Do I just get over it? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 89 Old 11-15-2009, 02:21 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Cascadian View Post
Meh, get over it. And the micromanaging. Life is full of random experiences beyond our control, and it can lead to wonderful surprises. Some of the ickiest stuff people gave us for the kids - stuff that there's no way I would have ever chosen - ended up being their favourites for whatever reason.

Gifting is as much for the giver as for the recipient. Don't take that away from people, especially grandparents.
Great advice that I try to follow, myself.
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#62 of 89 Old 11-15-2009, 03:28 PM
 
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I don't agree with the phrase that giving is as much about the giver. It SHOULDNT be. If it is, I'd rather not have it. You shouldn't give because you feel gratified by doing it...you should give selflessly.
That's pretty much 99% of the giving out there. And I personally see nothing wrong with something that makes both parties happy...a win-win situation. It seriously boggles my mind to put psychological limits on how someone feels about buying gifts...maybe in your world, but certainly not in mine.

"Dear family, here is a list of approved gifts for my child this holiday season. Please know that we will not accept gifts that you feel happy or in any way gratified about buying, giving, or watching little Sally/Johnny open."

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#63 of 89 Old 11-15-2009, 05:09 PM
 
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I would say that even if you are asked for a list, and you provide one, it is still up to the gift giver to choose the gift they would like to buy. I would also say that micro managing the gift giver's choices takes away from the spirit of the season. Just my
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#64 of 89 Old 11-15-2009, 05:36 PM
 
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I really want to downsize the gift aspect of Christmas this year. I am limiting to three-four toys per child and all of them will be either learning toys or wooden toys. My husband always wants to buy crap in quantity. I hate it. Nothing lasts beyond the time it takes to get it out of the box and play with it once.

I am buying from Magic Cabin, Hearthsong and the name of that toy place Mothering put the insert in their magazine for this month. I will also order two things from Homescience tools.These will be things that require imagination to use, or some brain power. All on line so that DH can't get his usual Wal-Mart toy fix for the year. Although...... I did get a lap harp for my daughter's birthday there.....it was wooden and a fraction of the price I found on line at other places.

I just want nice things that will last. I hate the whole give-me more aspect of the season you know. It's just so depressing.

 

 

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#65 of 89 Old 11-15-2009, 05:42 PM
 
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That my children see me being gracious when accepting people's kindness and generosity is much more important to me than what materials their gifts are made out of. They're little sponges, and they learn from how we respond to these kinds of things.
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#66 of 89 Old 11-16-2009, 09:14 AM
 
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To the OP:

This is obviously bugging you a lot, since you've posted twice about it. Maybe you could think in terms of values and principles, and what you want most for your son this holiday season. Is it to cultivate a relationship with his grandparents, to learn how to accept gifts graciously, to have more safe and environmentally friendly toys to play with, to give gifts to others, to see your parents respecting your parenting choices? These are just a few possibilities I've read in your post and in the replies.

It is possible you want all of these, but you might not be able to get them all. Pick one or two that are really important, and once you've decided what those are, it will probably become clear what you can let go of.

And on a practical level, in case you do get stuff you don't want your son playing with much. We keep a stash of toys at each of my parent's houses so we don't have to drag them back and forth every time we visit. Mysteriously, the 'plastic crap with bells and whistles' (as we call it here) always ends up in the grandparent stash, if they gave it to us, and not in our living room.

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#67 of 89 Old 11-16-2009, 12:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by abimommy View Post
I would have probably redirected someone over a light up bench if they asked me.

If she asks for a list why doesn't she pay attention to it? Is she having trouble finding things? Could you maybe list where to find things in addition to what they might like?

You could have some natural toy companies send catalogs to her house.
I really like your last idea. Thanks!

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#68 of 89 Old 11-16-2009, 12:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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That my children see me being gracious when accepting people's kindness and generosity is much more important to me than what materials their gifts are made out of. They're little sponges, and they learn from how we respond to these kinds of things.
I agree. DH and I have always been very gracious of what's been given to us and we want DS to be this way, too. No doubt! But I also feel like she is not respecting my parenting choices and that's where the environmentally friendly toys come in to play as well.

And I don't feel like I'm micro managing the list that I provided like some other pp's have mentioned. It's really about the one specific toy that I've sent pictures to my mom about even before I provided the list of the other things that bothers me.
But in any event, we've decided to wait until his b-day to give him the tool bench since too much money has already been spent on other things and there is no room left in her budget to buy the toy.

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#69 of 89 Old 11-16-2009, 01:20 PM
 
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i was always taught to accept gifts graciously whether i liked them or not. i can't imagine telling my mother not to buy something she wanted to buy for dd. unless it was dangerous or immoral, of course. i'm not into telling people what to do. it is odd, though, that she asked for a list and didnt get anything off of it.

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#70 of 89 Old 11-16-2009, 02:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Marsupialmom View Post
I think you are micromanaging.

As for the HomeDepot toy mention the reviews. Maybe come to a compromise mom I realize you want that work bench, its a great idea. But with those reviews why don't we do this -- link to bench. Maybe go 50/50 Your guy is little and your mom might not be aware of the reviews and how valuable they can be.

As for the Lego table....please evaluate your no plastic ideas. Plastics are a reality of the world today. I do agree limiting them but not with Legos, chest/check peices, dice, et. It is not necessary the plastic that is bad but the limiting nature of some plastic toys. Even at times "limited" nature toys can server for great fun and purpose -- like snap circuits.
Bolded part - I did this already, so why do you think I'm mircomanaging??

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#71 of 89 Old 11-16-2009, 02:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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i was always taught to accept gifts graciously whether i liked them or not. i can't imagine telling my mother not to buy something she wanted to buy for dd. unless it was dangerous or immoral, of course. i'm not into telling people what to do. it is odd, though, that she asked for a list and didnt get anything off of it.
She did get some things off of the list that I provided. And I'm not telling her what to buy - she wanted ideas - I gave them to her. I explained to her from the get-go how I wanted to go a certain way with his toys this year and when she didn't care to listen, that's when I got frustrated.

The Legos thing - yes, I'll back off on that one because it is a nice set and I know for sure that he'll enjoy it - but like I said earlier, I made it clear that I wanted to have as many things as possible made out of eco-friendly materials and she just didn't seem to care about it. Oh well, right?

Not a big deal anymore!

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#72 of 89 Old 11-16-2009, 02:51 PM
 
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Hi - haven't read all the replies, but I was wondering if your mom is close by - could you maybe have her keep the toy at HER house, as a special treat for your LO when he goes over there?

This is one of those issues I've thought a whole lot about. Growing up, people would usually get me things I didn't want, didn't like, didn't care about. Still today, certain folks want to get DS things that I think are pointless or useless or obnoxious, and really, sometimes I just want to cancel the whole gift-giving thing. In fact, I DID tell everyone I wasn't participating in gifts a few years running, but guess what? I got presents anyway. And yeah, most of them things I didn't want. To me it seems like a waste, but I understand deep down that giving those gifts makes the giver feel good, and I would NOT want to spoil that for them. I have always been a gracious gift giver AND receiver, and I can't imagine teaching my LOs any different.

I've also come around to reality on the toys situation. DH and I agree we want to limit toys, and we prefer to have toys around that encourage active or open-ended play, but we also know that not everyone sees it the same way, and we've figured out that exposure to "other" types of toys is not going to hurt him. (He's just going to covet those things at other kids' houses anyway - DH and I both remember THAT from our own childhoods. )
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#73 of 89 Old 11-16-2009, 02:55 PM
 
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Originally Posted by busymama77 View Post
I agree. DH and I have always been very gracious of what's been given to us and we want DS to be this way, too. No doubt! But I also feel like she is not respecting my parenting choices and that's where the environmentally friendly toys come in to play as well.

And I don't feel like I'm micro managing the list that I provided like some other pp's have mentioned. It's really about the one specific toy that I've sent pictures to my mom about even before I provided the list of the other things that bothers me.
But in any event, we've decided to wait until his b-day to give him the tool bench since too much money has already been spent on other things and there is no room left in her budget to buy the toy.

If this one toy is that importent to you then buy it yourself. Problem solved. You know you get exactly what YOU want (which its not about you, its about your DS) and you know your mom is under less pressure, to make sure she gets the "right" toy.

Get over this and over yourself and see that your mom is trying to do something nice, and if she's anything like me (broke beyoned broke) that plastic "crap" may be more within her budget. I've had some great toys that were plasic, toys that went through both my girls, and have been passed on to other families in need. I've had wooden toys and they were crap, and cost WAY more then the plastic stuff that lasted way longer.

Natural toys are all well and good if you can afford them. Personally I would take anything for my child at this point, and its better then nothing. I have no family around me to help me out. My girls will get a couple homemade toys (thanks to a mom here who recommended it, great idea) but my older DD is 4. She's old enough to know that she's not getting what everyone else is, and it will hurt her when there are no toys under the tree.

Oh and Lego's are the BEST toy ever. Just think of the hours of imaginative play with them.

Kimberly : momma to Karrigan Kayla : and wife of Kevin
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#74 of 89 Old 11-16-2009, 03:06 PM
 
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I agree. DH and I have always been very gracious of what's been given to us and we want DS to be this way, too. No doubt! But I also feel like she is not respecting my parenting choices and that's where the environmentally friendly toys come in to play as well.

And I don't feel like I'm micro managing the list that I provided like some other pp's have mentioned. It's really about the one specific toy that I've sent pictures to my mom about even before I provided the list of the other things that bothers me.
But in any event, we've decided to wait until his b-day to give him the tool bench since too much money has already been spent on other things and there is no room left in her budget to buy the toy.
So you've told her what to buy, sent pictures, and made an issue of the alternative that she selected... I'm missing the graciousness here.

What if someone you know asked you to buy their kid a Bratz doll (or something equally against your values or outside of your budget) and you took the time to find an ecologically sounder alternative and then they got mad that you were not supporting their values and asked you to go and get the proper Bratz doll and had Bratz catalogues sent to your house... how would you feel about that relationship?

The thing is - you do have the final control. You can give any toy away you like. If it's not worth the battle with your child once the gift is given, that should tell you something right there.

Is it really worth the damage to your relationship with the gift giver and the modelling you are passing onto your child over this particular item? Is your desire to keep a ecologically friendly home worth making an emotionally unfriendly situation with relatives and friends? Is there a middle ground where you accept an 80% eco-whatever pile of toys and 20% gifted plastic in order to demonstrate values like gratitude and compromise and acceptance of others' points of view?

These are tough questions but from your posts here I think it would be good to have a thought about what compromises our environment from a slightly broader perspective. Being overly picky with gifts that truly are love-inspired can be toxic in a different way.

~ Mum to Emily, March 12-16 2004, Noah, born Aug 2005, Liam, born January 2011, and wife to Carl since 1994. ~
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#75 of 89 Old 11-16-2009, 03:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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If this one toy is that importent to you then buy it yourself. Problem solved. You know you get exactly what YOU want (which its not about you, its about your DS) and you know your mom is under less pressure, to make sure she gets the "right" toy.

Get over this and over yourself and see that your mom is trying to do something nice, and if she's anything like me (broke beyoned broke) that plastic "crap" may be more within her budget. I've had some great toys that were plasic, toys that went through both my girls, and have been passed on to other families in need. I've had wooden toys and they were crap, and cost WAY more then the plastic stuff that lasted way longer.

Natural toys are all well and good if you can afford them. Personally I would take anything for my child at this point, and its better then nothing. I have no family around me to help me out. My girls will get a couple homemade toys (thanks to a mom here who recommended it, great idea) but my older DD is 4. She's old enough to know that she's not getting what everyone else is, and it will hurt her when there are no toys under the tree.

Oh and Lego's are the BEST toy ever. Just think of the hours of imaginative play with them.
I understand what you're saying, but she offered to buy it, so I'm not going to take that away from her. We've already decided and planned on what we're getting DS ourselves and have budgeted for that.

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#76 of 89 Old 11-16-2009, 03:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So you've told her what to buy, sent pictures, and made an issue of the alternative that she selected... I'm missing the graciousness here.

What if someone you know asked you to buy their kid a Bratz doll (or something equally against your values or outside of your budget) and you took the time to find an ecologically sounder alternative and then they got mad that you were not supporting their values and asked you to go and get the proper Bratz doll and had Bratz catalogues sent to your house... how would you feel about that relationship?

The thing is - you do have the final control. You can give any toy away you like. If it's not worth the battle with your child once the gift is given, that should tell you something right there.

Is it really worth the damage to your relationship with the gift giver and the modelling you are passing onto your child over this particular item? Is your desire to keep a ecologically friendly home worth making an emotionally unfriendly situation with relatives and friends? Is there a middle ground where you accept an 80% eco-whatever pile of toys and 20% gifted plastic in order to demonstrate values like gratitude and compromise and acceptance of others' points of view?

These are tough questions but from your posts here I think it would be good to have a thought about what compromises our environment from a slightly broader perspective. Being overly picky with gifts that truly are love-inspired can be toxic in a different way.
I'm not TELLING her what to buy. I had mentioned the idea of getting this for DS for Christmas overall, she said that she would be more than happy to get it for him and once I sent her picutres of what I had in mind, she went the complete opposite route!!!! THAT'S what I've been trying to say this entire time. I feel like my words are getting misunderstood here. It hasn't been discussed any further. She's actually going to wait to give it to him for his birthday now, like I previously mentioned. They always get a big present for him - whether it's for Christmas OR for his birthday. Regardless if I've given her an idea of what to get him, any gift that she's ever given to DS, he's been super gracious for and so have DH and I. Please - it's not about that at all!

Hell, she even went out and got a $500 bike trailer for him for his b-day last year. A TON more than DH and I EVER expected for him to get, but she knew about much DS loved going on bike rides w/ DH and now he couldd do it more often. I gave her an idea and she rolled with it. I didn't TELL her what to buy and I didn't micromanage - she did this on her own.

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#77 of 89 Old 11-16-2009, 03:37 PM
 
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I am learning to take a deep breath and get over it.
This year, Grandma wouldn't even tell us what she got ds for his bday. As he opened it I knew why. I'm CERTAIN she knows the gift goes against what we are shooting for (no pun intended, and yes the gift included a gun) in our home. I guess she decides she isn't concerned. And ds does love the toy.
It will break and end up in the landfill, unfortunately, soon enough. I hate being the one in the position to have to throw out a large plastic toy. Ick.
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#78 of 89 Old 11-16-2009, 04:38 PM
 
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I understand what you're saying, but she offered to buy it, so I'm not going to take that away from her. We've already decided and planned on what we're getting DS ourselves and have budgeted for that.
Then be happy that she is buying one and don't be ungreatful for HER generousity. The fact is that its her choice whats she can buy and she knows what she can afford.

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#79 of 89 Old 11-16-2009, 04:43 PM
 
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Legos are an awesome toy.

If I ever tried to take my kids' legos away, they'd be all and I'd be all .
So true!

Legos are hands down my favorite toy - ds will spend hours building intricate ships and cities. It's so cool to see all the creative, inventive things he makes with those tiny pieces. He loves them & they are a WONDERFUL open ended toy. Don't discount them because they are plastic or you will be missing out on an amazing toy. Seriously.

And as far as the tool bench goes - yeah, let it go. Sure, I hate flashy plastic toys as much as anyone else. But it's a GIFT. Be gracious, say thanks, and let it go.

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#80 of 89 Old 11-16-2009, 05:25 PM
 
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Why should the OP capitulate on her values and beliefs in order to conform to someone's impulse buying? At what point would someone say "too far?"

Just because it isn't something one person cares about doesn't mean the OP is out of line for believing that way and asking others to be mindful of her choices and values.

People have purchased inappropriate clothing for my dd and I never let her wear them. I don't really like being placed in that position. I would rather they not have gotten something at all if they were going to get something she wouldn't be allowed.

Everyone has relatives that have NO IDEA what someone is really like because they tend to get the most inappropriate thing imaginable.

I understand some people like to shop and they get mesmerized by the flashing lights and music but not all kids like those things. My ds likes blocks he likes trains and he likes balls. He isn't really as interested in the flashy toys. (unless balls are involved )

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#81 of 89 Old 11-16-2009, 05:26 PM
 
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I'm not TELLING her what to buy. I had mentioned the idea of getting this for DS for Christmas overall, she said that she would be more than happy to get it for him and once I sent her picutres of what I had in mind, she went the complete opposite route!!!! THAT'S what I've been trying to say this entire time. I feel like my words are getting misunderstood here. It hasn't been discussed any further. She's actually going to wait to give it to him for his birthday now, like I previously mentioned. They always get a big present for him - whether it's for Christmas OR for his birthday. Regardless if I've given her an idea of what to get him, any gift that she's ever given to DS, he's been super gracious for and so have DH and I. Please - it's not about that at all!

Hell, she even went out and got a $500 bike trailer for him for his b-day last year. A TON more than DH and I EVER expected for him to get, but she knew about much DS loved going on bike rides w/ DH and now he couldd do it more often. I gave her an idea and she rolled with it. I didn't TELL her what to buy and I didn't micromanage - she did this on her own.
Well you said:

I explained to her from the get-go how I wanted to go a certain way with his toys this year and when she didn't care to listen, that's when I got frustrated.

This does come across to me as telling her what to get. Sorry, but it does. You said you sent a picture, and you said you pointed out the reviews on her choice. Maybe to you that doesn't seem micromanaging, and maybe it's not playing out like that in person, but if I were on the receiving end, I would be giving up at this point.

You asked originally if you should get over it and I am saying that in my reading of what you've said throughout the thread, it might be good to take into consideration that gift giving is not only about the ecological values. There are also values around courtesy and family and gratitude, and I just think that in your frustration you may be missing out on those. But I've found that in my life and my family's life, the way we treat each other is just as much a part of our environment as the plastics and woods. Those are just my thoughts; hope it goes well for you.

~ Mum to Emily, March 12-16 2004, Noah, born Aug 2005, Liam, born January 2011, and wife to Carl since 1994. ~
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#82 of 89 Old 11-16-2009, 05:31 PM
 
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Why should the OP capitulate on her values and beliefs in order to conform to someone's impulse buying? At what point would someone say "too far?"

Just because it isn't something one person cares about doesn't mean the OP is out of line for believing that way and asking others to be mindful of her choices and beliefs.

People have purchased inappropriate clothing for my dd and I never let her wear them. IMO it really shows a lack of foresight getting my dd something like that. I was a bit irritated at the time because I had no idea why they thought I would ever be ok with that.
I totally control my house and if I think a toy is unsafe or really inconsistent with my values, of course I'll remove it.

What I don't do is make other people responsible for that. Sure, if they ask I'll share. But otherwise, it's really my issue - not theirs. Although I will allow there are a few toxic people who give gifts in order to be mean, the vast majority of people are just out doing their shopping within their budgets trying to be nice.

In my opinion gifts should be graciously received. If I believe SO strongly that my son shouldn't be exposed then I have no problem removing the gift afterwards. But treating people's gifts like they are a political statement is just, to me, so so so ungrateful and rude. It's such a culture of entitlement where YOUR gift HAS to conform to MY values. I agree that it's nice if it does but like I said - am I therefore required to shop Disney/Barbie/Bratz? Or is there a middle ground, greased by courtesy?

I don't know. Sometimes I really am saddened that people put things before people like that. If you don't like it, sure, don't keep it. But all this drama trying to MAKE people give the RIGHT thing just feels wrong to me.

~ Mum to Emily, March 12-16 2004, Noah, born Aug 2005, Liam, born January 2011, and wife to Carl since 1994. ~
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#83 of 89 Old 11-16-2009, 05:39 PM
 
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I totally control my house and if I think a toy is unsafe or really inconsistent with my values, of course I'll remove it.

What I don't do is make other people responsible for that. Sure, if they ask I'll share. But otherwise, it's really my issue - not theirs. Although I will allow there are a few toxic people who give gifts in order to be mean, the vast majority of people are just out doing their shopping within their budgets trying to be nice.

In my opinion gifts should be graciously received. If I believe SO strongly that my son shouldn't be exposed then I have no problem removing the gift afterwards. But treating people's gifts like they are a political statement is just, to me, so so so ungrateful and rude. It's such a culture of entitlement where YOUR gift HAS to conform to MY values. I agree that it's nice if it does but like I said - am I therefore required to shop Disney/Barbie/Bratz? Or is there a middle ground, greased by courtesy?

I don't know. Sometimes I really am saddened that people put things before people like that. If you don't like it, sure, don't keep it. But all this drama trying to MAKE people give the RIGHT thing just feels wrong to me.
My issue is that I would rather my child be able to enjoy a gift that came from their grandparent.

I don't have a single living grandparent and in my value system grandparents are extremely important. If one of our parents got dd something I wouldn't allow, I would find that unfortunate. I would want dd to enjoy something from her grandparents and cherish it. I wouldn't want her to get something I would just toss. I would have a hard time tossing it because I know how special grandparents are and I miss mine dearly.

"Making it a political statement" is dismissive. A culture of entitlement? What does it say when someone feels they should be able to force a giant hunk of shrieking plastic on someone when they don't believe in that? How is that reasonable?

Do people buy Muslims bottles of wine and get offended when they don't drink it? Do people buy Vegans giant boxes of Summer Sausage and get offended when they do not gush their appreciation?

I don't buy Bratz because I feel they are immodest and vulgar. If someone will only accept Bratz then I would just get them a gift card. I wouldn't turn around and buy them the opposite of what they requested because that just isn't something I do. If someone had on their list, "no Bratz" how would it be rational to then buy the Bratz? Is it "entitlement" to not want Bratz? Someone asked me if they could get dd Bratz and I said, "no." Is that entitlement? How?

Telling people to compromise on their values because someone can't be bothered to read a list they asked for seems wrong to me.

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OP, I just saw your name in another thread here and recognized it from this one. It was about what your DC is getting for Christmas, and you listed what your child is getting. I would say that your list is not particularly "eco-friendly" despite you claiming in this thread that your focus this year is on getting toys of that nature. Therefore, I have to question some of the things you are saying in this thread about your intentions. If you are willing to hurt someone's feelings or cause tension over their choice of gift for your child because it is not the eco-friendly toy you want, yet you are listing plastic, mass produced toys that you are giving your child, well, that just doesn't add up to me. I would advise you to really think about your motive in this situation.

I'm not sure if it is against policy to bring up something a member wrote in another post here. If it is, by all means please let me know mods. I just had a little lightbulb moment and was trying to be helpful, if indeed the OP does want advice and help from other members here.
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#85 of 89 Old 11-16-2009, 06:34 PM
 
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What does it say when someone feels they should be able to force a giant hunk of shrieking plastic on someone when they don't believe in that? How is that reasonable?

Do people buy Muslims bottles of wine and get offended when they don't drink it? Do people buy Vegans giant boxes of Summer Sausage and get offended when they do not gush their appreciation?

I don't buy Bratz because I feel they are immodest and vulgar. If someone will only accept Bratz then I would just get them a gift card. I wouldn't turn around and buy them the opposite of what they requested because that just isn't something I do. If someone had on their list, "no Bratz" how would it be rational to then buy the Bratz? Is it "entitlement" to not want Bratz? Someone asked me if they could get dd Bratz and I said, "no." Is that entitlement? How?

Telling people to compromise on their values because someone can't be bothered to read a list they asked for seems wrong to me.
See this is exactly where the logic breaks down for me in this discussion.

I don't experience gifts as "forcing a big hunk of plastic." Is it possible that people can deliberately give offensive gifts? Sure.

But I do not think that this is the case with this gift, nor do I think it is often the case.

Offense is something we can not always, but often, choose not to take. I'm not really a Christian, but I've been given jewelry with crosses on it. It doesn't offend me. I understand that in the mind of the giver, they're sharing something valuable with me. I am prepared to accept the gift with an open mind and heart. The thing -- the gift -- is not so important to me. I'll rehome it, or keep it as a symbol of the relationship.

Honestly if I want something that reflects my values, I'll buy it. I don't get this "I'll give you a list of what I want and you'd better stick to it" mentality. Why not just arrange bank transfers?

Life involves getting gifts we don't cherish. However, my belief is that we should still cherish the thought behind the act. To me that's the important part. I do see what you're saying but I do not, personally, believe that it is a gift giver's job to never, ever, ever give something that might be "wrong."

~ Mum to Emily, March 12-16 2004, Noah, born Aug 2005, Liam, born January 2011, and wife to Carl since 1994. ~
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#86 of 89 Old 11-16-2009, 07:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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OP, I just saw your name in another thread here and recognized it from this one. It was about what your DC is getting for Christmas, and you listed what your child is getting. I would say that your list is not particularly "eco-friendly" despite you claiming in this thread that your focus this year is on getting toys of that nature. Therefore, I have to question some of the things you are saying in this thread about your intentions. If you are willing to hurt someone's feelings or cause tension over their choice of gift for your child because it is not the eco-friendly toy you want, yet you are listing plastic, mass produced toys that you are giving your child, well, that just doesn't add up to me. I would advise you to really think about your motive in this situation.

I'm not sure if it is against policy to bring up something a member wrote in another post here. If it is, by all means please let me know mods. I just had a little lightbulb moment and was trying to be helpful, if indeed the OP does want advice and help from other members here.
I realize that and not ALL of his toys are going to be eco-friendly - a majority of them are mass produced. That's just the way it goes these days. It was just this one particular thing that I would have liked to have been eco-friendly out of all of the plastic toys that he's received thus far and the things that he'll receive this year. What's so wrong with that?

No feelings have been hurt here. So, I'm not sure what you've gotten that from. My mother is not upset and no tension has been caused at all. Why in the world would I want to take it to that level? It's not worth it. She's not even aware of the frustratioin that I've had (keyword here: HAD).
She would like to get the best thing possible for DS, but if the reviews are not there for a particular item and it's not going to hold up due to poor quality, then she's not going to get it. She's not going to waste her money - I wouldn't want her to!! That's why I was leaning so much more towards the toolbench workshop made out of wood - and if it comes down to it not being that at all - then a product that will last much longer, is a better brand, than the one that she picked out before.

It's not that I'm not looking for advice or suggestions, I just feel like I'm being misunderstood on so many different levels that it's getting harder and harder to explain how I feel.

I have taken my deep breaths and I AM OVER IT!!! It's no longer an issue in my book and I will try not to let something like this get me frustrated again - God forbid.

One happy mama to 1/06 , 3/10 , and married to my best friend
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#87 of 89 Old 11-16-2009, 07:55 PM
 
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I had posted a while back about my parents not really going by the list that I give them as far as gifts go for DS for Christmas - they ask for a list and I provide it. I'm really trying to eliminate the amount of plastic toys that he gets, so on his list are wood puzzles, board games, a wooden tool bench set and a set of 200 wood blocks in different shapes.

Again - my mother sends me a picture of a very flimsy, plastic tool bench set made by Home Depot that she saw at TRU. It got poor reviews and was over priced. She liked it because it made a ton of sounds and lite up. While that would be great and I'm sure he'd enjoy it, I would rather find something of better quality that is going to last longer than a month! Then she told me that she got him Legos and a board for him to build on. Again, not on the list and they're plastic.

Do I just get over this and let them get what they want to get for him? I guess I'm just not understanding her reasoning behind all of this. None of this costs any more than the other thing, so money isn't an issue. I'm confused and frustrated and I guess I will do my part in making sure that what he gets is fun and educational, I'd also like to do my part in making sure it's eco-friendly as well.
The bolded statements in your OP are what led me to believe you wanted only eco-friendly. The word "eliminate" is what mislead me to believe you did not want any plastic or non-eco friendly toys. I'm sure you can understand why that would be confusing when trying to figure out your motivation for insisting on a wood tool bench, yet stating that you are also buying him plastic, non-eco friendly toys yourself.
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#88 of 89 Old 11-16-2009, 07:58 PM
 
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She would like to get the best thing possible for DS, but if the reviews are not there for a particular item and it's not going to hold up due to poor quality, then she's not going to get it. She's not going to waste her money - I wouldn't want her to!! .
I understand this. If it's just a matter of her not knowing about the bad reviews, I'd pass this info on, let her know the alternative(s), and just leave it at that.

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#89 of 89 Old 11-16-2009, 08:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The bolded statements in your OP are what led me to believe you wanted only eco-friendly. The word "eliminate" is what mislead me to believe you did not want any plastic or non-eco friendly toys. I'm sure you can understand why that would be confusing when trying to figure out your motivation for insisting on a wood tool bench, yet stating that you are also buying him plastic, non-eco friendly toys yourself.
I agree. While I listed the toys that were eco-friendly, I did not include the few mass produced toys that he will be getting. It's not that I don't WANT him to get them, it's just that he has so many now, that I'm trying to cut back, if you will (probably should've used that word in my OP) on the amount. It's because I wanted the eco part to outweight the mass produced toys. What I had listed as far as what DS is getting - only a couple of those are eco friendly - while the bike and the remote controlled car are not.

Sorry if I sounded hasty earlier. Just trying to explain myself and I guess I'm not doing a very good job.

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