Do you ever wish you were normal? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 51 Old 08-14-2009, 01:21 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Normal...meaning "mainstream"

I don't know about you all, but I feel like I get a lot of attention for the AP/NFL stuff. I'm guessing you do, too! I'm talking about CDing, nursing past infancy (or nursing, period! haha), starting solids later, extending RFing, etc. I'm a pretty quiet person, and I don't like to be the center of attention. Last time I was at a Girls' Night Out with some friends, I ended up talking the entire time to all 15 women about my natural births.....THEY JUST KEPT ASKING AND TALKING ABOUT IT!!! I'm proud of the way we have chosen to live and raise our kids, but sometimes, I just wish the way we did things would not come as a surprise every...single....time someone "finds out" those things.

Do you all ever feel like that?

SAHM to DS1 (8/5/05), DS2 (3/20/07), DS3 (11/26/08), D?4 (Aug 2010) and (4/06) We CD, get adjusted , don't vax, and don't circ (post DS1.)
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#2 of 51 Old 08-14-2009, 01:30 AM
 
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Nope. Never.....at least so far.

Well, on second hand, it might be nice to have some alone time with dh without kids around but I don't leave non-verbal children with babysitters and I have no family anywhere near me....so, in this regard, I wish I was more mainstream in terms of being comfortable leaving my kids in childcare. Otherwise, no.

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#3 of 51 Old 08-14-2009, 01:31 AM
 
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I wish that AP was considered to be the "normal" or "mainstream" way. But mostly, I take secret delight in shocking folks with my crazy ways.

SAHM to DD (6/07) and DS (10/09); happily married to DH since 2/04 .
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#4 of 51 Old 08-14-2009, 01:36 AM
 
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Originally Posted by spmamma View Post
I wish that AP was considered to be the "normal" or "mainstream" way. But mostly, I take secret delight in shocking folks with my crazy ways.
:

Totally in love with my sweet dd (March/09)
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#5 of 51 Old 08-14-2009, 01:36 AM
 
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I wish that AP was considered to be the "normal" or "mainstream" way. But mostly, I take secret delight in shocking folks with my crazy ways.
There is a part of me that does too!

"To err is human, to forgive, canine." - Unknown
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#6 of 51 Old 08-14-2009, 02:29 AM
 
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I am normal or, I should say, I'm not unusual among the people I hang out with.

It helps that I met most of my mom friends at LLL and babywearing meetings.

Joy wife to DH, mom to DS1 (4/2005): DD (5/2007) : : DS2 (1/2009 :
I do what works and when it stops working, then I do something else.
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#7 of 51 Old 08-14-2009, 02:41 AM
 
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*sigh* sometimes I think I would have more friends and connect with others more if I were more mainstream!

I live in a small town, and just haven't found any Moms I can connect with about what is important to my family -- preserving the innocence of our child (Waldorf), limiting media exposure, feeding our daughter healthy, real food...

If I just introduced my daughter to Hanna Montana and let her eat more animal crackers, maybe I would fit in more at playgroup! ; )
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#8 of 51 Old 08-14-2009, 07:52 AM
 
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I reckon we are the normal ones! It's definitely not easy to go against the flow but you'll be surprised at how many people would admire you for your parenting choices. They may not outwardly admit it of course. But real friends will respect you for who you are, and the rest would just think you're nuts. I think it's a matter of perspective on our part as well. Being so convinced of our decisions that it doesn't matter what people think or say anymore.

to you who swim against the tide for the good of your children!

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#9 of 51 Old 08-14-2009, 09:32 AM
 
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No......I've never wished to be like the rest of our (current) town.
After living in so many different places, and meeting other families who have or still do live aboard boats, and having lived in a neat little shoreside community (which had....a Waldorf school!) we've met and learned so much from so many people who share our parenting beliefs and practices.
But......fast forward to present day and we find ourselves in a suburban, competitive, fadish, money driven, every man, woman, child for him/herself hell.
I would never want to be like these, so called normal people. Having tried (and oh did I try) to befriend, fit in, or even just join but hang on the outskirts of thier playgroups, swim classes, library groups, nursery schools, and coffee groups I realized that it just wasn't going to happen, I was wasting my time and cheating myself and my children of our gentle, laid back way of life.
I did get the initial "you do WHAT? " conversations where I would be asked question after question about our life...but in the end, that just drove a further wedge between myself and the moms, as well as my children and theirs.
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#10 of 51 Old 08-14-2009, 09:36 AM
 
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I find as your children age, it becomes less obvious that you are not "normal".

But even now, I've got an Aspergers kiddo and care very much how he's treated, educated, etc - so I'm still having to put myself out there and yep, I'm still pretty different than most people.

Oh well - what matters most to me is that I raise a happy, secure, well adjusted child - if other people think I'm wierd because I"m not mainstream, I honestly could care less.

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#11 of 51 Old 08-14-2009, 10:00 AM
 
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For me, I wish that AP style was more mainstream. I don't wish to be "normal" but I do wish I had more people around me that held the same parenting beliefs.

I also live in an area that is very competetive, fadish, and crazy over scheduling young toddlers and preschoolers in every sort of class they can find. I am always told that I am harming my children by not signing up for this and that. I do wish I had more people to identify with, and keep reminding myself that I am not burning my child out.

I must say though that I am very happy how confident, independent, and caring my five year old has become. I cannot replace that!
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#12 of 51 Old 08-14-2009, 10:02 AM
 
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I think what *I* do IS normal, what THEY do is NOT. No doubt about it.

SANDRA, 41 year old VERY laid-back mama to VERY free range kids Brett (16), Justus (11), Autumn (4), and Ayla (1)... four perfect NCB's! :::
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#13 of 51 Old 08-14-2009, 10:02 AM
 
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I don't care about being normal or not (despite my black lipstick in high school ). I do what I think is right for my family. But, I agree with the PPs that I wish natural family living and AP were a little more mainstream, because I get angry and sad and frustrated by what other people do. I wish I could mind my own business a little better, but I've always been a little too nosy for my own good.

Stacey teaching teens to read & write... Daddy plays ska, DD1 (7/05) loves trees & princesses, & DD2 (3/10) loves mommy-milk! Please get your kids tested for lead.
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#14 of 51 Old 08-14-2009, 10:08 AM
 
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This morning, actually. I am off to do battle with the lovely ladies at the WIC office. We are in a tight spot, so we need the vouchers but they act like I am neglectful and abusive because we don't vax on schedule. I have actually been denied vouchers for this in the past, so I'm armed with a paper stating they can't deny me due to vax status. So yeah, some days I do.
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#15 of 51 Old 08-14-2009, 10:09 AM
 
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OP, I get what you are saying. It would be easier sometimes to just do things the way everyone else does. Being a "freak" gets tiring sometimes.

But in the end I wouldn't change a thing about what we do.

It gets especially hard when my own parents ask me to stop being so different and beg me to stop making my children so weird. I think I embarrass my Dad with my "hippy" ways.

mistymama, there is nothing like having a kid with special needs to put a spot light on your alternative choices, huh? Our youngest has down syndrome and even the other Ds families think we are weird.

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#16 of 51 Old 08-14-2009, 10:12 AM
 
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Yes and no. I do feel frustrated and weary sometimes dealing with opposition from family about, well, everything.

But this is and always has been the story of my life, so I should be used to it by now!

If you're born a salmon, what else are you going to do but swim upstream?
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#17 of 51 Old 08-14-2009, 10:17 AM
 
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I feel that being a crunchy momma is becoming more "normal" (horrible term), and even trendy as of late. I mean look how many momma's are here! It's awesome!
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#18 of 51 Old 08-14-2009, 10:22 AM
 
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If you're born a salmon, what else are you going to do but swim upstream?
I love this!

My family calls me a green apple, the one that stands out in the group of red ones.

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#19 of 51 Old 08-14-2009, 11:23 AM
 
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mistymama[/B], there is nothing like having a kid with special needs to put a spot light on your alternative choices, huh? Our youngest has down syndrome and even the other Ds families think we are weird.
Oh yeah, spotlight is the perfect word. Sometimes that's not always a bad thing though - Back when ds was in early intervention his OT thought all his cloth diapers were just the coolest things. I ran into her a few weeks ago at the grocery store and guess what? She has a new baby and showed me her adorable little cloth diaper!

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#20 of 51 Old 08-14-2009, 12:32 PM
 
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I'll step out and agree that sometimes I wish I could just have the convenience and ease of the mainstream lifestyle. (like not having a writhing toddler waking me up half the night or being able to feed her convenience foods and not even really know they are bad for her.)
But I do know why I do these things and even though they can be harder sometimes when I'm tired and feeling lazy I always feel better when I make the choice to do things the way my heart is telling me to.

Thanks for asking, though, because I was starting to feel like a lame-o about it!
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#21 of 51 Old 08-14-2009, 12:39 PM
 
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I'm not the abnormal one. I wish that other people would learn to make their own choices! 90% of the time if you ask someone why they do something 'mainstream' the answer is "thats how its done" or "they recommended it" When did we stop thinking on our own?

It happens in the AP world too. Heaven forbid you don't eat organic (which I think is a crock) or get one of those amber teething necklaces (which I think are a safety hazard) or take a million fish oil hoodoo vitamins, (I prefer to get my nutrients from healthy eating, and not eating soy based everything) kwim?

to each their own,

I'm crunchy... Like a Dorito.
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#22 of 51 Old 08-14-2009, 03:08 PM
 
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I don't wish I was normal but I admit that it would be easier. It would be a lot less research, less label reading, less money maybe. I am glad I have learned what I have and make the choices I make because I think it makes me the best mom I can be.

I have boys! My first baby boy was born 10/08 and my second baby boy was born 7/12

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#23 of 51 Old 08-14-2009, 03:26 PM
 
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When I was first developing friendships with other mom's, the topics of children, child birth, and parenting came up a lot. I think that is because being a mom is what we had in common. Now that we have established our friendships these topics almost never come up except if we are griping about something our children did that really pushed our buttons. Something that really seemed to helped when I didn't want to talk about parenting was saying something that got the message across that I really needed a break from talking about children and was eager to focus on adult related topics right from the start of our outing. It has also helped for me to see that my friends have the same struggles and self doubt that I do from time to time. They don't have life easier just because they do things the mainstream way, parenting is just hard sometimes, it is hard to be told no by a child, it is hard to get up and care for another person day in and day out without a break, it is hard to stay patient and kind to a person who says you are mean and they hate you because you won't spend your food money on candy and toys and accepting that parenting (and relationships in general) are sometimes hard as reality rather than as a sign that I am a failure as a mother really helps me to continue with the parenting that I feel is right.
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#24 of 51 Old 08-14-2009, 03:41 PM
 
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This is why I joined Mothering! I got run off from other mainstream moms, seriously. We are very AP, organic, crunchy, and co-sleepers and I always felt like the oddball until I found this place. I am proud of who I am, I don't put others down for their decisions, but I will stand by my decisions so yeah I think it would be easier, but would not be as happy in the long run.

~ SAHM with two girls (3/9/06) and (7/1/07) and always remembering my angel (3/17/06)~
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#25 of 51 Old 08-14-2009, 04:00 PM
 
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Quote:
Do you ever wish you were normal?
Normal...meaning "mainstream"
no. i do what i do. i make good choices based on good information and thoughtful consideration. i have good reasons for what i do. other people have their own reasons for what they do.

Katie
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#26 of 51 Old 08-14-2009, 04:33 PM
 
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Sometimes I do...although it's more like I wish everyone else was AP.

I'm a Christian and I wish I could have some Christian mama friends, specifically ones that attend my church, but I found out through the women's Bible study I took last year that they love Ezzo and FF and everything else mainstream. At first I enjoyed the shock factor when everyone found out I do most everything different, but that wore off quickly and then I felt judged and written off as a crazy. I want to do MOPS this year but I if I have to hear someone praising Ezzo as a genius and a Godsend again I might break down.

Wife to dh and mommy to dd1 (3/07), ds (1/10), and dd2 (any day now)!

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#27 of 51 Old 08-14-2009, 07:24 PM
 
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I do sometimes. (wish I wasn't always the odd mom out)
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#28 of 51 Old 08-14-2009, 08:06 PM
 
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i don't really think about it. i don't label myself (i don't think i fit in either category anyway.) i don't label anyone else either. we're all mothers/fathers to me.

wife to wonderful dh_malesling.GIF mama of three-DS1 born December 30, 2005 and DS2 born September 27, 2008 and one lovely little girl born September 7, 2011jumpers.gif

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#29 of 51 Old 08-14-2009, 08:32 PM
 
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Yeah, I know what you mean, OP. The other moms in my dd's playgroup looked at me with wide eyes when I switched to cloth diapers and they kept asking me about it, over and over, like, did you really do that, how much laundry is it, blah, blah, blah. I kept my mouth shut about the co-sleeping and making my own babyfood and all that. Oh yeah, and if I show up somewhere with one of my babies in a carrier other than a Baby Bjorn, people are all like, "what is that, where did you get such a thing". For God sakes, they sell moby wraps and maya wraps everywhere, people.
I love my friends and all, but I am clearly the most "crunchy" one of the bunch, which is ironic to me because there is lots of stuff that I do that is considered "mainstream". But whatever, I do what works best for my family and I try to do right by my kids.
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#30 of 51 Old 08-14-2009, 10:22 PM
 
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I definitely do at times. It took us 6 years of ttc to get pregnant - that whole time I felt so left out & awkward around my friends. Now I'm finally allowed membership into "the mommy club" & I'm doing everything different, so I still feel left out & awkward with the bonus of everyone thinking I'm judging them 'cause I didn't follow their example.

Surviving sleep deprivation one day at a time with dd (Oct '11) & ds (Oct '08).

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