What is the worst/dumbest thing anyone has ever said to you about parenting stuff? V - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

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#121 of 1072 Old 02-11-2010, 02:03 PM
 
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Originally Posted by AFWife View Post
Yep! My parents said this too. I said I didn't want to vax so, in addition to the "your child will die" comments, I got the "just wait" comments. Well, he's almost 10mo and has had no vax to date.
I still get those, and DS is 20mo.

I remember people telling me that I'd never sleep again after DS was born (I had a rough 3rd trimester). I never slept better than his first 6weeks.

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#122 of 1072 Old 02-11-2010, 02:10 PM
 
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What's even more annoying to me is the "just wait 'til you have two (or 3, 4 etc.)" comments. Yeah I had no clue what parenting was REALLY like before I became a mom, so I can almost (ALMOST) understand the "wait 'til your baby's born" comments... but what makes them think that by the second or third I'll have abandoned all my morals & beliefs & just be sticking the kid in a crib & letting him cry all night???

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#123 of 1072 Old 02-11-2010, 04:26 PM
 
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Originally Posted by RolliePollie View Post
On the subject of teeth...

When my son sprouted his first two teeth at 4 months, my ex-h's grandma told me that it was not good that my son was teething so early since teeth that come in too early are no good. She also told me that it was bad he didn't cry because his lungs would never properly develop.
I can kinda see where this one comes from... DS got his teeth in really early and has soft enamel which the doctor said was cuz his body literally grew them too fast so they were calcium deficient. However, it seems to be fairly uncommon, so I doubt it could be generalized to all early teethers.

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Originally Posted by butterfly_mommy View Post
Really? That is crazy! No one at our Starbucks has ever offered any child I have been with anything.

Once when we were at the grocery store and DS (who was about 16 mons or so) was in the stroller he wanted to go and I was just finishing up paying. He was having a bit of a melt down so the cashier gives him (without asking me) a chocolate ball Luckily it was wrapped in a coloured wrapper and he didn't know what chocolate was so he just said "ball" and threw it
That is HIGH-larious...

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Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy View Post
What's even more annoying to me is the "just wait 'til you have two (or 3, 4 etc.)" comments. Yeah I had no clue what parenting was REALLY like before I became a mom, so I can almost (ALMOST) understand the "wait 'til your baby's born" comments... but what makes them think that by the second or third I'll have abandoned all my morals & beliefs & just be sticking the kid in a crib & letting him cry all night???
I have actually gotten the opposite. Due to DS's personality, some of the things I said would or wouldn't happen... well, I've had to modify my stance. My mother gives me a lot of crap about it too... like I should have stuck to my guns instead of being flexible about DS's needs.

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#124 of 1072 Old 02-11-2010, 04:37 PM
 
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I have actually gotten the opposite. Due to DS's personality, some of the things I said would or wouldn't happen... well, I've had to modify my stance. My mother gives me a lot of crap about it too... like I should have stuck to my guns instead of being flexible about DS's needs.
Or the,

"I told you you'd end up doing ____"
or,
"I knew you'd never stick with [insert so-called "crazy" idea here]"

... so annoying lol because yes you KNOW you had to adapt to your kid's (or your own!) needs... no need to rub it in or make you feel weak for it!!

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#125 of 1072 Old 02-11-2010, 04:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy View Post
Or the,

"I told you you'd end up doing ____"
or,
"I knew you'd never stick with [insert so-called "crazy" idea here]"

... so annoying lol because yes you KNOW you had to adapt to your kid's (or your own!) needs... no need to rub it in or make you feel weak for it!!
Exactly, I was anti-pacifier from the start. (I'd seen one too many 5 year olds still using them just because the parents didn't take them away) DS ended up being one of those babies that needed to suck all.the.time. However, FIL had told me that he "needed" a pacifier and called me a "mean mama" because I didn't give him one. So, 2 months in when I was exhausted and sore and the only way he would sleep was when he was sucking I suffered because I didn't want to hear "I told you so" from anyone.
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#126 of 1072 Old 02-11-2010, 04:57 PM
 
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Before Lina, I said "I hope to do things this way, but of course I'll adjust things as the baby needs." And I'd talk about how "always and never will always bite you in the butt and you should never use them. "

so far, it's been pretty much as I expected.
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#127 of 1072 Old 02-11-2010, 06:08 PM
 
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#128 of 1072 Old 02-11-2010, 06:18 PM
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When my first baby was a newborn my mom somehow convinced me to stay with her for a few week so she could "help". I was very young, I had a spinal headache from the horrible epidural that was given while I was pushing and never worked, and I had a fussy baby that I was having a terrible time trying to nurse. All I wanted to do was lay in bed (a spinal headache only goes away when you are laying down) and let the baby sleep next to me but she made me put the baby in a bassinet in another room and get up and try to nurse him in a chair in that room. She also kept inviting people over and having me come downstairs to entertain them for hours. I would be crying in pain and could barely keep my eyes open, anyone who came over would tell me I needed to go back to bed but she would just tell them I was fine. One day when he was maybe three days old there was a house full of people and she kept passing the baby from one person to the next I got really upset because I wanted to hold him. I went upstairs and sobbed, she came up to find out why I wasn't downstairs with everyone and when she saw me crying she put on this mocking pouty face and said "is someone suffering from postpartum depression". I cried a bit longer then went back downstairs and took the baby upstairs to take a nap. That night during one of the nighttime pain filled feeding sessions in the baby's room she just stood at the door to "supervise", she never helped with anything. While she was standing there telling me I needed to let him cry I picked him up to comfort him and she said "well doesn't he just have you wrapped around his little finger". Like a three day old baby is capable of manipulation. I figured out then that she had no clue and she was why I never felt close to her growing up. She was mean!
Oh mama, , I am so sorry you went through this. My mom came to "help" when my DS was born, and I was naive and inexperienced. She held me down while I listened to my poor baby scream for me for 5 minutes.

I hope you have cut that toxicity out of you life.
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#129 of 1072 Old 02-11-2010, 07:41 PM
 
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I dont plan on actually going back to work, but I am planning on going into my workplace to work on a few clients I really care about now and then (I'm a massage therapist)

So I went in last Sunday for the first time since I had DS. This client is an older lady I really enjoy, and she likes to talk to me during her entire massage. She LOVES talking about babies and kids, she had 2 sons of her own and a whole buncha grandkids.

She asked me if I had any other appointments besides hers that day, and I told her, no, I can only do one appt a day bc DS will not take a bottle. And then she was so worried, well, then how is he eating??

So I tell her I am still BFing him, and I had been pumping and storing milk in the freezer, but DS isnt having it.

So the rest of that convo goes like this

Her: You can STILL make milk? Isnt he almost 3 months old?
Me: Yes, I'm still breastfeeding him, I love nursing him.
Her: Oh my god, is he growing ok??
Me: Yeah, hes huge. He was in the 97th percentile at his 2 month appt! My mom calls him chunka chunka.
Her: So your pediatrician is ok with that, and he thinks your milk is still rich enough?
Me: UH.. yeah... its perfectly fine.
Her: Well you should figure out how to get him on a bottle so he can eat before its too late!

Now I really love this lady.... but OMG! I just smile and tell her thanks... I got loads of stuff like this too about birth while I was preg from her!

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#130 of 1072 Old 02-12-2010, 12:04 AM
 
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I'm still catching up on the other four threads, but I just had to share this one.

When DS 1 was about a year old we were at the grocery store, weekday, middle of the afternoon. Waiting in line at the checkout, this mid fifties lady was smiling and cooing at DS.

Random Lady: Ah, Mommy took the day off to spend with you, isn't that nice!
Me: Oh, no, I stay home with him.
Random Lady: You mean he's not in day care?!?
Me: Nope, I stay home with him.
Random Lady: But how will he learn anything!?!?!?!?


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#131 of 1072 Old 02-12-2010, 09:00 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Sweetmama26 View Post
The dumbest thing I think I've been told as a parent is that giving my 15.5 month old son a doll would turn him gay \
I have had more than a few people tell me that if I get DS a play kitchen it will make him a sissy. I'm trained as a chef, and in school, and all but one place I've worked have been male dominated kitchens! I don't know how people think cooking is wimpy or for sissies. I have some pretty serious scars from burns!

Even DH doesn't like the idea.

I'm going to get him one anyway.

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#132 of 1072 Old 02-12-2010, 09:43 AM
 
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I have had more than a few people tell me that if I get DS a play kitchen it will make him a sissy. I'm trained as a chef, and in school, and all but one place I've worked have been male dominated kitchens! I don't know how people think cooking is wimpy or for sissies. I have some pretty serious scars from burns!

Even DH doesn't like the idea.

I'm going to get him one anyway.
LOVE your siggy!

i want to get DS a kitchen too(in about a year or so) -- DH thinks they're "for girls" funny, since he thinks he can cook better than me... lol

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#133 of 1072 Old 02-12-2010, 09:59 AM
 
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My DH was that way over getting DS a baby doll. So I made him a very manly toddler-sized wrap to go with it.

DH rolls his eyes over a play kitchen because he likes when DS plays in the real kitchen with him (DH is the cook of the two of us). "Why does he need a play kitchen when he has a REAL one to play with???"

I probably shouldn't complain.

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#134 of 1072 Old 02-12-2010, 04:28 PM
 
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My DH was that way over getting DS a baby doll. So I made him a very manly toddler-sized wrap to go with it.

DH rolls his eyes over a play kitchen because he likes when DS plays in the real kitchen with him (DH is the cook of the two of us). "Why does he need a play kitchen when he has a REAL one to play with???"

I probably shouldn't complain.
That is soooo cute!!

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#135 of 1072 Old 02-12-2010, 05:58 PM
 
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(It's actually the #1 reason I won't ever have an epidural- fear of a spinal fluid leak!)
Me too! I have two friends who have gotten those kinds of headaches from problems with an epidural. One was for labor, and one was for a different kind of surgery. One of my friends said she truly thought she was going to die from the pain. Helped me put my pitocin-contractions in perspective.

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#136 of 1072 Old 02-12-2010, 06:13 PM
 
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I have had more than a few people tell me that if I get DS a play kitchen it will make him a sissy. I'm trained as a chef, and in school, and all but one place I've worked have been male dominated kitchens! I don't know how people think cooking is wimpy or for sissies. I have some pretty serious scars from burns!

Even DH doesn't like the idea.

I'm going to get him one anyway.
LOL no one has a problem with my DS having a play kitchen, but I bring up giving him a doll and everyone is up in arms, I don't care, my boys will get dolls

I once had someone tell me that I should leave my son to cry for 30 to 45 mins at a time so he LEARNS to go to sleep on his own, I'm not one to allow my son to cry, I want him to know he's cared about not going to be ignored when he has a need.

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#137 of 1072 Old 02-13-2010, 08:58 AM
 
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A friend is still having trouble with her 2 yr old not wanting to sleep alone and they're desperate to get her into her own bed. Her ped told her last week that it's ok if her dd cries for 8 hrs and vomits, she has to learn to sleep on her own.
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#138 of 1072 Old 02-13-2010, 09:44 AM
 
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A friend is still having trouble with her 2 yr old not wanting to sleep alone and they're desperate to get her into her own bed. Her ped told her last week that it's ok if her dd cries for 8 hrs and vomits, she has to learn to sleep on her own.
its so much worse when "The All-Knowing Doctor" says something stupid like this! is it so terrible to let your darling baby stay close to you?

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#139 of 1072 Old 02-13-2010, 10:40 AM
 
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I still get those, and DS is 20mo.

I remember people telling me that I'd never sleep again after DS was born (I had a rough 3rd trimester). I never slept better than his first 6weeks.
yep i got that one too! i got:

1. "your nails wont be getting done every four weeks when you have kids"
2. "your house won't be clean when there are toys everywhere"
3. "you'll find that a schedule just doesnt work."
4. "you say you will have rules, but you'll see the kids will end up ruling the house"

etc etc etc etc
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#140 of 1072 Old 02-13-2010, 12:40 PM
 
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Veronika, did you tell your friend it sounds like she's got a problem with a pediatrician who hates children?
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#141 of 1072 Old 02-13-2010, 12:52 PM
 
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yep i got that one too! i got:

1. "your nails wont be getting done every four weeks when you have kids"
2. "your house won't be clean when there are toys everywhere"
3. "you'll find that a schedule just doesnt work."
4. "you say you will have rules, but you'll see the kids will end up ruling the house"

etc etc etc etc
It's great that you had kids who let you do all those things, but for most people going into it with those expectations results in them being really really angry with their LO when it doesn't work.

I hope you tell new mamas that you've been lucky because it's awesome when a baby responds well to a schedule, but forcing a baby into a schedule is disgusting and horrible. And forcing babies into schedules is what ends up happening when people who do have babies who respond well to schedules sing the praises of schedules.

You don't let your baby cry, but many people who'd say what you did would have let their baby scream and scream to accomplish the same result.
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#142 of 1072 Old 02-13-2010, 01:15 PM
 
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My favorite story is the time I was at work with my 2 week old daughter in a sling. I managed a tiny fishing resort, and was sitting out in the sun, nursing. I will grant you I was 38 YO, but really!?! A woman came up to me and asked, "Is this your 1st grandchild?"

Some years later, the same daughter was 12 or so, and note that I would have been around 50. We were buying a bunch of baby stuff from a craigslist ad. The poor woman was trying to be polite and not make the stupid comment about either of us being pregnant. But she was subtly trying to steal glances at either of us, to see which one might be pregnant. Means folks that we are, DD and I never cleared it up for her, and we still laugh about the poor confused woman.

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#143 of 1072 Old 02-13-2010, 04:24 PM
 
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It's great that you had kids who let you do all those things, but for most people going into it with those expectations results in them being really really angry with their LO when it doesn't work.

I hope you tell new mamas that you've been lucky because it's awesome when a baby responds well to a schedule, but forcing a baby into a schedule is disgusting and horrible. And forcing babies into schedules is what ends up happening when people who do have babies who respond well to schedules sing the praises of schedules.

You don't let your baby cry, but many people who'd say what you did would have let their baby scream and scream to accomplish the same result.
This sounds like your blaming her for other people's poor parenting choices. I'm certain that's not what your meaning to say.

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#144 of 1072 Old 02-13-2010, 05:14 PM
 
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I got a lot of the same kind of doom-and-gloom, and I felt like it was an attempt to INTIMIDATE me into giving up AP methods in favor of scheduling and CIO, because otherwise I'd be a miserable filthy bedraggled drudge. I don't think it does a darn bit of good to tell somebody that it's normal and healthy for them to be chronically exhausted and perform no personal or household maintenance for a couple of years. Lots and lots of parents can be AP without the whole martyrdom angle.
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#145 of 1072 Old 02-13-2010, 08:09 PM
 
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I got a lot of the same kind of doom-and-gloom, and I felt like it was an attempt to INTIMIDATE me into giving up AP methods in favor of scheduling and CIO, because otherwise I'd be a miserable filthy bedraggled drudge. I don't think it does a darn bit of good to tell somebody that it's normal and healthy for them to be chronically exhausted and perform no personal or household maintenance for a couple of years. Lots and lots of parents can be AP without the whole martyrdom angle.
Yup. I could get my nails done, have a super clean house, and we do have a loose schedule. I prefer to keep my nails short and wear sweatpants and DH doesn't care if the house is messy so I usually don't either. But it's b/c i want to, not b/c OMG APing doesn't let you do anything.

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#146 of 1072 Old 02-15-2010, 05:18 PM
 
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IMO, I think I actually get WAY more sleep as an AP Mama than other people I know with small infants that do things other ways, like sleeping the baby in a dif room, and CIO.

I took DS in to see my work friends, and while I love all of them, they were VERY 'doom and gloom' about it, especially the things I told them I was going to do, like natural birth, BFing, co-sleeping, and cloth diapers.

They couldnt WAIT to hear about how awfull it all was, and when I told them all of it was fantastic, they were either shocked or didnt believe me, espcially when I told them how much I loved giving birth to DS. They still dont believe me when I tell them I love my cloth diapers.

I remember one girl in particular told me that her OB told her "97% of women who WANT natural child birth, either have a problem, or cave in on pain medication." My whole pregnancy she would keep harping on this, saying, dont get your hopes up, etc.

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#147 of 1072 Old 02-15-2010, 05:34 PM
 
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I think what that OB means is, 97% of women under his care who want natural childbirth, he's able to find/invent a problem with or badger into getting drugs in labor

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#148 of 1072 Old 02-15-2010, 06:22 PM
 
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I think what that OB means is, 97% of women under his care who want natural childbirth, he's able to find/invent a problem with or badger into getting drugs in labor
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smeisnotapirate is offline  
#149 of 1072 Old 02-15-2010, 07:21 PM
 
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Originally Posted by LiLStar View Post
I think what that OB means is, 97% of women under his care who want natural childbirth, he's able to find/invent a problem with or badger into getting drugs in labor
That is SOOOOO what I thought!! I didnt say anything to her though, bc she is dead set that NCB is near impossible. I would just smile and say, we'll see.

Mama to Xavian, born 11-24-09
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#150 of 1072 Old 02-16-2010, 12:13 AM
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Yeah, I loved how people would tell me I WOULD want the epidural. I just grinned and stopped listening, chanting "bubble of peace" inside my head. Or if it was that kind of person, told them I wasn't listening to negative statements about birth and flounced off Yay, Hypnobabies!

I also loved the MULTIPLE people who asked me if I had a place for the baby to sleep. I smiled and told them yes! (right next to me!) These were coworkers at a high school, who barely knew me. So nosey!

Next time I want the maternity shirt that says "epidural, shmepidural"
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