In "real" life it's easy to be told to count blessings, it's normal to remind yourself that your kidlet is wonderful and terrific and if that's all I'm destined to have, he is 100% fabulous. In real life it's easy to find people who are happy to be "onlies" and so on.
But for those most part, this thread is how I feel.
I don't know if our story is over yet...I'm 40 but everything still seems to be functioning fine...but hubby has a prolactioma that went undiagnosed by doctors who blatantly ignored and poopood his symptoms for 3+ years. Through another way, we got him to an endo, who still didn't want to check him out, wanted to blame the symptoms on weight...but caved in to our wishes. And found the pituitary tumor. At last check, after he started treatment for the prolactinoma, his testosterone was at 25.
We, and I'm counting the reluctant endo, fought the insurance company for months, and they are finally providing him with HCG. Plain testosterone would have raised his levels, but the endo said it would *cause* infertility entirely. We got the insurance company to see that it isn't right to cause a second medical problem, just to get numbers up, just so a certain body part could work a bit more normally (endo was shocked that the "deed" could be done at all with such low testosterone, actually). So they are providing that to DH, and things are going very well for him.
So anyway, I don't know if we're actually done. But trying to raise those levels before I "age out" is a bit stressful!
In retrospect, if I'd gotten my wish of "irish twins", I would have been haggard and miserable. I didn't really get my fertility back for a few years, b/c DS nursed like a normal newborn for probably 2.5 years. I am very sensitive to that, so to have a second baby fast, before the prolactinoma started, would have meant a fast end to nursing. DS was also quite a handful until he was around 4. So in retrospect it's been good, but we started "trying" when DS was 9 months old...there's a lot of months between 9 months and now...that's a LOT of sadness.
I think that...people who make the choice, even if it took them a long time, to be happy with one kid...can't really understand those who haven't yet chsen that, or who might never choose it.
DS was meant to be part of a big family...he's social, he wants brothers and sisters...we're not in the financial place to adopt, and of course with DH's diagnosis (actually has a dx of diabetes too, but even his endo isn't concerned aobut that anymore b/c of how controlled it is with NO medcines...seems more of the way to get us to him than anything true and real) and my age...probably won't happen.
Sounds like some of you have been through worse than I have...major hugs to you...but it's also "nice" to find a small group of people who seem to feel the same way as I do.
stormbride, thanks for sharing your story of the years after your first child. Having started at 33, it seems less and less likely of me having a baby at 43 (or 44 which would be 10 years after DS arrived), but who knows? After all, things are still functioning like clockwork for me...she says through cramps, LOL.