Having 3 kids vs 4 kids? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 36 Old 09-30-2009, 09:04 AM
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Originally Posted by Dandelionkid View Post
Yeah- it's so much more complex than just one set formula isn't it? In my case the middle is a boy, flanked on either side by girls, and the fact that he gets so much attention for typical boy stuff (good coordination etc) leads me to believe he won't have so many "middle" issues. I wonder, though, if my last had been a boy, would he have needed to seek identity through attn. seeking behavior instead of just gender.

So what are your kids genders?
#1 is DS - almost 7, #2 is DS, almost 5, and #3 is DD, almost 2. So it's the same as my family as a kid except I was another year younger than my older brother. Otherwise exactly the same.

I have to say those of you who have 4 have convinced me I want to add another. You are all expressing just what I was hoping a 4th would add. Now I just have to get DH on board. He gets a little overwhelmed by the chaos of 3. And he worries about finances (like how do you send 4 kids to college. I don't have answers to those issues).

Laurie Busy mama to Boo (10/02) DeeDa (10/04) and Belly (10/07) TS 45X
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#32 of 36 Old 09-30-2009, 11:28 AM
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We're at three kids and I am hoping to have a fourth. Some days more than others.

Mine are 6 (boy), 3 (girl) and 9 months (boy). I love my kids and I really don't feel done yet, but I am a bit leery of being a four kid family. Why can't they make a normal sized car for 6 people? This is a big problem. Not so much now b/c we live in Switzerland and can (and DO) use public transport, but we're planning a move to rural Nova Scotia (Canada). A reliable and spacious car will be more of an issue there.

Also our house (in Canada and here) only has 3 bedrooms. My eldest two are bunking (always have) and the baby is with us in our room till probably two-ish. Then we'll probably bunk the youngest two and give the eldest his own room (for the moment). If we have a forth the babe will stay with us till towo-ish, then we'll have to weigh our housing options. lol Ahhh logistics. The other only potential downside of four.

Any way. I am looking at a 2.5-3 year difference. It work okay so far. Close enough to enjoy some of the same things, but far enough apart so I don't lose my marbles.

This thread makes me hopeful that life won't be too crazy with four... keep writing.
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#33 of 36 Old 05-30-2014, 09:41 AM
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I see this thread is old. I found it by googling your same exact question. I'm wondering what you decided.

I never only had 1. My "first" was a set of identical twin girls with a pregnancy from hell, months and months laying flat in a hospital bed. They were over 2 months early. Well I was breastfeeding and we had sex literally ONE time and I got pregnant with my little boy. I had 5 month old twins!! Fast forward to now, my girls just turned 2 and my son just turned 1. They are "Irish triplets." I have 3 stepchildren also. Still, I can't shake the feeling that I'm not done. I don't feel complete. I'm not sure what to do. My life is INSANE and I don't really want it to get easy and then do it all over again. In many ways, I think, I already have a van, the house is already baby-proofed, we have everything, on the other I think, I haven't slept through the night in years, I have tough pregnancies, I have both genders... My husband is older than I so I also feel the pressure of timing from that angle. I was thinking it might be ok to have one more when my son is 2.5-3.5 & my girls are 3.5-4.5... But even then, who knows if I'll ever feel "done"... Is it harder? Could it be harder than what I've already been through?? We need a bigger house anyway!! What about sports teams etc, will I be robbing my current children of attention (which they've all kind of been used to since day 1... Makes me sad in some ways but I really do love having a big family and I just think I'd love another soon but am really on the fence).
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#34 of 36 Old 05-30-2014, 03:49 PM
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Know what's funny? I replied to this when I had only four kids, and now I have seven!!! It was fun reading what I wrote all those years ago. I still have no idea if I'm done. Now that my kids are 12, 10, 8, 6, 4, almost 2, and 6 months old, my life is SO MUCH MORE fulfilling than it was even then.

I haven't slept through the night for 12 years.

My husband is 11 years older than I am; he turned 48 yesterday.

I want to address your attention and sports team questions though...

I have had times where I feel guilty about not being the one to give the attention that is needed...but at the same time, when I see a sibling give that attention, it warms my heart. Because know what? I won't be here forever for them. I'll die someday. And they will need to depend on each other for love and support. And what better way to build that foundation? I love seeing my older kids read to my youngers. I love seeing them scoop each other off the ground when they fall. I love seeing how tender my 12yo son can be toward his baby sisters. If I would have stopped when I first wrote the previous posts, there would be no baby sisters for my 12yo to have a tender moment with. Only two sisters to throw mud balls at (which is what they did today).

When I had only four kids, I still signed my older two up for every sport. Because that is what good parents do, right? I wasn't going to be that bad mom that let her family size dictate her kids' schedule. But my kids really aren't sports fans. Dragging them to baseball practice on a sunny afternoon when they would rather play outside sucked. So I quit doing sports. Now, if they really wanted to do something, we would move mountains and make that happen. Right now we take family classes at the YMCA and the boys do scouts and the girls take dance. The kids are busy four nights a week. But really, it isn't that bad!

I think the hardest thing about having a large family is how other people treat us. They have no problem openly commenting about birth control or acting like we are doing something wrong by having so many kids. My kids like having lots of siblings. They don't like feeling like they are somehow "wrong" by being alive. And the way people question us in public makes them feel like there is something wrong with our family.
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#35 of 36 Old 05-30-2014, 09:59 PM
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I'm in love with this thread. I love hearing about adding a 4th being awesome! I've heard a bit the last couple years that 3 is the most stressful number of kids to have and that 4 is less stressful. Every time I hear anecdotes confirming that, I'm thrilled!

dd (9) ds (7), ds (4) & ds (1)
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#36 of 36 Old 06-04-2014, 02:56 PM
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This is so helpful!!

I love this thread too!!! I'm single and in college so I don't have any personal 3 kids vs. 4 kids stories to offer, but I think about my future family a lot so it's encouraging, reading how none of you regret your family sizes, "found" your family size along the way, and things worked themselves out naturally. I was really set on having 3, but after knowing a lot of middle children and reading about how 3 is the most stressful, I've been leaning towards 4. I mean I can't say for sure until it happens years from now haha, but thanks for all of the insight

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