what do you do about moms who always brag about their child? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 53 Old 08-30-2009, 07:19 PM
 
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I do this - not because I'm trying to push them into sizes that they don't need to go up to, but because they are able to get a lot more wear out of the clothes.
me too
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#32 of 53 Old 08-30-2009, 09:10 PM
 
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I do this - not because I'm trying to push them into sizes that they don't need to go up to, but because they are able to get a lot more wear out of the clothes.
THAT I can understand. I doubt you brag about what size clothes your lo wears, right?

Because my friend puts her kid in clothes that are several sizes too big, and then goes on and on about how he wears the same size clothes as my son, who is older by nearly 2 years, she'll say they are the same body size. There is seriously an implication that my son is small and it is said negatively. My son is big for his age so is hers, but her son is smaller than mine and it is obvious. The whole thing is just weird. It is stupid and it irritates me. But I am not gonna argue with her either. I just smile and nod.
I mean, even if my son WAS the same size as her kid (or smaller) why would it even matter???
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#33 of 53 Old 08-30-2009, 09:31 PM
 
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Um, I don't know why, the hard feelings. Yep, it's annoying when parents do it, I personally like listen to the accomplishments of other kiddos, without exaggeration of course. But seriously, let them do it. Whatever, I don't really care I just let it rest.

I "rag" aout my DD achievments, I say what an amazing little person she is, how proud she makes DH and I feel, how mature she is for her age. And all the little things she does that make us proud.
And I agree with the mamma that said that if they think I'm bragging, so be it LOL!

My mom is always bragging to people about her grandchildren, about my nieces and my DD. Jeez, she brags about little Santiago and he's not even born yet, you know. He's a kicker and all

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#34 of 53 Old 08-30-2009, 11:24 PM
 
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Um, I don't know why, the hard feelings. Yep, it's annoying when parents do it, I personally like listen to the accomplishments of other kiddos, without exaggeration of course. But seriously, let them do it. Whatever, I don't really care I just let it rest.

I "rag" aout my DD achievments, I say what an amazing little person she is, how proud she makes DH and I feel, how mature she is for her age. And all the little things she does that make us proud.
And I agree with the mamma that said that if they think I'm bragging, so be it LOL!

My mom is always bragging to people about her grandchildren, about my nieces and my DD. Jeez, she brags about little Santiago and he's not even born yet, you know. He's a kicker and all
BUT it is very draining when someone close to you does this CONSTANTLY. It is practically a toxic behavior. It is very difficult to ignore it because it is aggressive bragging. In other words, my child has to be less so hers can be more. So she has to put my son down in order to make her son seem better.

That is different from just being excited about your kids and doing the normal 'bragging'. I really feel like people are talking about 2 different things on this thread.
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#35 of 53 Old 08-31-2009, 02:30 AM
 
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Originally Posted by moaningminny View Post
I do this - not because I'm trying to push them into sizes that they don't need to go up to, but because they are able to get a lot more wear out of the clothes.
I did that, too.

BUt then, in all fairness, I didn't go around telling people what size clothes my kid wears. At most, if it came up, I'd tell the truth- it depends on the brand!

Maybe we are talking about different things. However, I also think it depends on perception. Not to say your perception isn't valid, but I know my mom (who I think is very insecure, though wonderful) often thinks people are bragging when I interpret what they are saying as totally normal conversation. She takes it as one-upmanship and I might think, they are just batting the ball back so to speak. And also, I have to say, my mom is the WORST bragger. The. Worst. She kind of over-emphasizes in her own head what our kids do and then just blabs about it to perfect strangers.

And then comes home and complains that so-and-so thinks her grandchildren are the cutest ever when really they're not. :

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#36 of 53 Old 08-31-2009, 03:01 AM
 
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Have you tried actively listening to your SIL when she talks about her child? I say this without an ounce of snarkiness, as this is a path I am taking myself down. In the past, I haven't truly practiced meeting a person where s/he is, and I have many regrets where this is concerned. Sure, it can become boring to listen to someone brag, but since this is your SIL, and your niece/nephew, there is potentially much to be gained by being there to validate her feelings and truly hear her.

I'm finding that my general happiness is increasing as I recognize the fact that not everyone in my life can practice reciprocal validation. There are people in my life who share the joys of the character and beauty and accomplishments of my children, people who share the joy of my artistic endeavors, people who share the joy of my overall achievements, and so forth, and they don't need to be the same person. I don't need the mail man to believe that my children are wonderful, but he may need someone, anyone, to take a moment and acknowledge that his are. As long as you have someone else in your life who will listen to you when you want to share your joys, then you can wholeheartedly be that person for someone else.

Sometimes, once a person truly feels that his/her joy has been shared, they don't need to talk it to death. If it begins to feel like she's going on and on with no end in sight, then it may be time to pass the bean dip, as someone else suggested. In that case, she may need help expanding her topics of conversation.

GL!

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#37 of 53 Old 08-31-2009, 03:14 AM
 
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Have you tried actively listening to your SIL when she talks about her child? I say this without an ounce of snarkiness, as this is a path I am taking myself down. In the past, I haven't truly practiced meeting a person where s/he is, and I have many regrets where this is concerned. Sure, it can become boring to listen to someone brag, but since this is your SIL, and your niece/nephew, there is potentially much to be gained by being there to validate her feelings and truly hear her.

I'm finding that my general happiness is increasing as I recognize the fact that not everyone in my life can practice reciprocal validation. There are people in my life who share the joys of the character and beauty and accomplishments of my children, people who share the joy of my artistic endeavors, people who share the joy of my overall achievements, and so forth, and they don't need to be the same person. I don't need the mail man to believe that my children are wonderful, but he may need someone, anyone, to take a moment and acknowledge that his are. As long as you have someone else in your life who will listen to you when you want to share your joys, then you can wholeheartedly be that person for someone else.

Sometimes, once a person truly feels that his/her joy has been shared, they don't need to talk it to death. If it begins to feel like she's going on and on with no end in sight, then it may be time to pass the bean dip, as someone else suggested. In that case, she may need help expanding her topics of conversation.

GL!
YES! Exactly what I was trying to say. Sincerely being happy for someone who is "bragging" and genuinely sharing their joy is a much pleasanter way to deal with braggers, and I've found it helps them, too.
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#38 of 53 Old 08-31-2009, 03:49 AM
 
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my cousin-in-law has been guilty of obnoxious bragging- though we only see her every year or so, which makes it easier to smile, nod and slowly escape

"OMG! E already has her own cell! and she's only eight! and she's sooooo responsible!"

it's almost a family joke at this point

with friends who do this... I try to keep the peace, though I do call them less often than I call my other mamas.

In your situation, I would just suck it up and try to stay positive. Caring for a special needs child is truely difficult, heart-breaking and emotional experience that deserves a world of compassion.
If sharing these things with you makes your sister-in-law's life a little easier then let her, and appreciate the value of the gift that you are giving to her.


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#39 of 53 Old 08-31-2009, 05:22 AM
 
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I would try to understand how it feels to be the mother of a child with special needs, and really work hard to share her joy, pride, relief, or whatever other emotion she must feel about each accomplishment of her child.

If your child has not faced the same challenges as her's, you have not walked her walk, and you most likely cannot understand the emotional challenges that she has faced.

Try to have empathy for her, and share her joy and relief, rather than dismiss it as 'her kid is now doing well, so the special needs are therefore no longer a factor in her life.' I can assure you that this is not how it is to a mother of a child with special needs.

Maybe if you try to really enjoy her pride and her joy, it will feel less irritating to you to listen to her.

HTH
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#40 of 53 Old 08-31-2009, 06:11 AM
 
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I could see myself being seen as a braggart about my son. Not that I do go around bragging about him on purpose, but it is seriously THE only thing going on in my life that I can talk about that is positive -- and usually the only thing at all. My job is boring and monotonous, I don't have any close friends, no family close, I don't go out and do anything, so if I am not at work, I am with my son -- anything that I could talk about would include him. In social situations, I find it hard to come up with anything else to talk about, so if someone else mentions something that their child does, I will either agree that my child has done the same thing or something similar or the opposite, or I will use it as a jumping point for something wild and crazy or cute that he did the other day just to perpetuate the conversation. Not bragging just sharing...

Rebekah , single working mom to Micah (04.12.2007)
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#41 of 53 Old 08-31-2009, 10:58 AM
 
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Grin and bear it yes and respond with the minimum effort then try to change the subject

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#42 of 53 Old 08-31-2009, 12:50 PM
 
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I could see myself being seen as a braggart about my son. Not that I do go around bragging about him on purpose, but it is seriously THE only thing going on in my life that I can talk about that is positive --
Oh, yeah - I hadn't even thought to mention this. I'm sure I bragged about ds1 way too much when he was little. My life was a nightmare, and ds1 was the only bright spot in it. Every positive thing he did, and every accomplishment of his, took on huge importance. When talking to people, I could bitch about my nightmare job (and I did) or bitch about my nightmare marriage (and I did), or talk about ds1. I think most people were actually relieved when I went into bragging mode, because it was a break from my relentless negativity about everything else.

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#43 of 53 Old 08-31-2009, 01:31 PM
 
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I'll pop back in and say that I think being secure with your own situation makes it much easier to accept someone else's bragging - about whatever... children, home size, salary, etc...

I guess that's why it doesn't bother me at all when a parent says wonderful things about their child - even things others might perceive as "bragging". I am completely happy and secure that I'm doing the best I can for my child (though always open to improvement, mind you), so I'm not in competition in any way shape or form with anyone else - even if they might see it that way, I don't... so, it doesn't bother me.

Only I define my own reality.
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#44 of 53 Old 08-31-2009, 01:36 PM
 
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I've always thought it was more a symptom of being too wrapped up in your own life. We've all had friends who were incessant about a new boyfriend or their wedding planning or whatever.

Many times unless you are in the exact same place in your life as the person telling stories they come off as bores.

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#45 of 53 Old 08-31-2009, 01:36 PM
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I just wanted to echo the posters who pointed out that the special needs may be playing a role, especially if the child is doing really well. DS is special needs. It can be hard to find someone to talk to about him. Parents of typically developing kids don't get why I was thrilled when he was potty-trained at 3 1/2. Yet talking about DS' progress with other special needs parents can be like rubbing salt in their wounds. So I talk to family. No one else in our family has a kid DS' age or with special needs so I feel like they aren't comparing him to their kids either way, but they are interested in him. . . .

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#46 of 53 Old 09-27-2011, 11:01 PM
 
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Ppl that brag about their child are annoying as hell. I know exactly how u feel. Those ppl are definitely insecure, so by them bragging about their child makes them feel good about themselves.
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#47 of 53 Old 10-14-2011, 02:58 PM
 
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I'd just smile and nod. It's most likely that she's doing it because she's either very insecure and needs her child's minor accomplishments to make her feel impressive, some parents seem to want to live vicariously through their kids, or else she's very lonely and doesn't have other parents to talk to very often, adn when she has you, it all just has to come out.

 

Either way, there's no use calling her out on it. Just grin and bear it, or try to take her in short bursts if you can so that you don't get frustrated.

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#48 of 53 Old 10-16-2011, 11:45 AM
 
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Can someone define exactly what bragging means?  I mean, I think we all stand around talking about the positive aspects of parenting (talking about the negative somehow throws you into a category of angry mom/person with issues).

 

Yeah, I brag about my DD.  She's an awesome kid (not due to anything me or DH have done...she's just an interesting person).  Oh whoops!  I'm bragging.  

 

The flip side is that I could complain constantly about the difficult times, and believe me, there are plenty.  

 

What constitutes actual bragging?  Is is:  "My kid read Dickens by three years" or is it "My kid is so smart."  I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt because their child is the thing their life revolves around.  Talking about your kids' perceived successes gives you confirmation that perhaps you are doing something right?  There is nothing more insecure than parenting.  Especially when there is so much data/information/unsolicited advice that you are doing everything WRONG.

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#49 of 53 Old 01-08-2014, 10:16 AM
 
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It's natural to feel proud of your child's achievements but bragging in general is a boring and obnoxious behavior. Somehow, though, parents don't always apply that knowledge to talking about their children. Nonetheless, it's bragging and even a way to brag about your own competences as a parent in a round-about way.

When parents brag, it's best to avoid any impulse to follow that up with your own child's achievements. You don't want to reinforce a pattern of communicating that you find un appealing, even if you get a competitive urge. It's better to say something like, "that's great," and move quickly away from the topic.

Another strategy that often works is to get together with other parents with a "no kid talk" understanding. Parents need time to separate their role as a parent from who they are and what they enjoy as people.

I am a big believer in speaking with a friend honestly about my feelings but I think, in this case, it's important to keep in mind that the word, "bragging" has a pretty big stigma and emotional load that goes along with it. I would be inclined to steer clear of too direct a reference to the behavior and, rather, emphasize what you really enjoy talking about with the other parent. And if the parent is simply an acquaintance, I would likely steer clear of them when possible.
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#50 of 53 Old 01-12-2014, 07:34 AM
 
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'Bragging' is subjective though.  Here's an example. A friend of mine met us with her two daughters, one was wearing bright pink socks which i thought were cute, and i said so. It instinctive for me to voice a positive impression i might have of someone  i see- as a way  of making conversation.

 Thats not bragging, because its not my child. But later, when i put hats on my own two kids, i said ' they look so cute with their hats on ' to my friend. Only later,  did i reflect that she may have thought i was bragging. A case could be made for or against it.  Im not the bragging type, but OTOH,  i think its ok to voice a positive feeling or observation about your own child as much as anyone else's.

 

 So i think it is subjective. Some people are more bothered by bragging than others too.  

 

I think it qualifies as bragging when you talk about your child's positive traits at the expense of any interest of the other parents child.

 

(i havent read the thread or the original post so forgive me if im completely off point, but the title drew me in as i was reflecting on this)

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#51 of 53 Old 01-16-2014, 04:10 PM
 
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For the most part, it doesn't bug me. I'm interested in the accomplishments of my friends' kids, and I don't take it as a personal slight when they mention cool stuff about their kids.

I guess if they knew that my child were struggling in a particular area, then it'd be rude of them to go on and on about how wonderful their child is in that area, but even with that, a casual mention here and there of their child's progress wouldn't bug me.

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#52 of 53 Old 02-01-2014, 08:51 PM
 
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" I bet mykid can read faster than your kids!" " my kid is the smartest and best" I consider this bragging IMO.
My ds has so many accomplishments and I am so proud of him I hold it all in so it does not seem like I am bragging to other parents and I hate that I feel like that. But I am a very humble person and keep my accomplishments to myself too, always afraid someone would think I was bragging . So I guess it does has something to do with how secure a person feels about themselves. Whether they are receiving the info or telling the info. In my case not telling.
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#53 of 53 Old 02-02-2014, 11:46 AM
 
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If someone does this incessantly, then I (rightly or wrongly) assume that they really don't have much going on in their own life if it's all they can or are willing to talk about.  And you know, I think most of us go through that season in our lives at least once.

 

It makes it easier for me to smile and nod, probably because I remember being in that place where I literally had NOTHING of value that *I* thought I could contribute to any sort of conversation beyond kids.  It's a hard place to be in.  Then again, I am not a competitive person so it doesn't trigger me to think "oh yeah?  what about MY kid?".

 

And I'd rather hear "bragging" about kids, to be honest, even if it's embellishment than the folks who do reverse bragging, also known as "oh-yeah-you-think-that-was-bad-here's-what-happened-to-me..." constant one-upsmanship.

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