A LO Who Talks.Too.Much - Mothering Forums

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Old 01-19-2010, 09:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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DD is...talkative. She talks from the *moment* she gets up until she falls asleep. She even talked through us singing happy birthday to her. She just never stops, and I'm starting to get really frustrated with it.

I thought it was that I am an introvert as is DS, but DD is extroverted. DS has started telling her that she doesn't have to talk all the time or going to his room to "get a break from talking to [DD]."

Several people lately have commented on how much she talks. We've tried asking her not to talk for a certain amount of time or asking her to speak quietly (she's naturally very loud). She gets upset if she thinks you're "telling her to shush." We got into terrible traffic, and DH asked her to stop talking while he got through the traffic - no anger or anything - and she burst into tears. I know she's sensitive about it, but egads, it's driving us all nuts.

She doesn't go to daycare but goes to a mother's morning out program twice a week. She's gone there for 18 months. They started out about 3 months ago saying things like "she feels very confident in expressing herself," and now it's down to "holy cow. Does she talk that much at home?"

I'm not sure what to do or if I should (or even can) do anything. She's taken to cornering our cat and lying down on him (which he enjoys) and talking to him. I suppose it's okay since he'll leave if he gets annoyed.

She just turned 3 this month. She's been speaking in complete sentences since 16-17 months. The child psych who evaluated my son last summer said she's a "language phenom." At this point, she's speaking in complex, correct sentences. She, like DS, has become fascinated with foreign languages, and I'm tempted to do something to shift her focus there.

I know this sounds awful. I sound like - and feel like -a terrible mother. DD is wonderful, even-tempered, healthy, but I feel like this is becoming an increasing problem. I'm afraid people will begin to wall off from her because of it or that there's some need we're not feeding that leads to this incessant speech.

It's us: DH , DS ; DD ; and me . Also there's the . And the 3 . I . Oh, and .
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Old 01-19-2010, 10:17 PM
 
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2 of my kids were talkers. Angela talked in sentences by 18 months. People always thought that she was older when they heard her talk. She conversed constantly. Dylan didn't talk early but when he did start to talk, he narrated his life. He didn't engage in conversations like Angela did. Constant conversations are easier to take than a non-stop narration, ime. Angela stopped talking when she became a teen. And it looks like Dylan is headed there as well. So hang in there; there will be a light at the end of the very long tunnel.

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Old 01-19-2010, 11:14 PM
 
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I have one of those too. LOL My constant talker is my oldest, he's 9 and a half. Oy, he has always, always (!) talked a lot. Bless his heart. ( His little brother is much much quieter.)

But he's not sensitive about it, so I can say " Honey, mommy needs to think. Can we have some no talking time?" Or I say " Mommys ears need to rest, why dont you save the rest of the story for later." Of course sometimes I need to say it more than once to have it register. I just cannot drive while he talks my ear off so I say it a lot in the car too.

Maybe you just have to find the right way to tell her you need some peace and quiet, or my other suggestion is to distract, distract, distract.

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Old 01-20-2010, 12:27 AM
 
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Originally Posted by BrandiRhoades View Post
Several people lately have commented on how much she talks. We've tried asking her not to talk for a certain amount of time or asking her to speak quietly (she's naturally very loud). She gets upset if she thinks you're "telling her to shush." We got into terrible traffic, and DH asked her to stop talking while he got through the traffic - no anger or anything - and she burst into tears. I know she's sensitive about it, but egads, it's driving us all nuts.
This was SO my ds1!!! From about age 2-4. He is still a big and loud talker, but he's starting to learn to say excuse me and wait his turn sometimes so his little brother can talk too! He is still extremely sensitive about when his 2yo brother interrupts HIM or if we have to repeatedly ask him to use a softer voice at a restaurant or something. It's getting better, slowly, but surely!

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Old 01-20-2010, 02:22 AM
 
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Sounds like you are describing me as a child. It REALLY hurt sometimes when my Mom would shush me, but in the long run she did teach me restraint & how to read when people are having a hard time dealing with my extrovertedness. So ime it is a positive thing to teach her how to temper her need to talk some in response to those around her.

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Old 01-20-2010, 02:39 AM
 
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It's so hard, isn't it? Dh and I were both shushed as kids, so we're sensitive to not hurting their feelings, but it can be really hard. We try to be honest with them and refrain from insisting on quiet, unless it's really necessary. We did start doing more in and with other languages to redirect some of that energy. My oldest was also starting to make up new languages for fun, which was great, but it seemed a good outlet to let that busy brain work on languages others would understand. All that to say, I hear you. I try to put it in terms of Mama getting cranky and needing a little quiet, because no one wants Mama to get cranky. I just had a car incident last night. I just had to keep reassuring dd that as soon as I found the street I was looking for, she could talk again. Good luck!
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Old 01-20-2010, 02:56 AM
 
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My youngest is a non-stop talker, and I'm really introverted and need some quiet. Ha! It's such a challenge. I try really hard to respect her need to vocalize, but I also think it's important for her to learn self-control and appropriateness and understand that not everyone can handle hearing her chatter all.day.long. Demonstrating the importance of respecting others' needs, too...but she's five and is getting a better grasp of the concept. At three, OMG. I've long been fantasing about the very appealing Noise Cancelling Headphones

Quote:
I'm not sure what to do or if I should (or even can) do anything. She's taken to cornering our cat and lying down on him (which he enjoys) and talking to him. I suppose it's okay since he'll leave if he gets annoyed.
This is awesome. I wish we had a pet I'd totally go with it...and the foreign language study, too. It seems like this would be a great way to channel her abilities!

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Old 01-20-2010, 03:00 AM
 
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Oh man, I'm right there with you. DS is two and a half, and the talking and questioning never stop. On one hand it is awesome that he is so verbal and able to express himself, but it's totally exhausting! No advice, just sympathy.

lucky mom to Oliver, 8/6/07, and Finn, 11/28/10, and wife to DH
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Old 01-20-2010, 03:11 AM
 
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My oldest son and my daughter were both like that at that age. At 12 and 7 they still like to talk, a lot, but don't take it personally when we ask them to be quiet long enough for us to think.

In comparison, my other 2 boys (alternating in birth order with the ODS and DD) are not the chatty type unless it's about something they really like. If this pattern continues, oh boy, am I going to be in trouble with ds#4 (who is almost 6 weeks old).
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Old 01-20-2010, 03:54 AM
 
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uhhmmm could we exchange kids. the silence in my house is deafening. dd at 7 now has her nose buried in her book, and gives me monosyllabic answers. it is v. lonely here i must say. mainly coz now i dont know what's going on in that little head of hers. i can only guess.

to me its such a celebration. also i think 3 is another age when they hit a language explosion - which of course involves more talk. does she suddenly seem to be gaining a lot of vocabulary. gosh she is discovering the world around her and expressing her reaction to it.

thankfully my friends found dd's words and thoughts adorable so she always had a willing audience. better than me coz at that time i was getting tired with answering her questions. and if i tried getting her to think about the answer - she would tell me i asked YOU - the adult. you know more. you tell me.

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Old 01-20-2010, 04:01 AM
 
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I was like that as a kid. Well, I still am, kinda, but I have a soupcon more clueyness about when to shut up. This probably isn't helpful, but I can remember it REALLY shamed and hurt me if I was told to shut up or if people commented on how much I talked. I didn't want to be known as a talker... I just had a lot to say! (A lot of drivel, looking back, but it seemed important at the time...) So I have some sympathy for your DD.

Now one of my little sisters (she's 11) is a talker, and also has a rather monotonous voice and tends to ramble into anecdotes without contextualising them. Half the time I don't have a clue what she's talking about. But she's a sweetie and I don't want to hurt her feelings, so I just nod and smile and tune out. But then, I only see her once a week or so, so that's easy...

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Old 01-20-2010, 06:10 AM
 
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That's my older DD exactly! lol One day, I don't think she even took a breath until she went to bed. And when she didn't have anything "valid" to say she would just keep repeating, "Maya papaya, Maya papaya. Little chunky baby, little chunky baby..." Even poor Maya looked like she wanted to hide under a pillow.

When we have to take two cars somewhere, DP and I will "bargain" to decide who rides with Isa.

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Old 01-20-2010, 08:42 AM
 
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My dd has always been that way too. Non-stop talking. All the time. And I have to answer her every little thing.
One thing I've noticed is that when there's more noise, she gets quieter. In a room full of children, she's often able to focus and play better, otherwise she's just too busy talking. Sometimes I'll turn music on loud for her, and although she'll talk over it a little bit, it seems to help (I don't mean to 'drown her out' or anything like that! Just that it seems to fill some kind of void for her).

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Old 01-20-2010, 09:45 AM
 
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Dd used to be this way, but seems to be outgrowing it... she'll be 8 in a few weeks. When she was younger she would get all sorts of praises at school... then the teacher would say, "...but she just talks WAY too much and gets in trouble for that." We've had to discuss this with her many, many times and I think it's finally getting through to her. It has taken years, though. She is an only child, btw. I do think that one of the things that helped was discovering the wonderful world of books that could keep you occupied and on the edge of your seat for long periods.

She was advanced in language too when she was younger. We are bilingual at home, lived abroad when she was a toddler and she was introduced to a 3rd language there, and now she's in language immersion school where she is taught in a 4th language (which has actually become her #2 language, as she speaks it better than dh's native language he uses at home). I think it does help that she is required to speak in a language other than her primary (L1 - English)... over time I think it made her slow down and think about what she had to say and helped her to not talk as much.

Anyway, although she's outgrowing it, I do remember the early years and the constant prattle that could send you around the bend. I feel for you!
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Old 01-20-2010, 03:01 PM
 
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My youngest is a non-stop talker, and I'm really introverted and need some quiet. Ha! It's such a challenge. I try really hard to respect her need to vocalize, but I also think it's important for her to learn self-control and appropriateness and understand that not everyone can handle hearing her chatter all.day.long. Demonstrating the importance of respecting others' needs, too...but she's five and is getting a better grasp of the concept. At three, OMG. I've long been fantasing about the very appealing Noise Cancelling Headphones
This is us, but with four of them all within the non-stop-talking range. And I'm a pretty extreme introvert. There are a pair of those noise cancelling headphones at the music shop and I drool over them every time I'm in there. Unfortunately, there are too many directions that $200 needs to go before that luxury (necessity? sanity-keeping device?) could be purchased.

For us, there are four of them, and the latest talker started non-stop talking at 18 months. Three of them started non-stop around 16 months (though they started conversing as infants). Sometimes when they are all talking, it sounds like a carnival and their voices sort of meld into one humming, droning, chant-like sound.

Over time, the youngest starts to understand that when they are all talking, nobody is heard, and so they teach one another how to talk in turn. If nobody cares for a response, though, they can all be talking at once, and that happens often.

We used to send them out to talk to the geese; they loved it. It's too cold for that right now. But it won't be long now! And there is a whole barnyard full of potential listeners now, so this will be great!

Our eldest, who is 6.5 now, is just beginning to temper his own talking without the need for others to require it. He's begun to ask for our attention and then wait instead of walking in talking and then continuing. The others are not there yet and ds1 still complains sometimes that he had to wait too long and has forgotten what he wanted to say. We don't make them wait long, but he's already onto his next thought before he's speaking, so it takes a lot of effort to hold onto old news. I am almost always expressing old thoughts, so I understand that. Of course, I don't speak nearly half as much as anyone else in my family.

I don't discourage them ever, though. I do help them to look for cues and to resist talking over others, but overall, of course I want them to feel free to express their thoughts in our family. I think of typical stages and times when many children tend to stop talking to their parents and I hope that our dc will always feel comfortable and well received when they tell us what's on their minds.

The long-term predominates my thinking on this. Even if my ears ring most of the time.

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Old 01-20-2010, 03:58 PM
 
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omg...we waited literally for years for ds to talk and now though i love his ever growing vocabulary, there are days that i just would looooooooooooove some peace and quiet! i'm so thankful for preschool some days!
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Old 01-20-2010, 04:05 PM
 
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No advice, just empathy. My DD (3, going on 4yo) is just. like. that. I spend more time with her than DH (I'm a WAHM), and he is frequently amazed at her chattiness.

Mostly it doesn't bug me, but it's a problem when she interrupts others. Everyone should get a turn in the conversation, KWIM? Let's just say she's still learning that skill.

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Old 01-20-2010, 04:14 PM
 
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My LO talks excessively...and he repeats the same thing *over and over and over*. My sympathies!

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Old 01-20-2010, 04:24 PM
 
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We used to have a long car ride during rush hour twice a week.Stories on CD really helped me get some peace in the car.My talkative daughter would listen to them and although it wasn't quiet I could tune the stories out and not have to answer any questions for a bit.

I also tell her that I need some quiet time.She never seems hurt by it but I never make it a situation where I'm shushing her or telling her she talks too much.It's not about what she's doing wrong it's about what I need.

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Old 01-20-2010, 04:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks so much for the sympathies! She is (thankfully) past the stream of consciousness narration of her life stage. She's now somewhere between that and actual conversation. Our conversations are more along these lines.

DD: Mommy, I looked out the window in the dining room, and I saw a bird.

Me: You did? What color was it?

DD: No, I say 'Mommy, I looked out the window in the dining room, and I saw a bird,' and you say 'what did it look like?'

Me: Okay. Wh--

DD: Mommy, I looked out the window in the dining room, and I saw a bird.

Me: What did it look like?

DD: It was blue.

Me:

I found a French cartoon online this morning and translated while she watched. She'd picked up a few words by the end, though now she's going around saying "chausette. That's sock in French." There's a new family here with a DD in our DD's dance class, and their first language is French. Perhaps DD can talk to her to practice.

I swear this is genetic because my sister is the same way. She's 21 now, and there are still times when she calls me that I can't even follow her stories because there are so many people and extraneous details.

It's us: DH , DS ; DD ; and me . Also there's the . And the 3 . I . Oh, and .
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Old 01-20-2010, 04:51 PM
 
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Oy, I have 3 non-stop talkers at home! DH, DS,4 and DD, almost 2....I crave quiet... And it has become a bit of an issue at DS's Waldorf preschool where they try to do a 3 minute quiet time at lunch and also at rest time. His inability, (although he is getting better) to quiet is disruptive to the other children at times...We have started "practicing" being quiet at home with a little egg timer for 3 minutes at the dinner table.... I don't know who has a harder time, my husband or the kids!

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Old 01-20-2010, 04:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We've tried the timer, but it didn't work! Our wasn't even "not talking," but "I need 5 minutes of quiet time. Please let me have some quiet time until this timer buzzes." No go! If DD doesn't talk, she stands and jumps up and down until I take pity and ask what she wants.

It's us: DH , DS ; DD ; and me . Also there's the . And the 3 . I . Oh, and .
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Old 01-20-2010, 07:33 PM
 
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i have a talker and we actually worked on getting her to talk less. it was about more than the insanity (oh the insanity) but really, even if it is kinda cute on a little kid it is never an attractive trait in an older child or adult. the person who can not get enough of their own voice. who talks just to talk. because they maybe think they have so much interesting, delightful amusing things to say. of course no one listens because they checked out a long time ago. Occaisionally she would get upset if we told her to stop talking. but I always tried to phrase it positively. "its time to be a listener and not a talker." or "its quiet time" but then I do ask my children to discipline themselves and this was just one other area where I ask them to practice discipline, to put others above themselves and cultivate other good things that they could not manage while blathering on. She is much better (at 7) but still talks A LOT. this from the child who we had to have evaluated for speach issues several times before her 2nd birthday because she was so far behind....careful what you wish for huh.

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Old 01-20-2010, 10:42 PM
 
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My 3yo can talk and talk and talk. She talks in her sleep and she wakes up with words pouring out of her mouth. She is bossy too which is very annoying and she also shouts a lot in the car. I can drive with her incessant chatter but dh can't.

The only things I do are to tune her out(to some extent) but I do also ask her to use a small voice or to whisper or to use an indoor voice when it gets too much.

Her older sister also talked a lot at this age and is a bit less talkative now unless she is fixated on something.

I think that this is not necessarily a life long problem but a sign of an explosion of brain development in a life filled with huge amounts of stimulation - like a bird outside
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Old 01-21-2010, 01:41 AM
 
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When my daughter was 3 she didn't even stop talking when I was brushing her teeth. She talked in her sleep.

She's 4 1/2 and now her dolls talk. It's fantastic. She can sit for an hour at a time and her dolls have complex conversation and work out all sorts of issues.

She's also into singing now too. She'll practice a song over and over until she has the lyrics memorized. That helps.

I let her talk on the phone with friends and family. That helps.
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Old 01-21-2010, 02:24 AM
 
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Teach her to write she can talk with a pen instead of her mouth!

I kinda wish DD1 talked more. She's four, but her vocab isn't extensive yet. She can understand everything I say and can follow complex commands or accept explanations, she just doesn't....talk a lot...

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Old 01-21-2010, 03:22 AM
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Oh I sympathize with both you and her. Dd (just 5) is a constant talker/singer she's been doing it since before she could talk real words, she would be out an about, and if anyone looked at her she babbled in her own language like she had a lot to say even then, adults would be cracking up and talking back and holding all kinds of long conversations she was in heaven.
Now she gives me a running commentary and her toys get one too.
I was the chatter box in the family, I got all kinds of grief for it, and can still feel the hurt from being told to be quiet constantly. In family games my forfeit for whatever we were doing was always to sit quiet for 5 minutes, it still brings tears to my eyes.
I try hard to bite my tongue with Dd and let her ramble, I don't want to crush her little spirit with the things that were said/done to me, I can now switch it off in my head, lately though she has been making me laugh with her running commentary songs, they are lovely and I do enjoy them (for now)
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