!! I was running blindly thorugh walmart for the love of God, how could all those people not see that I needed help? Had someone called cps because I was "letting" him run through the store I just dont know what I'd do.

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Originally Posted by ginadc View Post
You don't have to grab a running child--at least a small one--to put the brakes on. I probably would not grab another person's child, as in physically put my hands on them, unless it meant literally pulling them out of traffic. But I would and have stopped kids racing away from their parents into harm's way.

Actually, when we were down in Savannah meeting Annika's birthmom for the first time--she was about 8 months pregnant--we were all going out for Mexican food and as we crossed the gravel parking lot, a boy of about two or three sped in my direction. His mom was running after him but she was in heels and he was f.a.s.t. No way was I going to grab a stranger's child, but I just planted myself in front of him in a basketball-style blocking maneuver and in a playful way said, "Now just where do you think you're going? I think your mommy's back there!" He stopped, stared at me like I was a crazy lady, and then looked back in time to see his mom catch up to us and grab him. She was relieved and grateful.

So it's not like their only alternatives were "grab child" or "call police." There are options other than those extremes. Especially since there were two of them, one of them could have tried to head the 2.5-year-old off while the other ran to get purplemoon. Instead, they were both busily calling the cops. How stupid and unhelpful.
Plus, in the ops story, this was a neighbor, perhaps not a best friend, but not a total stranger. I would have no problem stopping a familiar child. Well, or anychild.

I think its sad we wont help each other. Of course when I was eight months (and very obviously) pregnant with my first child I slipped in a spill at the grocery store and FELL. I sat there in the floor while the other shoppers walked around me and made a point not to make eye contact. So I had to figure out how to scoot somewhere with enough support for me to pull myself up with. How could they just walk around me and not one person offered to help me up?

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Old 07-22-2009, 02:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Anglyn View Post
Both of the above posts kind of make a lot of assumptions about people based on income. Perhaps kids in too small clothes have loving parents who are struggling yet still cant make ends meet and would welcome some help in for the form of hand me downs or help filling out applications for foodstamps or maybe they need help paying the waterbill to get it turned back on so that they can bathe thier children. It scares me when we assume that poverty equals neglect. And middle class families often are just better at covering up neglect and abuse when it is present.



Yeah, cps workers are just people, there are reasonable, rational ones and thier are self important unreasonable incompetent ones and God help you if you get the latter. One of my sisters did and was told flat out that "I will do everything in my power to make sure you never get "S" back becuase he belongs with his own kind". His "own kind" meant black, since he was mixed. She got her white child back. Her other son has spent the last ten years in fostercare hell no matter what we do. I was told flat out that I couldnt have him for the same reason, he needs to be with his own kind. If my sister were such a bad mother, why did she get her older child back? And if shes fit to parent him, why not the younger one? Doesnt make sense.









To all of the above: my four year old is my runner. Picture this: walmart, really really crowed, he takes off at a dead run and dd wanting to help yells, "Ill catch him!" and takes off after him, causing him to break into peals of laughter as he runs even faster. I grab my two year old becuase I cant just leave him unattended and ditch the cart, purse and all and take off at a dead run after them. Lugging the two year old which is seriously slowing me down. We run through the entire store, across, up then across again until he was getting so close to the door that I was in a dead panic, I mean terror but I could not catch him. Everyone stopped to watch. Finally, I dont know why, he just stopped, I couldnt even grab him, I had to stand there panting, my heart was pounding so hard it literally hurt, I couldnt catch my breath. I was crying. If anyone had grabbed him and stopped him, I would have KISSED them!! I was running blindly thorugh walmart for the love of God, how could all those people not see that I needed help? Had someone called cps because I was "letting" him run through the store I just dont know what I'd do.



Plus, in the ops story, this was a neighbor, perhaps not a best friend, but not a total stranger. I would have no problem stopping a familiar child. Well, or anychild.

I think its sad we wont help each other. Of course when I was eight months (and very obviously) pregnant with my first child I slipped in a spill at the grocery store and FELL. I sat there in the floor while the other shoppers walked around me and made a point not to make eye contact. So I had to figure out how to scoot somewhere with enough support for me to pull myself up with. How could they just walk around me and not one person offered to help me up?
Those stories just make me sad. I wish my story (and the types like it) were unique. Sadly, the world isn't as kind as I would like it to be.

Mom of two boys (7/05 and 2/09)
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Old 07-22-2009, 02:55 AM
 
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It is ridiculous. All is well that ends well. A good friend of mine had a funny experience. Her six year old daughter answered the door for the pizza delivery guy and told him that her mommy was not home. Of course, Mommy was home, upstairs, and did not know the pizza guy was there (the daughter was waiting for the pizza and he never had the chance to ring the bell).

Well, the pizza guy called the police. My friend opened the door, expecting the pizza guy. The police said they got a call for child neglect. ROFL!

The pizza guy was probably some pitiful inexperienced teenager trying to do the right thing. Luckily, the police dropped it at that point.
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