ADD Support Thread *THREE* - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 284 Old 09-14-2009, 12:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Our last thread got a bit unweildy, so for our third installment......................

It's late and I'm going to bed. Really.

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#2 of 284 Old 09-14-2009, 12:32 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh, and why is it that my ADD seems to get WORSE around the holidays? This is the second year in a row that I picked out my sermon anthems the week of Rosh Hashanah. :

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#3 of 284 Old 09-14-2009, 02:24 PM
 
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yeah, mine does too... I just cannot keep that many plates spinning at one tme...it makes me :



so I am done with this class, and as expected, am completely aimless and unmotivated until I can adjust to the lack of stress.



on a happy note....

: I got my first PPAF! :

I was hopeing she would show soon, I feel soooo much less foggy! I do need to go to the store for some iron, though..

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#4 of 284 Old 09-14-2009, 02:43 PM
 
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I'm a diagnosed ADD mama. DS is a diagnosed ADD kiddo (non-hyperactive). Just thought I'd share since I'm new to the thread. I'm definitely going to check out the previous ADD Support Threads. Thanks for starting- I could use a little support.

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#5 of 284 Old 09-14-2009, 04:19 PM
 
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subbing..
Was wondering what PPAF was, but I think I figured it out before posting(-:
Jessica

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#6 of 284 Old 09-14-2009, 04:49 PM
 
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Shew!

Heh, that's I face, once I get a kid off my lap I should do something constructive/productive, but I don't want to.

Yay, glad you're glad, Heidi. It helps to have PPAF? I'm thrilled for NOT having it. We're at 13 weeks postpartum, so twice as long as the first time so far!

Mama to 2 year old and :: June 14th!
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#7 of 284 Old 09-14-2009, 06:13 PM
 
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Hello, ladies!

I'm patting myself on the back because I reclaimed about 5 square feet of floor space in the laundry room today. And over came an emotional block.

Two years ago I got it into my head that I would make beer. My mom and dad made beer a few times when I was a kid. I have their old bottle capper. You need a couple of big containers for fermenting, and my girlfriend's husband actually has the proper glass ones, called carboys. They're enormous glass bottles, basically. He lent them to me, I tucked them into the corner of the laundry room and... well, you know what happened.

:

Today I dusted the bottles off and returned them. Hooray!

I seriously have a lot of issues about expectations and 'the way things should be' wound up with my mom. She was very talented, creative and hard working. Aside from making beer, she made root beer, canned fruits and vegetables, sewed prolifically, knitted and crocheted, put on fantastic dinners, wall-papered, painted, gardened, and just on and on. And she was good at all of it. And she worked full time (teacher, two months off in the summer).

You know, I don't even like beer that much. It feels good to own that.

We had dinner at my brother and sil's home yesterday and we figured out that it's my turn to host Thanksgiving dinner. Yay! I love Thanksgiving! :

Our house is a bit of a mess. That's an understatement. Dh and I stayed up late last night talking about how things got this way and what we think we can do about it. We've had this conversation many times before. But I've been in therapy and have been working very hard. I think I've made quite a bit of progress, and it's finally paying off.

I know, returning a couple of objects to their owner and clearing up a corner of the laundry room doesn't sound like a big victory, per se. But it's huge to me.

Someone moved my effing cheese.
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#8 of 284 Old 09-14-2009, 06:16 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MissMaegie'sMama View Post
I'm a diagnosed ADD mama. DS is a diagnosed ADD kiddo (non-hyperactive). Just thought I'd share since I'm new to the thread. I'm definitely going to check out the previous ADD Support Threads. Thanks for starting- I could use a little support.
Hi! Welcome!

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subbing..
Was wondering what PPAF was, but I think I figured it out before posting(-:
Jessica


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Originally Posted by Maggirayne View Post
Shew!

Heh, that's I face, once I get a kid off my lap I should do something constructive/productive, but I don't want to.

Yay, glad you're glad, Heidi. It helps to have PPAF? I'm thrilled for NOT having it. We're at 13 weeks postpartum, so twice as long as the first time so far!
glad I'm not the only one, M...once the adrenaline fades, I'm

well, I think the hormonal build up beforehand was causing brain fog. Now that it's here, I feel much clearer. 11 months was long enough!
plus, my pretty mama cloth was just sitting around waiting for me!



now I'm just waiting for my grades...

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#9 of 284 Old 09-14-2009, 08:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Congrats, journeymom! I totally get it - when I can actually get to my piano, I'm thrilled.

Congrats to you, Heidi! I think you're insane, but I'm happy for you!

Feeling very accomplished that I've put EVERY ONE of my students' assignments into the computer tonight. : That's a first! I need to keep up with this habit.

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#10 of 284 Old 09-14-2009, 09:14 PM
 
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Subbing!
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#11 of 284 Old 09-15-2009, 01:00 AM
 
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journeymom....just :

and about Thanksgiving...oh my!

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#12 of 284 Old 09-15-2009, 01:02 AM
 
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Congrats, journeymom! I totally get it - when I can actually get to my piano, I'm thrilled.

Congrats to you, Heidi! I think you're insane, but I'm happy for you!

Feeling very accomplished that I've put EVERY ONE of my students' assignments into the computer tonight. : That's a first! I need to keep up with this habit.

Sara, you may call me insane...I don't mind, really! Mama cloth makes AF 100% better. :

gotta run!

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#13 of 284 Old 09-17-2009, 11:36 AM
 
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hello!

DS1 demanded that we not go anywhere today! so we aren't.

so now I need to find soemthing to do for him besides videos.

HHmmmmm.....

I need to start a weekly routine foir him again..it worked so well while I was PG with Ds2..
did I mention that the baby is cutting 6 teeth?

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#14 of 284 Old 09-18-2009, 12:40 PM
 
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Ouch! That's a lot of teeth.

Someone moved my effing cheese.
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#15 of 284 Old 09-18-2009, 10:57 PM
 
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I really need to clean my house.....oh, sorry, where was I?



I really need to clean my house....

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#16 of 284 Old 09-19-2009, 10:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I made it through Rosh Hashanah. That's the easy one.




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#17 of 284 Old 09-19-2009, 10:49 PM
 
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Originally Posted by journeymom View Post
Hello, ladies!

I'm patting myself on the back because I reclaimed about 5 square feet of floor space in the laundry room today. And over came an emotional block.

Two years ago I got it into my head that I would make beer. My mom and dad made beer a few times when I was a kid. I have their old bottle capper. You need a couple of big containers for fermenting, and my girlfriend's husband actually has the proper glass ones, called carboys. They're enormous glass bottles, basically. He lent them to me, I tucked them into the corner of the laundry room and... well, you know what happened.

:

Today I dusted the bottles off and returned them. Hooray!

I seriously have a lot of issues about expectations and 'the way things should be' wound up with my mom. She was very talented, creative and hard working. Aside from making beer, she made root beer, canned fruits and vegetables, sewed prolifically, knitted and crocheted, put on fantastic dinners, wall-papered, painted, gardened, and just on and on. And she was good at all of it. And she worked full time (teacher, two months off in the summer).

You know, I don't even like beer that much. It feels good to own that.

We had dinner at my brother and sil's home yesterday and we figured out that it's my turn to host Thanksgiving dinner. Yay! I love Thanksgiving! :

Our house is a bit of a mess. That's an understatement. Dh and I stayed up late last night talking about how things got this way and what we think we can do about it. We've had this conversation many times before. But I've been in therapy and have been working very hard. I think I've made quite a bit of progress, and it's finally paying off.

I know, returning a couple of objects to their owner and clearing up a corner of the laundry room doesn't sound like a big victory, per se. But it's huge to me.
Can I ask a question? how exactly does therapy help with ADD? I'm sorry if that sounded snarky, I don't mean it that way, I really am curious, because I have my first appt with a counseling center on Tuesday and I have no idea what to expect or what direction it should take. I'm just really curious (and nervous) about what to expect but I am hoping for big changes! I cannot stand the state of my life anymore.

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#18 of 284 Old 09-19-2009, 11:20 PM
 
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I made it through Rosh Hashanah. That's the easy one.



I'm very proud!

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Can I ask a question? how exactly does therapy help with ADD? I'm sorry if that sounded snarky, I don't mean it that way, I really am curious, because I have my first appt with a counseling center on Tuesday and I have no idea what to expect or what direction it should take. I'm just really curious (and nervous) about what to expect but I am hoping for big changes! I cannot stand the state of my life anymore.
My sister told me to go have Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. THey basically teach you how to think about what you're thinking. It helps with breaking destructive thought cycles...

hhmmmm...journeymom, is it a different kind than that?

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#19 of 284 Old 09-20-2009, 12:26 AM
 
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hmmm....so it's kind of like talking yourself through life? I do that now, lol. But obviously not very effectively.

Can they offer medication to go along with it? I really think I'm at the point now where I need a little chemical help to get out of my rut and feel better. Or does that alter the effectiveness of being in therapy? Also, how long term is the therapy? I would imagine that it takes a long time of repeated sessions to make a difference. Sorry, I should probably google this, right....

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#20 of 284 Old 09-20-2009, 03:14 AM
 
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You should definitely google 'cognitive behavioral therapy'.

I've tried therapists off and on for 24 years. It was all useless until I started the medications. I'd just sit there and talk about my mother and while it was nice to get validation some times, 99% of it was a waste of my time.

About 15 years ago I started an antidepressant. About 7 years ago I started a mood stabilizer. They were monumentally helpful. I was able to calm down enough, focus enough, so I didn't fly off the handle every time my kids/husband/dog pissed me off. But notice I took them for years. I only started therapy about a year ago. I really think the full benefits of medications aren't realized for a lonnnng time after a person first starts taking them, years later.

I think my present-day therapy wouldn't be nearly so helpful except that I've been on these medications that have helped condition my present state of mind. I wouldn't be able to focus on a thought long enough to benefit from the therapy.

The thing is, I've been doing a lot of self therapy my whole life. I've been observing myself interacting with the world, and wondering why I am the way I am. What does it mean about me that I did this just now?

And, yes, how did my parents, how did my relationship with my mom make me the person I am today?

Read 'Feeling Good' by David Burns. I learned how to catch myself thinking unhelpful thoughts. See my signature, testing my thoughts for accuracy. That's what I'm trying to get in the habit of doing. I tend to 'read minds'. For example, I'll think that if DH says thus and such he really means something else. Which leads to all sorts of distorted conclusions. So I periodically stop and wonder, is he actually being snarky and sarcastic? Should I take offense? Or is he really just curious about why I did something? He loves me. I know I tend to distort. I should give him the benefit of the doubt.

It's really hard work.

I think what my therapist and I are doing is not CBT, it's 'intensive short term dynamic psychotherapy'. From wikipedia:

ISTDP's primary goal is to help the patient overcome internal resistance to experiencing true feelings about the present and past which have been warded off because they are either too frightening or too painful. The technique is intensive in that it aims to help the patient experience these warded-off feelings to the maximum degree possible; it is short-term in that it tries to achieve this experience as quickly as possible; it is dynamic because it involves working with unconscious forces and transference feelings.

But I've heard over and over that CBT is one of the most helpful types of therapy.

Someone moved my effing cheese.
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#21 of 284 Old 09-20-2009, 12:38 PM
 
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I'm not really sure how the whole counseling thing works quite yet. For me, it started to get a formal diagnosis, and that part just finished. Unfortunatly I have not been able to go to many appts since then (longer story).
My doctor is trying to give me ideas to work on to help me manage the ADD. I have an ADD workbook that he recommended and it does seem like it will be useful.
For examples, it gives concrete strategies to help with general organization- starting an appointment book (or calendar) and having one to-do list, prioritizing it, thinking of your long term goals, breaking things down into pieces.
This is the book he recommended: Mastering Your Adult ADHD: A Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment Program Client Workbook (Treatments That Work) Steven Safren and other authors
I'm actually looking into coaching too and have subscribed (I think it was $17.00/month) to ADD Classes and have downloaded many of the classes to listen to.
I actually think the coaching would be a little more helpful for me because I like the idea of easier access- I could email a coach a quick question or check in on the phone, but it seems more formal with my therapist, so I'm going weeks/month between appointments. There are individual and group coaching (less expensive) programs. And you can have a virtual coach online or look for one that you can meet face to face with.
The site I found is: http://www.addclasses.com/ although I think I found it off of another site that had some good stuff too.
They have online bookclubs, bootcamps, and support groups, the recorded classes and probably much more.
As with everything, finding someone you work well with is probably most important.
Jessica

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#22 of 284 Old 09-20-2009, 03:31 PM
 
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Jessica, that ADHD workbook looks very interesting. Is it something you can use by yourself or is it in conjunction with a therapist?

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#23 of 284 Old 09-20-2009, 09:19 PM
 
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You are supposed to use it with a therapist, but I think it could work well to use it. I think it also recommends asking a partner (or selected other person) to go through it with you. I say I think, because my husband is going through it with me, but I can't remember if the book suggested that or my doctor though it woud be a good idea.

I think using it with a coach would also be fine. I'm not far enough into the book to really know if the main reason to use it with a therapist is for the accountability factor.

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#24 of 284 Old 09-20-2009, 10:38 PM
 
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jess, and journeymom- Those are very interesting things you're doing! I am very intrigued by the workbook. I wonder though, I do make lists, and if I'm completely neurotic about them (like lists OF lists ) they do work- for a short time.

Did I tell you all about the certified organizer lady I met at the library? She said that they actually went through specific training on how to coach people who have ADD/ADHD!!! I kept saying things like, "Yeah, I have an organizer/zipper thingy" and she'd interrupt me to ask, "and does it work for you?" (no!) "Then I tried a calendar for on my fridge-" "and did that work?" (umm- no!)

Oh how I wish I had the money to hire her!

Journymom, you said,
"The thing is, I've been doing a lot of self therapy my whole life. I've been observing myself interacting with the world, and wondering why I am the way I am. What does it mean about me that I did this just now? "

And I just went because when my sister told me abut CBT, I laughed hysterically and told her I'd been doing that my whole life!

would you mind telling me what mood stabiliser you are taking?

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#25 of 284 Old 09-21-2009, 12:20 PM
 
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yes, its me again.

I have drafted a list of rules which I will be posting on my front door.

HOUSE RULES:

1- in this house, priority is given to the smallest and least capable.

2- if you either have ADD yourself, live with someone who does, have ever answered the door while nursing your baby, or frequently need to wash dishes before you can eat or cook, disregard the rest of these rules and come on in!

3- upon entering my house, you will be greeted with a look of sheer terror. I will begin nervously cleaning around you.

4- You will be offered coffee or tea, but you will have to wait while I wash a spoon and mug.

5- do not under any circumstances ask to use my bathroom. There is Turkey Hill across the street.

6- do not expect to have anywhere to sit.

7- yes, the piles of laundry on the couch are clean.

8- no, no one has ever gotten sick from my cooking.

9- please understand, I love you, but I hate having visitors. Next time you visit, please give me a week's notice, and call ahead before you leave your house. (*If you have ADD, or mommy brain, and read the list anyway, rule 9 excludes you, please feel free to drop by anytime!)

Thank you.

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#26 of 284 Old 09-21-2009, 01:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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yes, its me again.

I have drafted a list of rules which I will be posting on my front door.

HOUSE RULES:

1- in this house, priority is given to the smallest and least capable.

2- if you either have ADD yourself, live with someone who does, have ever answered the door while nursing your baby, or frequently need to wash dishes before you can eat or cook, disregard the rest of these rules and come on in!

3- upon entering my house, you will be greeted with a look of sheer terror. I will begin nervously cleaning around you.

4- You will be offered coffee or tea, but you will have to wait while I wash a spoon and mug.

5- do not under any circumstances ask to use my bathroom. There is Turkey Hill across the street.

6- do not expect to have anywhere to sit.

7- yes, the piles of laundry on the couch are clean.

8- no, no one has ever gotten sick from my cooking.

9- please understand, I love you, but I hate having visitors. Next time you visit, please give me a week's notice, and call ahead before you leave your house. (*If you have ADD, or mommy brain, and read the list anyway, rule 9 excludes you, please feel free to drop by anytime!)

Thank you.
Awesome rules! I clean around people, too.

I'm sick, sick, sick with a nasty cold. I have a week to get over this before Yom Kippur. DS has spent the whole morning screaming and whining, and the dog keeps trying to take his food. All I want to do is sleep!

*waiting for DH to get home*

Sara caffix.gif, Keith 2whistle.gif, Toby 6/08superhero.gif, Nomi 4/10blahblah.gif, Mona 1/12 hammer.gif

 

Mama of three, lover, student rabbi, spoonie, friend, musician, narcoleptic, space muffin, pretty much a dragon. Crunchy like matzoh.

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#27 of 284 Old 09-21-2009, 01:21 PM
 
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Heidi, those are wonderful! I will begin nervously cleaning around you. That's totally me. They're all me.

My current mood stabilizer is Lamictal. I've been on it for almost three years. Just a month ago I cut back the dosage. I was feeling like the medication was working too well, now.

1) My kids are 14 and 10 y.o. and are less challenging than when they were little. 2) I'm better at this mothering thing than I used to be. 3) the medication calmed me down enough that I learned how I can behave when I'm not a whirling vortex of anxiety, so I want to see if I can do that on my own, without as much of the medication.

So far so good, though I had a bout of "I'm a horrible mother, my kids are growing up and I still haven't done this and that for them and I'm a big loser" insomnia last night. I haven't had that kind of lying in bed, trying to go to sleep anxiety in a while.

Without as much medication I can laugh a little more, I actually have more expression on my face. I'm a little more irritable, but not unbearably so.

Prior to the Lamictal I took Depakote. It's was even more effective, I guess. I loved it, because I started it when I was in a very dark place, just full of anxiety. It's like a blunt instrument while the Lamictal is more nuanced and precise. I switched from the Depakote to the Lamictal when I felt capable of allowing some real emotions back in.

It's like Depakot was the valve to the water main to the whole house. I shut off the water to the whole house, and it was an enormous relief to be out of the flood. Lamictal controls the water faucets in the house, and some can be open and flowing while others are off. I'm not afraid of being flooded anymore, so I can have the water main back on.

I'll be especially vigilant come January and February when I tend to get very depressed. We'll see what happens. I just want to take as little medication as I can.

===============

Edited to add:

Mopped the entry way/dining room floor yesterday! It's a big expanse of laminate floor. It's always been a drag to mop with the sponge roller mop because it always leaves streaks. You look at it and think, well, at least you can tell she cleaned it.

But I finally picked up one of those rectangular, wide, flat terry-cloth mops. I found some Method floor cleaner on clearance and used them together. The mop is perfect for that stupid floor. It leaves hardly any streaks! It looks clean, not cleaned.

I tell you, though, that floor is a bear to clean, even with the nifty mop. It's just so big. No wonder I never get around to it. Maybe because I add an extra step, and use the Swiffer after I sweep, before I mop.

The Method floor cleaning stuff says it's almond-scented. It smells like baby powder to me.

=============

PS, Heidi, what's Turkey Hill?

May I copy your house rules?

Someone moved my effing cheese.
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#28 of 284 Old 09-21-2009, 02:54 PM
 
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Originally Posted by smeisnotapirate View Post
I'm sick, sick, sick with a nasty cold. I have a week to get over this before Yom Kippur.
Sara, my husband is Jewish and I, at one point, wanted to try to do many of the Jewish holidays and customs. I have been too overwhelmed and intimidated to do it, although I did manage to do shabbot often and then after the kids I had been doing it at least monthly, although somehow that has totally slacked off... wow how does that happen?
Plus my husband doesn't really want to 'help', so my incentive is stifled. I mean he'd LOVE it if I did things, but he can't even tell me the basics of what I should do and isn't one to help (or do something himself), so I'd have to read a book, remember it all, try to adapt it to what we could do, and follow a guideline of some sort (or my own list) and go all off in trying not to do too much/be overwhelmed. Not working for me... but I DO oddly feel better relating this to having ADD and realizing its not 'just' me being silly.

Anyways, I was thinking about how the holidays and especially a weekly shabbot would sure mean a lot of planning and preparations for those that are Jewish. I guess that might either be a good learning /practice experience to help someone (with ADD) 'learn' some planning organizing.... or just a constant source of stress/frustration. I was thinking the first, but now really thinking of it and remembering how hard it was for our family to be 'on time' when we went to church weekly, I could see it being #2. And the fact that the calendar is soo different I find is really confusing.
Oh, I remember those times where I realized we didn't have any wine, but I had planned a whole nice shabbot meal. So we improvised with juice. I have actually gone to the grocery store to pick up things for Passover only to discover that almost everything had sold out. And when Hanukkah falls weeks before Christmas I am sooo surprised. So it is probably a good thing that my dh's relatives that are Jewish are all very laid back and my dh doesn't really mind.
As for my family/traditions, I'm always figuring out gifts and gift giving at the last minute, and always up till late the night before Christmas wrapping presents. But I do feel a certain increased discomfort because the Jewish traditions are ones I'm not 'used' to

Anyways, a ramble.... Hope you feel better!
L'shona tova

Jessica

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#29 of 284 Old 09-21-2009, 05:13 PM
 
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Originally Posted by smeisnotapirate View Post
Awesome rules! I clean around people, too.

I'm sick, sick, sick with a nasty cold. I have a week to get over this before Yom Kippur. DS has spent the whole morning screaming and whining, and the dog keeps trying to take his food. All I want to do is sleep!

*waiting for DH to get home*
I hope your cold gets better! I hope Toby gets happier! ITU about waiting for DH to come home. I may complain about mine but I seem to spend an awful lot of time waiting for him to be home!

you know all about my rules! you've been here!


journeymom- way to go on the floor. The method stuff doesn't do so well on old vinyl. it did work really well to clean the toddler potty tho'

The Lamictal sounds ideal...I rarely get into a place I can't CBT my way out of, but I get SO distracted by what I feel, that it'd be nice to have a 'valve' for each 'faucet' , YK? and to you that you've made it till your dc's are 10 and 14!!!! I'll either have killed mine, or died from exhaustion myself at that point.

You are welcome to my rules! And Turkey Hill is a gas station/convenience store that magically appear about every 100 yards while driving in Lancaster County.

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#30 of 284 Old 09-21-2009, 06:44 PM
 
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Originally Posted by heidirk View Post
The Lamictal sounds ideal...I rarely get into a place I can't CBT my way out of, but I get SO distracted by what I feel, that it'd be nice to have a 'valve' for each 'faucet' , YK? and to you that you've made it till your dc's are 10 and 14!!!! I'll either have killed mine, or died from exhaustion myself at that point.
Oh! I didn't make it clear. I started the depakote when my son was 3 years old and my daughter was 7 y.o. We had just moved to this bigger house and my son was, well, very challenging. I sought help when I found myself spanking the kids more and more often, and was angry all the time and was definitely on my way to a spot on the evening news. So I've been taking a mood stabilizer for seven years.

Someone moved my effing cheese.
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