moms who don't do a bedtime routine/early bedtime - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 80 Old 08-28-2009, 04:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I read about a lot of moms and know a lot of moms who have a rigid nightime routine that starts with dinner and cascades from there ending in a bedtime around 8p.
Are there moms out there who do not do this? Are there loosy-goosey moms who fly by the seat of there pants, eating dinner at different times, maybe not reading or reading depending on there moods, send the kids to bed when they fall asleep or when they, the parents go to bed?

Just curious if this is the standard or not?
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#2 of 80 Old 08-28-2009, 04:37 PM
 
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We don't . Our 'routine' is that we eat sometime between 6 & 8 pm, take a bath, and lay down after 8:30. DD is usually asleep by 9-9:30 and our activities vary day by day. We just try to go with the flow .

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#3 of 80 Old 08-28-2009, 04:39 PM
 
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We certainly don't have a routine here.
Whenever DD or DS nursed to sleep was bedtime. Generally that is somewhere around 8:30 for DS unless he naps. Lately that has been 10:00 or later for DD.
Now that DD is almost 5 and will be in school by 8:05 I am working on getting her to bed a little earlier.

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#4 of 80 Old 08-28-2009, 04:42 PM
 
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We're in the category too. Dinner is usually around 6 but it varies day to day based on what's cooking and who's cooking (i.e. DH usually forgets until I remind him around 8). DD hasn't had an officiall bed time since she was about 5, and even then there was no hard and fast rule just because I know what it's like to be stuck in bed when you're not tired and can't sleep.

Right now, she has to be in her room by the time DH and I are both in bed but it's up to her when she actually goes to bed. Usually she goes to bed around 9:30, sometimes shes up till midnight. DS just goes to bed when he falls asleep. We see no reason to put him down before that.

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#5 of 80 Old 08-28-2009, 04:43 PM
 
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Are there loosy-goosey moms who fly by the seat of there pants, eating dinner at different times, maybe not reading or reading depending on there moods, send the kids to bed when they fall asleep or when they, the parents go to bed?
Yes, this is me, although it might change as DS gets older. He either nurses to sleep on the couch, asks to go upstairs to bed (read: nurse) when he gets tired around 9 - 10 pm, or comes up with us when we go to bed around 10 - 10:30. We eat dinner anywhere between 5 and 9 depending on our daily schedule (DH and I are grad students) although, of course, DS gets snacks and such whenever he is hungry. We read often during the day, and rather infrequently at night, since everyone is already tired and wants to go to sleep!

We started this because we co-sleep, and our bed is upstairs. When DS was littler, we didn't want his to wake up, wander into the hall, and fall down the stairs (there was no good way to put up a gate...) Now, we maintain it because we would prefer him staying up at night to waking up early in the morning. If he went to be every night at 8, you can bet he'd be up at 5 or 6, instead of the more reasonable 7 that we have now. He still is the one who wakes up first!
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#6 of 80 Old 08-28-2009, 04:44 PM
 
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We certainly don't have a routine here.
Whenever DD or DS nursed to sleep was bedtime. Generally that is somewhere around 8:30 for DS unless he naps. Lately that has been 10:00 or later for DD.
Now that DD is almost 5 and will be in school by 8:05 I am working on getting her to bed a little earlier.
This is us. DS is so young right now that a bedtime wouldn't really work. (Well, I guess if you're mainstream it would...) We have more of a pattern than a routine. We eat dinner between 4-5 and DS usually gets sleepy around 7:30 or so.

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#7 of 80 Old 08-28-2009, 04:46 PM
 
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We don't. It drives all our family nuts.

We eat dinner around 5:30-6. I'll do a bath around 9ish maybe and then it's just time to wind down. They can be up doing whatever but not bouncing off the walls. On average I think all of us are in bed by midnight.

I'm ok with their late nights. They sleep late and always have so I'm not concerned about a lack of sleep. I actually prefer it this way.

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#8 of 80 Old 08-28-2009, 04:46 PM
 
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We are loosey-goosey.

During the week, our nights are nearly always the same - dinner 7-8pm, a little play afterwards, bath, bed (we co-sleep) sometimes reading, sometimes not. DS falls asleep anywhere between 8:30 - 9:30. Sometimes later.

Weekends are anything goes. Like tonight, we probably won't eat dinner until 8-8:30 and will stay up until at least 10pm, DS included.

DS is one of those kids that will sleep late when he goes to bed late. Last Saturday, he fell asleep at the camp fire (11pm or so) and slept until 10am the next morning.

I wonder if being a SAHM vs. a working mom (or dad) effects the degree of bedtime routine?

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#9 of 80 Old 08-28-2009, 04:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ok, good, yeah this is me. We just let her hang out until she is tired which varies from anywhere between 8:30 and 10 and after that if she is still up we all go to bed together, we cosleep, too.

I also remember what it was like to have to go to bed at a certain time, alone, much earlier than anyone else in my house(I lived with my mom and grandparents) and I hated it. From an early age I would sneak out of bed and hide to watch the TV through the doors to the den...until my mom would find me, chastise me and shuffle me off to bed again. I hated esp. being in bed before dark!

I just wondered if there were other people, we have no plans to change unless dd seems to need some sort of routine and then we would.
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#10 of 80 Old 08-28-2009, 04:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We don't. It drives all our family nuts.

We eat dinner around 5:30-6. I'll do a bath around 9ish maybe and then it's just time to wind down. They can be up doing whatever but not bouncing off the walls. On average I think all of us are in bed by midnight.

I'm ok with their late nights. They sleep late and always have so I'm not concerned about a lack of sleep. I actually prefer it this way.
Yeah, we plan to homeschool, so I don't see that interfering with my nice late wake-up time of around 8:30/9a.
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#11 of 80 Old 08-28-2009, 04:50 PM
 
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I dunno, reading this thread, I still see patterns and routines here, they're just later.

I wouldn't categorize "early" with "rigid" and "later" with "loosey-goosey" myself--it's neither good nor bad, it's just your kids' schedule.

I will say as a night owl it really really REALLY SUCKED having all three kids turn out to be early birds. Still, when they're super little, what can you do but honor their best bedtime and best risings?
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#12 of 80 Old 08-28-2009, 04:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We are loosey-goosey.

During the week, our nights are nearly always the same - dinner 7-8pm, a little play afterwards, bath, bed (we co-sleep) sometimes reading, sometimes not. DS falls asleep anywhere between 8:30 - 9:30. Sometimes later.

Weekends are anything goes. Like tonight, we probably won't eat dinner until 8-8:30 and will stay up until at least 10pm, DS included.

DS is one of those kids that will sleep late when he goes to bed late. Last Saturday, he fell asleep at the camp fire (11pm or so) and slept until 10am the next morning.

I wonder if being a SAHM vs. a working mom (or dad) effects the degree of bedtime routine?

Oh, I'm sure school and working outside home affect it quite a bit.
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#13 of 80 Old 08-28-2009, 04:52 PM
 
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I'm not even going to mention our wake up time on average because it's still late than most of you.

I prefer late mornings to early ones so it has worked out real well. We are also going to homeschool so I'm not worried about it. The few times we've had to wake them up for something before their normal time was sheer hell. Not because they aren't used to it. They wake up pretty fast and are ok but they are ornry! I won't do it.

It's been this way since birth though. I don't think many people realize babies can be night owls.

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#14 of 80 Old 08-28-2009, 04:54 PM
 
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I dunno, reading this thread, I still see patterns and routines here, they're just later.

I wouldn't categorize "early" with "rigid" and "later" with "loosey-goosey" myself--it's neither good nor bad, it's just your kids' schedule.

I will say as a night owl it really really REALLY SUCKED having all three kids turn out to be early birds. Still, when they're super little, what can you do but honor their best bedtime and best risings?
That's us too. I'm loosey-goosey. DH is loosey-goosey. DS is not.
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#15 of 80 Old 08-28-2009, 05:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I dunno, reading this thread, I still see patterns and routines here, they're just later.

I wouldn't categorize "early" with "rigid" and "later" with "loosey-goosey" myself--it's neither good nor bad, it's just your kids' schedule.

I will say as a night owl it really really REALLY SUCKED having all three kids turn out to be early birds. Still, when they're super little, what can you do but honor their best bedtime and best risings?
By rigid I meant that you stick to a bedtime, a routine and a certain set of things that happen every night. I didn't mean that simply falling asleep early means your bedtime routine is rigid.
And by loosy-goosey I meant that you easily go with the flow of differing times and differing activities preceding bedtime.
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#16 of 80 Old 08-28-2009, 05:13 PM
 
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By rigid I meant that you stick to a bedtime, a routine and a certain set of things that happen every night. I didn't mean that simply falling asleep early means your bedtime routine is rigid.
And by loosy-goosey I meant that you easily go with the flow of differing times and differing activities preceding bedtime.
Yeah, we are definately in this category.

We play pirates last night from 9pm until almost 11pm. We headed to bed at 11pm and DS fell asleep immediately.

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#17 of 80 Old 08-28-2009, 05:14 PM
 
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I always thought I'd have one of the loosey-goosey houses but it didn't turn out that way. DD wants to go to sleep and take her nap almost to the minute at the exact same time every day and God help me if I mess with her. She will be out of sorts for days. She really thrives on routine and tends to rise early. I'm not a fan of either, go figure

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#18 of 80 Old 08-28-2009, 05:18 PM
 
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We're go with the flow. The last couple of nights, I have managed to get DS to sleep on his own in the bed (we have a family bed) and spend some time with DD, then get her to fall asleep, so I even have some me-time afterwards! We do have dinner at the same time roughly every night though. And the kids always wake up around the same time too.

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#19 of 80 Old 08-28-2009, 05:24 PM
 
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Well, DS is to young for a bedtime unless we were to CIO which obviously is not going to happen. However, I have started a routine with him which is "dinner," bath then cuddle quiet time. The times vary greatly. He usually eats some solids between 5 and 6, bathes between 6 and 7 and falls asleep anywhere from 7:30 to 9:30. He definitely knows it's sleeping time once the bath happens. One night last week I forgot the bath and had no idea why he would not fall asleep. I remembered at 11:30. :

We probably will never be a super rigid house because DH works shifts so our schedule varies based on that. But, I do think there will be more rigidness in the future, like when there's school the next day.

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#20 of 80 Old 08-28-2009, 05:25 PM
 
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DD is just a baby, but I had to give up any illusions of a routine and early bedtime pretty quickly. She is a night owl like her dad. We have a loose routine that ends with her going to sleep around 10:30-11pm most nights. Thankfully we have a daytime schedule that can accommodate her getting up at 10am.

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#21 of 80 Old 08-28-2009, 05:36 PM
 
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there is definatly a difference between a loose routine and a schedual. I believe a loose routine to be best even with my almost on schedual baby

DD1 was/is a night owl. Perfect for me the mostly at home mom as I don't "come alive" until 2pm/3pm... Sure I have been up since 830 but I am lazy as I take a long while to wake up... I would easily stay up until 2 if the girls slept until 10.

DD2 on the other hand prefers an earlier bedtime and likes to wake up around 730-830. And I am sure she would get up even earlier if it was normal here. She also HAS to have quiet during her nap(s) and takes 1-2 a day...

But dinner is anywhere from 4-9 in our house baths are anytime of day on the days they have them and bed is whenever you are tired or mommy and daddy need you to be tired

It drives my mom nuts, and my BIL but my FIL and MIL usually eat late and hang out late with us too. It gives us a great amount of flexibility and the girls are always able to be behaved regardless of time.

Still don't know what we are doing for school though so it could change and DD2 has already changed us a good amount...

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#22 of 80 Old 08-28-2009, 05:40 PM
 
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Until school age no bed times no routines. In the summer the routine for school goes away and we sleep when we want to how ever long we want. Then back to the school routine.

Works great for us.

 
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#23 of 80 Old 08-28-2009, 05:50 PM
 
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Nope nope and nope

The only "routine" is that we get up around 8am. Every day. Why? Because that's when DD gets up. Other than that, we eat when we feel like it and feed her when she wants it. If we're both hungry then we both eat (bc DP is usually at work) at the same time, but it's easier not. DD likes when I "help" feed her by handing her food and then she takes them and feeds them to herself.

She naps when she wants to nap and goes to bed when she wants to go to bed. Usually bed time is sometime around 9ish, but not always. And she usually gets up around 4am for a midnight snack, or just to crawl into bed with us (We side bar basically), but again, not always.

I don't really believe in setting such routines. She's a child and she needs to be able to express herself in any way shape or form. It's not dangerous and it doesn't affect anyone but our little family, and we aren't bothered by it. I don't believe in bedtime, either. When I was little, I had a bedtime, and I always made a point to stay up later playing with my toys or something. Once my parents stopped enforcing a bedtime, I started going to bed around the same time every night and I was no longer tired during the day.

I know too many moms who are waaay to strict with bedtimes and routines. That doesn't mean every mom who has set routines is too strict, just some of the ones I know. I feel my daughter needs to set her own schedule by what her body needs. It will always let her know when it's time to eat, when it's time to play, when it's time to sleep.

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#24 of 80 Old 08-28-2009, 07:57 PM
 
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I was feeling like a terrible mom for not getting DS on some kind of routine until I read something out of my old child development textbook that set me at ease: basically, kids in societies where cosleeping is the norm don't usually NEED routines. Phew! That made me feel a lot better. It makes sense too - if you have the comfort of the family bed, why would you need three hours of anxiety-relieving bedtime routine designed to get you to sleep by yourself?

Of course, this will vary. Some kids (and parents) will feel a lot better with routine, but I really think for AP parents, especially those who cosleep, routines are not as necessary (in most cases).
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#25 of 80 Old 08-28-2009, 08:12 PM
 
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No set bedtimes here, and we eat meals at random times. The only thing I can guarantee is that we will have dinner sometime before midnight

we sleep when we are tired, wake up when we are rested (for the most part) and eat when we are hungry.

Four kids, and luckily none are early birds.

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#26 of 80 Old 08-28-2009, 08:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I was feeling like a terrible mom for not getting DS on some kind of routine until I read something out of my old child development textbook that set me at ease: basically, kids in societies where cosleeping is the norm don't usually NEED routines. Phew! That made me feel a lot better. It makes sense too - if you have the comfort of the family bed, why would you need three hours of anxiety-relieving bedtime routine designed to get you to sleep by yourself?

Of course, this will vary. Some kids (and parents) will feel a lot better with routine, but I really think for AP parents, especially those who cosleep, routines are not as necessary (in most cases).

That is interesting to think about...
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#27 of 80 Old 08-28-2009, 08:33 PM
 
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no real routine here we don't eat at the same time every night or go to be the same every night the only kind of routine is that caden goes in his cot at his sleep time (whatever time that may be ) and then once i go to bed when he wakes he comes in the bed with me.

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#28 of 80 Old 08-28-2009, 09:10 PM
 
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I'm a WOHM and we're pretty loosey goosey. I think he follows a more structured routine at daycare, but in the evenings and on weekends we're pretty flexible. We usually eat between 5-6 and try to get DS laying down by 8. Other than that, it's kind of just whatever happens. Sometimes we go for a walk, sometimes not. Sometimes we read bedtime stories, sometimes not. Sometimes DH gets out his mandolin or guitar and plays and sometimes not. Sometimes we eat over at my parents house and DS falls asleep in the carseat on the way home. I have a hard time with rigid routines. We adjust based on lots of things (the weather, how we feel, what we ate for dinner, etc). And DS is a very well adjusted little guy. It works for us

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#29 of 80 Old 08-28-2009, 09:11 PM
 
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I always thought I'd have one of the loosey-goosey houses but it didn't turn out that way. DD wants to go to sleep and take her nap almost to the minute at the exact same time every day and God help me if I mess with her. She will be out of sorts for days. She really thrives on routine and tends to rise early. I'm not a fan of either, go figure
We only have one child so there is nothing to compare to but this brings up an interesting point.

Our DS was so totally laid back until 3 years old. (We are experiencing some changes now) He could fall asleep anywhere and was totally happy as a baby as long as mommy had the goods. We travelled extensively and operated under the baby fits into our life mode of living.

Toddler years continued along the same lines. We would have friends over and DS would walk over to his nest (a special blanket and pad right off the dining room in his play room) and go to sleep when he was tired, would fall asleep on the beach, lay on my lap in a restaurant - you get the picture.

DH could never understand the schedule thing. He just assumed all kids were like our's. I remember his horror (ha ha) at a friend saying their kids needed to be in bed by 7pm. He still doesn't understand that not all kids are like ours.

This causes some friction in one of our family relationships. We are close with a family where the DIL puts her kids to bed at 6pm.

Her MIL saids stuff like "well X and Y spend the evening with their DS, why do you need to put the kids (her grandkids) to bed so early?"

DIL says to me "I am so sick and tired of hearing how you are great, the way you let your DS stay up late, that you co-sleep, etc." But her kids (and the parents) need to go to sleep early.

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#30 of 80 Old 08-28-2009, 09:24 PM
 
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We don't do bed times or rigid routines. Ds tells us when it's ready for sleep. That usually occurs sometime between 8:30 and 10pm. Always has. We start winding down around 8 brush teeth, wash hands and wash face. He then gets to relax and chill until he asks for bed. (We coslept until he was around 15 months old. He sleeps in his own bed now).

We don't have set eating times either. I guess you could say that we have a rhythm to the day but not a schedule to follow.

S~ Peace loving, natural living, FuNkY vegan mama to Keiran bouncy.gif 23/Dec/06:
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" ~~ MLK
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