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#1 of 100 Old 07-22-2009, 11:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Has anyone read this book? A mama i met at a LLL meeting told me about this book...i've checked it out online....and im not sure this is for our family.
Any other mama's used this method for their children? I have 4 kids and my 4yo and 10mo...i've got to do something different with them. We are more or less a unachooling household......no routine at all....we eat when were hungry...fall asleep when we cant stay up anymore....nap time is when the kids fall asleep...no nap times...no dinner times...we just live everyday how ever we...the kids...want. It's working for us...however this here mama...needs some time to her self. Just an hour or so to relax....that's all.
I'd love to hear back from mama's.

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#2 of 100 Old 07-22-2009, 11:52 AM
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I'm pretty sure that's by the Pearls or the Ezzos, I remember the title from discussions of those types of books. I haven't seen the book but I'm betting it's very harsh and not a gentle method, perhaps includes physical punishment for all ages... just my vague memories from previous discussions. I don't think it would fit in with our parenting philosophy at all!
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#3 of 100 Old 07-22-2009, 11:54 AM
 
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Bad news.

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#4 of 100 Old 07-22-2009, 11:56 AM
 
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it's the pearls. they advocate spanking 6 mos old that roll over during diaper changes.

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#5 of 100 Old 07-22-2009, 12:11 PM
 
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I think you should borrow it from her. I will warn you, it probably will make you cry, scream and boil over. If you are a MDC mom,unschooler, unstructured I am pretty sure it isn't for you. They do advocate abuse but don't take my word for it. You need to read it for yourself before you can tell your friend that you have no interest in implementing this method.

On another note if you feel you need a break (who doesn't) there are some changes you can make without compromising your values.

1.put the kids to bed (or atleast in their rooms for quiet time) at a certain time then take a hot bath.

2.get on some sort of routine. It doesn't have to be structured but breakfast, play, walk, lunch, nap, snack, play, dinner, bath, bed is pretty flexible. At nap time you do what you want to do- read a book, internet...

3. Find a babysitter you trust so you and dh can have time (if you are married/partnered- sorry for the assumption if you are not). If you dont want to leave the little one yet put him/her in a sling or stroller and go on a walk.

4. IF you aren't ready for a babysitter use your kids' dad. Go to the store alone, take a nap, whatever. You can't do everything.

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#6 of 100 Old 07-22-2009, 12:12 PM
 
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Oh wow! You have a 15 year old. He can definitely help out. You don't need any Pearl methods but you do need a break. Enlist the older kids to help with the younger ones so you can get some me-time.

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#7 of 100 Old 07-22-2009, 12:17 PM
 
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it's the pearls. they advocate spanking 6 mos old that roll over during diaper changes.
I had to read that twice. SHOCKED.

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#8 of 100 Old 07-22-2009, 12:38 PM
 
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This book made me cry and feel utterly nauseous.

Here's an excerpt.

The Pearls advocate creating alluring environments that are forbidden in order to switch an innocent baby to help "teach" them that no means no. Its sooo sad.

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#9 of 100 Old 07-22-2009, 12:41 PM
 
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OMG he's comparing a child to a dog?????? And OMG she pulls the hair of a biting nursing baby????? This is the single most shocking thing I've read in a long time.

This man needs put in jail.

SANDRA, 41 year old VERY laid-back mama to VERY free range kids Brett (16), Justus (11), Autumn (4), and Ayla (1)... four perfect NCB's! :::
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#10 of 100 Old 07-22-2009, 12:47 PM
 
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OMG he's comparing a child to a dog?????? And OMG she pulls the hair of a biting nursing baby????? This is the single most shocking thing I've read in a long time.

This man needs put in jail.
Sadly this is not even close to the most shocking/disturbing/disgusting thing the Pearl's recommend. Its a very scary view of children and how to "train" them. Its very, very authoritarian (Dad rules, Mom is helpmate, children are taught to obey instantly without fail). Children are basically evil and need to be beaten into submission (literally). Starting before age 1 children are to be beaten with PVC pipe or switch for every single infraction, including innocent things like banging on high chair or crawling off the blanket. Its just sick.
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#11 of 100 Old 07-22-2009, 12:51 PM
 
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You know what irritates me too, about books and advice like this, is they always bring out the Bible.

I'm a Christian. I'm not a "bible-beating, go to church 6 days a week" Christian, but I know I'm saved and heading up when I die... and I also know that my God doesn't want me hurting my children. I hate that fanatics constantly want to say that a good Christian home would involve beating kids every day. That's so not true. Period. Gimme any quote you want, but people forget that the Bible was written by men, interpreted over and over and over again thru thousands of years, and can still be interpreted many different ways (just like I don't believe being homosexual is a sin - MY God wouldn't deny access to heaven to two men who were good people, were saved and loved Him, and never harmed a fly, but allow a mass murderer who "found Him" on his injection death bed right in, KWIM?).

Anyways, no, people who swear God makes them hit their kids need a pass right to the looney bin.

SANDRA, 41 year old VERY laid-back mama to VERY free range kids Brett (16), Justus (11), Autumn (4), and Ayla (1)... four perfect NCB's! :::
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#12 of 100 Old 07-22-2009, 12:55 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mysticmomma View Post
it's the pearls. they advocate spanking 6 mos old that roll over during diaper changes.

::shudder:: I could not fathom having done that to my child.

How ridiculous.

Center
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#13 of 100 Old 07-22-2009, 12:58 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Mamato3wild ponnie View Post
Has anyone read this book? A mama i met at a LLL meeting told me about this book...i've checked it out online....and im not sure this is for our family.
Any other mama's used this method for their children? I have 4 kids and my 4yo and 10mo...i've got to do something different with them. We are more or less a unachooling household......no routine at all....we eat when were hungry...fall asleep when we cant stay up anymore....nap time is when the kids fall asleep...no nap times...no dinner times...we just live everyday how ever we...the kids...want. It's working for us...however this here mama...needs some time to her self. Just an hour or so to relax....that's all.
I'd love to hear back from mama's.
This book is absolutely not approved for use in LLL libraries and is not compatible with LLL philosophy.

As to finding time for yourself, I do think that it would be easier with some routine, even if it's just "every evening, mom has 7-8 pm to herself." My kids and I all resist routine ... and we do so much better when we have one. (Which we really do not at this time, sigh.)
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#14 of 100 Old 07-22-2009, 01:01 PM
 
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Run far, far away from this book. It is awful, awful advice.

You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
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#15 of 100 Old 07-22-2009, 01:48 PM
 
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This book and its authors are bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. Oh, and did I mention that they're bad? And horrible?

Here's a gem from their website:

Quote:
If you or your children have been hit (other than the children being spanked) so as to leave discernable marks two hours later, and you genuinely fear that he will repeat his battering, you can take legal steps without divorcing your husband. In a moment when he is not angry, calmly inform him that the next time he physically assaults you or the kids, you are going to call the law and have him arrested. You must first resolve in your heart that you are willing to prosecute him and see him go to jail. I visit prisons every week. It is a great place to mull over the consequences of one’s deeds. And I have never met a prisoner that turned down a visit from anyone. Think about it, lady; it is a great time for writing love letters and sharing a three-minute romantic phone call once a week. Guys who get out of prison run straight home to their ladies and treat them wonderfully—for a while anyway.
That's right. They tell wives to only call the police if their husband has beaten them repeatedly and it has left marks that are still there hours later. Then you're supposed to use the time he's in jail to romance him and win him back.

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#16 of 100 Old 07-22-2009, 01:49 PM
 
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OMG!!! I read the link and wanted to cry and vomit all at the same time!!!

I agree with Sandra... this man should be locked up!!! Oh Dear God!! Please please please don't let many people follow this book!!!

:cry

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#17 of 100 Old 07-22-2009, 01:50 PM
 
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Here's another lovely idea from the Pearls:

Quote:
But if your husband has sexually molested the children, you should approach him with it. If he is truly repentant (not just exposed) and is willing to seek counseling, you may feel comfortable giving him an opportunity to prove himself, as long as you know the children are safe. If there is any thought that they are not safe, or if he is not repentant and willing to seek help, then go to the law and have him arrested. Stick by him, but testify against him in court. Have him do about 10 to 20 years, and by the time he gets out, you will have raised the kids, and you can be waiting for him with open arms of forgiveness and restitution. Will this glorify God? Forever. You ask, "What if he doesn’t repent even then?" Then you will be rewarded in heaven equal to the martyrs, and God will have something to rub in the Devil’s face. God hates divorce—always, forever, regardless, without exception.
They say that if your husband molests his children that you should give him a chance to repent without calling the police if he's sorry. Yup. And if he isn't sorry or does it again, you should call the police and be waiting with open arms when he comes home again.

Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew.

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#18 of 100 Old 07-22-2009, 01:53 PM
 
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We don't have a routine per se, but we do have a rhythm to our day. Things don't happen at precise times, but similar things do happen day after day. For example after lunch we rest. When the youngest falls asleep (depends on when) then the oldest listens to a story on CD and mom rests (reads, sleeps, whatever). Then when youngest wakes up we play (usually go outside). Nothing is written in stone, and if youngest doesn't sleep, we read stories for awhile. Anyway, that's what works in our family....
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#19 of 100 Old 07-22-2009, 02:07 PM
 
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Wow, I'm scared - I thought this kind of thing went out of style a LONG time ago! Is "obedience" really the best we can hope for from our kids? I guess these people's kids will be in trouble the first time someone they look up to tells them to do something bad...something they wouldn't have done if they hadn't learned unquestioning obedience as the way to get through life.

I'm afraid as soon as I hit "Post" someone's going to hit me with a switch!
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#20 of 100 Old 07-22-2009, 02:12 PM
 
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I've often told people I'm not teaching my children to obey. I'm teaching them to think and do the right thing.

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#21 of 100 Old 07-22-2009, 02:22 PM
 
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Wow, I'm scared - I thought this kind of thing went out of style a LONG time ago! Is "obedience" really the best we can hope for from our kids? I guess these people's kids will be in trouble the first time someone they look up to tells them to do something bad...something they wouldn't have done if they hadn't learned unquestioning obedience as the way to get through life.

I'm afraid as soon as I hit "Post" someone's going to hit me with a switch!
There are no switches here on Mothering

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#22 of 100 Old 07-22-2009, 02:43 PM
 
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I've often told people I'm not teaching my children to obey. I'm teaching them to think and do the right thing.

ITA! This is a very short and to the point way to get across what I believe is my main parenting goal. Can I steal this?

Wife to dh, Mommy to ds1 12/2002, ds2 9/2005, and ds3 9/2008.
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#23 of 100 Old 07-22-2009, 03:06 PM
 
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I was given this book by someone and it's HORRIBLE. They absolutely advocate not just spanking, but bare butt spanking with a switch, spoon or other object. Their advice for night waking was to simply switch them on the legs every time they get out of their bed without saying a word to them and lead them back to bed. I know people who follow this philosophy and needless to say, we don't see them anymore. They use paint sticks (the stirrer things) to spank their children and started doing it as young as 18 months. I also read her book on how to be a "good" wife. Yeah, it's just what you'd expect. Keep your mouth shut, be a good little wifey and let the man do whatever he wants (including visiting hookers) and just suck it up because ulitimately it's your fault. Ugh! These people need to be shot, seriously. I would suggest giving it back with maybe some ap like literature.

As for finding time for yourself, I struggle with it myself, but lately I've been leaving the kiddos with dh and I take the dog for a walk. It gives me a little time to unwind. We're like you, we unschool and we really don't have a schedule at all. We follow our kids cues. I hope you find something that works for you!
I was also given this book. My ILs are fundamentalists and they absolutely live by the Pearls' advice. I read it, and it made me sick. My BIL and SIL have a special 'spanky stick' that they use on our niece and nephew.

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#24 of 100 Old 07-22-2009, 04:08 PM
 
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You know what irritates me too, about books and advice like this, is they always bring out the Bible.

I'm a Christian. I'm not a "bible-beating, go to church 6 days a week" Christian, but I know I'm saved and heading up when I die... and I also know that my God doesn't want me hurting my children. I hate that fanatics constantly want to say that a good Christian home would involve beating kids every day. That's so not true. Period. Gimme any quote you want, but people forget that the Bible was written by men, interpreted over and over and over again thru thousands of years, and can still be interpreted many different ways (just like I don't believe being homosexual is a sin - MY God wouldn't deny access to heaven to two men who were good people, were saved and loved Him, and never harmed a fly, but allow a mass murderer who "found Him" on his injection death bed right in, KWIM?).

Anyways, no, people who swear God makes them hit their kids need a pass right to the looney bin.
I totally agree with you in regard to people cherry-picking Biblical quotes and using them without regard for the Bible as a message of mercy and forgiveness. I think this is abhorrent, especially when used to justify violence against children. However, as a conservative, Bible-believing Christian, I must take issue with the bolded part of your statement, since isn't that what grace is all about--getting something that we don't deserve? Hence, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." I would hope that God would be as open to the repentent murderer as He would to the person who led the church choir (if you remember from the stories of Moses and David, both were murderers!). Seeing as how Jesus (God incarnate) hung out with repentent adulterers, thieves, and murderers himself--I think that's as close an answer to how God feels toward these people as any. The key is repentence. Without realizing that we have turned away from God, we cannot be drawn closer to God. Just a thought.

And to the OP, this is a terrible book! Run, run, run!

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#25 of 100 Old 07-22-2009, 04:15 PM
 
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I've often told people I'm not teaching my children to obey. I'm teaching them to think and do the right thing.

could you talk a bit more about this? I'm really interested , it's so strong in society that children must do as they told and if they do not obey they are naughty. I would like to explore other options other than making my children 'obey'. I often say to my children when I am very tired and exhausted 'you're just not doing as you are told/asked' and feel bad afterwards.

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#26 of 100 Old 07-22-2009, 04:38 PM
 
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I'm shocked, and surprised this is even legal. In Canada, although spanking is permitted on kids age 2 to 12, it is illegal to use any sort of object (like a switch) on your kids.

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#27 of 100 Old 07-22-2009, 04:48 PM
 
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However, as a conservative, Bible-believing Christian, I must take issue with the bolded part of your statement, since isn't that what grace is all about--getting something that we don't deserve? Hence, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." I would hope that God would be as open to the repentent murderer as He would to the person who led the church choir (if you remember from the stories of Moses and David, both were murderers!). Seeing as how Jesus (God incarnate) hung out with repentent adulterers, thieves, and murderers himself--I think that's as close an answer to how God feels toward these people as any. The key is repentence. Without realizing that we have turned away from God, we cannot be drawn closer to God. Just a thought.
Great post - to touch briefly (because I don't want to get away from the OP's intent), the reason I believe this was because of a theology professor I heard give a speech. He believed, interpreted, the Bible a little differently than some do. He thinks the "man laying with man" part that everyone quotes to prove that being homosexual is a sin, is actually referring to man laying with child - pedophiles. He gave about an hour long discussion that backed up what he said, and I really liked it. I always disliked thinking that a person who was a homosexual was such a bad person in the eyes of the Bible - and I prefer to think that this theology professor (a minister too - do they have to be ministers too, I wonder? Eh, I digress) was onto something....

Okay, carry on!

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#28 of 100 Old 07-22-2009, 04:49 PM
 
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I'm shocked, and surprised this is even legal. In Canada, although spanking is permitted on kids age 2 to 12, it is illegal to use any sort of object (like a switch) on your kids.
I wish that were the case here - at least it's a start. I would like to see it ALL made illegal. I think right now the law states "if you don't leave a mark"? That's sick, IMO.

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#29 of 100 Old 07-22-2009, 05:28 PM
 
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I'm shocked, and surprised this is even legal. In Canada, although spanking is permitted on kids age 2 to 12, it is illegal to use any sort of object (like a switch) on your kids.
I really wish it were illegal here as well.

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#30 of 100 Old 07-22-2009, 05:47 PM
 
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i couldn't even read all the excerpts--I am sick!! find another book if you're so inclined to have some kind of schedule.
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