Anyone have a great relationship with their MIL? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 68 Old 09-09-2009, 12:11 PM
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My MIL is one of my best friends : She is mother I never had but dreamed of having! She has helped me out so much and so many times I can't even count them all. She was the one who took me to the hospital when I was puking my guts out in the middle of the night (I was 12 weeks pregnant) and stayed with me until DH was able to make it there. She was also there for the births of my children, holding my hand, and telling me how strong of a woman I was, she took off two weeks of work to stay with me after my emergency hysterectomy and was there while I was miscarrying my child. She always is thinking of us by bringing us homemade goodies. I honestly don't know what I would do without her in my life.

~ SAHM with two girls (3/9/06) and (7/1/07) and always remembering my angel (3/17/06)~
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#62 of 68 Old 09-09-2009, 12:17 PM
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I disagree with my MIL about as much as I do my own mother, just in different ways. For starters, my mother is MY MOTHER, and I can tell her to get bent if we don't agree (I wouldnt use those exact words, but you know what I mean) If I dont agree with something my MIL says or does, I more or less have to keep it to myself (which is usually minor, and I am a firm believe in pick your battles) That sad, she was always VERY protective of her own boys when they were little, and had the mama bear attitude of "they are MY kids" even with her own husband. So she respects that my kids are infact MY KIDS. She doesnt tell me how I SHOULD raise them (occassionally she will make a suggestion, but usually just a passing comment), doesnt tell me what I am doing wrong (althought she might tell my husband, but I usually agree with her ) and she by NO MEANS undermines my authority. I am the mom, she is the grandma, and she follows that role very very well.
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#63 of 68 Old 09-09-2009, 02:05 PM
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I'm also blessed with a wonderful MIL - I only wish she lived closer so she could spend more time with us and her granddaughter (we're in MN, she's in ND)! Not only did she think it was "pretty cool" that I was planning a homebirth, she also thinks I'm doing a great job by BFing, having the crib in our bedroom (although we didn't have much choice about that), holding the baby as much as she wants, and not doing CIO.

 reading.gif Wife to DH geek.gif  since 08/06. Mother to Eleanor Rose energy.gif, born 10/12/08.  h20homebirth.gif
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#64 of 68 Old 09-09-2009, 02:10 PM
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OK, I have had this same thought as well because I now have a little boy but I also cannot stand my MIL and most people I know have similar situations. I have begun trying to pinpoint why and think about it so that I can keep it in mind later in life.

I started out wanting to like my MIL and was excited to have a relationship with her, but from the very begining she was rude to me and I felt like she was trying to compete with me. She would order me around when we came to visit and never visited us until we had kids and now just tells us she's coming to stay, which makes me respond by saying we already have plans out of annoyance. I think she was intimidated or threatened at first and in turn acted poorly and now has a hard time letting go of her "in charge" attitude. She is also a busy body who tells anyone who will listen your personal biz and has complainted about me to random people in her town which has gotten back to me through DH's friends wife from her MIL. This has made me very closed mouth with her which makes chatting difficult.

Anyway, I would just try to keep in mind when you get to that point that your son loves his wife for a reason and she is a bigger part of his life from that point forward and try to get to know her for who she is and understand where she is coming from rather than trying to compete or tell her how to do things, how to love your son or talk about her to others. OH, and always ask if you can come for a visit and don't tell her you are coming to stay. Basically treat them with respect and don't act as though you still have any control over your son but show that you would like to be involved in their life because you love them. I think trying to understand how she grew up are useful. For instance, just because you have a huge family that all stayed in the same small town and everyones doors were always open to each other to just walk in and start eatting their food without any discussion, does not mean these same rules will apply in your grown sons home once he is married with his own family. Trying to learn where their comfort zone is on many topics will be useful.

Kim - Mama to my two beautiful babes DD 05/2007 & DS 05/2009
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#65 of 68 Old 09-09-2009, 04:03 PM
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Don't worry about your grandkids ... DP's mom and I don't get along very well, but the kids love her.

 nak.gif Mommy to fencing.gifKai 2/03, hammer.gifCaden 1/08, energy.gif Kara 10/09, angel1.gif 3/21/13, &

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#66 of 68 Old 09-09-2009, 04:12 PM
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Originally Posted by Shera971 View Post
Do they drive me crazy sometimes? Absolutely! lol However, my mantra is "don't sweat the small stuff" and "look at the intention not the action". Did my MIL really mean to invade my personal boundaries when she did all my laundry for me or was she just trying to be helpful? Is she trying to say something about my cooking when she offers to cook for all the nights they are staying or does she realize how hard it is to work and take care of a family? I look at where her heart is and I know she means well and is only trying to help and show she cares (even though she might be a wee bit crazy!). I take solitude in the fact that my DH and I can laugh it off and continue with family bliss.
That is how I feel about my MIL too. DH is her only child, and our kids her only grandkids, so she feels very involved and close to us. Some of the things she brings up (like being worried that my kids don't like milk because they breastfed for so long -- she grew up on a dairy farm so is pretty indoctrinated or wondering why would I want DD's legs scrunched up in the carseat since she is still RF at 4 even though it is so much safer) make me a little s, but I know she worries about them because she loves them and wants the best for them. It's just sometimes what she feels best and what I feel is best is not always the same, but we agree to disagree and both know that the intentions are pure. Same with her coming to visit and dusting my house...I know I don't dust enough and it drives her nuts, but at the same time, she is not complaining about it, she is trying to help me out. She is great to talk to and shop with too. And really awesome on the food! : So I love her and respect and appreciate her years of experience with raising and all the love she has given DH and that she sees myself and the kiddos as an extension of that. I have no issues whatsoever if she wants to sit in the rocking chair and rock my baby after he/she has fallen asleep for an hour. I think I will keep her.

Jill stillheart.gif Chris (7/96), mommy to 3 sweet redheads: jumpers.gif Matthew autismribbon.gif (12/02), Michelle (8/05) and Marissa (1/10). Nursing since 2002.
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#67 of 68 Old 09-09-2009, 04:18 PM
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I have a great relationship with my MIL, she lives over 5000 miles away and I never talk to her or see her!
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#68 of 68 Old 09-09-2009, 05:25 PM
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I basically have TWO sets of in-laws since DH's parents got divorced when he was 3, each remarried and went on to have 2 more each. So there's 2 sets of in-laws and their kids... AND I ADORE THEM ALL!!!

They have been so welcoming from the very start, which is awesome in and of itself, but when you add to it that I'm 10 yrs older than DH, his mom had him when she was a teenager, so I'm only 8 yrs younger than his mom... it's kind of especially wonderful that she's been so supportive and approving of me as his wife/mom to her first grandchild.

Both sets of in-laws have been very supportive, they all call me to see how me and the baby are doing (even though they call their son directly too to check, they check with me also because they know I know more! ) And a couple times when DH and I have been going through a really rough spot, even though I'd never initiate a conversation about it, they have checked in on me and I've shared a little of what's going on and they always talk to him in a really supportive way (supportive of both of us) and they have helped us get through 2 of the worst fights we've ever ever had.

We just got back from a trip to see one set, and the other set is coming to visit later this year. I feel really lucky, they are all great people. And my parents ain't too shabby themselves - DH really likes his in-laws too!
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