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Do you enjoy being a mama?

  • I absolutely love it all the time

    Votes: 71 15.6%
  • I love it most of the time, but I have my moments.

    Votes: 255 55.9%
  • It depends on the day

    Votes: 79 17.3%
  • I love my kids but i don't really enjoy mothering

    Votes: 44 9.6%
  • I honestly don't enjoy mothering at all

    Votes: 4 0.9%
  • other

    Votes: 3 0.7%

Do you enjoy being a mama?

5K views 114 replies 86 participants last post by  Thisbirdwillfly 
#1 ·
I was relaxing in front of the TV during my dd's nap and caught dr phil and the first few minutes of the view...

dr phil was "the reality of mothering" and talked about the challenges and hardships of being a mom.

on the view, they wer etalking about a happiness study and said the people who were most happy were those without kids

So i want to know, how do you really feel about mothering? the poll is anonymous so you can be honest...

I only have one daughter who is 9 months, so maybe my answer will change in the future, but i genuinely enjoy taking care of her. It is restrictive and frustrating at times, like when she won't sleep (which happens three times a day!), but i would gladly exchange some personal freedom for the joys of being a mama.

what about you?
 
#52 ·
I'm with majority. I also voted 'I love it most of the time, but I have my moments'.

My DD is 12 weeks old, and I can't imagine life without her now. It's incredible! But when she's on one of her crying jags, it does get tiring & frustrating. I don't regret my little "surprise" one bit! And oddly enough it has deepened my relationship with DH. I wasn't expecting that after all these years together.
 
#53 ·
Most days, definitely. Some days, not so much. But with that being said I truly can't imagine my life without K in it.
 
#54 ·
I love it most of the time, but there are moments I don't enjoy it at all. I miss being carefree and being able to sleep in at time. I wouldn't trade my dd in for the ability to do the things I miss, but that doesn't mean I don't miss my space and freedom when I am faced with the less joyful parts of being a parent.
 
#55 ·
I think it would be intresting to do this study on 60? year old women. Woman who are past child rearing years and have either had kids or hadn't and rate their happiness. Sure in the moment a nice dinner and glass of wine is a whole lot more enjoyable than trying to grocery shop with a newborn and 2 year old but 20 years later you have the payoff with the kids the dinner is long gone.

Like most people I have my days and moments but over all I wouldn't change it.
 
#56 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Eman'smom View Post
I think it would be intresting to do this study on 60? year old women. Woman who are past child rearing years and have either had kids or hadn't and rate their happiness. Sure in the moment a nice dinner and glass of wine is a whole lot more enjoyable than trying to grocery shop with a newborn and 2 year old but 20 years later you have the payoff with the kids the dinner is long gone...
I'm not sure the poll numbers would be so different. I know a lot empty nesters who are very disappointed with the amount of time their children want to spend with them, how little input they have with their grandchildren and so on. The older people I know who did not have children tend to have more money and are a lot better at entertaining themselves on holidays and so on.

I think about that even here sometimes. Yes, it's wonderful to be in the all consuming years with your partner and children but for most of us that means that the people outside of our little bubble, including our parents, are getting a lot less attention. We'll be the ones on the outside looking in. I think I'm fairly well prepared for it but I'm sure it's got to hurt a bit from time to time.

Quote:
So I would say that most times I am unhappy are the days/weeks/months without any outside support, feeling downtrodden and useless. Not my kids doing it to me, but the fact that the rest of the world wants me to tread water for hours with a smile on my face when they could send me a life vest and call it a day.
I think this is very well said. My kid is nearly grown now but the continualy fight against the isolation and the feeling of not quite living up to what I thought was the ideal really wore me down over time.
 
#57 ·
I voted "depends on the day"... but most of the time it's "love it most of the time"

I have gone through phases where I hated it and wondered why I ever decided to take this on... when DS1 was a colicky baby, I was depressed, DH was depressed, horrible time in my life! I was definitely thinking I made a big mistake and we were much happier pre kids... the last month of my pregnancy when DS hit the 3's with vigor and spent his days screaming at me while I was too exhausted to do much of anything...

But there have been so many great moments of love and pride and joy! I see some of them everyday, some days more than others. Right now I am snuggling a beautiful newborn and just loving every minute of it. Seeing all the joy that DS1 brings to his grandparents and even complete strangers makes me so very happy. I just can't believe that someone I am raising brings so much happiness to the world around him.

I guess I feel like relationships are WORK. Relationships with spouses and children take an extra measure of self-sacrifice and effort. But there is a pay off. Life would be quite empty without them and I would miss out on a whole lot of joy if they weren't here.
 
#58 ·
I absolutely LOVE being a mother. It completes me. It's the aspect of myself that was missing for so long.

That said, ds is currently having bedtime "issues" & I desperately miss my alone time at night (I'm a night owl).
 
#60 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by limabean View Post
I agree with what Storm Bride said about the problem with polls being that people answer from different angles. I don't think that not regretting having kids = loving being a mother all the time. At all. So yeah, I guess the results of this poll don't really mean anything if people are answering from such different perspectives.
I've been thinking about this ever since I voted. The problem is that just like I love dh and being married, love my career, and love my life, there are things about each of them that bug me and drive me crazy at times. There is nothing wrong with that. I've never expected to be happy all the time. Life isn't like that. But over all, looking back, I have been happy as a mom and am having a blast being a grandma. Just like I've been happy being married to dh, been happy with my life, and having my chosen career.
 
#61 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Eman'smom View Post
I think it would be intresting to do this study on 60? year old women. Woman who are past child rearing years and have either had kids or hadn't and rate their happiness. Sure in the moment a nice dinner and glass of wine is a whole lot more enjoyable than trying to grocery shop with a newborn and 2 year old but 20 years later you have the payoff with the kids the dinner is long gone.

Like most people I have my days and moments but over all I wouldn't change it.
And that is my perspective. 3 of my kids are grown and 2 of them have kids of their own. I also have an 11 yo. I've also never considered whether or not I'm happy in the moment. It's only in looking back, that I can see that, over all, I have been happy in my choices.
 
#62 ·
GoestoShow,


Thank you for sharing that. I am sure that there are women reading here who can relate to you but are not feeling confident to write it down.

I hope that your healing process takes a positive turn soon.

For me, I began intergrating parts of my old self only during the late toddler years. It took time and it was difficult. Hang in there, Mama.
 
#63 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by sewchris2642 View Post
I've been thinking about this ever since I voted. The problem is that just like I love dh and being married, love my career, and love my life, there are things about each of them that bug me and drive me crazy at times.
I agree. I feel that way about everything. That's why I couldn't honestly say I always love being a mama. I don't always love anything. I mean...I always love dh and my kids...but they still drive me crazy sometimes, and I don't always love interacting with them, looking after them, etc. I don't think that's a problem, though.

Quote:
There is nothing wrong with that. I've never expected to be happy all the time. Life isn't like that.
Exactly. I feel the same way. But, that's exactly why I wouldn't answer the poll with the "I always love it" option (can't remember exactly how it's phrased).

I think, in some cases at least, this is more a matter of how we each interpret the question and the answer options.

And, can I just say that I loved that you said you're having a blast being a grandma. There's a distinct possibility that all my fertility issues are going to have a nice payoff for me...I may not have that long a gap between having a baby in the house and having a grandbaby around. I think I'd like that.
 
#64 ·
I voted I love my kids but don't really enjoy being a mother. But I guess after reading all these posts I have to say that it's more or less that tasks of mothering that I don't enjoy. I suppose I do love being a mother and my kids bring me joy most of the time. But I guess I think I really wasn't cut out to be a SAHM. Although that is what I'm doing right now. And precisely why I"m stopping at 2 kids.
 
#67 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by *Erin* View Post
i voted that i have my moments...
who doesn't?
and really, does *anyone* walk around blissfully loving what they are doing in life 100% of the time? like, without drugs or something?!
 
#68 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by GoestoShow View Post
I wouldn't do it again if I could do it over. The birth of my son completely turned my identity upside down, inside out, and then tore it apart ---- along with my body. I've had so many complications. I've seen doctors, physical therapists, chiropractors, mental health therapists, and so on. I'm tired all the time. I don't ever have five minutes to recharge, and I'm running on fumes. Being a mother for me has been a miserable experience. I can't say there's one single thing about it that I full-heartedly enjoy.

If I had known about what happened to me during his birth, that we'd fail at breastfeeding and I'd be ostracized and criticized for this failure by others, that he'd have extreme colic for nearly 10 weeks, and that there'd nothing at all of myself from my pre-motherhood days ahead of time, I really truly wouldn't have gone through with it.

Will this change someday? Who knows? In order for that to happen, the physical pain would need to end, my body would need to freaking recover, and, honestly, something would have to happen to show me exactly why this has been worth it.
Mama I am so sorry you're going through this. I had a similar experience - my first year - scratch that, 2 years - were the hardest, most painful, infuriating, dark and depressing years of my life. I was completely lost, alone & empty. I even loathed being around my daughter, especially after those months and months of "colic." When she reached for me I wanted to scream. Every night when my husband got home I left. I couldn't stand being home anymore.

Things did change for me. A LONG road of medication, therapy, couples therapy, LOTS of time to love and forgive myself, taking time for myself to persue things I want to do have all been really important for me. I even returned to school last year, but have since taken a break to enjoy being at home with my daughter - which is huge for me. My daughter is in preschool now and I have the luxury of my IL's & my mom who are close to spend time with her regularly. The time to myself has made a HUGE difference.

Clearly I'm pregnant again & I am terrified I'm going to have to experience it all over. I just don't think I'm a "baby" person. I not only not enjoy the infant stage, it is really taxing on me. I have a lot of support that I derived by necessity of those first couple of years with my daughter, so I hope things are at least more predictable.

I don't know - I'm sending you so much love right now mama. Most people will never "get" what you are going through - don't ever let that get to you. You have it completely different than anyone else raising their baby. Your circumstances are WAY harder, mindbogglingly so - don't judge yourself based on others. ANYTHING you do is a remarkable feat - a miracle. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other... if you have any spirituality, lean on it as much as you can.

"If you're going through hell, keep going" -Winston Churchill
 
#70 ·
I voted that I love it most of the time but I have my moments. It was close, I do feel like I could have voted that I love it all the time. Except that when ds (my first child) was born I did go through a pretty big adjustment period to both staying at home and being a mom and for a little while I thought, "I can't do this, I was not ready for this, this was a mistake."

Once I got a handle on being a mom, now I do enjoy it all the time. I don't always enjoy being a STAY AT HOME mom, though--although I would never change it. Sometimes the stress of being in the house all the time, not seeing other adults for days on end, doing the same housework day in and day out. THAT is what gets to me sometimes. Not being a mom.
 
#72 ·
I am REALLY really wondering about the content of that study, and how they defined "happiness." I have a couple of childless friends (not by choice, childless by "not yet meeting Mr. Right") and their lives just seem to empty compared to mine. I see this wistful longing on their faces when they see me with my kids. Sure, they get to do all kinds of "entertainment" that I can't afford, but is that really happiness?
 
#73 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by meemee View Post
i absolutely love, love, love being a mother. my dd is 7 now and i miss the child everyday as i see her grow up. however i do have moments when i need a break from her.

however i will say i am happier as a mom rather than not a mom. being a mom profoundly changed my life and changed me completely. i think i have a 'deeper' way of living. mothering brings out the best in me - rather than the worst. i have had a LOT of stress after being a mother - and it was my baby who kept me sane.

with all my identities - as an individual, student, dd, coparent.... i am more a mother than anything else.

nothing has brought me more joy than watching my little girl grow up.


After all the roles I've had in my life, when I became a Mom at the age of 30, I felt I was finally doing what I was meant to do. I don't think I'm the best mom, and there is so much I could do better, but I feel it is the best thing for me. I can't imagine life without my two daughters.
 
#74 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Ruthla View Post
I am REALLY really wondering about the content of that study, and how they defined "happiness." I have a couple of childless friends (not by choice, childless by "not yet meeting Mr. Right") and their lives just seem to empty compared to mine. I see this wistful longing on their faces when they see me with my kids. Sure, they get to do all kinds of "entertainment" that I can't afford, but is that really happiness?
It makes me wonder too. Obviously the people who have no desire to have kids are probably happy. But what about child-less people who really want them? And not everyone is on board with adopting. I know a few people who feel if it just wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be...they aren't going to go that route...but they still feel they have missed out. And how did they measure parents' happiness? Did they dock points because the parents were a bit resentful that they didn't get out as much as they wanted? Forget to add in points for all the wonderful things about parenting that people tend to take for granted?

I don't know. Most of the parents I know are thrilled with their children and their lives.
 
#75 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by GoestoShow View Post
I wouldn't do it again if I could do it over. The birth of my son completely turned my identity upside down, inside out, and then tore it apart ---- along with my body. I've had so many complications. I've seen doctors, physical therapists, chiropractors, mental health therapists, and so on. I'm tired all the time. I don't ever have five minutes to recharge, and I'm running on fumes. Being a mother for me has been a miserable experience. I can't say there's one single thing about it that I full-heartedly enjoy.

If I had known about what happened to me during his birth, that we'd fail at breastfeeding and I'd be ostracized and criticized for this failure by others, that he'd have extreme colic for nearly 10 weeks, and that there'd nothing at all of myself from my pre-motherhood days ahead of time, I really truly wouldn't have gone through with it.

Will this change someday? Who knows? In order for that to happen, the physical pain would need to end, my body would need to freaking recover, and, honestly, something would have to happen to show me exactly why this has been worth it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoestoShow View Post
Well, it's been going on 10 months. I don't believe there's much that can change anything or make it "better". Every single day I ask myself why on earth I once wanted this. I can't even remember. I really wouldn't recommend motherhood to anyone.
I'm so sorry you're going through all this.

I want to point out that, while it may seem like an eternity right now, 10 months is NOT a lot of time. I've been a mother for nearly 15 years, and things defiintely shift over time. One thing I can assure you is that many of the things you're currently bothered by are things that are likely to change as your baby grows.

You won't get much "non-breastfeeding guilt" once your baby is past the age where many moms wean. You'll get more sleep when he's bigger and ready to sleep for longer periods. You'll "regain your identity" when he's old enough to be involved in outside things (like preschool) or entertain himself while you do your thing. A whole lot of what you're dealing with are exclusively "baby" issues, and you may feel a whole lot differently about motherhood once your little guy is no longer a baby.
 
#76 ·
I certainly have my moments where I'm tired, frustrated, impatient, even outright angry, but I voted that I absolutely love it all the time because even at my angriest and most "done," I've never wanted to not be their mother. I've never hit that wall where I just wanted to walk away and be done. DH has a couple times. Not because of anything the kids did, but because of money stresses and wondering where his life would be if we had waited longer to have kids. I don't hold that against him. But it's not me. I'm in, 100%, and while it can be really, really hard to be a parent sometimes, I can't ever regret those months of holding their lives inside me, birthing them, and the years of raising them.
 
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