I lost my child today. I am the worst mother ever! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 61 Old 08-15-2009, 11:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am just sick. Today we were at my older daughter's cheerleading jamboree. at the local high school football stadium. I was on the field taking pictures. My husband decided to go find us a seat. He thought our 3 year old was still with me. I thought she went with him. She did follow him but never saw him sit down. From what she told me, she was walking around lcrying looking for him. A police officer and his wife spotted her and had them to call over the speaker that a little girl in a pink shirt was lost. It never registered with me or dh that it could be our child. We each thought the other one had her. They finally announced her name over the speaker. I could have vomitted. Poor little baby was scared to death. Besides the trauma of losing my child, I am terribly embarrassed that I could have done this. So now I imagine everyone thinks that I am the irresponsible mother who can't keep up with her 4 kids.

I have promised our little one that dh and I will communicate better in the future so this won't happen again. She said, "It's ok mommy, the police officer was nice. He didn't shoot me."

So I get the Worst Mother of the Day Award.

Please be gentle with me, I am already beating myself up.

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#2 of 61 Old 08-15-2009, 11:34 PM
 
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Forgive yourself -- you've got a plan for it to not happen again.

Even the New Testament has a similar story, so you know it's been happening to families for ages! You are not the worst mother ever.

Mom to : July 2007 and : August 2009!
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#3 of 61 Old 08-15-2009, 11:42 PM
 
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((hugs))

I can totally imagne that happening to DH and Me.

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#4 of 61 Old 08-15-2009, 11:45 PM
 
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That is TOTALLY something that I would do and something that can (and does) happen to lots of people, not that it makes it any less horrible and scary when it happens to you. Try to forgive yourself.

The reason you are as upset as you are is because you are a GREAT mother.
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#5 of 61 Old 08-15-2009, 11:48 PM
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That is TOTALLY something that I would do and something that can (and does) happen to lots of people, not that it makes it any less horrible and scary when it happens to you. Try to forgive yourself.

The reason you are as upset as you are is because you are a GREAT mother.
:


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#6 of 61 Old 08-15-2009, 11:54 PM
 
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You're a fine mother. It does happen and you know what? The world is actually a good place most of the time and it all turns out okay. Like today.

Also, given the state of clothing today, announcing she was in pink was not helpful. :-)

~ Mum to Emily, March 12-16 2004, Noah, born Aug 2005, Liam, born January 2011, and wife to Carl since 1994. ~
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#7 of 61 Old 08-15-2009, 11:55 PM
 
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When people heard your name being announced, i can almost guarantee you they were NOT thinking "oh what a horrible mother how could she lose her child??" but rather thinking about the time THEY lost their child, or when they almost did, or being so glad that didnt happen to them (but totally recognizing that it *could*)....we've all been there, or will be there....its so so scary when it happens to you.

Katherine, single homeschooling mom to Boy Genius (17) geek.gif  Thing One (6) and Thing Two (6) fencing.gif and one outgoing Girl (12) bikenew.gif and hoping for more through foster care and adoption homebirth.jpgadoptionheart-1.gif 
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#8 of 61 Old 08-16-2009, 12:03 AM
 
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My little girl got lost today, too.

We were at a congregation event today, everyone in their dress clothes. At lunch, dh brought the 2 older kids (9 and 7) to the lunch room to meet me (I had the baby). I asked him where dd (7 yrs) was and he thought she was right behind him! I went to look for her (small room) and as I was exiting the lunch room she was coming in. Tears in her eyes, running down her cheeks, etc.

Dh felt awful!! Dd was ok, just scared. She didn't see him turn left, so she kept going straight and when she didn't see him, she headed back to the lunch room. We knew probably 1/3 of the ppl there, but dd doesn't know them all (some we've known since before she was born and we don't live in the same area anymore), so she didn't realize she could approach someone for help.

I'm glad your girl was ok!! You're not a bad mom.

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#9 of 61 Old 08-16-2009, 12:07 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you everyone for the support. It means alot.

HarperRose- Sorry your dd got lost too! I am glad both of our girls are safe tonight.

Wife of 20 years to my superhero firefighting DH. SAHM to 2 boys and 2 girls (3 babies in Heaven- Baby # 5 5/2010 & Baby #6 8/2011 & Baby # 7 2/1013). Cancer Survivor 2011 ( Persistent Malignant Gestational Trophoblastic Disease)

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#10 of 61 Old 08-16-2009, 12:13 AM
 
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It sounds like it was a rough day for all three of you- I am so sorry that y'all went through that. And of course you're not a bad mom!!! Something like that could happen to ANYONE!


Actually, that did happen to my neice at Disney World this past November. They were going on Thunder Mtn Railroad..... my sis thought she was staying off the ride with grandma.... grandma thought she went on the ride with my sis...... Scary all around.

Sleepy mama to Colin Theodore 8-12-08 and Trevor Arthur 7-17-12.

 

 

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#11 of 61 Old 08-16-2009, 12:13 AM
 
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I can't think of a single parent who hasn't lost track of their child at some point. It happens. It doesn't make you a bad mom it just makes you human. The important parts are that she is safe and that you and your Dh have devised a plan to keep it from happening again.

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#12 of 61 Old 08-16-2009, 12:48 AM
 
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I've lost three of mine (the fourth is only 7 weeks old) at least once. The first time was exactly what you describe. We each thought the other had him. By the time we realized that wasn't the case, he'd wandered out of the campsite...and started an independent tour of a 200+ site campground. Scary.

DD1 slipped out the patio gate, when ds1 didn't latch it behind him, and dh and I both thought he had, so we let her out. Scary, too.

DS2 just opened the door and left while I was upstairs one morning. He wasn't gone that long, but it was terrifying to realize he could leave while I was asleep (I wans't that time).

Our friend's youngest son once wandered off at the World Expo. That was pretty freaky, too.
Kids get lost. It's happened to every parent I know.

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
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#13 of 61 Old 08-16-2009, 12:55 AM
 
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Awww- it happens to the best of us. My little one is only 14 months and i havent lost her yet but i am sure that day will come. Especially the way she runs

Heck i can remember my mum loosing me a couple of times.
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#14 of 61 Old 08-16-2009, 02:01 AM
 
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Hmmm...DH and I went to a massive reunion last month. It was an outside picnic with folks that had graduated from this school from anytime in the past 50 years, so LOTS of people everywhere. I gave him the baby and made it CLEAR he 'had' her, and I didn't. I went to go reconnect with friends, and about 30 minutes later wandered back to DH.

He didn't have the baby.

He thought I had come and scooped her up, I (of course) thought he had her. We were FRANTIC looking everywhere. There's a lake RIGHT by all of this picnic area and I was hysterical thinking she'd fallen in or been stolen. I'm walking up and down aisles of tables sweeping the ground with my eyes, looking for her walking around or under a table. I walked past this picnic table (there were about 100 tables in rows of about 10) and I hear this woman's voice say "Can you imagine, there's no one even LOOKING for you, you poor dear"

I spun around and she was holding my baby!! I said OH YES I AM! And scooped her up right away, the lady wagged her finger at me and said something about me having more common sense than to let a baby wander around for 15 minutes by herself!

Ummm. right, because that's what I do. Just let her wander off. OMG!

The rest of the afternoon she was giving me and DH weird looks. Ugh! I felt like the WORST mother EVER! And it wasn't even my fault!!

DH ended up getting her backpack and wearing her for the rest of the picnic. We were both MUCH happier

Anyways, just wanted you to know it happens to everyone. I'm glad it all ended well!

(hugs)

GOOD moms let their kids lick the beaters. GREAT moms turn off the mixer first!
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#15 of 61 Old 08-16-2009, 02:02 AM
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Aww don't feel bad, she's safe and we've all done it.
I lost Ds#2 one day in the front yard (18mths old)! We have it all fenced in, and the phone rang, I ran in and was looking out the kitchen window and looking at this toddler across the street playing on the building site of the house being built. He sqeezed between the gate and the fence post.
I thought "Wow look at that little kid, what kind of parent lets a little one play on a building site" Then It dawned on me, I screamed and dropped the phone, scared the crap out of my Mom who was 5000 miles away on the other end.
He was fine, we called Mom back to let her know, no one was injured.
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#16 of 61 Old 08-16-2009, 02:14 AM
 
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DS1 is tall for his age and had zero difficulty reaching and unlocking the deadbolt on our front door. One morning, he got up way early while DS2 and I were still sleeping, and just LEFT. DH (works nights) came home a little after 6:00 a.m. and peeped into the kids' rooms like always, and DS1 was just gone. I was awaken by our bedroom door flying open with a crash and DH frantically asking me if DS1 was in bed with me. DH called the cops, and as it turns out, a couple of police officers out on patrol had already found him half a mile from our house! From what I gather from what DS1 and the cops told me when they brought him home, DS1 was too shy to talk, so one cop gave him a ride on his shoulders and they went door to door trying to figure out where the heck this kid came from. I was SO freaked out.

It happens, mama. It really does.

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#17 of 61 Old 08-16-2009, 02:15 AM
 
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Don't be so hard on yourself! Losing kids happens, unfortunately. DP and I haven't been through it yet (knock on wood!) but DD is only 8mo, so we have plenty of time lol.

I got lost when I was little. On vacation at Universal Studios in California. I was on a maze with one of my brothers and a cousin, they ended up going too far ahead of me. I went out of a different exit than they did, and couldn't find my family. I found me a security guard, he took me to lost and found, and they made an announcement. It was pretty scary, but I got over it.


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our baby girl (12/2008)
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#18 of 61 Old 08-16-2009, 04:39 AM
 
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Hey, if you read the Bible, the same thing happened to Mary and Joseph when they took Jesus to the temple.

If the Blessed Virgin Mary can lose her son (she thought Joseph had him, Joseph thought she had him and they traveled for DAYS), and still be considered a saint, I think you're OK.

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#19 of 61 Old 08-16-2009, 05:15 AM
 
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Awww, you'd have to do a lot more to be the worst mother of the day (or hour for that matter). I think this happens to everyone at least once when raising a child. It's terribly scary, but everything worked out.

When SIL was little, DH's family lost her in a CASINO in Las Vegas. What was awesome? After they found her, they found Aunt J playing slots instead of looking for her. Good times, huh?
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#20 of 61 Old 08-16-2009, 05:20 AM
 
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Big hugs to you! When I read the title I thought your baby died. What a relief. Still I am sure that I would be sick over the whole thing and crying for days anyways.
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#21 of 61 Old 08-16-2009, 08:48 AM
 
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don't beat yourself up. I know at least 10 people this has happened to and most of us have had it happen with more than one child....this does not make you a bad mother. not at all. even a little bit. these things happen. all.the.time.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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#22 of 61 Old 08-16-2009, 10:31 AM
 
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Originally Posted by queenjane View Post
When people heard your name being announced, i can almost guarantee you they were NOT thinking "oh what a horrible mother how could she lose her child??" but rather thinking about the time THEY lost their child, or when they almost did, or being so glad that didnt happen to them (but totally recognizing that it *could*)....we've all been there, or will be there....its so so scary when it happens to you.
This completely! I'm so glad that you are all back together. It happens and you're not a bad mom!

 
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#23 of 61 Old 08-16-2009, 11:19 AM
 
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This happened two years ago to me. We were at our company picnic and DH and I were talking with a co-workers as the kids ran a continuous circle in and out of this bouncy obstacle thing. My DD came out one time and instead of going back in she walked off not realizing where she was. She had a name tag on with her name and my name on it so when they found her they took her to the DJ booth can called out over the loud speaker for us. It was the most terrifying 10 minutes of our lives.
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#24 of 61 Old 08-16-2009, 11:38 AM
 
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Do you have a plan that you tell your kids to follow if they get lost?

When I was little, any time we went somewhere with a lot of people, my dad would choose an obvious landmark - something thats easy to find like a fountian or tower or something, and if any of us got lost we were to go to that spot. This rule applyed for everyone, like if my dad wandered off and couldnt find the rest of us or something. (he likes to stop and look at random things!).
We used this 'plan' from the time my sister was about 2 and it worked really well, even as adults we still use it!


Also, the other plan was to find someone 'who works here' (at places like theme parks, stores etc), in places where a 'landmark' wouldnt work as well, or if you forgot where the landmark was (although we always picked something big and obvious).

My sister was a major wanderer - once we were in switzerland (or maybe it was paris - I forget, somewhere in europe!) and taking trains everywhere - my sister was about 6, she ran ahead of us to get on the train, and just got on a random one, and right when she got on the doors closed! My mom, dad and I were kinda stuck behind people, it was crowded, my dad was banging on the doors yelling 'get off at the next stop'.
We went to find out where that train was going, which took some time b/c of all the people in the way. We finally found another train going to the same first stop, and got on that one.
It took at least an hour for us to get to that station which was also very big and crowded, lucky for us my sister got off at that stop, and was sitting on her suitcase under the big sign that said the name of the station (which was the landmark we had set at the other station 'the big sign' - she remembered!).
She was crying, but fine. Some old lady had stayed with her (my sister said she was crying too when the doors closed!)

Now that one was really scary!
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#25 of 61 Old 08-16-2009, 12:31 PM
 
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It happens ((HUGS))
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#26 of 61 Old 08-16-2009, 02:43 PM
 
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Don't beat yourself up too much. Like the other mamas, I have my own "I lost my child" story, only I sort-of started it. We ran to Wal-mart (I know, bad place, but it was close to home!) to get cat food and litter, and as I'm grabbing the bags to put in the cart, she said she needed to go to the bathroom. No biggie, give me 5 seconds to get the last bag in the cart and we'll go. She's doing "the dance" and says she has to go now. At that point, I have the bag of littler off the bottom shelf, up in my arms, I just need to settle it in the cart, right? So I tell her she can start walking that direction (it wasn't that far to the front of the store and the bathrooms, and she was 8 at the time) and I would be right behind her. I head that direction, and don't see her directly, so I figured she literally ran to the bathroom. So I park the cart in front of the bathroom and wait.....and wait.....go inside and check the sstalls and there's no shoes like hers. I start panicking, go back to the pet department, she's not there, start to the back where there's another set of bathrooms.....and here comes DD, hand in hand with a blue vested employee. She went to the ones in the back because there was a wet floor sign by the front ones so she thought that meant they were closed. So she went to the ones in the back, and then couldn't remember how to get back to the pet section to see if I was still there. She told me that she asked an employee where to go, because "even though they're strangers, if they're wearing the blue vests then they know where I need to go." Thankfully it was quick, but was still the scariest probably 2 minutes of my life so far!

Angie, proud Army wife to Dan, mom to Kat (4/00) and Gracie (11/09)!!
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#27 of 61 Old 08-16-2009, 02:54 PM
 
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My parents lost me when I was about 5. We were getting off of a train and they thought my grandparents had me. I wasn't sure what to do but knew where the parking lot was, on the other side of where we had come off, and decided to go across the tracks right in front of the train! It starting moving just seconds after I moved away. Yikes!

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#28 of 61 Old 08-16-2009, 03:16 PM
 
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So I get the Worst Mother of the Day Award.
No, not at all. Your daughter did everything right. that reflects on YOU.

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#29 of 61 Old 08-16-2009, 03:29 PM
 
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How scary! Everyone here is right -- it happens, and it's not your fault. We had neighbors who woke up at least 3 times a week to find their front door open and their 3-year-old gone. Finally one morning (at 2am), they got a knock on their door from another neighbor, who had insomnia, went downstairs, and happened to see the little boy wandering naked in their front yard. Apparently, he'd been leaving the house not at 6am right before everyone got up, but IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. Wandering naked.

They were so embarrassed (and thankful that nothing had happened to him, yet). They put an extra lock on the front door to keep him in. The next morning, he wasn't in his (second floor) bedroom, and the window was wide open!

So yeah, yours is a one-time small miscommunication that fortunately ended as well as could be expected! Be thankful for that! *hugs*
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#30 of 61 Old 08-16-2009, 03:43 PM
 
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oh, and your dd did really well too.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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