Concerns about Attachment Parenting - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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Old 11-04-2009, 12:50 AM
 
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I've said it before and I'll say it again:

I believe in FOSTERING my children's independence, not forcing it.
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Old 11-04-2009, 04:11 PM
 
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Well, I think this is why some people say AP applies best to infancy. I really do need to read up on what MDC's definition of attachment parenting is.

There was never any one thing that got my kids to sleep through the night every time I desperately needed them to. I think parenting babies and toddlers is just tremendously HARD, no matter what your philosophy is. I think every mom is going to have dark moments of despair.

Someone moved my effing cheese.
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Old 11-04-2009, 04:49 PM
 
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Found this at the Mothering site:
Quote:
Parents of securely attached children have the ability to make themselves available to their child for comfort and support when she needs them (called a safe haven), and to allow her the freedom to follow her curiosity and explore her world in safe ways when she is ready to (called a secure base). This secure relationship gives the child confidence that someone will be available to help her when she needs it. She develops a model of other people as dependable, and of herself as deserving of loving care. These models of the self and of others form the foundation of health that the securely attached baby will carry with her for life.

—excerpted from “Attachment Theory in Everyday Live,” by Lauren Lindsey Porter,Mothering issue no. 154, May–June 2009. ©Mothering Magazine, Inc., 2009

Someone moved my effing cheese.
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Old 11-04-2009, 05:12 PM
 
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nak...and have not read all of the replies yet.

I just wanted to say that I am the result of AP parenting, also have a 10yo and an almost 2 yo. I remember at a young age (4-5 maybe?) loving going to spend days with my grandmas....loved loved preschool....being fine running around and doing anything on my own. I remember having distinct thoughts at a young age that mom would always be there after whatever I was doing. First day of school I was so excited and soo nervous. But I remember sitting at my desk and thinking...cant wait to tell mom what I did that day. I believe that attachment I had at a young age gave me the foundation to know mom was always going to be there, so I was safe to wander as I chose.

I do think some things work for some kids and not for others. DD1 coslept great for 5 years, nursed for 4. DD2 hated cosleeping, and now at age 2 we are started some gentle mother encouraged weaning because it is not working for either of us at this point.

What I noticed with my 10yo was that she craved independence. Almost like...yes mom, I get that you are here for me, now let me go do some stuff. My 2 yo is getting to be that same way already.

I guess my point is, it is not one size fits all, but it does breed children that feel safe enough in thier mamas love to go be independent.
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Old 11-04-2009, 07:45 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Aquafina View Post
I think the advice that my great grandmother gave me about if you spoil a baby you will cause a a problem in the future is right on.
I do not believe that you can spoil a baby.

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Old 11-04-2009, 10:38 PM
 
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I want to remind everyone that MDC is
Quote:
MDC serves an online community of parents, families, and parent, child and family advocates considering, learning, practicing, and advocating attachment parenting and natural family living.
Please keep the Mothering mission statement in mind when posting.

 
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Old 11-04-2009, 11:07 PM
 
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I believe that you can't spoil a baby. But I believe that a parent's AP responses to their child need to be changed to accomodate the child as he/she grows and enters other stages in life. A small infant has many NEEDS that a parent should respond to but as a child grows older, WANTS come into the picture as well. When my son was a baby, I fed him whenever he was hungry but now that he is 4 he should able to wait for his cookie for a few minutes while I finish up with my email or whatever. Or he could even go grab it himself.

I don't know, does that make any sense?
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Old 11-05-2009, 12:11 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Shera971 View Post
I believe that you can't spoil a baby. But I believe that a parent's AP responses to their child need to be changed to accomodate the child as he/she grows and enters other stages in life. ...
I don't know, does that make any sense?

Totally makes sense. And it keeps changing as kids get older. I stay connected to my 13 year old by reading books she likes and talking to her respectfully. But I also have her do her own laundry and keep track of her own school work.

The message that kids take into the teen years from having been APed when they were little is that we are always here for them and we take their feelings seriously. So many parents try to convence their teens of this, but we have a chance to prove it to our kids when they are babies.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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