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open the gifts?

  • yes, at the party.

    Votes: 111 63.4%
  • no, not at the party.

    Votes: 53 30.3%
  • obligatory other.

    Votes: 11 6.3%

open gifts at party?

3K views 101 replies 67 participants last post by  Hoopin' Mama 
#1 ·
I really think I'd like to skip the gift opening at my 5 y/o's party. WDYT?
 
#27 ·
So every single person is bringing a present? No one is bringing a family present. I guess I vote for opening them as they arrive or opening them for the people who really want him to see him open them. What doe syou ds say?

If he wants to I say yes. I did have a cousin who never wanted to open gifts in front of people, and that's fine too. I just bet most kids would want to open them. And it's the polite thing to do.
 
#28 ·
DD is disappointed when a birthday party does not include opening the gifts. It's part of the fun. It's part of what makes it a birthday party and not just a party, KWIM?

Last year was the year of 5 year old birthday parties and every single party had gift opening. The kids would all cluster around the birthday kid and get just as excited. Sometimes a child *ahem, mine, ahem* would get a little over excited and need some help remembering that the birthday kid gets to open his/her own gifts. Most times the over excitement would be limited to handing the birthday kid the next gift.

One memorable party, the birthday girl received a "my little pony" from ever single guest. What was truly amazing was that not only did every guest's mom say that the giver had personally picked out the gift, but every pony was different. The birthday girl was really excited about it and the parents all got a good laugh. Who knew there even were 7 different ponies in the collection?

I really don't get the idea that opening presents is too over whelming, or the idea that kids should be sheltered from situations that may include awkwardness and requires learning about/practicing etiquette.

If a kid is having a hard time with an age appropriate sized amount of gifts, why not take a break? If a kid receives a duplicate gift why not guide them on how to handle it? A child feels bad about not bringing a gift, why can't the birthday kid be guided on how to make the child feel more comfortable? None of these situations will ruin a party. It's real life, real life situations are going to happen.

What's wrong with knowing your child and structuring the birthday party to meet there needs/abilities? Nobody "needs" to have a party with 30 guest and 30 presents. If your kid can't handle it than do something smaller. (I'm assuming we are talking about a kids party here. Family parties are a whole 'nother beast, IMO.)

For what it's worth, the very few parties we have attended that have not had gift opening have all been uncomfortable parties to start with for various reasons (to big, inappropriate venue, to big, to long, to big, not enough food and drink for all, to big, to many different agendas, etc...). Leaving without the gift opening just added to the discomfort.
 
#29 ·
Quote:
Also, we've had 5 big birthday parties and not one child has ever complained or been disappointed because their gift wasn't opened. But we also do parties with lots of activities and fun so that does help distract the kids from the presents.
Maybe that's because it would be rude to tell you that they were dissapointed.
 
#30 ·
Oh how I wish we could avoid opening gifts at parties. One, DD is sort of afraid of gifts (she is 3). She does not like being surprised and hates any toys that make electronic sounds, so she is pretty fearful of anything wrapped up. On her third birthday (it was just a family party) she screamed and cried at gift opening time because she was too scared and I feel like the family thought she was acting like a spoiled brat or something.

And another thing, which is just a personal annoyance, is that my SIL cannot have my DD just open the d@mn gift. Oh no. It has to be put together, set up, if its a book it must be read right away. Then DD gets interested and fixated on one thing and doesnt want to open anymore gifts. So annoying. Im already annoyed just thinking about how Christmas will be this year.

So my vote is no gift opening at the party.
 
#32 ·
I greatly dislike the frenzied gift opening that seems so standard at young children's parties.

DD is only two but so far, we've skipped opening presents at both of her parties.

We also don't pressure her to open her gifts on Christmas. I think its lovely that she can open them on her own schedule and enjoy each one as long as she wants before she's ready for the rest.

I also think it cuts down on the "end of birthday" disappointment when kids can open their gifts on their own agenda. Not to mention reducing the "gimmes."

My aunt drives me batty, forcing DD to open her gifts as fast as she can and even when its apparent DD is d.o.n.e!
 
#33 ·
I think opening gifts is crucial for the giver and the recipient. It teaches the recipient how to be a gracious receiver of gifts. It teaches the giver the joy of giving.

At all the parties I've been to, the givers are as excited as the recipients for 'their' gift to be opened. You're denying them this by opening gifts later.

I'm always ticked when parents don't open gifts at the party. It feels to me more like extortion than gift-giving.
 
#34 ·
I think it's really disappointing to the other children not to see the gift that they helped pick out opened. So maybe a compromise? Open the gifts from the 9 children at the party itself and explain to the grown-ups that 30 gifts is too many for one sitting and you'll either open them later, or at least after the other children have gone on to another activity?
 
#35 ·
I would say that if there are 30 gifts and 9 of them coming from other children then they should be opened at the party and the gifts coming from the adults can wait till later. The adults would hopefully be mature enough to handle the disappointment of not seeing their gift open. I think the other children would probably be a lot more excited, especially if they picked the gift themselves.

We've never really had a problem with crazy gift-opening here. The child giving the gift gets to sit beside the opener when it's their gift being opened. We also do our family gifts a different day than the party.
 
#37 ·
I understand that gift opening can be overwhelming for very young dc (toddlers, for example). But this will be a 5th birthday party--old enough, imo, to politely open the gifts and thank the giver, if that is the social custom. Everyone doesn't have to stand around and watch every gift. I've been to parties where kids are playing nearby, and the adults catch their attention when their gift is being opened.

I am curious about a party with 30 people and 30 gifts. How does that work? No families? Or each family member brings a gift?
 
#38 ·
Quote:
Open the gifts from the 9 children at the party itself and explain to the grown-ups that 30 gifts is too many for one sitting and you'll either open them later, or at least after the other children have gone on to another activity?
This is what I'm thinking of doing. There will likely be at least 25 gifts. Some of the family that is coming is crazy. It's a combined family/friend party this year.
 
#39 ·
I think that the child bringing the gift spent a lot of time and effort picking it out and would be hurt if it isn't opened at the party. If you think it is too much, then just have a no gifts party. If no one brings a gift, then no need to worry. However, if people are going to the trouble, time and expense to select a present and give it to your child, having it opened and acknowledged seems only appropriate.
 
#41 ·
When I was a kid, gifts were always opened at the parties and that seems to be the trend now that my daughter is getting invited to parties.

As a guest, yeah, it can be a little boring but part of being a good guest is dealing with a party that's not YOUR ideal and is more about the guest of honor. Someone went to a lot of trouble to feed and entertain you, the least you can do is ooh and ahh over the gifts.

As a hostess, yes, you might worry that your child will be overwhelmed or you just don't really want to deal but part of throwing a party is pleasing your guests so if they expect it, it's a good idea to do it. Someone went to a lot of trouble to select and wrap a gift and gave up some of their time for you child's party, it's nice to meet some of their expectations.

But if you really just HATE the idea of doing it, make sure you write darn good thank you notes and I'm sure no one will care in the long run
 
#42 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by sunnmama View Post
A huge part of the joy of giving a carefully chosen (or created) gift is seeing the recipient open it. I vote for opening at the party

Exactly! My oldest ds, 10, went to his "best friend's" party and after carefully choosing what to buy him, was a bit suprised and disappointed when he didn't open any gifts at the party.
 
#44 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by AbbieB View Post
Maybe that's because it would be rude to tell you that they were dissapointed.

Well, I'm pretty sure I'd hear from the parents (i.e. my good friends) but I'm comfortable that's not the case. No one does it in my group of friends. I want my children to give because they want to give, not because they want to see someone else open something they're giving.
 
#45 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by NiteNicole View Post
As a guest, yeah, it can be a little boring but part of being a good guest is dealing with a party that's not YOUR ideal and is more about the guest of honor. Someone went to a lot of trouble to feed and entertain you, the least you can do is ooh and ahh over the gifts.
I made a comment about it being boring earlier, but I meant specifically for such a large amount of gifts which would likely take an exceptionally long time to open. IME, that can get sort of rough for everyone involved even the guest of honor and especially the other kids. But in general I agree with you.
 
#46 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by orangefoot View Post
30 kids at a 5yo birthday party sounds a few too many for me!

We always open party gifts at the party as soon as the giver puts the gift in the recipient's hand. Thanks are given and excitement shared.

We don't usually have more than about 7 gifts per party mainly because we don't have many people and there is only one gift given per family.

No party bags here either! You eat the cake at the party and go home with a smile

I think that depends on the kid and parent that are throwing the party. DS turned one in August and there were over 100 people at his party, some not even invited. We are doing the same thing every year most likely and I can really only see it getting bigger.

We did not open gifts at the party and I don't really ever plan on it unless we for some reason have a small party, then I'll leave it up to him. I would prefer that people did not bring gifts in the first place but I know it's rude to put that on an invitation so I settle for just not opening presents till we get home and can make sure each thing gets attention and gets written down for an appropriate thank you note.
 
#47 ·
here no one ever opens gifts at the party. I have only seen it at one party - a backyard party which was a mix of friends and family. It was clear the extended family wanted to see the boy open gifts - they were the only ones who were watching and he was opening all their presents.
What is done at other parties you've been to?
 
#48 ·
I've never been to a birthday party where the gifts weren't opened at the party, so I'd obviously vote for "at the party". However, 25-30 gifts does sound overwhelming for a 5 year old (it would be overwhelming for me!). I'd probably do what a couple other posters suggested and open the gifts from other children at the party, and save the rest for later.

I'm surprised at the number of people who have mentioned kids being bored at the gift opening. That's the part my kids, and my nieces and nephews, like the best. They like to help little ones open the gifts (and respond well if they have to reminded that they're helping, not taking over). DD was at a party today, and she came home and told us everything the birthday girl got, and was really excited for her. She always does that. I think it's very sweet.
 
#49 ·
Its surprising the number of people who think that its disappointing to the gift giver to not see the gift opened.

Aren't gifts supposed to be given freely? With nothing attached?

Yes, it lovely to watch someone open a gift you've give but really, when there are so many gifts and so little time, is the expression of emotion truly genuine?

And what about weddings? Why don't we expect to watch the newlyweds open their gifts? How is that any different?

Just a few thoughts...
 
#50 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by SparklingGemini View Post
Yes, it lovely to watch someone open a gift you've give but really, when there are so many gifts and so little time, is the expression of emotion truly genuine?
I can't speak for 25-30 gifts, but if I love a gift, I love it - the number of them doesn't matter.

Quote:
And what about weddings? Why don't we expect to watch the newlyweds open their gifts? How is that any different?
I got married the first time in '91. Everybody I knew who was getting married around that time was doing gift openings, with guests, after either the wedding or the honeymoon. I don't know how widespread that was, or if it's died out, but it was definitely the happening thing around here back then.
 
#51 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by SparklingGemini View Post
Its surprising the number of people who think that its disappointing to the gift giver to not see the gift opened.

Aren't gifts supposed to be given freely? With nothing attached?

Yes, it lovely to watch someone open a gift you've give but really, when there are so many gifts and so little time, is the expression of emotion truly genuine?

And what about weddings? Why don't we expect to watch the newlyweds open their gifts? How is that any different?

Just a few thoughts...

I think people are referring to kids, here. most kids don't shop for the wedding gift, but they probably help pick out a gift for their buddy, and would enjoy seeing the friend open it.
 
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