this story makes me so sad and there isn't anything I can do.....just a rant.... - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 42 Old 01-27-2010, 02:35 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Bokonon View Post
She needs to be reported to CPS. End of story. That is child abuse, child endangerment, neglect, etc., and the longer this goes on, the less likely it becomes that the child will ever have a chance at a healthy, normal life.

The grandmother is probably too close to the situation to see it rationally. She would rather see her granddaughter starve than not see her at all?

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#32 of 42 Old 01-27-2010, 02:39 AM
 
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IF the mother is actually starving and neglecting her baby, and used to seem like a wonderful normal person, then I would think the mama probably has some severe post partum depression and needs help Badly. That is the ony way I think a normal person could possibly do that to a child. She may just Really need some help coping and realizing what she is doing to her child and that she needs to get help. That said, you did receive somewhat vague information, and it is hard to tell if there is a decent reason for the child's condition or not. If CPS were to look into it, it would either be seen that the child has a medical condition and be dropped, or Mama and baby would both get the help they need. I would do what I could to look into it farther if I were you.

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#33 of 42 Old 01-27-2010, 02:59 AM
 
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I would research it and call CPS too. If the grandma was just talking out of turn and doesn't like the way the dd cares for her child, then no harm done.

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#34 of 42 Old 01-28-2010, 01:42 AM
 
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Call social services. This baby is in danger.
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#35 of 42 Old 01-28-2010, 02:23 AM
 
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As mentioned above, grandmas can misinterpret things all the time, and some older people even go around carelessly trash-talking their adult children to sympathetic third parties.

Based on the fact that the supposedly neglectful mother is actively taking her to the ped, my bet is that this is a legitimate medical situation that is getting garbled beyond recognition by the time you got the information third-hand. The doctor is a mandated reporter and trained to distinguish medical situations from abuse. I can't even comprehend how much it would suck if a casual acquaintance CPS'd me over gossip about my kids' medical issues or special needs.
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#36 of 42 Old 01-28-2010, 03:24 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Tofu the Geek View Post
Do you have a different link or a Facebook search term so I can find your Facebook reference? When I click that link it just takes me to my Facebook homepage.
Sorry I'm not the most technically-abled lol. Here is a link to the same info:

http://www.ezzo.info/Aney/aneyaap.htm

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Originally Posted by GalateaDunkel View Post
As mentioned above, grandmas can misinterpret things all the time, and some older people even go around carelessly trash-talking their adult children to sympathetic third parties.

Based on the fact that the supposedly neglectful mother is actively taking her to the ped, my bet is that this is a legitimate medical situation that is getting garbled beyond recognition by the time you got the information third-hand. The doctor is a mandated reporter and trained to distinguish medical situations from abuse. I can't even comprehend how much it would suck if a casual acquaintance CPS'd me over gossip about my kids' medical issues or special needs.
This is why I was curious if the mom is using babywise. It's been noted that mothers often hide their babywise practice from their Ped. So the Ped could be actively looking for a health issue and not know that the baby is being starved.

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#37 of 42 Old 01-28-2010, 12:17 PM
 
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...the Ped could be actively looking for a health issue and not know that the baby is being starved.
This is why I think you should try to locate her ped immediately. I imagine that the ped would not automatically come to the conclusion that the mother is starving her baby, but would search for a medical reason for the condition, and miss the fact that the baby is just not being fed enough.

Find out her full name from your mom. If it were me, I'd contact the grandma saying that I was looking for a new ped, and if she remembers where her daughter's ped office is.
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#38 of 42 Old 01-28-2010, 01:50 PM
 
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I get that dehydration is bad. My thought, though, is that if this baby's condition were that serious wouldn't the ped have suggested something besides PediaSure? We took DS to the ER once when he was horribly ill. They wanted to keep him because he was dehydrated. Instead they gave him IV fluids, and we brought him back in the next day to be checked. I can't imagine that in a serious situation, a doctor wouldn't do something, whether it's contact CPS if he suspects abuse or order more tests/hospital stay/tube feeding - something - if he thought it was a medical issue.

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#39 of 42 Old 01-29-2010, 02:42 AM - Thread Starter
 
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again I should be going to bed but wanted to update real quick. I tried to talk to my mom about it and her attitude was very bizarre. She defended the grandmother almost immediately (which I thought was strange since I wasn't accusing the grandma of ANYTHING) and kept saying that if anything needed to be done she would do it. She also kept saying that you "can't fight everyone's battles." She seems to have this in her head that the dd is just a dumb teen mom who refuses to listen to anyone and that there is no point telling her anything because she's determined to do it her way. She keeps telling me what the dd has "put" her mom through, yet the mom keeps helping her. She didn't even seem concerned about the baby being starved or underweight or anything (which is all I'm worried about, I'm not interested in the drama) and she kept saying that the dd is so awful you can't say anything to her or she will "snatch" the baby from grandma and cut her out of their life.

I'm beginning to wonder like some pp's have said if there isn't more to the story, especially since I have heard that two of the other grandchildren (two other sisters' kids)have major health issues. I don't know anything about them really, but I've never heard anything said about them being neglected. AND my mom has done things like call the police on me over made-up or grossly exaggerated stories she gave about me and my ds, so I have to wonder if perhaps her friends are people with similar parenting styles and the grandma really is exaggerating all this just to make it seem like her dd isn't caring for the baby.

I did manage to find her on facebook so hopefully she responds and I will be able to find out for sure what the story is. It just seems really weird to me that a doctor wouldn't at least ASK or suspect neglect first, if the baby was so dehydrated/undernourished. And....if she didn't go, how does she know what the doc said? And if she did go to the appt, why didn't she tell the doc the truth?

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#40 of 42 Old 01-29-2010, 12:40 PM
 
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I am the last person to say "call cps". However, in this case, I would do it now.

This needs to be investigated further by someone other than family. All you need is the general information (family name, state, address--if you don't know it-google it) & CPS will decide whether or not to go further with the family.

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#41 of 42 Old 01-29-2010, 02:53 PM
 
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IF the mother is actually starving and neglecting her baby, and used to seem like a wonderful normal person, then I would think the mama probably has some severe post partum depression and needs help Badly.

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#42 of 42 Old 01-29-2010, 08:16 PM
 
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Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy View Post
I did manage to find her on facebook so hopefully she responds and I will be able to find out for sure what the story is. It just seems really weird to me that a doctor wouldn't at least ASK or suspect neglect first, if the baby was so dehydrated/undernourished. And....if she didn't go, how does she know what the doc said? And if she did go to the appt, why didn't she tell the doc the truth?
I was thinking exactly this when I read your first post. Since you knew the mom before, I think it's a great idea to get in touch with her. It sounds like there is at least some level of exaggeration on the part of the grandmother. Best to just talk to the mom directly if you can.
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