Do you and the kids ever stay at your ILs without DH? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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Old 10-01-2009, 11:29 PM
 
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I've stayed at my in-laws (his dad's house and his mom's) without my husband, but they are both very wonderful (as are their spouses) and they have a rockin' happy hour

Even if they weren't so cool, I would do it if necessary..

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Old 10-02-2009, 12:29 AM
 
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my kids have stayed with inlaws and went on vacations with them without my husband so i would totally allow them too becuase my mom lives in a different part of the state and has my sisters kids that she cares for very often so it would be alot for her to take my kids as well.

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Old 10-02-2009, 12:43 AM
 
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I have stayed with DH's family, just me and DS in the past. But usually we stay with my family simply because my family has the room for us. We all get along reasonably well so it's not a big deal.

But if you're not comfortable with it don't do it. That's my opinion.

Mama to my charming little boy, born at home January '09
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Old 10-02-2009, 10:17 AM
 
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I think that would be normal. I have never stayed there w/o dh and I never will unless its life or death. I hate going there period. He doesn't like it much either. So for me its not happening. But I think in your situation, yes a visit and dinner with them is fine but its not weird to me that you would stay with your own family.

Mamma to dd1 3/8/07, one 9.5.08, and dd2 9/9/09
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Old 10-02-2009, 10:25 AM
 
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I have, but I never will again. My MIL has decided that my baby is partly hers and that she gets to decide what decision we make about him. I'm so furious with her right now that I don't know what I'm going to do. The fact that my BF AGREES with her makes it 100x worse.

He actually said to me once, when his mom agreed with him about something, and I disagreed with both of them, that since it was 2 against 1 we had to do it his way.

Umm....YOUR MOTHER IS NOT A PARTY TO OUR DISAGREEMENTS ABOUT OUR CHILD!!!!!!!!!!! SHE DOES NOT GET A SAY!!!!!!!!!

Ok, I'm sorry to use your thread to rant about my own problems. Rant over.
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Old 10-02-2009, 04:21 PM
 
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Originally Posted by thyra View Post

He actually said to me once, when his mom agreed with him about something, and I disagreed with both of them, that since it was 2 against 1 we had to do it his way.


is your botfriend five?

that would not fly over here, at all..

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Old 10-02-2009, 04:28 PM
 
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I would also make sure the daytime hours are close to evenly spent. If the ILs know you are staying at your parents for a week and you only have dinner with them once, I could see feelings being hurt. I know mine would be.
Kind of. In your situation, I wouldn't split the time evenly, but I'd make an effort to go see them for a couple of hours most of the days that we were there. I think seeing them for just a dinner during the trip would be akin to a snub, and I would imagine their feelings would be hurt.
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Old 10-02-2009, 05:34 PM
 
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if they are in the same town it seems natrual you would stay with your parents if your husband wasn't with you.

i mean if I left town and came back I would totally stay with my inlaws (and I am not even married to their son any more) but if my mom lived here too she would be my first choice because its my mom....

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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Old 10-03-2009, 07:33 PM
 
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Yes I have stayed with my ILs without my dh, but I love them, they are great to my kids, let me have lots of breaks, MIL makes really good food and have a really nice house. They live in the same town as my mom and dad (who are divorced) but my mom is a weirdo and my dad's house is tiny and cluttered with stuff, he's an alcoholic and watches too much tv. I do stay at my mom's house, it depends on if she's working or if MIL is working.

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Old 10-03-2009, 09:37 PM
 
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If your parent slive in the same town and you get along with them, I can't see why anyone would expect you to stay with your ILs. I actually get along much better with my ILs, so I frequently stay with them without my dh (he can't get much time off work to travel with us) and just visit my parents for a few hours one day.
This is totally me!! My parents and in-laws live in the same town. My hubby was in the army and got shipped over to Korea. I stayed with the ILs for a couple months with son #1 before we joined hubby in Korea.

If anything, I need hubby as a buffer with my own parents.

But, I don't find it weird that you don't stay with them. If anything, I always get questions about why I'm not staying with my own parents. The other thing I sometimes do is arrange for my MIL or my own mother to spend time with my older son by themselves. I don't really think of it as babysitting, since I'm not looking for someone to watch my kid, but I find that they enjoy the alone time much better than if I'm there with them.
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Old 10-05-2009, 02:45 AM
 
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Yes, we do quite a bit. I am very comfortable with my IL's, know them well, and am close to them. DH and I lived with them for several years before we had DS, and for a few months this last summer too. They live only about 30 minutes away from my parents, so when I go visit I split the time in half between each of them. I like it when DH can come to and we visit as a whole family, but he is in grad school right now, so now it is more often just DS and me. My IL's really love DS, are good to him, and supportive of me. We have a really good relationship, although of course we have had our differences and difficulites, all in all I feel very lucky to have such a positive realtionship with my ILs. They also have much more space for us, so sometimes that factors in as well. However, I don't think it's weird or should be expected to stay with the IL's if one is more comfortable with their own family, or doesn't have that close of a relationship with them.

Maria, wife to DH, mama to DS 09/2007, #2 12/2010 and hoping for a
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Old 10-05-2009, 02:49 AM
 
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We've stayed overnight at my inlaws on occasion when my husband wasn't around. But I get along well with them and it's not (usually) tense. If I wasn't comfortable or felt weird about it, I wouldn't do it.
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Old 10-05-2009, 12:02 PM
 
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heck no.
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Old 10-05-2009, 12:17 PM
 
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No way for us. I don't get on well with my ILs, so I would never spend the night unless DH was there. We only see them 4 or 5 times a year (for just one night each - DH is understanding about my tolerance limits), so it hasn't come up.

(They are also not allowed to babysit the girls.)

Sarah - mommy to Sophie (4) and Nora (1)
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Old 10-05-2009, 02:27 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Harmony08 View Post
So is it normal or not normal to stay with your parents but not your ILs? What is it like for you?
I've stayed at my ILs w/o DH (both before we had kids and now). I've also traveled with MIL and the kids, and DH and FIL met us later. This summer, the kids and I stayed at the ILs while they were away on vacation. That said, I get along great with my ILs, and I feel at home at their house. I know where everything is, and I know what things to keep the kids away from. If I didn't feel that way, then I'd probably be more anxious about staying there. As it is, my ILs' house is more child-friendly than my mom's house. My mom wants everything in its place all.the.time. and panics if the kids touch anything.

It's us: DH , DS ; DD ; and me . Also there's the . And the 3 . I . Oh, and .
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Old 10-05-2009, 11:25 PM
 
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I would never stay at my MIL's without DH. Never. But I don't like her. It wouldn't be comfortable for either of us.

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Wife to J 9/00 Mama to K 12/05
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