Do you enjoy being a mama? - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: Do you enjoy being a mama?
I absolutely love it all the time 71 15.60%
I love it most of the time, but I have my moments. 254 55.82%
It depends on the day 79 17.36%
I love my kids but i don't really enjoy mothering 44 9.67%
I honestly don't enjoy mothering at all 4 0.88%
other 3 0.66%
Voters: 455. You may not vote on this poll

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#91 of 115 Old 09-26-2009, 09:57 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Ruthla View Post
I am REALLY really wondering about the content of that study, and how they defined "happiness." I have a couple of childless friends (not by choice, childless by "not yet meeting Mr. Right") and their lives just seem to empty compared to mine. I see this wistful longing on their faces when they see me with my kids. Sure, they get to do all kinds of "entertainment" that I can't afford, but is that really happiness?
I know many childless women, ages 30-65, and I can't think of one of them who regrets it. I've certainly never seen any wistfulness. All have rich lives, fulfilling and challenging careers, great networks of friends of family. Having a child isn't the only way to find happiness or fulfillment.
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#92 of 115 Old 09-27-2009, 01:46 AM
 
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I enjoy it the majority of the time. I like being a SAHM, like being a mom, feel it's what I'm supposed to be doing. But...I think how my marriage would be if we didn't have children and I do feel a little regret. Not regretful that we had them, just regretful for the couple we used to be when we didn't have the worries and stresses of parenting two littles. And we started late--we're both 40--so in 20 years when the big payoff comes, we may be too old to enjoy it!

Finding couple time has been really hard. I'm wondering if most of the "love it all the time" people have a great support system. We don't, so it's DH or I on call 24/7.
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#93 of 115 Old 09-27-2009, 09:48 AM
 
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I'm wondering if most of the "love it all the time" people have a great support system.
Sooo true for us.

It is really wonderful to have 2 sets of grandparents and a sister that are as madly in love with my children as I am. It makes time out with DH, friends, or even just grocery shopping solo possible and enjoyable. It is very hard for me to leave my children at all, if I didn't have our family, I don't know what I'd do.

If it's even possible, my father may actually be more in love with my LO's than I am
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#94 of 115 Old 09-27-2009, 03:49 PM
 
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I couldn't in all honesty vote I have my moments because even in the midst of those moments, I didn't regret being a mom. I never wished that I never had kids. Even in the midst of all the drama/stress of raising a bi polar child without a diagnosis or medications, I never thought "I wish Erica wasn't Erica." or "I wish that Erica was never born."
And, again, it's a matter of how we interpret the question and the answers. I've never regretted having kids. I've never wished I never had kids. I've never thought "I wish ds2 were never born". I still have my moments where I don't love mothering. Regretting having kids or wishing my children were never born doesn't come into it.

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I love being a mom. There are moments that I'm not IN love with being a mom.
I love being a mom, too. I don't love any activity/occupation I've ever engaged in 100% of the time. I just don't. Mothering is no different.

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#95 of 115 Old 09-27-2009, 03:57 PM
 
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I know many childless women, ages 30-65, and I can't think of one of them who regrets it. I've certainly never seen any wistfulness. All have rich lives, fulfilling and challenging careers, great networks of friends of family. Having a child isn't the only way to find happiness or fulfillment.
Are they childless by choice, though? That makes a big difference. I have a close friend who always planned to have kids, but she finally ended up marrying an older man, who has grown kids. She's 40+, and he's about 50 and they're not going to have kids. She doesn't feel as though her life is over or anything - but I know she wishes she'd had kids. I've also got several friends/family friends (from early 40s to mid-to-late 60s) who are childless by choice and are very happy with that choice.

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#96 of 115 Old 09-27-2009, 04:31 PM
 
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I was and, at times, continue to be positively shocked by how much I enjoy being a mother. My main problem is sometimes I do not feel like I am doing a good enough job. But I love it and never expected to love it so much! Now I have a really hard time understanding how people do not love it ...
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#97 of 115 Old 09-27-2009, 05:53 PM
 
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I'm wondering if most of the "love it all the time" people have a great support system. We don't, so it's DH or I on call 24/7.
We don't have much of a support system. My husband's family live in other towns and we wouldn't trust any of them with our children. My parents live in another town and are busy with their careers, but they do make time once or twice a month to come to our house for social visits. The rest of my family live far away in Wisconsin and Oregon. We don't have babysitters or friends we'd trust with our children, either. I'm their primary caretaker and my husband earns the money.

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I was and, at times, continue to be positively shocked by how much I enjoy being a mother.
My main problem is sometimes I do not feel like I am doing a good enough job.
But I love it and never expected to love it so much!

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#98 of 115 Old 09-27-2009, 06:02 PM
 
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It's kind of funny because I have times when I honestly think how much I would love to go back to not having a child. I think about how nice it would be to have time to myself again. Then she will take a longer than usual nap or be at her friends house and I will be pacing up and down because I can function without her. I think mostly I enjoy being a mom, just not in our society. I don't think we get the support we need and that can lead to moments of questioning what we were thinking. Plus, we have no family close by so it's all us all the time and our daughter is very spirited and was a high needs baby with a dairy intolerance so my diet was restricted to boot. I actually am enjoying the "terrible" two's more than when she was a baby even though I miss her being a baby too!
I agree about what you say about society. I find that western society is so backwards compared to the rest of the world. The nuclear family norm in our society is the reason why so many parents are so stressed out. Homes are expected to function as independent units instead of living in tribes or villages. Before becoming a mom, I always thought the phrase "it takes a village" was corny. Now that I am a mom, I really do believe it to be true and feel that western society has it all wrong.

I also can't stand that my role as a SAHM is totally devalued and people tell me that I should put my daughter in preschool already when she is not even 2 yet! She's only 18 months old and in my eyes she is too young to be away from me too often. As she gets older, I have found myself wanting to be more social and do look forward to earning a paycheck, but right now, I feel I am doing what is best for my family.

I actually got asked by one man if all I did was sit around and watch TV all day! It's 4pm and this is the first break I got all day. Most days I am on my feet for the majority of the time. I could go on, but I won't. OK back to work...rant over.

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#99 of 115 Old 09-27-2009, 08:28 PM
 
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And, again, it's a matter of how we interpret the question and the answers. I've never regretted having kids. I've never wished I never had kids. I've never thought "I wish ds2 were never born". I still have my moments where I don't love mothering. Regretting having kids or wishing my children were never born doesn't come into it.
Thank you for saying that.

I'm not sure why people are reading the sentence, "...I have my moments" as "I regret having this child and wish they were never born."
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#100 of 115 Old 09-27-2009, 09:00 PM
 
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I have my moments, for sure. Having a special needs baby is so challenging sometimes...I can't even describe it for people with "typical" children. You just can't understand. Things are better now, but when she was first born and we learned about her issues, the constant doctor/hospital visits, the surgeries, the stress...god, I wanted to turn back the clock so bad!

We have come a long way since then, and I love my daughter beyond words and I'm so proud to be her mama, but sometimes I need a break! Those are the times when I merely like being a mother.

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#101 of 115 Old 09-28-2009, 03:21 AM
 
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It depends on the day...it can be really hard, but I think ultimately I'll look back on my life and be glad that I was a mother above all else.
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#102 of 115 Old 09-28-2009, 10:49 AM
 
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I love being a mama. I do have my "moments" but even when I have bad days I love it more than anything else.
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#103 of 115 Old 09-28-2009, 11:56 AM
 
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I wouldn't do it again if I could do it over. The birth of my son completely turned my identity upside down, inside out, and then tore it apart ---- along with my body. I've had so many complications. I've seen doctors, physical therapists, chiropractors, mental health therapists, and so on. I'm tired all the time. I don't ever have five minutes to recharge, and I'm running on fumes. Being a mother for me has been a miserable experience. I can't say there's one single thing about it that I full-heartedly enjoy.

If I had known about what happened to me during his birth, that we'd fail at breastfeeding and I'd be ostracized and criticized for this failure by others, that he'd have extreme colic for nearly 10 weeks, and that there'd nothing at all of myself from my pre-motherhood days ahead of time, I really truly wouldn't have gone through with it.

Will this change someday? Who knows? In order for that to happen, the physical pain would need to end, my body would need to freaking recover, and, honestly, something would have to happen to show me exactly why this has been worth it.


I might have missed it, but I don't see if you said how old your kiddo was.

Man, a couple of years ago I could have AND would have written your post.
My son was an awful sleeper until he was 2.5. 2.5!!! NEVER, ever slept through the night...I require at least 9 hrs of sleep to feel just below normal. Lol.
When I was on maternity leave he only slept for two hours straight at any given time. Plus, I had some major complications that left me anemic for a very long time. Those complications kept me from breastfeeding and, I too, felt failure. ::sad::
He was just not a happy baby. I had seriously thought I brought a soul into this world that just didn't want to be here.
I craved time alone, didn't want to do any of the mother things, there were times I could care less that every milestone was a miracle. I had a hard time admitting that being a mother was not what I envisioned.

Then when my ex tried to take him away from me something fierce woke up and I had a major paradigm shift, but if that hadn't happened I'm not sure where me and the kiddo would stand.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I fell yer pain and that I hope it changes for you.
Looking back, I think I would have missed out on some real miracles had my mindset not changed.

I wish you peace on your journey with your kiddo and that you guys find the groove that works for you both.

Center
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#104 of 115 Old 09-28-2009, 01:14 PM
 
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I think it's really hard to generalize.

I said I love it, but I have my moments, which is true now. If I'd voted in this poll when my babe was just a few months old, and I wasn't sleeping, and he wasn't sleeping, and nursing hurt...well, my answer would probably have been different!
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#105 of 115 Old 09-28-2009, 02:22 PM
 
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I love it and I strongly dislike it all at the same time.
My DD is 27 months and I'm just feeling a need to escape. I don't want to play blocks, draw with chalk, pick and wipe up crap off the floor, convince and explain all the time. I need breaks...I'm thinking of putting her in daycare a couple days a week.
When she was a baby, it was hard, but it was all kind of new and exciting as well. I was into all the new mommy things: "I'm breastfeeding, I'm co-sleeping, I'm babywearing, I'm cloth-diapering, WEEEEEEEEE, look at me!". I'm just not into it anymore, I don't want to be 24/7 mommy, I want to be just me sometimes. I'm sure as she gets older it will be easier to do both....but then I will have another little one eventually. I'm kind of freaked out to have another baby honestly, but I really really want DD to have a sibling, and I think they will eventually be able to play together and that would help everyone.
To summarize: I love her, I think she's awesome and hilarious, I just need free time.
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#106 of 115 Old 09-28-2009, 02:38 PM
 
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I have not read all the replies (there's a bunch!!) but I voted with the majority... that I love it most of the time but I have my moments. Who among us can TRULY say they don't?

For me, it's a matter of perspective. Due to many factors, some of them my fault and some of them not, I lost custody of my three oldest children when they were 6, 4, and 2. I have not seen my Mickie-Lamb since she was in diapers and she's about to turn 11. After I realized they were completely out of my reach (when x-dh moved them halfway across the country) I thought my life was completely without meaning. I fell into a less-than-healthy relationship and though part of me knew that, the majority of me didn't care. I just wanted my children. I had the experience of having children, feeling somewhat overwhelmed by motherhood, and then NOT having the children. It made me realize that I wanted my kids more than anything. This man told me he couldn't have any kids so that just made it worse.

(Obviously he was wrong.)

Now we have three together and I'd do anything to keep my children with me. That's not to say I don't have days where I realllllllly need some "ME" time, which I almost never get, but being a mom is who and what I am. I would not willingly go back to my pre-kid days (which was so long ago and so short-lived that I barely recall what being a childless adult was like). Sometimes it's hard for me to believe I'm done having kids now and just need to concentrate on raising the ones I've got. I'd love so much to be with all my kids, though honestly I don't know how I'd cope with six children under one roof.

I don't regret a single one of my children. They are my reason for being.


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#107 of 115 Old 09-28-2009, 02:42 PM
 
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I love it all the time, but sometimes, I don't like it......
Challanges come every single day and I only have 1 and she is only 15 months old. I want to have more children and wonder how it all plays out and how in the world I will have enough energy.

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#108 of 115 Old 09-28-2009, 03:30 PM
 
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This is a wonderful discussion and I'm really enjoying reading all the responses.

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Originally Posted by Thisbirdwillfly View Post
I'm not sure the poll numbers would be so different. I know a lot empty nesters who are very disappointed with the amount of time their children want to spend with them, how little input they have with their grandchildren and so on. The older people I know who did not have children tend to have more money and are a lot better at entertaining themselves on holidays and so on.

I think about that even here sometimes. Yes, it's wonderful to be in the all consuming years with your partner and children but for most of us that means that the people outside of our little bubble, including our parents, are getting a lot less attention. We'll be the ones on the outside looking in. I think I'm fairly well prepared for it but I'm sure it's got to hurt a bit from time to time.



I think this is very well said. My kid is nearly grown now but the continualy fight against the isolation and the feeling of not quite living up to what I thought was the ideal really wore me down over time.
I think about this a lot these days. My daughter is 14, a freshman in high school and I've been imagining how I'm going to respond when she leaves home, possibly in only 4 years! It just boggles my mind.

I've been contemplating my relationship with my mom lately, too, contemplating what I can do differently with my daughter so that I'm still friendly with her when she's an adult. Same with my son. Some of how I parent my kids now is with an eye on how I hope they will relate to me when they're adults.

And I'm trying to bear in mind that my children are supposed to move out and create their own lives, and it's, in fact, a sign I've done a good job as a mom. It's normal, anyway, so I'm trying to get used to the idea.

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#109 of 115 Old 09-28-2009, 08:00 PM
 
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And I'm trying to bear in mind that my children are supposed to move out and create their own lives, and it's, in fact, a sign I've done a good job as a mom. It's normal, anyway, so I'm trying to get used to the idea.
Same here. Somedays it is enough and I truly believe it. Other days are hard. My son is in his Senior year and so this our year of lasts. As much as I know I'm going to miss him, I wonder if next year will be easier? He'll be having this whole year of fantastic "firsts" at college and I cannot wait for him to experience it.

At the same time, I find myself with a lump in my thoat and tears in my eyes more often that I expected I would. Sometimes my heart and arms ache with an intensity unmatched since before he was born.
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#110 of 115 Old 09-28-2009, 08:05 PM
 
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Same here. Somedays it is enough and I truly believe it. Other days are hard. My son is in his Senior year and so this our year of lasts. As much as I know I'm going to miss him, I wonder if next year will be easier? He'll be having this whole year of fantastic "firsts" at college and I cannot wait for him to experience it.

At the same time, I find myself with a lump in my thoat and tears in my eyes more often that I expected I would. Sometimes my heart and arms ache with an intensity unmatched since before he was born.

DS1 is in 11th grade - I think that's a junior in the US system? - and I'm finding some of that creeping up on me, too. I think it would be even stronger if I didn't have the other three...

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#111 of 115 Old 09-28-2009, 08:06 PM
 
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I love my kids. I find motherhood so absolutely, unimaginably, wonderful and hell on earth. I find being 100% responsible for another life to be soul/life draining but at the same time to be soul/life rewarding. I would never give it up. But I wish I could have the love w/o the worry, guilt, anxiety.
: perfectly said.

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#112 of 115 Old 09-29-2009, 01:44 AM
 
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I love it and I strongly dislike it all at the same time.
My DD is 27 months and I'm just feeling a need to escape. I don't want to play blocks, draw with chalk, pick and wipe up crap off the floor, convince and explain all the time. I need breaks...I'm thinking of putting her in daycare a couple days a week.
When she was a baby, it was hard, but it was all kind of new and exciting as well. I was into all the new mommy things: "I'm breastfeeding, I'm co-sleeping, I'm babywearing, I'm cloth-diapering, WEEEEEEEEE, look at me!". I'm just not into it anymore, I don't want to be 24/7 mommy, I want to be just me sometimes. I'm sure as she gets older it will be easier to do both....but then I will have another little one eventually. I'm kind of freaked out to have another baby honestly, but I really really want DD to have a sibling, and I think they will eventually be able to play together and that would help everyone.
To summarize: I love her, I think she's awesome and hilarious, I just need free time.
This, totally. I've been thinking about this thread lately and trying to figure out what is wrong with me that I don't enjoy mothering all the time. And I guess your post really sums it up for me! Sometimes I just want to be me, maybe be selfish. I am SUCH a better mother when I have time to myself. My kids don't annoy me as much, I have much better patience and then I DO enjoy mothering. But I just can't really say I enjoy it ALL the time.

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#113 of 115 Old 09-29-2009, 03:39 AM
 
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I found it difficult in the beginning....I didn't really know many other moms and to be honest, didn't know what I was doing in general :s There were a few days where I was ready to lose it but I wouldn't change it for the world.

Today, my little monkey is 2 and I love her more and more every day. And seeing how much I've grown in the last 2 years is amazing and I am so excited to meet my new little one.

There are still some frustrating times that I want to pull my hair out, but I really think that's 'par for the course' and that will happen with anything you do in life. I have always wanted to be a mother and am incredibly happy....I wouldn't change it for anything! I have made wonderful friends and found some hobbies that I enjoy that allow me to show creativity etc....I find ways to challenge myself and better myself as a wife and mother. I think that is important.
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#114 of 115 Old 09-29-2009, 11:06 AM
 
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This is a wonderful discussion and I'm really enjoying reading all the responses.



I think about this a lot these days. My daughter is 14, a freshman in high school and I've been imagining how I'm going to respond when she leaves home, possibly in only 4 years! It just boggles my mind.

I've been contemplating my relationship with my mom lately, too, contemplating what I can do differently with my daughter so that I'm still friendly with her when she's an adult. Same with my son. Some of how I parent my kids now is with an eye on how I hope they will relate to me when they're adults.

And I'm trying to bear in mind that my children are supposed to move out and create their own lives, and it's, in fact, a sign I've done a good job as a mom. It's normal, anyway, so I'm trying to get used to the idea.
I don't know if has a bearing on my vote or not but even when I was pregnant with Joy, I knew that my goal as a mom was to help her become an adult and stand on her own. I've always had that long term goal in mind even in the midst of sleepless night, mastitis, clogged milk ducts, Erica's melt downs, being pregnant at age 45, etc.

Chris--extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering, babywearing, co-sleeping, APing, CLW, homeschooling before any of this was a trend mom to Joy (1/78), Erica (8/80), Angela (9/84), Dylan (2/98)
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#115 of 115 Old 09-29-2009, 02:33 PM
 
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That has been my goal as well. But I do think the fact that my first child to leave is also my last child is tough. There is no easing into it. Also, I've been surprised at the intensity of my feelings, now that this long wished for goal is nearly upon us.

It's just another step in mothering that has been more intense and complex than I anticipated.
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