Puzzled by ds' extreme obsession with sweets (long) - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 71 Old 09-18-2009, 01:31 PM
 
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My daughter loves sweets... we do restrict sweets... especially processed ones. At 3-4 I don't think she was able to understand the value of why we don't eat them and I have noticed that now (she's 5) even though she still wants them, she understands that they're not healthy choices.

Also... unrestricted doesn't really work for me because I believe that modelling healthy eating will have the longest impact and we don't eat alot of sweets. To have access to readily available sweets in my mind doesn't communicate our beliefs about food and nutrition to my kids.
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#62 of 71 Old 09-19-2009, 11:47 PM
 
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Sounds like you have a good plan. Just because you allow a bit more sweets doesn't mean it can't be on your terms. When we go to certain grocery stores I'll let DS choose a bar of good quality chocolate and he has a piece or two on the way home. I keep it in the cupboard and whenever he thinks of it, he's allowed to have some. It's really "his" chocolate, but when I say he's had enough, he doesn't argue, he just double-checks with me that he can have another piece tomorrow/later/when daddy gets home, whatever. Usually a regular bar lasts at least a week in our house. We also have huge bags of candy in the house (1) because I buy these non-HFCS lollipops in bulk and (2) his grandma loves candy and always sends him bags. I keep it on top of the fridge, sort of out of sight, and occasionally he asks for those things. But honestly it works out to one or two pieces of candy a few times a week. I don't even sweat it. I worry more about the amount of cheese DS eats because he'll ask for that multiple times a day!
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#63 of 71 Old 09-20-2009, 12:19 AM
 
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Originally Posted by StrawberryFields View Post
You know, THIS I think I could live with. A couple M&Ms after lunch would be totally OK with me, even if it was every day. IMO that would not be a big deal, but maybe since it is his beloved CANDY he would chill out a little.

Or maybe it is a physical problem and it will lead to him wanting more, more, more, more. I can honestly see it going both ways. But my first reaction is that it would not be a bad way to test the waters and see what happens.
strawberry fields i think this is a good plan. you just dont know why he is wanting the sugar. it could go either way. he may want it for the addiction of it, or he could go for health reason. just so you know kids need sugar. they need it for the brain. in fact here is research being done with autistic children and the sugar connection. i am not sure what form that sugar has to be in.

your son is probably getting enough sugar.

i have gone thru a lot with my obsessive dd over candy. and yes candy - NOT food. i think by 3 i gave in. mind you i know how you feel because i am a savory kinda gal. i am soooo not into sweets or dessert. i hate anything sweet for bfast. i even hate sweet in my food like teriyaki sauce.

in my situation i sense with my dd that it was more than just a craving or obsession. i listened to my gut and gave her candy when i wasnt ok with it. no soda yet. that didnt happen till 5. she gorged herself on chocolate cake and that was the end of it. from 3 onwards she always asked for it but whenever seh got a chocolate cake - or any cake she ate maybe two bites and that was enough. i think for her it was also a combination that SHE was making the decision.

by the time she was 6 she was self regulating. and she continues to do so now too. we dont eat candy everyday. however sometiimes its every day sometimes it not for weeks. i think dd just has a sweet tooth and she would enjoy a little candy whenever she feels the desire. just for the taste and flavor. many times i have to throw candy away because its been sitting for a long time.

i think its a great idea that you experiment and find a balance between what you want and he wants. but remember intially it will take him time to get used to having candy more often. so the asking might get more intense. but if he knows he will get it regularly maybe it wont be such a forbidden fruit.

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#64 of 71 Old 09-20-2009, 06:36 PM
 
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Since it sounds like chocolate is what your ds wants, I would just try to find healthier types of chocolate to give him.

Chocolate milk would be good.

I also like to melt together equal parts of semi-sweet chocolate chips and natural nut/seed butters (we use sunflower seed butter), and I'll spread it on toast in the morning.
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#65 of 71 Old 09-20-2009, 07:00 PM
 
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Is it normal for kids to be allowed to eat candy on a normal day? Maybe the problem here is with me--I don't eat candy. I don't like it, I don't buy it, I don't eat it, I never have. I did not have candy in the home growing up. Determining how much candy is reasonable to eat in one day seems super strange to me, because IMO *no* amount of candy is reasonable to eat in a day. Do other families really dole out candy every day/every week?
not neccesarily snickers bars and such but sugar cereal, chocolate milk (many kids get this daily), chcolate pudding, fruit snacks (many kids get these daily), things like pop tarts, granola bars with chocolate in them, chocolate chip cookies, ice cream, yogurt with candy bits and yeah a lot of kids get a little something every day even if it just a hershey kiss, a sucker at the grocery store, a little tiny candy bar bite, a peice of taffy or even gum......yeah, lots and lots of candy for the average american kid.

have you asked him what his deal is?

I would find something small you could indulge him with every day. a hershy kiss, 3 or 4 m&ms (or make a trail mix with peanuts and raisins which will make it seem like a bigger treat but the amount of chocolate will be minimal), a small glass of chocolate milk (although get some syrup, 8 0z of the premixed stuff has more chocolate and sugar than a large candy bar, this way you can add just enough to color it brown).

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#66 of 71 Old 09-20-2009, 07:04 PM
 
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OMG I am glad to have found this thread. This is a big issue in our home too. I didn't grow up eating candy AT ALL. We ate healthy home cooked food. Occassionally we had donuts or something as we grew older. But no candy.

Dh grew up with TONS of candy everyday. He gives candy to the kids and they become obsessed with it. No matter how many discussions we have about it, there's still candy in the house. I do restrict it as dd1 is OBSESSED with it. But there are times I simply call a candy moratorium and insist on eating only healthy foods. It drives me freaking batty.

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#67 of 71 Old 09-20-2009, 08:53 PM
 
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Originally Posted by lilyka View Post
not neccesarily snickers bars and such but sugar cereal, chocolate milk (many kids get this daily), chcolate pudding, fruit snacks (many kids get these daily), things like pop tarts, granola bars with chocolate in them, chocolate chip cookies, ice cream, yogurt with candy bits and yeah a lot of kids get a little something every day even if it just a hershey kiss, a sucker at the grocery store, a little tiny candy bar bite, a peice of taffy or even gum......yeah, lots and lots of candy for the average american kid.

have you asked him what his deal is?

I would find something small you could indulge him with every day. a hershy kiss, 3 or 4 m&ms (or make a trail mix with peanuts and raisins which will make it seem like a bigger treat but the amount of chocolate will be minimal), a small glass of chocolate milk (although get some syrup, 8 0z of the premixed stuff has more chocolate and sugar than a large candy bar, this way you can add just enough to color it brown).

None of those items you listed were normal when I grew up and are not in our house now. We do buy candy on occasion, when my husband's sweet tooth takes over his brain, but we don't keep anything like the things you mentioned.

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#68 of 71 Old 09-20-2009, 09:02 PM
 
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OP, I don't have any constructive suggestions, but I just wanted you to know that we eat like you do (actually, I think we are probably somewhat more restrictive) and DD has no obsession with sugar at all. I mean, she loves ice cream and Halloween excites her, but right now there is a bag of candy on the counter that she got out of a pinata that she has forgotten about. She also never gets around to finishing her Halloween candy, which we dole out a couple of pices per day as long as she asks for it.

I'm NOT at all gloating! Instead I am pointing out that there is certainly no 1:1 correlation where a kid who eats like that is bound to be obsessed and feel deprived or something, as some posters seem to be implying. She just isn't that interested. I could try to claim it's because we've raised her right but I suspect some of this is biological or inborn. FWIW, I don't have much of a sweet tooth and my husband (who is very slender) has even less.

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#69 of 71 Old 09-20-2009, 09:40 PM
 
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Also...this is going to sound kind of woo-woo...

Do you suppose it's possible that for some reason this is just the area where your DS needs to feel powerful and in control, where he needs to try to fight you and assert his desires and preferences? My DD does not battle us over food, and she also has never been very interested in acquiring "stuff." However, she locks horns with us all the time over other matters (for instance, issues with bodily integrity--hairbrushing, toothbrushing...used to be diapering and dressing). I know other kids for whom it seems to be issues of where the family goes or does not go and when. Maybe for your DS, it is food? Have you had issues with what he eats before? Could you involve him more in food generally? Like, cooking and meal planning?

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#70 of 71 Old 09-20-2009, 11:58 PM
 
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None of those items you listed were normal when I grew up and are not in our house now. We do buy candy on occasion, when my husband's sweet tooth takes over his brain, but we don't keep anything like the things you mentioned.

I don't think it is normal for the majority of the people here, certainly not and I don't keep any of that around my house but I used to teach preschoolers and I saw these things in their lunches every single day. People (main stream america) seem to think there are some sort of virture in granola bars and fruit snacks and chocolate milk when all of these are just glorified candy.

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#71 of 71 Old 09-21-2009, 10:22 AM
 
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Instead I am pointing out that there is certainly no 1:1 correlation where a kid who eats like that is bound to be obsessed and feel deprived or something, as some posters seem to be implying. She just isn't that interested. I could try to claim it's because we've raised her right but I suspect some of this is biological or inborn.
I agree with this.
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