Do you enjoy being a mama? - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: Do you enjoy being a mama?
I absolutely love it all the time 71 15.60%
I love it most of the time, but I have my moments. 254 55.82%
It depends on the day 79 17.36%
I love my kids but i don't really enjoy mothering 44 9.67%
I honestly don't enjoy mothering at all 4 0.88%
other 3 0.66%
Voters: 455. You may not vote on this poll

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#1 of 115 Old 09-23-2009, 10:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I was relaxing in front of the TV during my dd's nap and caught dr phil and the first few minutes of the view...

dr phil was "the reality of mothering" and talked about the challenges and hardships of being a mom.

on the view, they wer etalking about a happiness study and said the people who were most happy were those without kids

So i want to know, how do you really feel about mothering? the poll is anonymous so you can be honest...

I only have one daughter who is 9 months, so maybe my answer will change in the future, but i genuinely enjoy taking care of her. It is restrictive and frustrating at times, like when she won't sleep (which happens three times a day!), but i would gladly exchange some personal freedom for the joys of being a mama.

what about you?

Loving wife to DH and buddamomimg1.pngmama to DD (11/08) and DS (2/12)

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#2 of 115 Old 09-23-2009, 10:47 PM
 
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Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I think at the end of the day or end of my life so to speak, I'll be 100% happy about having been a mom. No regrets.

 
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#3 of 115 Old 09-23-2009, 10:50 PM
 
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I love it all the time and wouldn't change a thing. Even when they are driving me crazy I love it. I think tv is a joke and they just go for the things that bring in ratings


 

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#4 of 115 Old 09-23-2009, 10:57 PM
 
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Originally Posted by bluedaisy View Post
the poll is anonymous so you can be honest...
Is the poll missing or are we skipping over reading the names .

Motherhood is hard. Much harder than I would have ever thought. But I would not change anything nor do I wish I hadn't had K. Of course knowing and living it makes me really wonder if I want to have another.

Actually for me, our marriage since having K is the one thing I would definitely change. Once again, wouldn't take K out of it. Being together for so long before having a child poses its own problems.

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Wife to J 9/00 Mama to K 12/05
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#5 of 115 Old 09-23-2009, 10:58 PM
 
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most days, yes.

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#6 of 115 Old 09-23-2009, 11:04 PM
 
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I picked "love it all the time" but that wasn't true when DS was younger. I was quite exhausted a lot when he was a baby and there were days I didn't love it at all.

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#7 of 115 Old 09-23-2009, 11:08 PM
 
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I voted other because I'd say that I love having a family, not necessarily my role as a mom.

Maybe the distinction is irrelevant. I don't know. But I really enjoy us being a family... DH's relationship with the kids, and the kids' relationships with each other, and my relationship with DH, as well as my maternal relationship with the kids. It all contributes to my being happy with my life.

Julie - Mom to Elizabeth (Libby) age 6, Penelope (Penny) age 5, Elliott age 29 months, and Oscar who is 1 year old!
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#8 of 115 Old 09-23-2009, 11:17 PM
 
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Originally Posted by QueenOfTheMeadow View Post
Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I think at the end of the day or end of my life so to speak, I'll be 100% happy about having been a mom. No regrets.
This.

As far as the poll goes, I'm hovering between "I love it most of the time, but I have my moments." and "It depends on the day."

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

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#9 of 115 Old 09-23-2009, 11:22 PM
 
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I love it most of the time but I have my moments is what I chose, but it's actually a bit more complex.

I love it and I would never go back. BUT I did have to learn that I love it when I am also being me, and part of being me is having a career of some kind and having some down time. And sometimes that means a DVD popped in or whatever.

In other words, I love being a "real" mom and not a great mom.

Also I do find that when I'm at work it's a little harder to be completely happy there because a piece of me is missing being with my son, even though I know if I were home full time a larger piece of me would be freaking out. So one could argue my overall happiness has gone down some.

Mostly I think women are unhappy as mothers because our society has some unrealistic expectations for how our families are structured and what we are supposed to provide.

~ Mum to Emily, March 12-16 2004, Noah, born Aug 2005, Liam, born January 2011, and wife to Carl since 1994. ~
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#10 of 115 Old 09-23-2009, 11:22 PM
 
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i voted that i have my moments...
who doesn't?
and really, does *anyone* walk around blissfully loving what they are doing in life 100% of the time? like, without drugs or something?!
i adore my children, and i feel like it's my calling to raise them and nurture them, that they chose me and my dh to come to before they were born. i take profound delight watching first steps and listening to their thoughts and laughing with them...
doesn't mean i'm not also profoundly grateful to have a minute to myself to regroup, relax, and catch my breath.
it's an astoundingly challenging job, motherhood, but it's the most rewarding journey i've ever been in on in my life.

Erin, 33, salty southern mama, sitting by the sea with my DH35, DD10, DS4, &DD2!
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#11 of 115 Old 09-23-2009, 11:52 PM
 
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I love my kids. I find motherhood so absolutely, unimaginably, wonderful and hell on earth. I find being 100% responsible for another life to be soul/life draining but at the same time to be soul/life rewarding. I would never give it up. But I wish I could have the love w/o the worry, guilt, anxiety.
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#12 of 115 Old 09-24-2009, 12:07 AM
 
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I voted I love being a mommy all the time. There have been times when I haven't exactly liked my kids but I have never regreted having them. Not Erica who is bipolar nor Dylan who was born just when we were thinking that we were nearing the end of parenting. It's been fun, frustrating, entertaining rollercoaster of a ride and I'm very glad that I didn't miss it.

Chris--extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering, babywearing, co-sleeping, APing, CLW, homeschooling before any of this was a trend mom to Joy (1/78), Erica (8/80), Angela (9/84), Dylan (2/98)
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#13 of 115 Old 09-24-2009, 12:09 AM
 
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I voted I love being a mommy all the time. There have been times when I haven't exactly liked my kids but I have never regreted having them.
The problem with polls like this is that everyone answers them from a different angle. I don't always like being a mom - but I've never, ever regretted having my kids.

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#14 of 115 Old 09-24-2009, 12:17 AM
 
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The problem with polls like this is that everyone answers them from a different angle. I don't always like being a mom - but I've never, ever regretted having my kids.


I love being a mom most of the time, but I have moments when I really miss my child-free days (6am on a Sat morning is frequently one!). But I wouldn't trade having DS for anything.

Kirsten, mama to Monkey since May 2007 and Bean born 11/7/09
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#15 of 115 Old 09-24-2009, 12:18 AM
 
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I said it depends on the day. I've got anxiety issues, and I'm okay when DS is okay, but some days I really just feel like shutting down. bleh.

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#16 of 115 Old 09-24-2009, 12:31 AM
 
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i voted that i have my moments...
who doesn't?
and really, does *anyone* walk around blissfully loving what they are doing in life 100% of the time? like, without drugs or something?!
i adore my children, and i feel like it's my calling to raise them and nurture them, that they chose me and my dh to come to before they were born. i take profound delight watching first steps and listening to their thoughts and laughing with them...
doesn't mean i'm not also profoundly grateful to have a minute to myself to regroup, relax, and catch my breath.
it's an astoundingly challenging job, motherhood, but it's the most rewarding journey i've ever been in on in my life.
This.

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#17 of 115 Old 09-24-2009, 02:27 AM
 
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When in the throws of new motherhood or with young kids, I would imagine saying I was happier without kids.

Not that what the children bring to my life during the most dependant and draining stages aren't the most magical. I actually believe they are!

But, with most of life, what is the best reward is the most work. A tiny defensless being is adorable, cuddly, innocent and sweet but.....also a ton of work.

I say that the majority of the time I enjoy them in some aspect. But, there are days where if there was a return to sender sticker I would place it on their heads and mail them off.

However, as others have said, I have NEVER regretted having them. Never. And, I don't think my life cycle would have been complete without them. I NEEDED them to grow and there are growing pains, but I like the journey of motherhood. I love my children and I will hope to love the blessings they will bring to the world and their families and mine in the future.

I think what drains happiness is that our society is not built around families and that mothers are basically shut off from the world to live in a hamster bubble of lonliness. That isn't how most of the world works, but America is particularly good at downgrading motherhood to slave labor in lonliness and unappreciated and "that she should be happy to be staying at home". Reality is that we don't stop being women with passion and intelligence. But if we head for the workforce we get all the other stereotypes. There is no winning as women.

So I would say that most times I am unhappy are the days/weeks/months without any outside support, feeling downtrodden and useless. Not my kids doing it to me, but the fact that the rest of the world wants me to tread water for hours with a smile on my face when they could send me a life vest and call it a day.

That is when I have a bad day!

Mom of two boys (7/05 and 2/09)
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#18 of 115 Old 09-24-2009, 03:03 AM
 
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My DD is only 26.5 months but I have to say that I absolutely adore being a mama.

I was a nanny and preschool teacher for years and years and years. And after so long raising and educating other people's children, its such a joy to have one of my own. Especially since she was such a long time coming.

Do I have rough days? Absolutely.

But that never ever changes how much I love (really and truly) mothering her.

R~Mama to my sweet A 7//07 & bubbly Z 3/12

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#19 of 115 Old 09-24-2009, 03:41 AM
 
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I love, LOVE being a mom (I'm a Disney movie freak, I listen to kids music in the car & I desperately want a tricked out van) - but holy wow it is the most awesome, exhausting, fustrating, mindbending, challenging, amazing job ever all at once all of the time. Sometimes I scream in fustration and 5 minutes later am a pile of goo in my toddler's arms. Sometimes I'm desperate for a babysitter only to use my time thinking about my kid.

I have to say that I was a much better mother before I had kids, if you know what I mean I was also a preschool teacher & thought I'd be pretty well prepared for having my own little person. I read all the books & knew all the rules. Apparently that whole "going home to a quiet house & having a nice glass of wine" relaxed me a lot more than I ever knew!

I don't think that TV program is a joke, either. I think that it's absolutely ok to not enjoy being a mom. It's completely draining, and I completely respect & validate any woman who feels that way. I've felt that way several times & I've only had one kid for 3 years

Wife to my of 10 years, SAHM to my 2 beautiful homebirthed girls Sydney (4/29/2006) Kennedy (3/21/2010) & 1 super Newfoundland
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#20 of 115 Old 09-24-2009, 05:12 AM
 
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i absolutely love, love, love being a mother. my dd is 7 now and i miss the child everyday as i see her grow up. however i do have moments when i need a break from her.

however i will say i am happier as a mom rather than not a mom. being a mom profoundly changed my life and changed me completely. i think i have a 'deeper' way of living. mothering brings out the best in me - rahter than the worst. i have had a LOT of stress after being a mother - and it was my baby who kept me sane.

with all my identities - as an individual, student, dd, coparent.... i am more a mother than anything else.

nothing has brought me more joy than watching my little girl grow up.

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#21 of 115 Old 09-24-2009, 06:03 AM
 
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Originally Posted by purplemoon View Post
I think what drains happiness is that our society is not built around families and that mothers are basically shut off from the world to live in a hamster bubble of lonliness. That isn't how most of the world works, but America is particularly good at downgrading motherhood to slave labor in lonliness and unappreciated and "that she should be happy to be staying at home".
I totally agree with that. I love being a mother to my kids, but I don't enjoy the isolation it sometimes brings. The respect I worked hard to earn as a professional in my field before I had kids I am allowed to take pride in, and I feel I am not taken seriously anymore. This is probably something that will last until the kids are much older. My primary responsibility is, indeed, to my kids, but that fact should not have to mean that I am unable to participate in other activities. I was very politically active before I became a mom, and have found my activism to be pretty limited to birth rights, lactivism etc now.

That said, I do think being a mom is wonderful! I enjoy mothering enormously, it's just the labels that society sometimes sticks on you that are annoying.

I'm Olivia. I blog about physiological childbirth, homebirth, and unassisted homebirth!
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#22 of 115 Old 09-24-2009, 08:00 AM
 
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The study that they were talking about was done a couple of years ago, I think. They had people wear beepers (both moms and non-moms). Every so often, the beeper would go off, and the person would have to answer a series of questions, including how happy they were right at that moment. Overall, non-parents were more likely to report being happier in the moment than were parents. In a way, I don't find this surprising at all. Parents are more likely to have to deal with fussy, irrational, diaper-wearing, stress-producing people than are non-parents :-). In the moment, this can be incredibly challenging.

The study did not look at people's overall satisfaction with their life. It did not ask about whether or not having children is worth the additional effort and discomfort involved. Parenting can be incredibly stressful, boring, and just plain hard on a minute to minute basis. It's also the most amazing thing in the world. I wouldn't change it for anything.
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#23 of 115 Old 09-24-2009, 08:13 AM
 
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I love love love being a mother, but I don't enjoy being "on duty" all the time. There are definitely times when I want a break!

My baby is 2 years old! How did that happen?!
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#24 of 115 Old 09-24-2009, 08:56 AM
 
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I voted "..most of the time, but I have my moments" - who doesn't??!!

Ds has taught me so very much, and I honestly LOVE being his Mom. Never, ever have I regretted having him. Sure, he's a LOT of work. He's Aspergers and has always been very spirited and emotional - even now I don't know what mood he'll be in when I pick him up from school. Could be the sweetest, happiest kid on earth, or he could melt down and sob because his pencil broke in half. But that's who he is, he's my child and I do believe he was given to me for a reason - I'm able to be a wonderful parent to him, I'm able to be what he needs.

Is it hard? Sometimes, sure. But in the end, the reward is so very worth the effort. When he gives me that rare hug and says "I love you bigger than space" - you can bet it's worth it!!

I'm not sure I can handle more children, so ds may be our only. But yes, I do very much enjoy being his Mama.

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#25 of 115 Old 09-24-2009, 09:21 AM
 
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No regrets and my son is the light of my life.

That said, there are days when my enjoyment level is pretty low. When I am drained and taxed and feel like my patience is going to snap at any given moment.

My husband and I work opposite shifts, so I'm home alone a lot.
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#26 of 115 Old 09-24-2009, 09:30 AM
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Having not intentionally become pregnant, I had been pretty ambivilent(sp?) about mothering and being a mother in general before DD was born. As soon as she was born it was like a light was switched in my head and I knew what the true focus of my life was going to be.

I love being a mother and like everyone here I wouldn't trade it for anything. I find it hard to believe that someone loves every single second of all that being a mother means though. I'm talking about the waking up at 1am because LO wants to play and is rolling around next to you in bed wide awake (something I enjoyed last night) or when you are sick and LO is sick and you still have to drag yourself around to care for LO...That type of stuff I am not such a fan of but I can handle it because the majority of the time is just a joy to watch DD grow and learn something new every day.
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#27 of 115 Old 09-24-2009, 09:39 AM
 
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i love being a mummy and love my little monsters although there are days when i feel tearing my hair out lol

Becky, sahm to angel.gif25/04/2000 Chloe 12/04/2002 Cameron 19/02/2004 Caitlin 28/06/2005 angel.gif24/07/2006 and Caden 14/03/2008

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#28 of 115 Old 09-24-2009, 09:50 AM
 
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I love being a mom but I do have my moments. Two puking kids while trying to ward off morning sickness isn't one of my favourite parts of motherhood. It also took me a while to adjust and with my first I looked forward to working outside the home when she was 2 just so I could have a break. That opened my eyes to how much I really wanted to be home with her and what a blessing it is that I'm able to be at home with my children.

Gillian - Wife to an amazing DH, Mother to 4 wonderful kiddos . . . and now another on the way.
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#29 of 115 Old 09-24-2009, 11:14 AM
 
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I voted "love it all the time," but that's how I feel today!

I have 1 child, enough financial resources (wouldn't say wealthy, maybe, but money/security is not a stressor); grandparents who help, a good school within walking distance, a safe neighbourhood, a solid relationship with a helpful spouse, no health/behavioural issues (beyond the usual), etc...

And it's STILL challenging at times. I must say, I started out parenting feeling very inadequate/clueless as a mother, because I hadn't found my own way yet; which turns out to be attachment parenting. Once I gave up the idea that I was supposed to punish, realized that it was okay to co-sleep and have my daughter wake through the night (thanks, Naomi Aldort!), etc. I started enjoying mothering a lot more. I'd be miserable if I tried to be a mainstream-type parent, because of all the pressures.

I don't mean to suggest that happiness depends on money and support, but I feel awfully lucky and do feel having enough of both has made life with dd much easier.
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#30 of 115 Old 09-24-2009, 11:21 AM
 
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It depends on the day for me. My son is 8.5months, is a wonderful baby, but is moderate to high needs (he's happy, but requires constant playing with/attention). I love with all of myself, but on some days I get very overwhelmed and feel like I just can't do it.

He's also been very difficult lately b/c he's teaching himself to walk (not the usual cruising around and then taking independent steps, but by standing up in the middle of the floor and just going for it - he gets frustrated all the time) so he's been very challenging lately. I ALWAYS love him, but sometimes I wish I could give him back to his parents and love him from afar - then I realize that I am his parent and I can't do that .

I'm hoping it gets better as he gets older.
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