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#1 of 14 Old 01-30-2004, 04:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I know it is normal to want to fiercely protect my child from harm but is it normal to obsess over horrible things that could happen? I read once about a horible thing that happend to alittle toddler by 2 teenagers. I think about this tragedy nightly and weep for that child. I think of terrible things that could happen to my DD if I am vigilant like a hawk. It freaks me out so that I can't sleep. So many awful scenaroios play out in my mind and Iget all worked up. Anyone else obsess like this?

The first rule of homeschooling: water the plants! :
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#2 of 14 Old 01-30-2004, 04:43 PM
 
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Sometimes I am so worried that I regret having my kids, because the intense love I have scares me. But it is just like that song "I would have loved you anyways." by Trisha Yearwood.
Even if I knew I was going to lose one of my kids, I love them so much that I wouldn't want to have missed out on all the joy.

I was so scared at one time that I had a slight case of agoraphobia. (fear of leaving the house or something like that)
I was convinced that I would die in a car accident or something. I still have it, but not to the extremes that I did. But then again, I have issues: :LOL
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#3 of 14 Old 01-30-2004, 04:48 PM
 
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Moving this to Parenting Issues.
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#4 of 14 Old 01-30-2004, 06:37 PM
 
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I think in general we tend to fear, fear itself.

I used to be very panicky about my son. Then he got really sick & was in a life or death situation for almost 2 years.

What I had to finally do was to play the "what if" game. I had to say, "what if he ends up disabled", "what if he dies" etc. I found that once I actually faced it & figured out that my life would keep going on and how richer my life had been to that point because of him, I started to relax and accept life.

As mothers we love these children more than any of us could have even imagined, I think we tend to be a little overprotective, but that's different than being consumed by it.
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#5 of 14 Old 01-30-2004, 06:58 PM
 
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This was one of the "shockers" of motherhood for me. I was always a pretty laid back, non-worrying type.

Then I started seeing danger everywhere.

Watching Law and Order (I was a total junkie beforehand) when it involves kids makes me physically ill. I can't even watch the news half the time.

When DD is out and about, I see danger everywhere. If she walks to close to the top of a set of stairs, I see her plummeting down them, even though she's solid on her feet and doesn't "do" stairs without a helping hand.

Anyways, I used to think I was deranged. But now I just accept that this is the Mama Instinct. It's what you see all mammalian mamas doing whenever you watch the Discovery Channel, lol. All mamas are protective of their little ones, and "imagining what might happen" is not a bad way of making sure we stay that way.

Can't fight Ma Nature, right?

teapot2.GIF Homeschooling, Homesteading Mama to DD ('02) and DS ('04)  ribbonjigsaw.gif blogging.jpg homeschool.gif

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#6 of 14 Old 01-30-2004, 07:50 PM
 
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YES. I could have written that post.
But I think worrying like that and imagining the worst things that could happen is a totally natural part of being a parent. It's the mama protective instinct in overdrive.. (if that makes any sense ?) I think (but don't blame) the media and tv shows exacerbate this worry by reporting all these horrible stories even if it's only a small percentage of people who experience it (again I hope that makes sense) I remember rolling my eyes whevever my mom would worry about me but now I completely understand. You can't make a non parent understand when you try to explain this to them. Recently I was trying to communicate this to a non parent friend of mine and she looked at me sort of blankly and I could tell she didn't really get it. Anyways... ramble ramble.. you're not alone hipbumpkins.
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#7 of 14 Old 01-30-2004, 08:19 PM
 
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I have this problem big-time.

My parents have a habit of threatening to sue us for grandparents "rights." Even though I know they could never really do it, the fear is always there for me that someday I will be in court defending my right to be a parent and to keep my kids safe from them.
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#8 of 14 Old 01-30-2004, 08:41 PM
 
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My mom, a very relaxed mama to five, says that I’m the most relaxed mother she has ever seen! I take this as a compliment.

I still have fears about my child. Sometimes, they are “rational” because they are based on real risks. These involve the car, the swimming pool at the in-law’s house and things like that. I also tend to worry more about emotional things. The first thing that I worried about with my daughter was that she would probably fall in love and have her heart broken. I started worrying about that when she was about 3 weeks old and it is still a huge cause of stress for me.

My most “irrational” fear is that DD will be trapped alone in the house for an extended period of time (like weeks). I contracted this fear from reading a news article that was posted here at MDC about a girl that this actually happened to. This fear is so present in my life that I’ve actually taught Aya to open the pantry and the fridge so that she will have food.

I also have those really dark-nasty type fears but they really come when I’m sleep deprived. For me, this was the only manifestation of sleep deprivation. I got the worst thoughts in my head. I thought I was going crazy…I guess I was.

I think that worrying is definitely *normal* and probably instinctual. But, if you feel like they are out of the range of normal, get some sleep and see if that helps.

The worst news is that, according to my dad, it doesn’t ever go away! I guess we’d better get used to it.

Mama to DD September 2001 and DD April 2011 *Winner for most typos* eat.gif
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#9 of 14 Old 01-30-2004, 08:47 PM
 
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What a pathetic post I just put up! OP, I hope you were looking for commiseration and I hope I didn’t make you feel worse. I reread your OP and I originally posted to say just these two things, Yes, your feelings are normal and that you might benefit from some extra sleep.

Mama to DD September 2001 and DD April 2011 *Winner for most typos* eat.gif
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#10 of 14 Old 01-30-2004, 10:04 PM
 
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I think it's perfectly normal, but it can snowball.

I think about it like this: the immediate danger I need to protect my baby from is the effect this dark thought is having on his mama.

I don't watch television and I am very careful about the other media I consume.

If something slips through and upsets me I let myself cry about it, even if it seems foolish to mourn for strangers.

I am diligent about sleep, eating, and hydration.

The last thing I do to ward off the obsessive bad thoughts is pray. I say to God, I know this is in your hands. I do all I can but I don't have the power to protect my baby from everything. You do. It's in your hands.
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#11 of 14 Old 01-31-2004, 12:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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None of the posts seemed pathetic to me. I really just wanted to make sure that my worrying wasn't out of the range of normal. I don't let my fears keep me inside or keep my DD from exploring safely. I just have these pictures sometimes of horrible stuff even stufff that I haven't heard on the news or seen anywhere just stuff I make up in my head and I wanted to make sure that part alone wasn't a bit insane.

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#12 of 14 Old 01-31-2004, 12:42 AM
 
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I have many times where I envision things happening. I have had some bad feelings come true, and that is why my fear paralyzes me to a point. I have known that somebody was going to die, and that a certain person was going to have a miscarriage, even though nothing indicated that. I had hoped that she was far enough along, that my feelings were wrong that time, but then a call came, and she had just seemingly for no reason lost the pregnancy.
If I didn't have some kind of foresight, I wouldn't worry so much. I just never know which are true.
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#13 of 14 Old 01-31-2004, 03:58 PM
 
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Hi, I have the same types of worries. I think there is something very evolutionarily (is that even a word?!) correct about that... such as the overwhelming urge to go check on your child while sleeping or that something is not right because it's too quiet. Or you worry about a hazard in your yard (a well, a stream, a busy road) but that also makes you hyper-alert to any potential for danger in those areas, and you prevent something bad from happening because of it.

I also wanted to add something else, too. I worked for 4 years in a world-renowned anxiety disorders clinic specializing in, among other things, OCD! Whenever we were doing research studies, and had to interview and test "normal control subjects", you'd be amazed at how many "normal" people are preoccupied with obsessive thoughts much of the day.

Here's the delineator, though. If your obsessive thoughts (fears) are consistently interfering in your life or that of your family, and/or, the fears/thoughts you are having are extremely distressing to you, then you may have a problem. Otherwise, it's very common and nothing to worry about. In fact, as I wrote, it is thought to be very self- (and child-) preserving in many cases!!
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#14 of 14 Old 01-31-2004, 10:36 PM
 
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Bladestar5 - I have had the same thing happen to me several times. Known about things happening like deaths, before they happen- or as they are happening. And then when I have these thoughts, like when dh is leaving for work- and I worry about him getting into a car accident, I never know if the thought will be true or not. It is very unnerving. VERY unnerving. I worry about dd sometimes, I also have to be wary of the media. I can't handle the violence. With dd I think, it is more of a fear that because my love for her is so strong, I would fall apart and never be the same if I lost her. It must be exhausting to feel that way for your child's entire life. Maybe I should be nicer to my own mother. :LOL
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