Anyone have parents that don't show much interest in your kids? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums
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#61 of 61 Old 12-16-2013, 10:48 PM
 
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Hi Trinitty~ A much belated Thank You for your kind reply to my post. Now, years later, the same daughter gave birth to a son just a week ago! No circumcision! It turns out her previous husband (father of first child - a girl) was INSISTING upon circumcision just b/c he was cut. Sick. She left him when her daughter was still an infant. They are divorced now, and she is married to a nice man who is very involved with this baby, a good father.

In retrospect, I think you were right on the money with your observation that my daughter needed to 'own' her birthing experience and decisions. About 2 years later (in 2012) she apologized for rejecting what she could now see were helpful and positive questions. It helped our relationship to hear her own her behavior, and I decided to knock off the questions and just let her share whatever she wanted. She is a more private person than I, and it is perhaps due to 'nurse culture' that we are comfortable sharing everything anyone wants to ask about (and maybe too much information! LOL!)

Now, with this new child, my advice had more to do about minimizing sibling rivalry, and reassuring her daughter (who is now 3 going on 4) that she is loved, is lovable, and is needed very much by her mama -- as much as she feels a need for mama! There was just a little too much verbally 'harsh' correction going on the first  few days, and not enough positive interaction for me (I admit I cried while observing some interactions). I took a risk. Since I could not articulate all that I was feeling into words, I wrote her a letter. It made her angry. She was very defensive (understandable) My stance is to be an advocate for all small children who are hurting and who misbehave when life events occur: nothing is worth scolding your child if you can't do it without that daughter or son being reduced to tears. No lesson is learned once you reach that point. Nothing good is retained when that child is crying and saying 'I love you' at the same time.

It  caused a few frosty days between us, but as it thaws, I am seeing better mother-daughter interactions. The one day of horrific interchanges was indeed only one day, but it must have felt like forever for my dear grand daughter.

Growth is never without pain, and I suppose in both cases, it is true.

Thank you for listening to my latest update, and I appreciate your insight very much! Merry Christmas to you and your dear ones!

Love and support,

Oceanswimmer

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