Other kids pushing/hitting... Am I doing this right? - Mothering Forums

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Old 08-13-2009, 07:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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DS is very social and friendly, and also very mild-mannered. But he's very nosy and curious, too, and frequently picks up snack cups or toys that belong to other kids without any real sense that they're not his to have. (He's only 19 mos, so no concept of needing to ask yet.)

One boy he sees quite a bit has decided he doesn't like DS b/c DS is always lurking around, picking up his toys and snacks. The boy is a bit older, and a very good kid. But today DS went up to him and the boy pushed him down. His mom didn't see, and a few other moms chastised the boy. DS was fine, didn't cry, just a little puzzled, and was ready to keep on playing with the boy. I just let it go, b/c no one got hurt. Even though the mom made him apologize, it really didn't matter.

This happens to DS A LOT. He's small for his age, and frequently the youngest in the group anyway. I generally don't even go over to him when it happens, unless he's hurt or scared, and then he comes and finds me if I don't see him first. Is it wrong of me to blow these incidents off? They don't seem to bother him, so I figure I shouldn't make them into a bigger deal than they are... Am I wrong?
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Old 08-13-2009, 07:47 PM
 
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Originally Posted by swd12422 View Post
I generally don't even go over to him when it happens, unless he's hurt or scared, and then he comes and finds me if I don't see him first. Is it wrong of me to blow these incidents off? They don't seem to bother him, so I figure I shouldn't make them into a bigger deal than they are... Am I wrong?
That's exactly what I do. It's normal behavior for any child to push or hit at some point, and to make it an event would be to draw attention to it.

I don't make it a big deal. I could be annoying and try to lecture the child or the parent but it would be pointless and make me look like an overbearing overprotective mom, neither of which I am!

SANDRA, 41 year old VERY laid-back mama to VERY free range kids Brett (16), Justus (11), Autumn (4), and Ayla (1)... four perfect NCB's! :::
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Old 08-13-2009, 07:50 PM
 
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one unintended consequence is that he may perceive pushing as a normal behavior--and when he is no longer the smallest child, he may push other kids.

It might be difficult to explain to him then that "we don't push" because he has been pushed his whole little life.

I would walk over, help him up and just ask, "are you okay? We don't push, I hope you are alright." Or something to that effect.

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Old 08-13-2009, 08:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I do talk to him after we're done playing and tell him how proud I am of him that he doesn't push or hit, but I am concerned that one of these days he is going to become the aggressor b/c it does happen so often. Today, I looked down and he was holding onto another kid's arm and not letting go, and I told him to be gentle. Turns out, he was defending himself against a very aggressive kid (I've never seen him before).
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Old 08-13-2009, 08:20 PM
 
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You also need to stop him from grabbing kids' stuff. With kids you see regualrly,ncurage them to tellhim not total their stuff,or get your attention. You need to be close enough to hear and step in when another child says for him to leave something alone,of course. Your son won't really understand yet,I don't think.

This is normal for that age though. I work in childcare at a gym,so with the wide age range there, I deal with this A LOT. The "older"littles (like 2-1/2-4) get frustrated,understandably. They get in trouble for grabbing toys,and the younger kids get redirected if anything. Then,the older ones tend to take matters into their own hands. Giving them ways to handle it,and being close to intervene right away works best.
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