I went OFF on a lady at Sam's Club yesterday - Page 7 - Mothering Forums

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#181 of 198 Old 09-11-2009, 11:01 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ~Purity♥Lake~ View Post
Zenful, you keep calling the 'older' (as in older than the OP), mid-50's woman as 'old', inferring she is an 'old lady'. It's inaccurate and inflammatory.
You'll have to excuse me...I didn't see that she was only in her mid-50's (just now noticed the edit on her post). From the sounds of the first post, I thought she was in her 70's or 80's. I did not mean any disrespect. In fact, I was raised to believe that calling people who are in the latter part of their life cycle "old" to be a term of respect.
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#182 of 198 Old 09-11-2009, 11:05 PM
 
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OK, early 50s is not elderly.

You rock, mama.
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#183 of 198 Old 09-11-2009, 11:16 PM
 
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OK, early 50s is not elderly.

You rock, mama.
Did you not read what I just wrote?
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#184 of 198 Old 09-11-2009, 11:49 PM
 
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Wow, I'm surprised so many people are bent out of shape over "disrespecting" the woman that thought it appropriate to tell a mother to hit her 3 year old child.

OP, you did a hell of a lot better than I would have, because she would have just got a big ol' "f*ck you" from me.

Carly [29] + DH [27] + DS [9]

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#185 of 198 Old 09-11-2009, 11:57 PM
 
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Brilliant! Can you deal with my father when he tells me I need to smack my son?
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#186 of 198 Old 09-12-2009, 12:23 AM
 
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Originally Posted by operamommy View Post
I put my finger in her face and said (loudly) "I think YOU need YOUR butt smacked!!"

Thanks for the laugh! This made me laugh out loud.

I haven't read the whole thread, but if she was willing to share her opinion like that, then she was opening herself up for your response.

A parent shepherding an upset child isn't always in his/her most composed mode, if you know what I mean, and her offering her opinion, well, if you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen, right?

She is an adult, felt she had a right to comment at you and well, you responded. I'm sure we can all think of nicer things to say, outside of the heat of the moment, and maybe a more polite way to say it.

But passion sometimes can overcome us, right? It isn't like you just got out of a yoga class, you got out of wal-mart.

This woman had no idea what kid of day you were having, where you were coming from and where you were going. She opened her mouth.

She is a big girl, I'm sure she'll be fine. Maybe she will think twice before she goes around offering unsolicited advice.

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#187 of 198 Old 09-12-2009, 12:35 AM
 
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I say way to go, OP!

Normally low-level obnoxious means I pretend the rude person doesn't exist at all. That is surprisingly effective, especially with men IME. Beyond that, you say something rude to me or in front of me, I'll say whatever I like back. If you feel you're entitled to be disrespectful to me, I feel I can be disrespectful of you. Even farther, if it's someone I will never see again or don't know, I'm more than happy to play on their guessed insecurities and be downright mean, nasty, and cruel. I've done that 4 times in my life, and I figure that's 4 less people (well, maybe 3, one was probably too high/drunk to understand what was said to her) who now disrespect other strangers.

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#188 of 198 Old 09-12-2009, 01:42 AM
 
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Originally Posted by treemom2 View Post
I totally understand being frustrated with your child's behavior and with the woman's comment. I can't say that I'm offended with the thread. . .it actually embarrasses me that so many people say that it's okay to treat another person the way either party (you and the woman) treated one another. It also made me embarrassed when pp made comments about it being okay to swear at another person in this situation. I believe we should all be kind to each other, I believe that elders should be shown a certain amount of respect (even at 50, she's older than me and therefore I should show her some respect), I believe that sometimes we need to bite our tongues when people display their ignorance. Perhaps I've changed since living in Japan and seeing Americans from a different viewpoint. . .we are known to be rude, loud, destructive. . .and it's not just the Japanese who feel this way, most of the world feels this way. Reading a lot of these posts reinforce that viewpoint. I'm truly embarrassed!
No, the OP didn't assert that she was without guilt, or that she was totally in the right. She isn't asking for justification.

She plainly asked if we *could relate to losing our cool.*

And yes, I can relate to losing my cool.

And we are not the only culture that is loud. I've lived in Germany, Austria and Italy, as well as various part of the US. And the Italians are *very* passionate people, who often yell at each other. Germans have a particular reputation in Austria, and it isn't all that great. But these things are gross generalizations--so to extrapolate that Americans are rude from this thread is to miss the whole point.

The point is that we are fallible humans who sometimes act badly, but that we can understand why someone might act in a less then perfect manner in the heat of a moment.

So to put the entire judgment of "the world" on this original poster, and that all the other posters who can relate to her and understand why she acted the way she did, is to misread the entire meaning of the discussion.

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#189 of 198 Old 09-12-2009, 02:02 AM
 
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Originally Posted by The4OfUs View Post
Yes, this. OP, I wrote in a previous post I'm bothered by the support/praise that this was the "perfect" (at least one person ahs used perfect and/or best) thing to say to that rude woman, than I am by you losing it. Everyone loses it. I lose it. I'm not always graceful when stressed...I don't think you're a horrible person. I'm basically responding to other posters who are not stressed right now, who are reflecting on the situation with a calm mind and still think that it was great.
The thing is, the older woman MEANT, literally, that the child should be hit.

The Original Poster was being figurative, do you honestly think she thought that they woman should be hit? Do you really think her delivery, as dramatic as it was, was expressing the idea that the older woman should be spanked?

The reason people praise the response is the the clear irony dripping from the OP's response. It makes us stop and think about it. It makes us realize how absurd it would be to HIT a small, crying child to make him stop crying!


So no, we're not praising violence, or rudeness, but rather boldness and comedic irony.

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#190 of 198 Old 09-12-2009, 02:24 AM
 
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Originally Posted by carmel23 View Post
The thing is, the older woman MEANT, literally, that the child should be hit.

The Original Poster was being figurative, do you honestly think she thought that they woman should be hit? Do you really think her delivery, as dramatic as it was, was expressing the idea that the older woman should be spanked?

The reason people praise the response is the the clear irony dripping from the OP's response. It makes us stop and think about it. It makes us realize how absurd it would be to HIT a small, crying child to make him stop crying!


So no, we're not praising violence, or rudeness, but rather boldness and comedic irony.
THANK YOU.

The fact that some of you are ANALYZING a tense moment, where a Mama just said something to stick up for her child, is unbelievable. I'm 100% certain that the OP would have NEVER hit the lady- she was trying to let the woman know how ridiculous she sounded.

I don't know about anyone else, but I don't think straight when someone says something confrontational, or rude. I say the first thing off my tongue, AND usually it's not the best thing to say. Sure, if I had time, and I don't know, pages of opinions on Mothering to discuss it in, then perhaps I would say something more eloquent and thought out.

I think the OP did what was best. Being respectful SHOULD NOT mean that we can be walked all over. That lady was out of line, and I think the OP answered her in the best way possible given her situation.

A lot of self-righteous attitudes on here...it's sort of sick.
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#191 of 198 Old 09-12-2009, 02:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by carmel23 View Post
The thing is, the older woman MEANT, literally, that the child should be hit.

The Original Poster was being figurative, do you honestly think she thought that they woman should be hit? Do you really think her delivery, as dramatic as it was, was expressing the idea that the older woman should be spanked?

The reason people praise the response is the the clear irony dripping from the OP's response. It makes us stop and think about it. It makes us realize how absurd it would be to HIT a small, crying child to make him stop crying!
Yes - this is it in a nutshell! I was definately mad, but of course I didn't think the lady should *really* be "smacked on the butt." I answered her ridiculous statement with a ridiculous one of my own. I definately wasn't threatening her with violence.

A happy woman
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#192 of 198 Old 09-12-2009, 03:11 AM
 
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Originally Posted by teale View Post

A lot of self-righteous attitudes on here...it's sort of sick.
:

I don't have any illusions towards possessing a halo myself. I guess the fact that I honk at people (often with finger ), speak my mind and don't really care if I offend people (although I don't go out of my way to do so) makes me a boorish American.

So be it.
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#193 of 198 Old 09-12-2009, 05:10 AM
 
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Haven't read the thread...don't know the OP.

Just had to say I would be mortified to act like that in front of my kids/family/people.

And no I don't think the OP was right in doing it.

But dang, what a zinger nonetheless!

Mama to expecting Babe 2
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#194 of 198 Old 09-12-2009, 10:33 AM
 
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Originally Posted by carmel23 View Post
The thing is, the older woman MEANT, literally, that the child should be hit.

The Original Poster was being figurative, do you honestly think she thought that they woman should be hit? Do you really think her delivery, as dramatic as it was, was expressing the idea that the older woman should be spanked?

The reason people praise the response is the the clear irony dripping from the OP's response. It makes us stop and think about it. It makes us realize how absurd it would be to HIT a small, crying child to make him stop crying!


So no, we're not praising violence, or rudeness, but rather boldness and comedic irony.
I guess I am just not a fan of that kind of comedic irony - I think it would have been just as, if not more effective to say something to her like, "So wait - you think hitting a small crying child is going to make him STOP crying?" or, "Why exactly do you think hitting him would calm him down right now?" or, "I'm not sure why you think it's appropriate for you to say something like that to a stranger." Sure, not comic gold, but still assertive and bold, calm and direct - maybe even more surprising than shouting back because it's unexpected. People *expect* other people to be in your face these days, and often don't know how to react to a calm, confident response and back down and *then* really think about what they've done/said. I guess the interaction described reminds me of a sitcom or reality TV show, and I'm not a fan of that trend in general in our society.

I've said this several times on thread that I have NO problem with people being bold or assertive or standing up for oneself; in fact, I applaud it...I just don't like the "in your face" quality of the interaction described in the original scenario. I'm not being righteous - I don't think I'm better than anyone, because I've had some rather unglamorous reactions to situations, myself. When I do snap, I try to figure out how I could have reacted more calmly and practice for next time - I don't generally look for support, because it's not something I want to model or become a normal in my life - I look for suggestions on how to change. Be the change you want to see, etc. If the OP had been "man, I lost it - how could I have reacted differently even in the face of her rudeness?" it would have been a totally different thread.

I could go a lot more indepth about the societal trend, how I think TV/internet/media has furthered the trend, etc. but I don't think this is the place. I walk a fine line wishing for "the good old days" when people were calmer and kinder to each other, without wanting to go back to the oppression and harshness...I wish there was a way to move forward in equality and justice for all without losing the kindness, calmness, and consideration. But that is a topic for a completely separate thread.

Let me be clear: When someone is being threatened with imminent harm, or in a situation where they have been emotionally and verbally abused for an period of time by the same person, I encourage more aggressive/rude/bold responses...but in situations like the OP, it just doesn't make sense to me.
Clearly, to each her/his own.

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#195 of 198 Old 09-12-2009, 11:29 AM
 
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Well the woman in the store had a lot more time to measure her words than OP. If she is in her early 50's she has had plenty of life experience and should know better. She blurted out inappropriately and OP reacted in the heat of the moment. As it stands, OP stood up for herself and her child and hopefully gave the woman something to ponder.

I have had similar experiences, the most recent being a health care provider telling me that I am over-coddling my teenage ds as he transitions into living with diabetes and celiac disease. I wish I had set her straight. I just sat there dumbfounded. Couldn't believe I went in for a relaxing treatment and received a lecture.
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#196 of 198 Old 09-12-2009, 12:28 PM
 
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Originally Posted by The4OfUs View Post
I guess I am just not a fan of that kind of comedic irony - I think it would have been just as, if not more effective to say something to her like, "So wait - you think hitting a small crying child is going to make him STOP crying?" or, "Why exactly do you think hitting him would calm him down right now?" or, "I'm not sure why you think it's appropriate for you to say something like that to a stranger." Sure, not comic gold, but still assertive and bold, calm and direct - maybe even more surprising than shouting back because it's unexpected. People *expect* other people to be in your face these days, and often don't know how to react to a calm, confident response and back down and *then* really think about what they've done/said. I guess the interaction described reminds me of a sitcom or reality TV show, and I'm not a fan of that trend in general in our society.
:

I also feel this sort of comedic irony is too over-the-top and TV-like. It may have been "brilliant" as some people seem to think (I even highly doubt she was thinking about the comedic irony of it in the moment anyway), but if I were in the older lady's shoes I would probably have just stomped off in a huff, grumbled to myself a bit and then went about my day. Not sure what's so effective about that. People who are loud and obnoxious usually end up just annoying other people, is what I'm trying to get at...doesn't teach them much other than whoever is loudest and more "in the right" wins. Who knows, this may prevent her from making similar comments to others in the future, but I doubt it would have that much of an effect. Most people are too set in their ways to change that much...

Yes, it's difficult to always think on your feet, but I don't feel like the OP deserves an award here. Anyone can be loud and obnoxious and throw something back at a person...that's not difficult. Standing one's ground in a situation like that while still making it clear that she has violated you and your child's boundaries is a different story. Possibly saying, "Do you really feel you have the right to say that to me?" maintains a level of respect while still getting the point across.
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#197 of 198 Old 09-12-2009, 01:19 PM
 
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The reality TV/TV references have lost me, since I don't watch television

And again, the OP wasn't thinking clearly, that is evident and missing the point. She reacted in a moment of passion, and asked if anyone has acted like that. She isn't asking if it was okay, or brilliant.

She was asking if others could relate to acting out in emotion. It is evident from your numerous posts that you cannot relate, Zenful and The4OfUs.

So I think the horse is flogged through and through.

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#198 of 198 Old 09-12-2009, 01:41 PM
 
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Closing this thread, as it has run its course.

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