WWYD? A gift that's over the top. - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 41 Old 02-09-2010, 05:58 PM
 
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i agree that when i child gets money as a gift they should understand and be alowd to use that to buy a gift of their choosing, that is how it is most likely intended. savings account deposits and bonds not withstanding since they speak of a "down the road" nature.

having them use that money to offset something that you would have provided (like camp) takes the gift nature out of it. though like the pp said if that is the only way she can end up going, maybe do a 25$ camp/25$ personal present things.

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#32 of 41 Old 02-09-2010, 06:08 PM
 
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Originally Posted by velochic View Post
If it were good friends, then they would know you well enough to pick an appropriate gift.
well of course, but it isn't the OPer's role to teach the other mother how to give gifts. It is her job to teach her DD to graciously receive them.

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I would tell the mother that the gift was more than you expected and ask how she felt if your dd were to donate half of it to her charity of choice.
I think that would be rude. It's just never polite to tell someone they gave you the wrong thing.

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If the mother gets indignant about it, you know it was for show. If she is thrilled at the idea, you know she gave it with a good heart. JMHO.
that's a litmus test -- again, very rude. Testing other parents to judge them is just tacky. Doing so in front of your kids teaches them to be judgmental.

The polite thing to do is just say "thank you" and let it go.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#33 of 41 Old 02-09-2010, 06:27 PM
 
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i think the bottom line is
  • to be gracious,
  • let others decide what they are comfortable with (as long as it is not harmful to you and this is not)
  • assume good intentions

think for a moment what you would feel if you came across a conversation about this same thing, but the receiver thought the amount was too small? if the responses here are different than they would be there, wouldn't that be a very worrying thing?

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#34 of 41 Old 02-09-2010, 06:30 PM
 
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I'd just have dd send a "thank you."

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#35 of 41 Old 02-09-2010, 10:34 PM
 
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Is the other family of a different culture than your family (aside from having more money?) It may simply be a matter of different cultural norms and expectations.

DH and I are from different cultures. In my culture such a gift would be very odd and tacky (no matter what the income levels of either giver or receiver,) but in DH's culture it would be a perfectly nice normal gift.

In most cultures the appropriate way to handle a situation like this is just to say thank you and move on.

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#36 of 41 Old 02-10-2010, 05:10 PM
 
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Originally Posted by •Adorkable• View Post


i think the bottom line is
  • to be gracious,
  • let others decide what they are comfortable with (as long as it is not harmful to you and this is not)
  • assume good intentions
Indeed.

I don't think it's that much, and it's pretty common to give gifts in the 40-50$ range at my kids' school.

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#37 of 41 Old 02-10-2010, 05:19 PM
 
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Originally Posted by redvlagrl View Post
I also don't think it's appropriate for your DD to 'pay it back' by taking the friend out to lunch/icecream with it. It was a gift for her and she should decide what she wants to spend it on. I agree with other posters that they probably want to get to know your DD better. Perhaps the other girl is shyer?
See, that's why I don't think it'd be paying it back. Unless the OP's dd doesn't care to further the relationship, it'd just be an awesome way to connect with the other girl.

I'd expect, if the intent was to further the relationship, that the other girl would reciprocate with other outings.

It could be really great. But it is HER money.
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#38 of 41 Old 02-10-2010, 05:26 PM
 
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Originally Posted by velochic View Post
People usually buy gifts around $15 no matter if the parents make $500K/year or if they make $15K/year.
If I thought people expected a $15 gift, they'd be getting nothing. I will get whatever I please that works for the recipient and I will get it within my means. And if that means that I make $500K/year and can only budget $2 for your kid to get some bubbles, or I make $15K/year and happen to know how to recycle thrift store sweaters to make a tote bag worth $60 if sold on etsy, then that's okay.

It's not like we're in Japan where it's best to buy fruit and household goods so the value is known and everyone knows how much to spend on the obligatory return gift.
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#39 of 41 Old 02-10-2010, 06:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks again everyone. DD did take thank-yous to alll of her friends with a yummy treat too. DD found out that her friend receives a large allowance and gave dd the $50 out of her own savings. I think that is very sweet. Obviously she must feel that my dd is a really good friend. The two of them will be going out on a special outing soon.
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#40 of 41 Old 02-16-2010, 02:04 PM
 
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what a great learning opportunity for your child.... get out some stationary and have them write a thank you note. and learn how to address an envelope and put postage on it.... then if they dont already have a savings account take them to a nearby bank or credit union and start a savings account for your child... let them use the money they get from friends and relatives into the account to save up for the future or a rainy day ...perhaps use some of that 50 $ towards a small toy or game your daughter has wanted. and then the rest in the bank.....
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#41 of 41 Old 02-17-2010, 01:56 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Linda on the move View Post
Unless you get the feeling that the gift comes with strings attached or the person is trying to manipulate you or your child, let it go.
Yes, this. My guess is that they weren't trying to do anything manipulative and it seemed like an appropriate amount to them. I have some relatives that are extremely well off and they would give the same amount (or more) without thinking about it. It is normal for them.

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