Your DC who is most similar to you -- easier to handle, or harder? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 29 Old 01-25-2010, 12:28 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Whew -- hard to sum this up in a subject line!

A friend and I were discussing this. My 3 y.o. DD is very similar to me, personality-wise, while my 6 y.o. DS is more like DH. I find it much easier to deal with DS in terms of discipline, finding creative solutions to things, etc. Which is surprising!

I figured that if a kid were just like me, I'd know what makes them tick. But DD and I mostly just butt heads. However, she and DH get along fabulously.
Just wondering if this is what others have experienced.
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#2 of 29 Old 01-25-2010, 01:26 AM
 
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I don't know...I think that DD is very much like DH while DH thinks that DD is very much like me.... Either way, DD is a very easy going little person.

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#3 of 29 Old 01-25-2010, 01:29 AM
 
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My dd and I are so much alike, except for sleep schedule!!! I dont' know if its' easier or harder because she's my only child. It pretty funny how she knows me as well as I know her though..

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#4 of 29 Old 01-25-2010, 02:35 AM
 
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Ds is less like me and more like a combo of dh and my brother, and I find it easier to deal with him. Dd is very much like me, and she's definitely the one I butt heads with more. The things that set her off, set me off, and that's a bad combo. That being said, I worry about ds more.

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#5 of 29 Old 01-25-2010, 03:03 AM
 
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DS is 6 and is much like his dad, he's my easy child. My DD is 2.5 and I sometimes refer to her as a tornado with feet. She's fiercely independent, just like her mom and is a major challenge at times.

Like Lynn, I worry more about DS when he gets older. He is such a people pleaser, I fear what could happen if he was to befriend others who took advantage of those qualities. My DD on the other hand, will tell someone to stuff it before she compromises herself.
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#6 of 29 Old 01-25-2010, 03:33 AM
 
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DD is so much like me in a lot of ways, and overall I think I have an easier time dealing with her than my DH does, because I really get what makes her tick. When she randomly bursts into tears over something DH sees as minor, for example, I'm able to be more compassionate with her, since I was very sensitive as a child too. However, when we butt heads, we REALLY butt heads.

DS, at 8 mos, is very much like DH at that age, according to MIL. Very self-assured and independent, already entertains himself for longer periods than his 4-year-old sister...

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#7 of 29 Old 01-25-2010, 10:05 AM
 
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DD is a lot like me-- she is stubborn, emotional, confrontational, talkative, very creative (which translates, at this age [um, and at my age, too], into a lot of messiness and hard-to-direct energy), and loud.

I generally have an easier time with her than my husband does (he is basically the opposite of both of us, except also stubborn -- hooray ). I know that my mother (calm, methodical, non-confrontational) had a harder time with me than I have with DD.

So, it's hard for me to say. If I did not share so many of her personality traits, I think I would find it VERY hard to understand her at all....but even understanding her motivations/feelings, it is still pretty hard for me to cope with the CONSTANT talking/fidgeting/questioning/etc.

Oh-- and we're both very impatient-- that is probably the worst overlapping trait. Every morning, for example, the first thing she asks is,
"Have I had my vitamin gummies yet?"
"No, you'll get them with breakfast."
"Well, I would like to have them now."
"Well, you'll get them with breakfast, please don't ask again."

And it basically goes on like this every morning while I'm making breakfast. She's impatient to get her gummies, I'm impatient because-- seriously-- do you have to ask the same question every morning??!!, and we just feed off of each other.

The good thing is that I can work on improving the shared traits in myself, and that helps me in dealing with her and (hopefully!) in setting a good example. In theory

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#8 of 29 Old 01-25-2010, 01:17 PM
 
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DD1 and I have butted heads since the very beginning. We're very similar personality wise, except she's more extroverted and hates to sleep (and I LOVE to sleep!).

She's been difficult for me since, well, forever. But Dh has very little trouble getting her to work with him - and he has her while I WOH FT, nights.

DD2 - super easy child. For me. Not so much for DH.
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#9 of 29 Old 01-25-2010, 02:07 PM
 
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I get along better with the daughter that's like me, but she's much more draining than my other daughter, who is quiet, but way stubborn and she's got my mother's rigid rather hang out with dog's than people personality.
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#10 of 29 Old 01-25-2010, 02:40 PM
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My youngest is more like me and I get sooo exasperated with him.
My oldest isn't much like me, and we get along really well. He's very easygoing and sweet. Sometimes I just don't "get" him though.
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#11 of 29 Old 01-25-2010, 02:42 PM
 
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My 3.5 year old DD1 is very like me, and it's challenging right now! Sensitive, moody, temperamental, intense, yikes! It's like butting heads with a little tiny version of myself. She's the hardest for DH to handle too, it could just be the age combined with the sensitivity.

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#12 of 29 Old 01-25-2010, 02:51 PM
 
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DS1 is very like me - methodical, rule-oriented, people pleaser. So we get along quite nicely, because we like to make each other happy and do what we're "supposed" to do. He is like DH in that he won't do something though if he doesn't see the sense in it, but you can explain the reasons behind things to him and he'll work with you most of the time (when possible - I mean, he's still only 3).

DS2 is much more like DH - likes to buck authority just to prove he can, stubborn, spirited. He's also fairly precocious/intelligent, so he learns quickly what he can and cannot get away with. He's also not yet 2 years old, so some of that could just be normal toddler-hood.

I find it easier to handle DS1. Even when he is tantruming that something is not "just right", I totally understand where he's coming from... I too would freak out as a kid of my socks had a wrinkle, or if my pants were slightly off-center. So I get it, and it doesn't bug me to help him fix things.

DS2 is more of a challenge, because he's not fully verbal yet (although he's getting there), and sometimes he gets raging MAD without me knowing why. As he learns more words, though, I find I can better see where he's coming from. But I still think he's more of a challenge, mainly because in some ways he's SO like DH that I often just don't "get it" when he's mad.

I do find it amazing, though, how different two kids with the same parents can be!
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#13 of 29 Old 01-25-2010, 03:22 PM
 
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My ds8 is very much like me. I don't find him easier to handle, but I seem to "understand" him better, I "get" him, kwim?
My dd6 is not like me or dh. Dh says she is a lot like his sister, very stubborn and independent. She tends to give us the silent treatment instead of talking to us and telling us what is wrong, which drives us both crazy, lol...
They are both very different, but luckily between the two of them they get along really well.
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#14 of 29 Old 01-25-2010, 03:26 PM
 
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My 9 yo dd is more like dh is personality. My 3 yo ds is more like me in personality.

Both of us found dd to be the more challenging child ages 0-3! We'll see if that changes as ds gets older. Dd is pretty easy now that she is older, and I can see lots of room for ds being more challenging at 8-9 yo.
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#15 of 29 Old 01-25-2010, 08:16 PM
 
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Surprising to me, I have a harder time with my DD1 who is so much like me. Mostly I struggle with seeing the traits in her that made my life so much harder than it needed to be. I don't want that for her. I really get her on a level I wouldn't if I wasn't the same way and that is really cool. But it's really hard to see her with these traits.
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#16 of 29 Old 01-26-2010, 12:20 PM
 
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There's definitely head-butting between the like pairs in our house: DD/DH and DS/me. OTOH, I find with DS that I understand him much better and so it makes it easy to help him with problems. I can do what I'd like done, and it works. With DD, I often try what I think is a good idea, and she gets upset with me!

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#17 of 29 Old 01-26-2010, 06:26 PM
 
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DS is exactly like me (but more so!) and that can make it both easier and more difficult. When we are both upset, DH has a better chance of getting everyone calmed down. However, when we are in-sync, DH feels a bit left out b/c we are working so well together.

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#18 of 29 Old 01-26-2010, 10:36 PM
 
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We have a dd who is like me, a ds who is like my dh, and a little "wildcard" ds.

I think they are all equally easy to parent, given the different stages they are at.
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#19 of 29 Old 01-26-2010, 10:47 PM
 
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My dd1 is more like my MIL! My dd2 is more like me or DH or just herself. I do find dd2 easier, though I love them both to pieces. Truth be told, though, I think everyone finds dd2 easier (teachers, grandparents, etc).

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#20 of 29 Old 01-26-2010, 11:03 PM
 
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My oldest is more like me, and we clash. Both strong-willed, stubborn, and independent.

My DS2 is more like his dad; mellow, easy-going, laughs things off. I find him easier to get along with.

DD is a spitfire, but at just 2, I can't quite pin her down yet. I think she tends to be a little more like me, but very funny/easy-going like her dad...
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#21 of 29 Old 01-27-2010, 12:30 PM
 
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My 7 year old is more like me. And we do clash while he and dh don't.

Of course, my youngest is 3 so he's a handful right now too.
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#22 of 29 Old 01-27-2010, 01:22 PM
 
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My two 6 yos. and my 21 yo. is very much like me, and my dear, we're very much alike in so many ways all of us. And I think that's a lot easier than the 4 yo. and the 11 yo. which I'm not always sure how to handle. The 11 yo. is somewhat similar in some things, but totally different in others. The 4 yo. is just different, all the way, and sometimes I just look at him and wonder how to handle that (and what alien brought him ).
So yeah, absolutely so much easier with the ones that are like me.

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#23 of 29 Old 01-27-2010, 01:22 PM
 
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My DD is just like me in so many ways.
I always thought before that I would have an easier time dealing with her but DH is honestly better with her ( I guess because he is good at dealing with me) We butt heads alot.
The opposite is true with DS. I have more patience for him than DH does.

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#24 of 29 Old 01-27-2010, 01:37 PM
 
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Very interesting question.

I have only 1 child. She is very much like her father. But the stubborness, I don't know if she gets it from me or DH because we're all very stubborn, sigh. (As are all her grandparents, now that I think of it).

Besides the stubborness, the parts that I have the most trouble with are actually the ones that I feel I can't relate to, that she takes after DH on. But that's not a totally fair thing because she really takes after DH on most things, so some of those parts I really enjoy. But we're very different in terms of what activities we like to do (only recently we found a common interest: board games), she is obstinate to the point where if you ask her to do something she'll do the opposite just to spite you (DH does that too, and it drives me nuts with him as well; I may be stubborn but I don't do the opposite just for spite), and she likes to tease (I am an only child and had no siblings to tease me, so I'm not used to it I guess, DD is an only child but she and DH tease each other and me). She is also not at all anal, which is a really good thing, but it's just something else that makes us different. Oh, and she likes to shock people. I don't, and don't find it amusing, and don't understand it.

Honestly I think it would be easier for me if she were more like me! But maybe I'm just kidding myself!

I think for the most part it makes sense if you get along well with the kid who is like your partner. After all, you get along with your partner enough to partner with him/her, right?

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#25 of 29 Old 01-27-2010, 01:54 PM
 
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I see myself in both my almost 10 year old and 6 year old-and we get along very well.
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#26 of 29 Old 01-27-2010, 02:26 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katwoman View Post
Surprising to me, I have a harder time with my DD1 who is so much like me. Mostly I struggle with seeing the traits in her that made my life so much harder than it needed to be. I don't want that for her. I really get her on a level I wouldn't if I wasn't the same way and that is really cool. But it's really hard to see her with these traits.
This describes my feelings towards dd1 very well! And even though I "get" her, it doesn't always mean I can deal with the situation well.

DD2 I find very, very easy. She's certainly more like my dh than me. She's easy going and tuned into body language and tone (unlike my oblivious dd1) and likes to make people happy. My dh has a hard time with her and dd1 so he just can't catch a break, lol!

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#27 of 29 Old 01-27-2010, 02:53 PM
 
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DS1 is more like me than DS2, and I find there are very different challenges with each. In general, I have an easier time with the child who is more like me, but I worry a lot about being too hard on him. Because I feel like I know him so well (and because he is the older child), I sometimes ask more of him than I should. He's very laidback, and I know he'll go along if I ask him to, and it would be very easy to take advantage of that quality. Also, sometimes I underestimate him because I feel like I know him so well that I project a bit. For example, we're both a bit shy, and I had a very, very hard time making friends when I first started school because I was scared of everybody. It was a (very happy) shock to me to see just how gregarious my son was at school, and how quickly he made friends.

With DS2, my challenge is standing my ground when I need to. He is very persistent. Very.
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#28 of 29 Old 01-27-2010, 02:59 PM
 
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Ds and I are two peas in a pod; quiet, introverted, emotionally reserved, organized. We've had a special bond of the start, I "get" him. I understand his frustration when things are not "perfect". I am able to give him space when he is upset (we're both famous emotion display/hug averters).
My dd is my dh (who is my mil). While I love them both dearly, often I am just bewildered and exasparated by their behaviour. Everything ds and I are not; emotional, cluttered, expressive, in-the-moment-worry-about-the-consequences-later type of people. Definitely easier to get a hug from though! But a LOT more tears and general "emotion". And a lot less method to their madness
Variety makes the spice of life though and I wouldn't want 3 little clones of me, that's for sure (would make for a rather dull, predicable household I'm afraid

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#29 of 29 Old 01-28-2010, 02:04 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Kuba'sMama View Post
Ds and I are two peas in a pod; quiet, introverted, emotionally reserved, organized. We've had a special bond of the start, I "get" him. I understand his frustration when things are not "perfect". I am able to give him space when he is upset (we're both famous emotion display/hug averters).
My dd is my dh (who is my mil). While I love them both dearly, often I am just bewildered and exasparated by their behaviour. Everything ds and I are not; emotional, cluttered, expressive, in-the-moment-worry-about-the-consequences-later type of people. Definitely easier to get a hug from though! But a LOT more tears and general "emotion". And a lot less method to their madness
Variety makes the spice of life though and I wouldn't want 3 little clones of me, that's for sure (would make for a rather dull, predicable household I'm afraid
I can totally relate to this. My DD is just like me, stubborn, loud, difficult, headstrong, persistent, and I can totally relate to where she is coming from even when she is driving me mad. I understand what she needs and how to calm her down and I don't have to react the way she does 99% of the time because I have learned to deal with myself by this point and can help her deal.

My DS is so different from me, and I have such a hard time feeling sympathy or understanding toward him when he is being difficult. He shuts down, won't talk, won't react, is stubborn and I react badly to him in difficult situations. I try really hard and when I am on the top of my game I can deal fairly well, but it involves a lot of energy on my part.

The funny part is that my DD is considered the "spirited", difficult, hard-to-handle one by the rest of the world, but for me, she is much easier.

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