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I went OFF on a lady at Sam's Club yesterday

11K views 197 replies 109 participants last post by  Equuskia 
#1 ·
I'm still not sure how I feel about my behavior. On one hand I feel badly for yelling at her, especially in front of my son, but on the other hand...maybe she'll think twice before making nasty comments.


The scene: We had just gotten done shopping at Wal-Mart (save the flames) and I had 10 minutes till Sam's Club closed. I left my teens at the van to load the groceries and ran into SC with my 3-year-old. He was very upset that he couldn't stay with his older brother and sister and began throwing a fit. Yelling, hollering, waving his hands, etc. all the while walking beside my cart. I needed 3 items, and we were in there literally less than 5 minutes (not going wasn't an option; it's a 45 minute drive one-way). Obviously I tried to comfort him and told him that I understood he was upset, etc. but that he couldn't stay with my older children because it wasn't safe.

As I was checking out, the cashier just smiled and gave me a sympathetic look. As I was beginning to walk out, my son refused to walk any further for just a moment and was crying. I walked on about 5 feet to see if he would follow, then went back and picked him up. (he was by NO means hysterically throwing a fit, wasn't fighting me, etc....just crying).

As I was walking with him, we passed an older lady who says (to herself) *just* loud enough for me to hear, "He needs his butt smacked."

:
Umm, what?!

I rounded on her and said, "WHAT did you say?"

She kind of backed up a bit and repeated that he needed his butt smacked.

At this time, I kid you not, everyone around us just stopped and watched. You could have heard a pin drop.

I put my finger in her face and said (loudly) "I think YOU need YOUR butt smacked!!"

She didn't have a reply.


I turned and walked off, and on the way out, a SC employee who had been in front of us (and who had turned to watch) apologized to me.

Whew. I am still furious when I think of that lady. Has anyone else ever had something like this happen?

edit: "Older" does not mean "elderly/frail/ect" - in this case it meant early a lady in her early 50s, so please don't worry that I shouted at some elderly woman three years off the grave.
 
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#152 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by baltic_ballet View Post
But yelling "you need your butt spanked" won't make her change her mind either.

You've got to remember that your not going to be able change everybody opinion so why should you make yourself look a crazy person when it may not make a difference?
I never said that it would make her change her mind.
I was asking a question about what *would* have changed her mind, and you immediately jumped back to how wrong I was in the encounter.

'm not understanding the fierce need from several particular posters to keep telling me over and over how wrong I was. Umm, didn't *I* say that I knew I had been rude?
 
#153 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by operamommy View Post
'm not understanding the fierce need from several particular posters to keep telling me over and over how wrong I was. Umm, didn't *I* say that I knew I had been rude?
I don't think anyone is trying to hit you, personally, over the head with "how wrong you were" so much as some people find the number of people who will say this was the exactly right and perfect thing to do, even in hindsight, a bit confounding.
 
#154 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Zenful View Post
Remind me to stay away from your kids...
Well, yeah, if you're gonna be saying they need their butts smacked -- then I'll remind you right now to stay away from MY kids, too!
 
#155 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Liquesce View Post
I don't think anyone is trying to hit you, personally, over the head with "how wrong you were" so much as some people find the number of people who will say this was the exactly right and perfect thing to do, even in hindsight, a bit confounding.
Yes, this. OP, I wrote in a previous post I'm bothered by the support/praise that this was the "perfect" (at least one person ahs used perfect and/or best) thing to say to that rude woman, than I am by you losing it. Everyone loses it. I lose it. I'm not always graceful when stressed...I don't think you're a horrible person. I'm basically responding to other posters who are not stressed right now, who are reflecting on the situation with a calm mind and still think that it was great.
 
#157 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
OT: re: the horn thing. I've only been driving for a few years, and I've only used my horn once. Since it's come up, I'll ask if you all think it was an acceptable use of the horn or not. I was waiting behind one car at a red light. The woman in front of me was putting on some kind of eye makeup (I'm still boggled by the things people do behind the wheel...but at least she was at a red light!). The light changed to green, and I waited about 5-10 seconds, but she hadn't looked up, so I hit my horn. I didn't want to sit through another whole light change. It wasn't an emergency, but it also wasn't just voicing irritation. So...what's your take on that? It felt weird, as I'd never actually used my horn before.
Since you ask, and since I'm in the camp of normally using the horn for communicating with the unobservant driver, to prevent an accident, I will answer. I think honking in that case is appropriate. You're not endangering anyone since you are all at a standstill behind this person. You are using the horn as a form of communicating with the unobservant driver. You're not using it as a form of hornicular swearing accompanied with the finger. Totally different in my opinion.
 
#158 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Equuskia View Post
At ten to closing and with a kid melting down? I think the OP did the best she could without ripping the woman a new one. And hell, if the woman was actually brassy enough to repeat what she said, well.....what did she expect? A smile? I wouldn't have been very kind either. Hindsight is always 20/20.
HECK, yeah.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zenful View Post
That may explain the reason, but it certainly doesn't warrant the obvious pleasure the OP got from saying it nor does it warrant all the praise...
Pleasure? She stood up for herself and for her child Praise? I am happy that she stood up for herself and for her child. Very happy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zenful View Post
Remind me to stay away from your kids...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zenful View Post
I agree...eye for an eye makes the world blind, two wrongs don't make a right...
I see a contradiction in your posts. Do as you say and not as you do?
 
#160 ·
In one post, you imply not to be rude, yes? Yet your next post is less than nice. It kind of reminds me of my friend who postulates that we must be kind and compassionate to everyone and everything, yet she relishes smooshing bugs every chance she gets.
 
#161 ·
I haven't read all the comments, but I for one not only think it was a perfect response, but I think it could have been really important too. I am not one to sit back quietly when it comes to many things. I stopped being quiet when I realized that maybe I needed to say what others wouldn't or to say what others might need to hear.

Telling off the older lady was mearly turning it around on her so she could see the ridiculousness in what she was saying. Luckily she said it to you. What if she had said it to a young mom who was struggling with her own confidence in her parenting and hearing this older, should be wiser woman comment on spanking the kid and what if the mom would have? Maybe your comment will make this old woman rethink what she says to people. Even commenting back "that was rude" could be seen as rude in some peoples eyes so why not go all out and tell this woman WHY she was ridiculous, which you did in one short sentence.
 
#163 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by The4OfUs View Post
Yes, this. OP, I wrote in a previous post I'm bothered by the support/praise that this was the "perfect" (at least one person ahs used perfect and/or best) thing to say to that rude woman, than I am by you losing it. Everyone loses it. I lose it. I'm not always graceful when stressed...I don't think you're a horrible person. I'm basically responding to other posters who are not stressed right now, who are reflecting on the situation with a calm mind and still think that it was great.
This is what I have gotten from many of the responses too. OP, I am glad you stood up for yourself and your child and I am sorry that woman was rude to you, but unless you believe that she should have had her butt smacked, I don't see how it was the perfect response. I have never had anyone make a comment like that to me but I hope that I would respond that what my child and I need are kindness and understanding. Is much more likely that I would tell her to mind her own business.
 
#164 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by KirstenMary View Post
In one post, you imply not to be rude, yes? Yet your next post is less than nice. It kind of reminds me of my friend who postulates that we must be kind and compassionate to everyone and everything, yet she relishes smooshing bugs every chance she gets.
You're right, I was less than nice in my response to the person who said she wouldn't mind modeling this kind of behavior for her own children. I could have said it in a better way. Ironically enough, the OP could have as well, don't you see? How can she say this was the right thing to do if she is doing the very thing that she is angry about? If you really feel people shouldn't contradict themselves, then it would be difficult to argue against the previous question.

Quote:

Originally Posted by darcytrue View Post
but the OP wasn't wrong.
She used violent language to say that violence is wrong.
 
#167 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Zenful View Post
You're right, I was less than nice in my response to the person who said she wouldn't mind modeling this kind of behavior for her own children. I could have said it in a better way. Ironically enough, the OP could have as well, don't you see? How can she say this was the right thing to do if she is doing the very thing that she is angry about? If you really feel people shouldn't contradict themselves, then it would be difficult to argue against the previous question.

She used violent language to say that violence is wrong.
I don't find the language violent. I'm sure the OP didn't REALLY mean that the lady needed her butt smacked.

Of course I would never think of this at the time but "I think YOU need YOUR mouth smacked" is a more appropriate answer.
 
#170 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Zenful View Post
If that's directed towards my last comment then I'd really like to know what you mean by that because I seriously don't feel like I was being violent in my responses.
Not the poster your quoting, but her comment makes sense to me.

Let me start by pointing out that mama whose children you commented on did nothing, and said nothing. You're the metaphorical older lady waiting in the Internet checkout line.

However, even if you preceived some wrong directed at you personally in her actions, throwing out that biting remark about her children catagorically goes against everything you've argued here. "two wrongs don't make a right" "an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind", et cetera.

Thus equaling irony.
 
#171 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Medusa View Post
Not the poster your quoting, but her comment makes sense to me.

Let me start by pointing out that mama whose children you commented on did nothing, and said nothing. You're the metaphorical older lady waiting in the Internet checkout line.

However, even if you preceived some wrong directed at you personally in her actions, throwing out that biting remark about her children catagorically goes against everything you've argued here. "two wrongs don't make a right" "an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind", et cetera.

Thus equaling irony.
No, those children have not done or said anything yet. However, the mother says that it's okay to be violent towards someone as long as they are violent towards you first. This is where I had the issue, so by pointing out that I didn't want to be around her children in the future, I was basically saying that kids pick up on violence (no matter what the reason or cause) and often display the same type of behavior. Like I said, I could have been nicer, so in that regard I was contradicting myself. However, I feel that you and others are missing the essential point: violence is never the answer, no matter how much a person feels entitled to their behavior. That said, maybe it wasn't the wisest thing for me to point out the fallacy in the way I did. Violence begets violence, as it seems...

I find it interesting that no one who is on the OP's "side" really wants to address how violent she was in her response. Maybe she didn't really mean that she wanted someone to spank the old lady's butt, but by saying it she is basically advocating the same thing that she hates...abuse. She might have been "joking" about hurting the woman, but that still doesn't somehow negate the fact that she is saying spanking is okay (as long as it's directed towards old people and not kids, apparently)


Also, I'd like to add that I feel it's important for a person to feel they have a voice if someone is being aggressive, like the old lady at the store. If a person doesn't feel they have a voice then any response they create is going to empower them...maybe that's the reason behind all the praise? Most of us wouldn't have the nerve to stand up for ourselves in a situation like that so it seems wonderful when it happens? I've been in situations similar to that and have had to stand up for myself, and, I have to say, I wasn't the nicest in response. I didn't threaten any outright violence like the OP did, but I certainly was very angry and that came across clearly. It felt great at the time and I'm grateful for the experiences, but after reflecting on the way I reacted I see that I was no "better" than the aggressor. It's important to stand up for oneself, but not if it means stepping on someone's toes, no matter how much they appear to "deserve" it. We're all human, we all have feelings, and oftentimes it's the meanest people who are in the most pain and, thus, need the greatest amount of love and kindness.
 
#174 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Zenful View Post
I find it interesting that no one who is on the OP's "side" really wants to address how violent she was in her response. Maybe she didn't really mean that she wanted someone to spank the old lady's butt, but by saying it she is basically advocating the same thing that she hates...abuse. She might have been "joking" about hurting the woman, but that still doesn't somehow negate the fact that she is saying spanking is okay (as long as it's directed towards old people and not kids, apparently)

I don't think anyone is avoiding talking about it, rather there was no ACTUAL violence in the exchange.

Really it's the absurdness of telling the women she needed to be spanked that makes the comment work so very well.

"Spank" is a euphemism our culture uses to mask the hitting of children. Hitting an adult is assault, hitting a child is "spanking".
Hitting a child is wrong, but "spanking" is good discipline.

The OP's reply both pulls away the linguistic mask from the word "spank" and makes the woman advocating it look at from the eyes of someone on the receiving end of a "spanking", thus personalizing it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zenful View Post
We're all human, we all have feelings, and oftentimes it's the meanest people who are in the most pain and, thus, need the greatest amount of love and kindness.
That sounds good on paper, but reality tells me you can't love the abuse out of an abuser.
 
#176 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by kalimay View Post
She was referred to as an "older lady" in the original post.
Yes, I know, exactly my point, Older, not old. And later, the OP clarified that she meant older than herself. My point that she was not OLD>.
 
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