My Mom told me that when you have a baby everybody & their sister will have an opinion or piece of advice for you. She said to nod & smile & then ignore them all & do what feels right.
My problem with this is that to some people what feels right is circing, cio, etc.
I'll have to think about what's the number one best parenting advice I've received, but I'll share the quote I have taped to my refrigerator door. It's attributed to Toni Morrison.
"Children find love or not in their caregivers' faces. What expression do you wear?"
Here's the expression I try to remember to wear:
Rochelle ff: /home/simplyrochelle Wife to Matt; 9/08; 11/12; 6/13;
Every day brings me closer to fulfilling my dreams of becoming a midwife and a mother
Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) , Emma (5/03) , Evan (7/05) , & Jenna (6/09)
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing Aaron Ambrose (11/07)
From these boards I have liked the "child centered parenting" tidbits. DD is 18 months, and I only have one parenting book. I have not even read it. I think if you just know your child intimately, and go by instinct, that is enough.
Every situation is different, and I'm the only person who knows my child well enough to decide what to do in any given case. I've done a lot of research on diet, and toys and such, but I just don't have the desire to read too much on parenting techniques. Sometimes I run into a trouble spot and this board is great for that, but I think the main reason I read this board is because I want to know that I am not the only "imperfect" parent out there. I read all the rants, and start to feel like maybe my situation is not so bad after all when I compare.
When your child is driving you absolutely insane,
and you wish he'd just get with the program and act like a civilized human being,
and you're sick and tired of his getting in the way of all the very important things you need to get done,
and he's making the most aggravating noise you've ever heard,
and you're beginning to understand how it is some people throw a child against a wall,
Just take a moment to really look at your child and see how small he is, how soft and fragile and new, how inexperienced in coping with the stresses of life. Why, just a few years ago, he didn't even exist! It's really not so surprising that a brief delay in his acquisition of raisins strikes him as a great tragedy, or that his feelings overwhelm his polite communication abilities. A problem that looks small to you looks very big to such a small person.
"Show. No. Fear."--my mom's advice on coping with tantrums and other demanding behavior. When my child freaks out, I feel afraid—that he'll hurt himself, that he'll hurt me, that people who see us will think I'm a bad parent, and most of all that if I force him to do something I'll damage him—but showing him my fear won't help either of us. He needs me to keep myself together and show that I know what to do in this situation that's freaking him. He also needs me to control my fear because fear leads to anger, and my getting angry isn't going to help, either.
My grandma said that one of the most important things she learned as a parent was this: Don't ask a child IF she wants to do something unless "no" is an acceptable answer. There's a big difference between "Would you like to take a bath now?" and "It's time for your bath." Adults tend to think that phrasing a request as a question is more polite, but to a literal-minded child it sounds like a question whose answer is up to her. That can be discomforting for a child. It gives the impression that the adult doesn't know what should happen and is looking to the child to direct the situation. When the child makes the "wrong" choice, and the adult is annoyed, the child can sense that she's "wrong" without understanding how or why. This doesn't mean that parents have to bark orders all the time! Just use a declarative statement instead of a question.
Several people--all of them men, some of them quite tough-guy types--have told me that the various choices and parenting strategies may make some difference, but in the end what it really comes down to is LOVE; if my son really knows and feels that his parents love him, he'll forgive us any mistakes and turn out okay.
Mama to a boy EnviroKid 9 years old and a new little girl EnviroBaby !
I write about parenting, environment, cooking, and more.
For me, understanding the why behind something is the cornerstone to learning it concretely. My son is the same way....as long as he understands the WHY?! of it then there's a better chance of it sticking.
My dad helped me understand this.
Which leads me to the second best advice my dad gave me: "Take a moment to answer the WHY's...it's will save time in the long run."
ETA: There are some REALLY good ones on this thread!
You know your child better than anyone else. You're the expert.
If you don't stand up for your child, who will?
and a quote I love:
"They may not remember what you said, but they will remember how you made them feel."
If I had my child to raise all over again,
I’d finger paint more, and point the finger less.
I’d do less correcting, and more connecting.
I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less, and know to care more.
I’d take more hikes and fly more kites.
I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I’d run through more fields, and gaze at more stars.
I’d do more hugging, and less tugging.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
I’d build self esteem first, and the house later.
I’d teach less about the love of power, and more about the power of love.
"you'll never look back on this time and wish your house was cleaner!"
Actually, I think I might print out this whole thread and put it on the fridge. I really need this thread sometimes - it reminds me that parenting is fun too. Not just hard.
- from the very beginning, make your bedtime ritual something YOU enjoy doing, because you'll be doing a lot of it! (I love just laying in bed snuggling with him, so that's been our routine from the very beginning, no rocking, walking, bouncing, etc the vast majority of the time. Just laying side by side and staring into his eyes and telling him what a great boy/baby/kid/person he is. I swear all those moments with him as a newborn staring back like he was memorizing my face in the middle of the night was just love realized.)
- model your own breathing at 2 important times-- at bedtime (make your breath sound like you're asleep and baby will soon follow) and when there's a crisis/tantrum/stressful moment. Be the calm enter of the storm. Feel your blood pressure stay low and feel your heartbeat slow back to normal.
When my first was 6 mos or so (before I discovered AP- even though that's essentially what I was doing) my grandma said "Children are never bad. Their behaviors may be less than ideal, but that doesn't mean they're bad."
It's simple, and along the lines of what most (if not all) of us are about.. but very worthwhile, IMO
She also told me that a martini will fix anything.. but that's another thread
With my first, she was being syringe fed at feedings...I'd attempt to latch her, she wouldn't, so we'd end up syringe feeding her :s By the time we got home she'd scream bloody murder each time I brought her to my breast to feed. I was devastated. It was supposed to be easier than this! My husband had to go back to work shortly after coming home and doing the syringe, the tube, the nipple shield, plus holding the boob and the baby I didn't know what to do! So we moved onto the bottle....(I think thats how it goes....details are a little fuzzy :s)
Anyway I remember the day I gave up...full of screaming...red face holding her breath screaming...I felt like a horrible mom. I didn't know where to turn or who to go to for help so I quit. I still regret it to this day.
At the last LLL meeting the leader was telling of her friends situation. Her friend had had everything in the book go wrong...mastitis, plugged ducts, thrush, etc etc. Her friend said to 'NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR WORST DAY'.
My son is now almost 2 weeks old and that is something I have repeated to myself over and over again. It has been awesome encouragement and keeps me going!
As I move into the role of being a mother to two kids (I haven't really seen my daughter the last little while....lol she's spent a lot of time with family!) this is advice I will also be repeating to myself daily I'm sure. When DD is having a temper tantrum and the baby is crying its a reminder to me that it may be bad now, but don't give up and things will get better.
The most important thing he taught me wasn't so much said. He taught me the best thing you can do as a parent is to give what they need (emotionally) when they come looking for it even if they can't or won't tell you what the actual problem is. Eventually you'll figure it out or they will talk about it, until then just be there.
If it looks like I'm trying to pick a fight... I'm not, I'm rarely that obvious.
Babies don't come with instruction manuals. They're all different. You will make mistakes, but don't worry, kids are resilient. Love them, holding them is not spoiling them, and you'll never regret it if you do what feels right.
She paused, told me "trust your instincts". That was it. I already read everything, but the core of what it's all about was this. And, I think with natural birth this works.
Perpetually breastfeeding or pregnant ENFP mom to a lot of kids...wife to a midwestern nice guy...living in tropical paradise...pink cats and homebirths rock!
this isn't advice i've received, but something i've just figured out in my 2 1/2 years of being a mama...
SLOW DOWN! i've learned to go at my daughter's pace rather than insist that she go at mine. yes, trips to the grocery store and folding the laundry take a bit longer than they normally would, but i enjoy every moment with her so much more when i stop and look at it from where she's standing (and she's thrilled to be doing just about anything with mama).
mother is a verb
I GOT MY !!!
"Let the baby adapt to you."
For me, this helps me to remember that ds is a part of our family. We don't need to stop being who we are just because we have a baby... he can just join us! I don't need to tiptoe around the house when he's sleeping... he can sleep just as well with a little noise. I don't need to panic about being home at a certain time so he can have a strict nap/sleep schedule... he'll be just as happy nursing to sleep/falling asleep wherever we are. I don't need to stop going on walks with dh, he can just come with us! I don't need to stop having a quiet hour to myself at the bookstore to unwind... dh is perfectly capable of taking ds for that long. Etc... I think sometimes it is easy for me to over-think things and this quote helps me remember that a healthy and happy mom and and a healthy and happy marriage are both really important to ds.
Alissa: married to dh since 05/2006 and mama to Solomon (08/2009) and Ezra (04/2012).
Courtney and Cree, baby made 3, added one more then there were 4, sakes alive, then we had 5, another in the mix now we have 6!
A Momma in love with her Little Women-Jewel Face, Jo Jo Bean, June Bug, and Sweet Coraline.
Don't beat yourself up over things. Kids do get hurt and parents learn as they go. Just go with it. (scraped knees and falling while learning to walk etc)
Go with your gut. Parents know thier child better than anyone else. (which prompted me to feel like I was allowed and able to challange Drs when I didn't agree, he totally agreed with that)
Oh, and the smaller they are the more "stuff" they have. LMAO.
Needless to say, Jo was a Dr her first Halloween and her picture hung on thier picture board for years!