What is the worst/dumbest thing anyone has ever said to you about parenting stuff? IV - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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Old 11-05-2009, 05:18 PM
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Originally Posted by bandgeek View Post
I had to take DD to children's the other day to get her feeding tube changed out. She has a J tube so they have to do it in radiology. I was sitting there waiting and her nurse was suctioning her and this lady sitting across from us said, "They've been feeding her formula haven't they?"

I was like "whaaaat?" What the hell does formula have to do with my child's medical condition? I'm not loving formula...I'm a total bf'ing supporter, and I do recognize there are risks to formula feeding. But uh...formula doesn't cause CP, feeding disorders, dysphagia, ect.

I explained that DD wasn't on ANYTHING because her gut stopped working and we were changing out her tube as a last resort and then she goes on to tell me that her DD has CP and she's 22 and blah, blah, blah. Ok so wouldn't she recognize that my DD had similar issues and formula isn't the cause? Or maybe she just thought milk=mucous production, but not all formula has milk in it.

Then she starts telling me that I should be glad she still so small and not to look forward to when she's bigger because they are so hard to move around and I should be doing this, this, and this in the future to keep her healthy.

HELLO!? Do you not see my child in respiratory distress and a non-functioning gut!? I'm just trying to get her through the day alive...I don't think I have to worry about those things! I know there are different severities of CP and maybe she didn't realize my DD is quite severe and her predicted lifespan is not very long...still I TOLD her that her gut stopped functioning...you'd think she'd get the hint that the only plans I'm worried about are whether or not to put in a line or let her starve to death (neither a long-term option, but whatever).

Probably a rant best saved for the SN board, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to put it here. Lesson: Even if you think you know about someone's condition...you probably don't. Don't assume and make comments. I've got a child possibly going to hospice in the next few weeks. Her formula has nothing to do with it.
So sorry, mama. People truly need to keep their comments to themselves, especially when the person they are commenting to is under that much stress already.

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Old 11-05-2009, 05:22 PM
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Here's a really good one from my step-mom.

We distantly know a woman who was just arrested for murdering (suffocating) her baby. Two years ago everyone thought it was SIDS. So, I was saying how I couldn't ever imagine doing anything so horrible to my DD and that I couldn't wrap my head around the idea. It was just so foreign to me! My step-mom then says:

"If you ever feel like killing DD, bring her over here. We'll take her."



I just stared at her speechless with my mouth gaping open. I don't know how many ways I can say I don't want to murder my child.
I don't know your step-mother, so I can't really know how this comment came out on her part, BUT....

I had an extremely high needs baby, and there are times when you find yourself bouncing a little too hard, rocking a little too fast, starting to panic because you feel like you're losing control. I am in NO WAY saying that murdering your child is a right thing to do, but I would be very glad to know that there was a loving family member that I could trust to take my baby if I felt like I couldn't handle it anymore, and that they wouldn't pass judgment on me for losing it and needing that kind of help.

I really hope that's what your step-mom was getting at.
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Old 11-05-2009, 05:24 PM
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My neighbor has told me how she locks her toddler in her room to let her scream herself to sleep, and I frequently have to listen to this for 40+ min while I'm putting DD down at night (their nursery shares a wall with our bedroom).

Then she tells me yesterday that her crawling baby is such a nuisance that she has to close her into a room ALONE to get anything done. Do people really do that?
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Old 11-05-2009, 05:39 PM
 
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Originally Posted by bandgeek View Post

Probably a rant best saved for the SN board, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to put it here. Lesson: Even if you think you know about someone's condition...you probably don't. Don't assume and make comments. I've got a child possibly going to hospice in the next few weeks. Her formula has nothing to do with it.
I am so, so sorry mama.

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Old 11-05-2009, 05:45 PM
 
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I don't know your step-mother, so I can't really know how this comment came out on her part, BUT....

I had an extremely high needs baby, and there are times when you find yourself bouncing a little too hard, rocking a little too fast, starting to panic because you feel like you're losing control. I am in NO WAY saying that murdering your child is a right thing to do, but I would be very glad to know that there was a loving family member that I could trust to take my baby if I felt like I couldn't handle it anymore, and that they wouldn't pass judgment on me for losing it and needing that kind of help.

I really hope that's what your step-mom was getting at.
I was kind of thinking the same thing. My mom told me that if you ever feel so stressed out that you start losing your mind...call someone to come hold the baby. Last resort: Set them down, even if they are crying, and step outside for a few minutes. Better a crying baby than one you hurt, even if it was completely unintentional. Women do get severe PPD. And I'm sure the women who did do something they regret, didn't think it would happen to them. Knowing you have someone to go to isn't the worst thing in the world. Maybe it wasn't the most tactful way of saying it, but I'm sure she meant it in a good way.
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Old 11-05-2009, 06:08 PM
 
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I'm sorry, Shauna.

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Old 11-05-2009, 08:28 PM
 
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I know there are different severities of CP and maybe she didn't realize my DD is quite severe and her predicted lifespan is not very long...
Hi mama.
I just wanted to say I'm so sorry that happened to you. My uncle has very severe CP and my grandmother was given much the same prognosis you were when he was born in the 50's. He wasn't supposed to make it to 3 or 4, then they said he wouldn't make it to 10, 20, 25, 35, 40... in July we celebrated his 52nd birthday!
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Old 11-05-2009, 08:43 PM
 
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Hi mama.
I just wanted to say I'm so sorry that happened to you. My uncle has very severe CP and my grandmother was given much the same prognosis you were when he was born in the 50's. He wasn't supposed to make it to 3 or 4, then they said he wouldn't make it to 10, 20, 25, 35, 40... in July we celebrated his 52nd birthday!
couldn't read and not comment, hope you're not offended by this.
Not offended, but it still just shows the differences in everyone's perspectives of the condition. Someone like my DD simply CAN'T live that long. It just doesn't happen. He's probably not nearly as severe as they thought he was (quadriplegia doesn't necessarily mean severe), which wasn't nearly as severe as DD. If he'd been like DD, born in the 50's, he wouldn't have lived, period. Not without the technology we have to day. He would have never come home from the hospital. There's a difference between just not being able to walk or talk to every single bodily function shutting down because of the damage to your brain and body. Someone with basic autonomic function and no mobility can live a very long time. Lack autonomic function, with or without mobility and you cannot. I've had many people tell me that so and so wasn't expected to live and did. But I've never met (nor have any of her doctors) a child as bad as my DD. She baffles them. We even did genetic testing to see if there was something else going on and there's not. She's just an example of how bad CP can actually get.

Didn't mean to get off-topic. And didn't mean to become a downer. I've grieved already and don't expect sympathy, but always get it. My perspective has been skewed some. Lots of people feel so bad for my situation and it's really not that bad. DD is who she is and we've come to terms with it. I guess I shared the story so people would maybe learn from it.
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Old 11-06-2009, 12:26 AM
 
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I was kind of thinking the same thing. My mom told me that if you ever feel so stressed out that you start losing your mind...call someone to come hold the baby. Last resort: Set them down, even if they are crying, and step outside for a few minutes. Better a crying baby than one you hurt, even if it was completely unintentional. Women do get severe PPD. And I'm sure the women who did do something they regret, didn't think it would happen to them. Knowing you have someone to go to isn't the worst thing in the world. Maybe it wasn't the most tactful way of saying it, but I'm sure she meant it in a good way.
My daughter was 10 mo at the time, my DH works at home, and I rarely see my step-mom. It was still really very hurtful.

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Old 11-06-2009, 03:21 PM
 
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Nice lady at our church said, you have to start giving her rice cereal so she will sleep. I told her my EBF daughter was already sleeping through the night (6 hrs). Her response:

Maybe your dh is slipping the cereal into the lik without you knowing it.

Images of my dh trying to inject my boobs w/ cereal while I was sleeping made me laugh,

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Old 11-06-2009, 05:45 PM
 
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Images of my dh trying to inject my boobs w/ cereal while I was sleeping made me laugh,
Ha! Love it.
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Old 11-07-2009, 12:51 AM
 
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I was talking to a "friend" today and she asked if I was putting DD in daycare. I said no, I stay home so there would be no point (this is not the first time she's asked). Her reply: Why did you even bother with college then? Yeah b/c the year I taught before I had kids and the 10-15 years I will teach after the youngest in kindergarten don't warrant a college degree.

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Old 11-07-2009, 11:28 AM
 
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I was told i am making my toddler (not yet 2) nervous because I won't let him wander in and out of the house by himself unsupervised. He should be able to roam into the yard/street on his own without me around.

I asked how her son survived past infancy with that sort of mindset.

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Old 11-07-2009, 02:09 PM
 
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I was told i am making my toddler (not yet 2) nervous because I won't let him wander in and out of the house by himself unsupervised. He should be able to roam into the yard/street on his own without me around.

I asked how her son survived past infancy with that sort of mindset.
Yeah! Why are you all up in his grill? He has things he wants to do without your constant hovering!

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Old 11-07-2009, 02:54 PM
 
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I was talking to a "friend" today and she asked if I was putting DD in daycare. I said no, I stay home so there would be no point (this is not the first time she's asked). Her reply: Why did you even bother with college then? Yeah b/c the year I taught before I had kids and the 10-15 years I will teach after the youngest in kindergarten don't warrant a college degree.
Nevermind the fact that you may have wanted to go to college to get, ya know, an education and not just a job.

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Old 11-07-2009, 03:23 PM
 
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I was told i am making my toddler (not yet 2) nervous because I won't let him wander in and out of the house by himself unsupervised. He should be able to roam into the yard/street on his own without me around.

I asked how her son survived past infancy with that sort of mindset.
Actually, my DH's family was like this. HOWEVER, they lived on several acres of property and were surrounded by mostly family. It was a pretty good ways to the nearest road and it wasn't ever that busy (it wasn't a main road by any stretch) So yeah...it worked for them. There's still family living out there and they told me that when DS gets older to just bring him out and "let him roam"

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Old 11-07-2009, 04:02 PM
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I was told i am making my toddler (not yet 2) nervous because I won't let him wander in and out of the house by himself unsupervised. He should be able to roam into the yard/street on his own without me around.

I asked how her son survived past infancy with that sort of mindset.
This is the neighbor family (actually ALL the neighbors, but they are the only ones with littles). Yesterday, I realized I was the only one watching her 9mo who was about to eat some leaves on their front lawn.
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Old 11-07-2009, 06:41 PM
 
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We live out in the country but there is still a very busy road right out by our yard-people drive like maniacs...and not to mention this is FL so every durn thing that crawls or grows is poisonous. After she said that to me and my instant retort about her son I told her: Um, nah, think I'll keep an eye on my very busy little guy. Even my girls were shocked.

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Old 11-07-2009, 09:12 PM
 
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At the last Car Seat Clinic I was at another CPST approached me and said out of the blue, "Are you still feeding him?"
I must have stared at her dumbstuck, because she went on to clarify, "You know, the little one."
That's when I realized she meant BREASTfeeding.
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Old 11-07-2009, 09:28 PM
 
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When my DS was about 1 my GMIL argued with me for about 10 minutes because she was looking at clothes for him for his 1st birthday, she asked what size he wore I said 18 or 24 months (he was a chunker). She told me that's not possible, he's a year old he HAS to wear 12 months, 18 months just WILL NOT fit until 18 months no matter what size the kid is.

So for his bday she bought him a ton of 12 months clothes...and nothing fit...

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Old 11-07-2009, 10:25 PM
 
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When my DS was about 1 my GMIL argued with me for about 10 minutes because she was looking at clothes for him for his 1st birthday, she asked what size he wore I said 18 or 24 months (he was a chunker). She told me that's not possible, he's a year old he HAS to wear 12 months, 18 months just WILL NOT fit until 18 months no matter what size the kid is.
Whatever... My DS1 was wearing 12 months at 8 months. How does she explain what they're already wearing? It shrank?

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Old 11-08-2009, 12:47 AM
 
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When my DS was about 1 my GMIL argued with me for about 10 minutes because she was looking at clothes for him for his 1st birthday, she asked what size he wore I said 18 or 24 months (he was a chunker). She told me that's not possible, he's a year old he HAS to wear 12 months, 18 months just WILL NOT fit until 18 months no matter what size the kid is.

So for his bday she bought him a ton of 12 months clothes...and nothing fit...
Sounds like when my MIL buys undies for my almost 7 year old DD. She buys 6's because DD is 6, but she has a size 4 butt. She did the same thing to ds1 at the same age.
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Old 11-08-2009, 02:14 AM
 
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When my DS was about 1 my GMIL argued with me for about 10 minutes because she was looking at clothes for him for his 1st birthday, she asked what size he wore I said 18 or 24 months (he was a chunker). She told me that's not possible, he's a year old he HAS to wear 12 months, 18 months just WILL NOT fit until 18 months no matter what size the kid is.

So for his bday she bought him a ton of 12 months clothes...and nothing fit...
When Lincoln was a few months old a friend bought him a bunch of clothes - in NEWBORN sizes! They were adorable, but he was already in 3-6month clothes and there was NO WAY I would have even gotten his leg in them! It was hilarious, and she learned that baby clothes have sizes just like adult clothes!
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Old 11-08-2009, 02:34 AM
 
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Whatever... My DS1 was wearing 12 months at 8 months. How does she explain what they're already wearing? It shrank?
........... and my 17mo is STILL fitting into his 9-12mo clothes.

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Old 11-08-2009, 02:39 AM
 
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Whatever... My DS1 was wearing 12 months at 8 months. How does she explain what they're already wearing? It shrank?
I don't know...I guess no one told James he couldn't POSSIBLY be 21lbs at 9 months old because it is NOT allowed that he be large enough to wear 12 month clothes, he HAS to wear 9-12 months?

What gets me is okay, if YOU are going to tell me what MY child is wearing then why even bother wasting my time calling me and asking me what size he wears?

Of course DD was 'average' sized...but for her first birthday and Christmas I got all 24 month size...they finally fit her now a year later.

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Old 11-08-2009, 02:47 AM
 
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When my DS was about 1 my GMIL argued with me for about 10 minutes because she was looking at clothes for him for his 1st birthday, she asked what size he wore I said 18 or 24 months (he was a chunker). She told me that's not possible, he's a year old he HAS to wear 12 months, 18 months just WILL NOT fit until 18 months no matter what size the kid is.

So for his bday she bought him a ton of 12 months clothes...and nothing fit...
So what should I tell my 7 week old who is wearing mostly 6 month clothes? "Stop growing right now, the baby sizing fairy says you are too big!"


I have one, I'm sure it's been said already, but when I wear my baby in my Baby K'Tan or Moby, people will say "I wish they had those when my baby was little". They didn't have fabric back then? And what about the African women who have been doing this for hundreds of years? I know what they MEAN is that they wish they knew about baby carriers, but oh well

On a positive note, I wore DS in the mall today, I had 4 or 5 people ask me about it, and say how comfy he looked and how convenient it must be. One young couple was CARRYING their 4-week-old baby around the mall and I actually walked up and said they needed one, and they completely agreed with me, so I gave them the name of the website for the k'tan

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Old 11-08-2009, 03:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Do they make size 63 in anything? (or however old your mom/gmil is) Just buy an actual tent and say it's a dress.
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Old 11-08-2009, 03:04 AM
 
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My DS is the exact opposite. He's SO short and skinny (below the 5th) that most of his 2T pants fit his belly and they're only a little bit short. The shorts work just fine. And he's about to turn FIVE. Mostly he wears 3T, but a lot of the pants just fall right off his skinny little butt. And yet for the past year, people have been giving us 4T clothes because he's four. The shirts work just fine, but the pants have been sitting in a drawer being useless. Nobody bothers to ask what he wears, they just assume that since he's four, he must be wearing 4T. Maybe when he's six, the 4T pants will fit!

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Old 11-08-2009, 03:22 AM
 
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At my BFFs baby shower today, she was opening gifts, and among the several things I got her were The Baby Book and The Breastfeeding Book by Dr Sears. We share similar values on kids, and she's already in possession of my copy of The Pregnancy Book and her DH has spent time thumbing through my copy of The Breastfeeding Book.

Her mom comments, "Don't worry, it just comes naturally."

This just makes me FUME. She made this comment to my friend when I was seeing a LC (or 3), "Just stick the baby on, she'll get what she needs." I asked, "Did you mention to your mom that the baby is doing deep tissue damage and may do permanent damage if I continue to nurse her?" "Uh, no, I forgot that part." Just because something is easy for ONE person doesn't mean it is easy for everyone. And my friend is very concerned for herself after witnessing our epic struggle. I hope she finds many reassuring answers in the book, which she was thrilled to get. (Take that friend's mom!)

In that same vein, in the comments for a blog (I believe about "banning the [formula] bags" in hospitals), someone commented in response to someone:

"If you can make any milk at all, you can make enough milk for your baby. Always."

I have never wanted to go primeval on anyone as much as that ignorant woman ever, ever. I don't even know who she is, but she thinks she knows everything when she obviously knows not very much at all. Way to totally invalidate any low-supply mom who crosses your path. You are why most mainstreamers think breastfeeding advocates are pushy, obnoxious and self-righteous.

I'm Kellie :, married to Chris , and mom to one baby girl (7/12/09).
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Old 11-08-2009, 04:23 AM
 
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Lol about all the clothes sizing. I didn't know babies were "supposed" to be a certain size. I better put my kid on a diet. He's too heavy!!

Also, I've found cloth diapers hold those "too big of pants" up pretty well! (If anyone's lookin for a quick fix)

Mom to angel baby, grew wings at 5 weeks in May '07, William, born Dec '08, and another angel who grew wings at 8w4d (lost at 11w) in Oct '10. Rachel born Feb 2012, Another angel Lost Sept '13. New bean due Nov '14!
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