Always wants to win, etc. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 02-08-2010, 01:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello- Looking for some advice here. 1st time mommy and all.

My 3.5 yr old daughter likes to play games, everything from Memory to Candyland, etc. However, she always says "I want to win" and gets upset if I happen to get ahead of her, etc. I tell her the point of the game is to just enjoy time with each other- not who "wins" or finishes first. Are there other strategies to try? Since she is young, I have tried switching places with her and that seems to make her happy - of course- she wins! In the real world, you don't always win, but again..she's only 3!

This goes along with my other question- she sometimes get frustrated when she can't master an activity right away- to the point where she'll say she's just no good and gets mad then does not take part in the activity, etc. Should I ignore it? When I encourage her to just try, it seems to get her even more upset.

I hate hearing her say negative things about herself (brings up bad memories from my own childhood) and I would like to teach her that a) it is OK to get frustrated b) don't give up c) just have fun, even if she feels she's not doing it "right".

Again, any thoughts or advice would really be appreciated!
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#2 of 12 Old 02-08-2010, 04:12 PM
 
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Perhaps just stop playing competitive games.

There are a lot of cooperative board games - Wildcraft, Harvest Time, Snow Storm, Sleeping Grump...google and you'll find lots. There are also cooperative activities you can do together too.

I would take the winning and losing element out of it altogether at this age.
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#3 of 12 Old 02-08-2010, 04:25 PM
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It sounds like you found a solution - switching places. You can play games any way you want - let her take back moves, let her have two turns to your one, whatever. I assume you don't care of you lose to her, and she does care of she loses to you, so... make it so.

She's 3. This is normal for 3. At 7 or so she will get totally anal about everyone following the rules to the letter, and that's normal too.

 
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#4 of 12 Old 02-08-2010, 05:06 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Dar View Post
She's 3. This is normal for 3. At 7 or so she will get totally anal about everyone following the rules to the letter, and that's normal too.
Oh so true. And heaven help you if you have a 3 year old trying to play with a 7 year old! (Or a 5 and an 8 year old.)

I found that cooperative games and just making up our own rules for other games helped a lot during this phase. I also don't lose all the time, just most of the time.

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#5 of 12 Old 02-08-2010, 05:47 PM
 
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We haven't fully explained the 'rules' to our 3.5yo yet. To her, the point of CandyLand is to get all four guys to the castle so they can have a dance party She's learning what the color cards do and how to move the pieces along the path and taking turns, but she doesn't know that it is supposed to be competitive

Memory is somewhat similar. Just "how long will it take to make all the matches?" or something similar.

We didn't really intend to be "non competitive" but when the games were opened after Christmas she was so quick to invent her own games. We just let her run with them!

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#6 of 12 Old 02-08-2010, 05:48 PM
 
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Yeah I echo the fact she's 3, my DD who is also 3 says "I WIN!" even when she doesn't, it's just the age.

Me Wife to T (14 years)Mama to Princess(4) and Monster Boy(my 1 year old ):
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#7 of 12 Old 02-08-2010, 05:48 PM
 
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We haven't fully explained the 'rules' to our 3.5yo yet. To her, the point of CandyLand is to get all four guys to the castle so they can have a dance party She's learning what the color cards do and how to move the pieces along the path and taking turns, but she doesn't know that it is supposed to be competitive

Memory is somewhat similar. Just "how long will it take to make all the matches?" or something similar.

We didn't really intend to be "non competitive" but when the games were opened after Christmas she was so quick to invent her own games. We just let her run with them!

Pregnant and/or Breastfeeding since 2005
Mama to two girls: 5/06 and 3/09
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#8 of 12 Old 02-08-2010, 10:55 PM
 
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we do cooperative games and with the competitive games we downplay winning by making sure everyone finishes - even though sometimes that makes the game take forever!! I think wanting to win everything at 3 (especially when playing with parents) is pretty normal.

Mom to Morgan 4-3-06 and announcing Baby Kelsey 4-11-10
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#9 of 12 Old 05-14-2010, 12:02 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ollyoxenfree View Post
Perhaps just stop playing competitive games.

There are a lot of cooperative board games - Wildcraft, Harvest Time, Snow Storm, Sleeping Grump...google and you'll find lots. There are also cooperative activities you can do together too.

I would take the winning and losing element out of it altogether at this age.
I guess I'm bumping this thread. I am looking for cooperative board games. The only one I knew about already was Haba's World of Adventures.
http://www.amazon.com/Haba-4226-Worl.../dp/B0002VLN94

If there are any in addition to the above in quote, please post.

Is anyone familiar with several of these games and maybe could help me select one for me to purchase?

I have a 6 yo boy and a 4 yo girl. I like the idea of outdoor survival but don't want to introduce a lot of peril for the 4 yo. What is "Sleeping Grump"? We are going very Waldorf this year incl. sending kids to Waldorf school.

Thank you!
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#10 of 12 Old 05-14-2010, 12:06 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ollyoxenfree View Post
Perhaps just stop playing competitive games.

There are a lot of cooperative board games - Wildcraft, Harvest Time, Snow Storm, Sleeping Grump...google and you'll find lots. There are also cooperative activities you can do together too.

I would take the winning and losing element out of it altogether at this age.
I'd say this. When my younger brother was that age he was IMPOSSIBLE to play games with because he would get furious if he didn't win. He also liked to change the rules in the middle of the game to put himself on top...
We finally stopped playing competitive games with him and explained that it was because he didn't play "fair". We'd try once a month or so to see if he was "getting it" or not...

Kas (24), Helpmeet to Stefan (25), Mom to Franklin Gaudelio 4/15/09, Jonathan Boswell 1/2/11
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#11 of 12 Old 05-14-2010, 02:05 PM
 
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My kid used to be very competitive in that age but she grew out of it pretty quickly
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#12 of 12 Old 05-14-2010, 02:54 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rachelernst View Post
I guess I'm bumping this thread. I am looking for cooperative board games. The only one I knew about already was Haba's World of Adventures.
http://www.amazon.com/Haba-4226-Worl.../dp/B0002VLN94

If there are any in addition to the above in quote, please post.

Is anyone familiar with several of these games and maybe could help me select one for me to purchase?

I have a 6 yo boy and a 4 yo girl. I like the idea of outdoor survival but don't want to introduce a lot of peril for the 4 yo. What is "Sleeping Grump"? We are going very Waldorf this year incl. sending kids to Waldorf school.

Thank you!
Ask this question on boardgamegeeek.com and you will get many answers.

Dad to DD 9/2008
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