sometimes I feel like the worst mom in the world. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 10-16-2009, 12:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Morning times are rough for us. I am BAD about not getting up on time and we rush...I am grumpy, DD ends up being grumpy...it is just not a positive thing.
This morning I was dropping DD1 and DD2 off with my grandmother and as I was getting the baby out of the carseat DD1 was asking me about the sweatshirt I was wearing and mentioned the fact that it was a "police sweatshirt" which it was. Instead of positively commenting on the fact that she noticed the word police...I kept silently getting more and more annoying that she was, at the same time, pulling and pulling and pulling on the neck drawstring until it was noticibly uncomfortable. All of a sudden I pushed her hand away and gruffly said STOP! and she just looked heartbroken and ran in the dining room and silently cried. I know she didn't realize what she was doing and in my mind- trying to rush- I just negated the fact that we were each experiencing a different mindset to this situation (me annoyed and her not meaning to be annoying). I hugged and kissed her and said that I was sorry about 10 times but I could tell that she was still hurt.
I know this seems silly to worry about but I seriously would not win the mommy of the year award because of my grumpy parenting style in the morning.... it makes me sooooo sad because I am away from her all day at work and all I do is think about how we began our day.
It's not every morning but still more often times than not. I guess what makes it worse is that she is going to stay with my MIL and FIL this weekend and all I can do is think, "what if something happens to her? What if my SIL (19) wrecks on the way up there? What if this experience is the last emotion that ties us to one another???"
I know I can't make every parenting moment the perfect- but I just feel bummed out today and am worrying that DD thinks I royally suck

Blessed with two BEAUTIFUL little girls: Kylie (09/06) and Maggie (4/09) :
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#2 of 11 Old 10-16-2009, 01:13 PM
 
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There are times when I lose it, and may yell at one of my kids and hurt their feelings. I always apologize and explain why I was wrong to act like that. You did the same thing. Don't be too hard on yourself. I wouldn't get a "mother of the year" award either. If the award was based on absolutely perfect parenting, I think they'd be hurting for a recipient. Nobody has perfect days every day.
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#3 of 11 Old 10-16-2009, 02:48 PM
 
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I feel your pain. I too have said/done things I regretted and sadly there are no take backs no matter how mu.ch you say sorry. No one is perfect you just have to forgive yourself and move on. If you want to change the dynamic in the morning one thing that has worked for me is more prep in the evening. I just want to crash at night but now I try really hard to prepare for the next day (tidy up, lay out clothes make lunches etc) It has really helped the mornings and so even if we sleep in or dawdle we have a lot more leeway.
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#4 of 11 Old 10-16-2009, 03:12 PM
 
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Oh dear Lord. Your daughter will be fine; slapping her hand away does not make you an abuser. I think by posting your story and feelings it's evident that you are a good mother. At least you care about your interactions with your daughter and realize that there is a better way to do things. The world can use a whole lot more mothers and fathers like you. We all have hard days and say things that we shouldn't. That doesn't excuse it, but we can't beat ourselves up, we can only try to be better parents to our little ones. Chalk this up as a low point and when tomorrow morning shows its shiny face, imagine yourself as your lo's hero. That helped me a lot when my DD would wake up multiple times during the night. I'm her hero. No one else can help her the way I can and make her feel safe, loved and happy.

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#5 of 11 Old 10-16-2009, 03:21 PM
 
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Are your kids old enough to all talk about a morning plan? Like "Mornings have been really crazy and stressful around here. How can we all do better?" If not, make a plan on your own to fix things (Go to bed earlier to get up earlier, etc). You are, by no stretch of the imagination, the worst mom in the world. We all have bad days.
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#6 of 11 Old 10-16-2009, 03:54 PM
 
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Mornings totally suck for us, too. My kids are 5 and 3.5, and not at all morning people. Unfortunately, DD has to be on the school bus to kindergarten at 8:25, and as the bus stop is down around the corner at the end of the street and DH is already at work, DS has to come with us.

Our mornings frequently go something like this: DS decides during breakfast that he needs to use the bathroom, so he's in there dancing in front of the mirror, splashing in the water, poking around under the sink, and generally wasting time. He does NOT want help, no THANK you, Mommy. I tell him we're in a hurry and if he wants time to get himself dressed and eat breakfast before we leave (as opposed to eating breakfast, like, fifteen minutes later, after DD is on the bus), he needs to get on that NOW.

Five minutes before we need to leave, I'm wrestling DS into clothing. He's screaming because he wanted to get himSELF DRESSED! I'm gritting my teeth, saying in a rather unpleasant tone of voice that if he wanted to get himself dressed, why didn't he DO IT when I told him we were in a hurry and needed to leave. He becomes hysterical.

Some mornings he screams all the way to the bus stop that he is HUNNNGRYYYYY! because he couldn't stop fooling around long enough to eat. Or he sat in the kitchen saying "I'm hungry" but then refused to choose a single thing to eat for the fifteen minutes before we had to leave. Often he plays the "you choose" game with me. As in, "I'm hungry Mommy." "Okay, what do you want for breakfast?" "You choose." "Okay, how about cereal? Toast? Oatmeal? Fruit?" "Noooooo! I don't like any of those things!" "What do you want, then?" "You choose!" AAAARRRRGGGH.

It's all variations on a theme of misery surrounding leaving for the bus stop. Things are actually much easier when DS oversleeps and I bring him to the bus stop in his pajamas, but usually he rolls himself out of bed just in time to cause morning drama.

Kids get over stuff. By the time we're headed back home again from the bus stop, DS is his usual upbeat self. I spend half of my days apologizing for being grumpy, anyway, so the kids don't take it too personally. They know it drives me crazy when we have to be somewhere and they are actively working against being on time. They pretty freely apologize for fighting with me, too, after we are all calmed down. We're one very sorry family.

We all have days where we feel like the worst mom. I feel that most mornings. But you're not the worst mom. You're a mom who has regular feelings and in ONE single instance didn't express them in the most positive way. Let go of the guilt; it really is okay.
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#7 of 11 Old 10-16-2009, 04:21 PM
 
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I can commiserate. My moods aren't isolated to the morning, they can strike any time. In fat the mornings are often the best times because I get up really early as do my kids and I polish off 2 large cups of coffee in minutes. Then I am really happy and energetic. But when the afternoon slump comes around, watch out. We are also a very sorry family. I say sorry a lot. I hope one day my oldest understands.

I know I don't have much to offer but I was really taken aback by what that other poster said about abuse so I just thought a little positive support may help. You are not alone, this job is way harder than I thought it would be.
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#8 of 11 Old 10-16-2009, 08:49 PM
 
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I'm sorry you had a rough morning. We have rough mornings here, too, especially Sunday mornings when I have to get everyone dressed and out the door on my own. Kids are pretty resiliant and forgiving. I think the best we can do sometimes is apologize and move on. I also think you are perfectly within your rights to say when you apologize "I didn't like when you pulled the drawstring. It hurt me and was annoying. I'll try harder to ask you nicely to stop, but I also need you to try to respect my space." I don't think you need to apologize or feel like a bad mom for needing a little space.

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#9 of 11 Old 10-17-2009, 02:53 AM
 
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Guilt can lead to toxic mama behavior and so I try my best to let it go after an apology is made by realizing that not letting it go will continue to hurt her past anything that the situation did, kwim? At the same time- can you do differently Monday morning and wake up earlier or organize better so you aren't rushing so much? I am awful when I am rushing.
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#10 of 11 Old 10-17-2009, 05:48 AM
 
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I am a little at some of the replies to the OP.

Let me send you a hug momma. I think most of us have been there, I know I have.

Having moments of grumpiness and frustration are part of being human.

Give your kids a hug and some snuggle time, especially your oldest. Everyone will feel better.

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#11 of 11 Old 10-17-2009, 09:21 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lolablitz View Post
Oh dear Lord. Your daughter will be fine; slapping her hand away does not make you an abuser. I think by posting your story and feelings it's evident that you are a good mother. At least you care about your interactions with your daughter and realize that there is a better way to do things. The world can use a whole lot more mothers and fathers like you. We all have hard days and say things that we shouldn't. That doesn't excuse it, but we can't beat ourselves up, we can only try to be better parents to our little ones. Chalk this up as a low point and when tomorrow morning shows its shiny face, imagine yourself as your lo's hero. That helped me a lot when my DD would wake up multiple times during the night. I'm her hero. No one else can help her the way I can and make her feel safe, loved and happy.
I just love everything about this post!!!!!!


Hugs to you OP, we have extremely stressful moments here too, especially when getting out of the door in the morning

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