What phrases would you like to eliminate from your parenting vocabulary? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 60 Old 08-31-2009, 11:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Here are the things I am currently trying not to say to my son:


"Good job." -- I haven't uttered this exact phrase in a long time, and I think I'm almost completely over doling out gratuitous praise.

"Be careful." -- I can't believe how often I've been saying this to my son. It really is hardly ever necessary.

"Do you want me to help you?" -- Again, completely unnecessary. If he wants me to help, he'll ask.


Anyone else trying to change the way you talk to your kids?

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#2 of 60 Old 08-31-2009, 11:49 PM
 
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No! NonononononononooOOOOOOOOoooo!!!!

(Said mostly to DS, 18 months.)

BECAUSE!!!

(Said mostly to DD, 3.5, after about the 14th "why" sequence in a row.)

Writer, breast cancer survivor, wife to Evan, Mommy to Annika (infant open adoption 2/3/06), Adrian (homegrown 3/11/08), and #3 due 6/17/10!
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#3 of 60 Old 09-01-2009, 12:11 AM
 
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"Why did you do that?" It's so not useful, and only makes DS feel bad, and yet it flies out of my mouth before I have a chance to think. I'm working on it though.

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#4 of 60 Old 09-01-2009, 12:18 AM
 
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"You know what" ahhhhh why do I say this? It is so annoying dose not add anything to what I am saying to DS and it constantly reminds me of that skit on Mad TV "You know what? Uh Uh"

I also am really trying to eliminated my making the "URRGGG" sound when DS dose something that frustrates me or inconveniences me. It is so rude and disrespectful to do that to him

I just find that when I am tired/frustrated/hungry/mad/whatever I just go on automatic impatient mom mode.

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#5 of 60 Old 09-01-2009, 12:22 AM
 
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Originally Posted by limabean View Post
"Why did you do that?" It's so not useful, and only makes DS feel bad, and yet it flies out of my mouth before I have a chance to think. I'm working on it though.
Yes, I was going to suggest "What are you thinking??!!" Totally useless, and probably not even a logical question to my 4 yo. It just popped out today when I saw he was trying to pound a screw into the dining room table.

I could also add the question, "Who did this?" I already know, so why do I bother asking?

Dawn - Mom to : Jack 11/04 and David 5/08
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#6 of 60 Old 09-01-2009, 09:27 AM
 
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"Now you made me..."

"Because I said so."

And I second, "Why did you do that?" (Why do I ASK that?)

grateful mother to DD, 1/04, and DS, 2/08

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#7 of 60 Old 09-01-2009, 03:20 PM
 
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"Are you serious?" Hell of course she is serious she wants me to spin her around the room until I almost fall over and vomit!

"Let's go" I keep saying this over and over just hoping they will get moving a tad bit faster.

~ SAHM with two girls (3/9/06) and (7/1/07) and always remembering my angel (3/17/06)~
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#8 of 60 Old 09-01-2009, 03:25 PM
 
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"Damn It"! ....:

Just kidding...

Blessed with two BEAUTIFUL little girls: Kylie (09/06) and Maggie (4/09) :
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#9 of 60 Old 09-01-2009, 03:28 PM
 
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lol at dammit, me too!
also hang on!
be careful!
and anything phrased as a question that is not really a question, because my 4 yo always answers no!
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#10 of 60 Old 09-01-2009, 04:12 PM
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"In a minute"
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#11 of 60 Old 09-01-2009, 04:49 PM
 
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Originally Posted by jeliphish View Post
"Damn It"! ....:

Just kidding...
because knowing it isn't healthy to hold in your feelings you don't really want to eliminate it?

You don’t owe them an explanation, just a response.
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#12 of 60 Old 09-01-2009, 05:00 PM
 
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"I have had ENOUGH!" Just completely and totally meaningless to a three year old.

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#13 of 60 Old 09-01-2009, 05:06 PM
 
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"Come on!"

It doesn't make them go any faster and its probably my fault that we're running late in the first place.

Joy wife to DH, mom to DS1 (4/2005): DD (5/2007) : : DS2 (1/2009 :
I do what works and when it stops working, then I do something else.
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#14 of 60 Old 09-01-2009, 05:18 PM
 
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"No m'am!" when I see DD climbing on something, etc. My family was in town this weekend, and it reminded me where I got it from.

Mommy to my Lamb, born 9/22/2008 and my Penguin, born 2/21/2011
: HypnoBirthing Mama

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#15 of 60 Old 09-01-2009, 05:22 PM
 
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LOL I am reading through this and laughing because I use like almost every phrase mentioned here! Especially, "seriously?" and "let's go, let's go"... I use so many meaningless phrases, if I really stopped using them all I wouldn't have anything left in my vocabulary
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#16 of 60 Old 09-01-2009, 05:56 PM
 
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"I you do X again you won't get to do Y or I will take Z away" Threatening him makes me feel so horrible. But sometimes I cannot come up with anything else.

DS is 4!
DD 8/10/10!
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#17 of 60 Old 09-01-2009, 06:00 PM
 
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"Be Nice"

I need to be more specific. Be kind, be gentle, be whatever depending on the situation...but no more be nice.

I'm trying to raise up women here, not nice girls that will go along instead of standing up for themselves when they grow up.

Thought of this earlier because the girls were fighting and I said it and the one I told to be nice was the one trying to get her toy back from the other one that had snatched it. *sigh* (bad-timing-mommy-guilt)

Mama to two preschool girls and one beautiful infant girl born 9/30!
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#18 of 60 Old 09-01-2009, 06:13 PM
 
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"Mommy (verb and rest of sentence)."
Seriously, why do I have to speak in the third person, and why can't I stop?!?

Wife to dh and mommy to dd1 (3/07), ds (1/10), and dd2 (any day now)!

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#19 of 60 Old 09-01-2009, 11:27 PM
 
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I am going out on a limb to say that I don't think most of these are bad....

These are all phrases that represent genuine emotion and reality from you, and there isn't anything wrong with kiddos being exposed to that. Now, I don't expose DS to the raw emotion of... "You are driving me crazy so please go away" , but I see nothing wrong with most of these (although I applaud you for these being to worst things you can think of that you say to your kids).

For example... "In a minute" - Kids need to learn to not expect instant gratification, and sometimes if it a reality in life that you need a minute.

Also.... Any phrase such as "Why would you do that?" or "What are you thinking?" These are genuine, off the cuff remarks when we see that anyone has done something wild or unpredicted. If phrased from a mother it might even make a kiddo think... "Why would I do that?"

The whole "good job" thing is strange to me (and there was a thread about this not long ago as well). I will continue to tell my kiddo he does a GREAT job at baseball, reading, etc. forever!

I dunno.... Just hoping nobody thinks any of this is too terrible.
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#20 of 60 Old 09-02-2009, 12:24 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Landover View Post
The whole "good job" thing is strange to me (and there was a thread about this not long ago as well). I will continue to tell my kiddo he does a GREAT job at baseball, reading, etc. forever!
These articles explain it much better than I can:
http://www.alfiekohn.org/parenting/gj.htm
http://www.naturalchild.org/robin_gr...ds_praise.html

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#21 of 60 Old 09-02-2009, 12:27 AM
 
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I'm trying to eliminate all swear words from my vocabulary

CPST & mom

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#22 of 60 Old 09-02-2009, 12:46 AM
 
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I'm trying to eliminate all swear words from my vocabulary


Er... I mean.... um....I have 'no' idea what you are talking about.
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#23 of 60 Old 09-02-2009, 12:52 AM
 
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"....okay?" --I never use this when she has a real choice, so why exactly am I asking?
"You're okay." --I never use this when she's obviously fine, only when she's on the edge of crying. I'm trying to change this to either "did that surprise you?" when I don't think she's in pain and "I know it hurts now, but you'll feel better soon" when she is in pain and I'm cuddling her.
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#24 of 60 Old 09-02-2009, 01:00 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Landover View Post
For example... "In a minute" - Kids need to learn to not expect instant gratification, and sometimes if it a reality in life that you need a minute.
Sometimes. But I find myself saying "in a minute" for things that aren't important and "I need to finish doing XYZ" for stuff that does matter.

E.g. kid wants a snack
Typing a post on MDC--"in a minute"
Washing hands after scooping cat litter--"I have to wash my hands now, I'll get you a snack next"

Saying only "in a minute" means I don't want to admit out loud what it is I'm making a higher priority than Lina.
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#25 of 60 Old 09-02-2009, 01:03 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Fujiko View Post
"Mommy (verb and rest of sentence)."
Seriously, why do I have to speak in the third person, and why can't I stop?!?
TOTALLY! now DS speaks in the third person too and I, in turn, echo his sentences so I wind up saying things like "yes, momma's going to drive the steering wheel and take 'bastian* to 'batian's house and Mama's going to watch a 'mama show'** ")



* - Sebastian
** -- basically anything that isn't Caillou, Pingu, or Pocoyo
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#26 of 60 Old 09-02-2009, 02:34 AM
 
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Originally Posted by liliaceae View Post
"Good job." -- I haven't uttered this exact phrase in a long time, and I think I'm almost completely over doling out gratuitous praise.
Yes, I do this not a lot, but way more than I planned on doing. Sometimes I speak more quickly than I think. But, then again, it's not on my top ten worst phrases, so I'm not going to stress about it .

Quote:
"Be careful." -- I can't believe how often I've been saying this to my son. It really is hardly ever necessary.
I have always hated that phrase and swore I'd never say it, but yeah, every now and then it comes flying out of my mouth too.

Quote:
"Do you want me to help you?" -- Again, completely unnecessary. If he wants me to help, he'll ask.
I'm with you. Fortunately its not one of those ones I find myself saying a lot, but other people seem to say it to my kids ALL.THE.TIME. I think they think I'm not quick enough to help my kids or something. The truth is it is a very intentional decision, it boosts my kids confidence when I am confident in their competance, and yeah, my kids will ask if they need help.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ginadc View Post
No! NonononononononooOOOOOOOOoooo!!!!

(Said mostly to DS, 18 months.)
Yes. If I could choose the one word I think is worst offender out of all my undesireable words, this would be top pick. I really, really want to eliminate it almost completely. So not useful.

Quote:
Originally Posted by limabean View Post
"Why did you do that?" It's so not useful, and only makes DS feel bad, and yet it flies out of my mouth before I have a chance to think. I'm working on it though.
This is one of dw's accidently uttered phrases used more than she intended.

Quote:
Originally Posted by birdie22 View Post
"Who did this?" I already know, so why do I bother asking?
Yes! This has recently started popping up in my language recently. And it would definitely be a top pick for elimination.

Quote:
Originally Posted by New View Post
"In a minute"
I'm with you on this one, and partly because "in a minute" tends to be inaccurate. What I really mean is "in ten minutes" or "in a half hour." I REALLY don't like that I use this one with my kids.

Quote:
Originally Posted by heidirk View Post
"I have had ENOUGH!" Just completely and totally meaningless to a three year old.
I've said that on rare occassion, and yes, it was a most ridiculous thing to say! I could happily eliminate that one from my language.

Quote:
Originally Posted by funkymamajoy View Post
"Come on!"

It doesn't make them go any faster and its probably my fault that we're running late in the first place.
Uh huh.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Redheaded_Momma View Post
"I you do X again you won't get to do Y or I will take Z away" Threatening him makes me feel so horrible. But sometimes I cannot come up with anything else.
So with you, mama! SOOO with you. The worst is that we have now started having to work on this as a whole family because I realized my kids were starting to do it to each other.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jennydecki View Post
"Be Nice"
Yep, been there on occassion. Not often enough to worry too much, but I've never liked going there.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post
"....okay?" --I never use this when she has a real choice, so why exactly am I asking?
YES! This is one of my most frequent offenders. I try to be aware and work on it, but I've yet to eliminate it.

Quote:
"You're okay." --I never use this when she's obviously fine, only when she's on the edge of crying. I'm trying to change this to either "did that surprise you?" when I don't think she's in pain and "I know it hurts now, but you'll feel better soon" when she is in pain and I'm cuddling her.
Yeah, I don't use that a lot, but once or twice its come out of my mouth and inside my head I am like, "What?!" No idea why it came flying.

I'm pro-adoption reform, but not anti-adoption.
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#27 of 60 Old 09-02-2009, 02:42 AM
 
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"How many times have I told you . . ."
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#28 of 60 Old 09-02-2009, 06:35 AM
 
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G*d d*mmit!

why? Why? WHY? why would you do that?!?

dear lord child, you are making me mental!

i am going to xyz (not something gd, thats for sure) if you do that again
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#29 of 60 Old 09-02-2009, 09:36 AM
 
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D@mmit Jacob!
You're driving me bonkers!
And lately I've been ranting, just yelling when I'm frustrated that I definitely don't like and apologize and tell him to tell me no no mommy, yelling is not nice

><> Mom to superhero.gif (6) hearts.gif (4) energy.gif (2) and baby.gif (born March!)
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#30 of 60 Old 09-02-2009, 11:12 AM
 
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"Seriously?!" I didnt realize how bad it was until now my almost 4 yo dd one day said "seriously mommy? seriously?"

Are you trying to send Mommy to the crazy house?

Are you on fire? is your head falling off? then you are fine.

*~Kelly~*
 Waldorf Mom to 9 blessings ~6 by birth and 3 by fost/adopt~

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