Ear Piercing: Please debate! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 143 Old 02-16-2004, 10:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I want to hear it all.

Debate away!!

I think there are so many other ways a girl can look feminine that the "it makes her look girly" excuse for putting holes in your child's body truly makes me want to retch.
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#2 of 143 Old 02-16-2004, 10:59 PM
 
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I think that if you are to teach your daughter respect for her body, then how can you violate that by piercing her ears before she is capable of making that important decision on her own. It is violating to her to take this matter in your own hands.
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#3 of 143 Old 02-16-2004, 11:21 PM
 
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ok when I was younger about 12 years ago I worked at one of those jewlry places at the mall piercing ears...I refused to do babies...I saw them done and the beautifullittle faces went from peaceful and trusting to horrifies and in pain FOR NO REASON AT ALL...and I vowed never to do that to my own babe....I was a body piercier in a tattoo place within the last 5 years and when parents would bring in their babes I would state I will not help you with that ...well my rant is over but I think this is a neat thread to read....
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#4 of 143 Old 02-16-2004, 11:26 PM
 
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I am anti.

I am Latina. I had this done to me as a baby. My dad was in the jewelry business. I had diamond earrings at a young, young age.

Anyhoo, the big problem I have with it... is the STUPID HOLE moved closer to my face as I grew up. So it wasn't center. So I had to have a new hole put in in my 20s. So now i have two holes in my ear lobes.

I am not a big fan of having twenty holes up my ear (like other people - OK for them, just not my thing) so this really irritated me.

That's it. No big trauma (none that I can remember) just an irritating side effect.

Would I do it to my daughter? Heck no. Babies are beautiful as is and don't "need" jewelry.

Older girl - teen request
Hmmm, I don't know how I would handle that. I don't see a reason to say no if she is a teenager. If she is 6, yes, I would say no for the reason above.

10 - boy
5.5 - girl
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#5 of 143 Old 02-16-2004, 11:40 PM
 
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I'm against for the following reasons:

Piercing guns cannot be steralized so they carry a high risk of spreading hipatitis and other infections and also because the jewellery is blunt rejection, infection, swelling, scarring, pain, improper placement, and other problems.
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#6 of 143 Old 02-17-2004, 05:23 AM
 
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Ditto EmeraldStar8! When any of my children get old enough to want their ears pierced, and I think they are old enough to make that decision and to be responsible for it I'll only let them do so at a Piercer's with a needle and all the proper sterilization techniques. But I couldn't possibly think of a piercer anywhere near here that would pierce a child's ear, even if they were 12.. or 14... or whatnot... Do any professional piercers do ear piercings on minors with parental permission?

Lisa, mama to Orion (7) , Fiona Star (born sleeping @ 38wks 12/6/08) , our bitty (m/c 7/27/09) , and Charlotte Athena (11/5/10)
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#7 of 143 Old 02-17-2004, 01:57 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by StarMama
But I couldn't possibly think of a piercer anywhere near here that would pierce a child's ear, even if they were 12.. or 14... or whatnot... Do any professional piercers do ear piercings on minors with parental permission?

I've never met a body piercer who would meet my standards who would pierce a younger child.
But older children, yes, sometimes. A piercing can be a very appropriate rite of passage (and we need more rites of passage in this country, IMO) to mark life experiences or transitions (eg: a girl's first period, etc.).

Often, a piercer will agree to pierce a minor with parental consent if he/she already knows the parent in question, whether through an ongoing friendship, or as a frequent-flier client to the shop, or whatever..... even if their *official* policy states otherwise. It's a judgement call.

There was a thread where a mama was basically asking, "Well, if body piercers are so adamant that people only get pierced by knowledgeable, professional piercers, yadda, yadda..... why won't they pierce little kids?"

In my experience, most body mod pros worth their salt are against piercing young children, and are hoping that the parents will reconsider the issue altogether, rather than settle for having it done in unsafe circumstances.

peace,
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#8 of 143 Old 02-17-2004, 05:21 PM
 
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alsoSarah, what do you mean by:

Quote:
I've never met a body piercer who would meet my standards who would pierce a younger child.
I'm just curious of what standards you speak of... I think from what you said afterwards perhaps something to do with the piercer acting appropriately for the rite of the piercing? Not sure, and I'm just curious (also would be good to know if I'm missing thinking of all angles too)

Lisa, mama to Orion (7) , Fiona Star (born sleeping @ 38wks 12/6/08) , our bitty (m/c 7/27/09) , and Charlotte Athena (11/5/10)
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#9 of 143 Old 02-17-2004, 07:49 PM
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I am anti mainly because it is not my body. I do not believe that I have the right to do that to her.
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#10 of 143 Old 02-17-2004, 08:43 PM
 
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Exactly, angstmommy.

Lisa, while I think that the piercer's, erm, "tableside manner" is important (and would be especially so if one *were* to pierce small children), I was thinking more about the mundane stuff when I posted.

I was just thinking of standards re: jewelry materials and quality of constuction, prevention of cross-contamination, autoclaving (and spore testing), tissue-friendly aftercare instuctions, availability for follow-up consultation, etc.

Every studio that I'm familiar with that has all of their ducks in a row on these points also frowns upon poking holes in people too young to give true consent, not to mention the possible change in jewelry placement as the child grows.

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#11 of 143 Old 02-17-2004, 10:17 PM
 
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i keep to the "not my body, not my choice" in regards to purely cosmetic procedures like this (i would include circing in this catergory).
dd has dimples in her ears that look like little peircing holes which strikes me as funny.
ot: dd is also only 8 weeks old so she's rockin' that androgenous look. my mil is always babbling about how she "can tell she's a girl even in blue because she's so feminine." i don't care if she's mistaken for a boy. if some asks how old HE is, i just say "she's 8 weeks."
wooo to breaking gender stereotypes!
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#12 of 143 Old 02-17-2004, 11:22 PM
 
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I think its horrible! Why in the world would you put your child through UNNECESSARY pain and mutilate their little body just so you won't have anyone say oh is it a boy or a girl. How totally shallow is that? Put a freakin dress on her for crying out loud! Stick a bow in her hair. There are many ways to make her look like a girl without piercing her ears. I do think its akin to circumcision. You are inflecting an unnecessary pain and making an unneccesary change to their body.

Shawna, married to Michael, mommy to Elijah 1/18/01, Olivia 11/9/02, and Eliana 1/22/06
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#13 of 143 Old 02-20-2004, 09:31 PM
 
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I think it's really cruel and unecessary to pierce an infant's ears. The question wouldn't come up if it was a boy, so why do it to a girl, kwim? Boys have ears too, and we don't think about poking holes in their ears.

I'd also be really concerned about taking care of earrings in a child who's too young to even ask for them. The absolute earliest I can see piercing a child's ears is potty training (after they've learned to clean and care for their bodies). A child who has learned that they're not supposed to put stickers into their vaginas, that they have to wipe their behinds when they poop and have to wash their hands when they use the bathroom is, in my estimation, mature enough to take care of a pair of earrings if they so desire. I'd also want them to have experience keeping a collection of small things out of the hands of younger siblings, perhaps demonstrated by a penny collection. I'd hate to wake up from a nap and find, say, a 6 month old trying to swallow her 2 year old sister's earring.

Oh, and then there's the allergy factor. Nickel allergies run in my family. And the "I want to look like mom" deal; I don't wear earrings (I don't wear any jewelry because of the aforementioned nickel allergy). So maybe it won't even come up. Who knows?

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#14 of 143 Old 02-20-2004, 10:08 PM
 
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I think it's really cruel and unecessary to pierce an infant's ears. The question wouldn't come up if it was a boy, so why do it to a girl, kwim? Boys have ears too, and we don't think about poking holes in their ears.
I used to be a children's photographer. It was not at all uncommon to see a baby boy with a pierced ear.

I am anti for all the above stated reasons.
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#15 of 143 Old 02-22-2004, 01:52 AM
 
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Well, flame me away, flame me away. My oldest DD ears are periced. It's kind of a strange tradition in out family. Mine were peirced when I was a few montsh old, got my second holes when I was 6 and my third at 12. As have all my cousins. SO I have three, my mother has four, my sister has three, so does my aunt. As do teh other women in our family. Now that I'm older I only wear my first holes, sometimes the second also.

Now the weird part. My youngest DD's ears are NOT peirced. I don't know I guess I got to the second baby girl and thought about it. "why am I doing this again?" I guess that's how people end up with one circumsised son and one not. Somewhere in between you stop and think about it. Now I would like to say that it's not that seriuos to me. If my oldest DD doesn't want holes in her ears then she just takes the earrings out so I'm not fretting over it just decided not to do it the second time.
Also alot of times it's about something more than just "looking like a girl". I'm going to ask my grandmother the story behind the ear peircing in our family so I'll get it right. Of course my mother's a bit peeved that mare's ears aren't peirced but I'm not fretting over that either.
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#16 of 143 Old 02-22-2004, 10:48 PM
 
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I'm pro-piercing girls ears. they should be pierced. they are little girls. dd ears were pierced at 2 months. she had the same earrings in her ears since two months. i think it is cool
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#17 of 143 Old 02-22-2004, 11:38 PM
 
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#18 of 143 Old 02-22-2004, 11:44 PM
 
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#19 of 143 Old 02-23-2004, 03:24 AM
 
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So this isn't really a debate. If it was, I doubt we would be hearing a "Shame on you" to someone who has posted her own opinion. I hate these paticular "debates" because they end up being more of "we're right and here is why you are wrong and cruel and a bad mom, ect. ect.". I doubt that anyone's minds will be changed by this thread. Those of us that pierce don't see it the same way those of you who don't pierce. My opinion on why I pierced my daughters ears won't change the mind of someone who is anti-piercing. I'd like to ask the OP why she even wants to debate this. Do you think you might change your mind? What good comes of seperating moms into catagories? We already have it tough IRL where most of us are swimming against the "main"stream....
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#20 of 143 Old 02-23-2004, 04:22 AM
 
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I was startled the first time I went to Mexico and saw that ALL baby girls have their ears pierced right away! I met my niece for the first time (in Mexico) when she was 2 months old and her ears were double pierced! It is just not common to see babies here with earrings. I don't have any daughters but I would definately wait till they showed an interest in it and were closer to their teenage years. My personal opinion is that it looks awful on a tiny innocent baby.
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#21 of 143 Old 02-23-2004, 12:11 PM
 
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Poetmama: Why, you do have a point. I guess im ignorant to the fact that a debate is about facts mostly, sometimes opinion and should not involve Flaming as it does separate us. but, then again some of do believe our opinions to be facts or moreover, the evidence we see with our eyes and our hearts as a woman instinctively listening with what i call "Mama-mind"----
therefore, when I ask a question like" Did you not notice the look on your childs face?" and " Did the look say <What the h*&^?>
I should pointedly ask: Dear Mama, what did you think or feel of that look?????

Laura
so, JANAN: any reply in this debate????
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#22 of 143 Old 02-23-2004, 01:27 PM
 
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lauraess: Thank you for understanding the point I was trying to make.
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#23 of 143 Old 02-23-2004, 02:00 PM
 
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thank you poet mama. dd is of nicaraguan descent and i 'm not going to make her the only girl cousin in a family of many without pierced ears. i stated my beliefs and now i'm cold hearted. for cryin' out loud. i'm beginning to see this as an anglo issue. like i can mothers saying threw the board "what the hell is wrong with those latina mothers that they would mutilate their daughters ears''!!!!!!!!????????????? and it is just a tiny hole. if she wants them to close when she is older ,she can.

we make other decisions for our daughters. how is this one different?

You guys are reading too much into to this? Is it your business if i choose to pierce my daughters ears? will i be kicked off the board?

I think you guys are acting really elitist.
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#24 of 143 Old 02-23-2004, 02:14 PM
 
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I will admit my comment on shame on you was over the top...sorry to all that I irritated. I will however reitterate my comment on respect. I think that piercing a child's ears sends a message that it is okay to hand the power of decision making about one's body to somebody else. It is the first of many body decisions that, unless resisited, a women hands over to someone else to make for her. I again will state that I think it is disempowering to do this to your child.

Jannan.....There are all types of women here... I don't think I am being eliltist and I don't think you will be "kicked off the boards". You choose to pierce your dd and I do not. We are at different ends of the spectrum with this issue, I do not think you are a bad mom for your decision to pierce. I do ask of you to really think of two things however, the unneeded pain you caused your dd in the pursuit of vanity and the disempowering message you have now sent her. If you are okay with these two things then you have made the correct decision for yourself, if you have to rationalize or justify your decision then I guess you do.
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#25 of 143 Old 02-23-2004, 02:17 PM
 
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whatever................and we know what junie B. jones says about that word. if not asked your unpierced first grader.
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#26 of 143 Old 02-23-2004, 02:26 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by jannan
whatever................and we know what junie B. jones says about that word. if not asked your unpierced first grader.
: Please explain what you mean? Are you completely disregarding all I said with a Whatever? If you are then so be it, I really was trying to see if you wanted an actual discussion regarding your desision. I am curious how you came to the desision to pierce and whether or not anything that I asked you to consider you actually did. I am not trying to be a pest to you and I mean no disrespect to you as a person, I am more curious as to your motivation.
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#27 of 143 Old 02-23-2004, 03:04 PM
 
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Latina are by far not the only group that pierces babies ears routinely. And I'm against it whoever they are, including the non-Latina piercers in my own family. A girl is a girl whether her ears are intact or not, I don't like sending the signal to her or others that her external objects are what expresses her femininity. My ears are pierced, but I chose to do it myself. I would consider it when she is old enough, in my opinion to truly consent and desire it.
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#28 of 143 Old 02-23-2004, 03:46 PM
 
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This thread is being temporarily closed pending editing for violations of the User Agreement.

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#29 of 143 Old 02-23-2004, 04:01 PM
 
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I have now re-opened this thread.

I would ask everybody to please respect the rules of the User Agreement, which you all agreed to when you signed on here, not to attack members in your post.

If you have an opinion that runs strongly against that stated by another member, please post your opinion to the general audience in terms that do not attack specific members or criticize them for merely holding a contrary opinion.

We can have strongly differing opinions, but still express them respectfully.

Thank you.

Lauraess your PM box is full. Please PM me when it's empty.


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#30 of 143 Old 02-23-2004, 04:31 PM
 
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I am very anti ear piercing little girls ears. I just don't like the way it looks in babies and young children. If I had a daughter I would want her to make the decision whether to have them pierced herself. I think when you pierce a baby's ear it makes them look like they are tring to be grown up to fast.
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