How do you judge when to be sensitive to others and when to take a lead? - Mothering Forums

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Old 10-01-2009, 03:41 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I decided to ask this question separate from my other thread because this is a broader question which I was interested in getting input from others on.

I have had such a positive response to this opportunity of working overseas not just from here but everyone I have either spoken with or discussed it with on other forums I have visited. The more I think about it the more enthusiastic I get and yet, despite my intentions this evening, I still have not raised it with my son. Instead of beating myself up over that I tried to think about why that was and I got introspective.

I know first and foremost in my mind is the issue that the post is in a girl's school and the idea is for him at the moment at least to spend a term attending there also while living with me in the accommodations available to staff. I haven't quite got to the point of just figuring out how to approach him on that yet, but of course what is holding me back is fear - the fear of his reaction being negative to the idea. So I have a fall back plan which is to say that I will look into boarding schools for him over in the UK too for that term. But again I have fear holding me back on that - the idea that he might feel rejected, that my career opportunity is more important to me than him and that I am just willing to pack him off somewhere out of sight out of mind. Then there is the fear that he won't be happy with leaving the US at all, his friends here and so on.

I recognize there is a lot of fear there, but I also noticed that it is all related to me wanting to keep my son happy. Of course that's normal, but as a single mom I find myself particularly sensitive to that because there seems to be so many times when I have to say no too.

But my question for others out there is where do you draw the line over being sensitive to the concerns and interests of others and instead take the lead for either your own concerns and interests or those you believe are for the greater good. A friend challenged me to be the grown up in making the decision which I found a bit unfair at the time but I know what she was trying to say. How do you judge those moments?
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