open gifts at party? - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: open the gifts?
yes, at the party. 111 63.43%
no, not at the party. 53 30.29%
obligatory other. 11 6.29%
Voters: 175. You may not vote on this poll

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 10-28-2009, 01:15 PM
 
Zach'smom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Rockin' the suburbs...
Posts: 1,121
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think either way is fine. My ds went a few years where he didn't want to open gifts at the party or even have Happy birthday sung to him. He just got very overwhelmed being in the spotlight. Now he tolerates the singing and is happy to open gifts at the party. The years we didn't open at the party we took a picture of him with each gift and included it in lovely thank you note.

Mom to Zach eat.gif , 2 cat.gif, 1dog2.gif, and a whole lot of goldfish.gif!!!! 
Zach'smom is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 10-28-2009, 01:34 PM
 
Kathryn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Colorado
Posts: 5,859
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We do the present mob type thing here too. I hate watching other kids fidgeting, wanting to join in (3-6 yr olds), but their parents won't let them because it's not their party. So, here, everyone gets to help and everyone gets to play.

Mom to Dakota (6), Coy, (4), Max, (4), Lily (4), and Auri (June 19th 2010)!
Visit Lily's site at www.caringbridge.org/visit/lilymathis1
Kathryn is offline  
Old 10-28-2009, 02:38 PM
 
SweetPotato's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 905
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We generally do no-gift parties with friends and save the family gifts to open when it's just family around. If a friend showed up with a gift, I'd let my dd open it right then, but we wouldn't do a big sit down and watch sort of show. I really can't imagine making a bunch of kids sit through watching someone open a gazillion presents from grandma-- we like to keep the party's focus on celebrating together.
SweetPotato is offline  
Old 10-28-2009, 02:48 PM
 
childsplay's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: In the woods.
Posts: 433
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by vbactivist View Post
We've started opening the gifts as the guests arrive. so johnny shows up, is welcomed by birthday boy, hands gift to birthday boy. bbb opens it and thanks him.
That sounds like a nice idea, and would ensure a thank you from the gift getter.

I voted open them at the party, we always do, but I always have help as well, my 15 y/o keeps the kids from mobbing the birthday kid (ie trying to open the gifts for him, tearing and seperating cards, opening packages with tiny pieces inside ) and a friend or two to help read the cards and dispose of wrapping paper. The guests ususally lose interest and will wander over for snacks or play some games, they usually wander back after a bit though.

What I can't stand is going to a party and after spending time selecting a fitting gift having it opened in a mechanical fashion (paper off, wave in front of birthday child's face, deposit in pile, next!) Bugs the heck out of me!
childsplay is offline  
Old 10-28-2009, 02:49 PM
 
kcstar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: nowhere near Kansas
Posts: 726
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I chose "obligatory other". When I was growing up, opening presents was the norm. When we visited Korea, the books on Customs & Traditions we read said that opening presents in front of people was NOT the norm.

I go with what's traditional where I am. If most other families open at the party, I probably would too. If most other families don't, I probably wouldn't. But DS is only 2 and hasn't had any big parties yet, expect this position to evolve

Unitarian Universalist Pagan
kcstar is offline  
Old 10-28-2009, 03:57 PM
 
VisionaryMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 3,736
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by leighi123 View Post
Esp with younger kids, it prevents confusion as to why one person gets presesnts and no one else does.
I've personally never seen this problem at parties. I think even small kids get that it's person X's birthday, and that's why s/he gets gifts.

I vote to open the gifts at the party. IMO, if no one can handle all the gifts, there are too many. A lot of our friends are going to a "please donate to..." type of thing with some charity the child picked, usually the humane society (I suppose because helping cuddly puppies and kittens is easier for children to understand). Some people do that and others still get gifts.

It's us: DH , DS ; DD ; and me . Also there's the . And the 3 . I . Oh, and .
VisionaryMom is offline  
Old 10-28-2009, 04:05 PM
 
MammaG's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: North of Boston
Posts: 439
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I didn't read all 5 pages, so sorry if I'm simply restating an opinion already opined. I never like opening presents at a party (the only benefit I can see is that you can thank people in person and skip sending a note). I find it really uncomfortable and this is why I have a 'NO showers' policy.

Especially with kids in attendance, skip it! It's boring to watch someone else open presents, and for a child, it's also a source of jealousy. For the birthday child, it's simply overwhelming, even for an 8-year-old. I'd open them a few at a time over the next few days and then each present can be connected with the giver in the child's mind and thank-yous can be written as each is opened. Think about all the great games and activities you could do with that time instead!

Gwen , partner to D ; Mamma to T (6) , J (4) , and baby P
MammaG is offline  
Old 10-28-2009, 05:58 PM
 
Anastasiya's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 1,485
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MammaG View Post
Especially with kids in attendance, skip it! It's boring to watch someone else open presents, and for a child, it's also a source of jealousy. For the birthday child, it's simply overwhelming, even for an 8-year-old.
After reading all these pages, it sounds like it depends on the child. There is no right or wrong answer.

I am quoting the above just to make the comment that I have never been to a birthday party where this happened, and my kids have never reacted that way. Not once has a child shown obviously jealousy over watching the b-day kid open their gifts, not once has a child been overwhelmed while opening gifts (but at our parties we let the other kids help), and not once have I ever thought (or have my kids thought) that opening gifts was boring. (ETA: I don't care if the other adults think it's boring - it's not their party.) It's true the kids love playing together, but they play before gift opening, during gift opening and after gift opening. It's all play!

And I'll add too that another poster mentioned that kids get grabby and greedy, shouting all over one another and fighting for toys...never seen that, either.

Nor have I ever seen kids rushing through the opening and being rude about the gifts.

I can see my opinion might change if I saw these things, but I haven't. Ever.
Anastasiya is offline  
Old 10-28-2009, 06:03 PM
 
cyncyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,675
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We always open the gifts at the party, but we have been to parties where the gifts weren't opened. The gift-givers usually want to see their gift opened, so I try to make that part of the party. If there isn't time to open the gifts or it is too crazy, how about a no gift party? We've been to those too. I like the idea about opening the gift as the guests arrive. It's more personal.

treehugger.gifread.gifsewmachine.gif  Mama to joy.gif 3/03 and angel3.gif 12/06, married to jammin.gif for 18 years
cyncyn is offline  
Old 10-28-2009, 06:45 PM
 
sunnmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: surrounded by love
Posts: 6,123
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by littleteapot View Post
Well, first of all I never said that presents were unreasonable or selfish. Or that we don't do them.

??? I didn't think you said that. I'm confused.

I have no idea why you guys are so weird about this.

The "ego stroke" comments seemed pretty weird to me. It has nothing to do with ego, or having the best gift, or whatever--for me or for my kids.

And, of course I'm fine with my child opening presents without me there! They're just GIFTS.
Ok, then I can really see where we are coming from different viewpoints. I would feel really disappointed if my dc opened their Christmas or birthday gifts when I was not there. I LOVE watching them open their gifts from me--and they love watching me open mine from them, etc. To me honest, I can't wrap my head around not treasuring that moment; it is just so different from my reality.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sancta View Post
After reading all these pages, it sounds like it depends on the child. There is no right or wrong answer.

I am quoting the above just to make the comment that I have never been to a birthday party where this happened, and my kids have never reacted that way. Not once has a child shown obviously jealousy over watching the b-day kid open their gifts, not once has a child been overwhelmed while opening gifts (but at our parties we let the other kids help), and not once have I ever thought (or have my kids thought) that opening gifts was boring. (ETA: I don't care if the other adults think it's boring - it's not their party.) It's true the kids love playing together, but they play before gift opening, during gift opening and after gift opening. It's all play!

And I'll add too that another poster mentioned that kids get grabby and greedy, shouting all over one another and fighting for toys...never seen that, either.

Nor have I ever seen kids rushing through the opening and being rude about the gifts.

I can see my opinion might change if I saw these things, but I haven't. Ever.
to the whole thing I'm sure I'd feel differently if my kids struggled with the gift opening, though.
sunnmama is offline  
Old 10-28-2009, 07:22 PM
 
Storm Bride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 25,597
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by OkiMom View Post
Last 3 I went to the kids were pretty much forced to open their gifts when everyone wanted to be playing instead.
Okay - I would never do that. If nobody wanted to, then it wouldn't make sense to do it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kcstar View Post
I go with what's traditional where I am. If most other families open at the party, I probably would too. If most other families don't, I probably wouldn't. But DS is only 2 and hasn't had any big parties yet, expect this position to evolve
Yeah - if people around here generally didn't do it, I probably wouldn't, either.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BrandiRhoades View Post
I've personally never seen this problem at parties. I think even small kids get that it's person X's birthday, and that's why s/he gets gifts.
hmm...think I quoted the wrong post, but I agree.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MammaG View Post
Especially with kids in attendance, skip it! It's boring to watch someone else open presents, and for a child, it's also a source of jealousy. For the birthday child, it's simply overwhelming, even for an 8-year-old.
I've honestly never seen any jealousy at a birthday party. The only child I've ever seen become even slightly overwhelmed was dd1, for a couple of years, and she was given the option of stopping. We knew she couldn't handle a mob, so we only had a few guests.

Quote:
I'd open them a few at a time over the next few days and then each present can be connected with the giver in the child's mind and thank-yous can be written as each is opened. Think about all the great games and activities you could do with that time instead!
Now, this I can't even imagine. My kids would go nuts knowing they had a bunch of wrapped gifts still sitting around. DS1 was okay, but dd1 and ds2 aren't exactly great at the whole delayed gratification thing (working on it), and I don't want to turn their birthdays into a battle or lesson on that. Other times, sure...but I don't want to pick a fight on their birthdays.

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

Storm Bride is offline  
Old 10-28-2009, 07:58 PM
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 3,157
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I voted no. It's not really done in our little community. Of the 10 or so parties I've attended in the past 2 years, it was only done once. Once it was done when the guests entered. This worked out well b/c it was a big house and the party was in the backyard. The bday boy greeted guests at the front door and opened gifts and there were few other children present at that moment. The other time the child casually opened gifts while sitting on his Mom's lap while the other kids played on the swings or swam in the pool. Mostly it was the adults standing around watching.

Smaller intimate parties, sure. But these are generally inviting the whole preschool class, if not the whole school (two rooms, toddler and preschool).
Hoopin' Mama is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off