Rant: Parents of mean/bullying kids - Mothering Forums

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Old 02-23-2010, 05:06 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Ok, this is a total rant. How is it that there are SO MANY MEAN KIDS AND BULLIES around? My DD has encountered her share, but it seems like every friend I talk to has had their child go through traumatic experiences with mean children, to the tunes of principal/teacher interventions, verbal confrontations with parents, and changing schools.

WHERE ARE THE PARENTS? Do they just not KNOW that their kids are mean? Do they not *talk* to them about their days and their friends and what goes on in school? Do they think it's ab-flipping-fab that their kids have so much power and 'personality'?

I don't get it. HOW can parents not know their kids put other kids through c**p? I seriously don't know. God, if my kid had a mean trackrecord or a history of being terrible to others, or talked about bad stuff they did in school, I'd be on him/her like flypaper. I'd be HORRIFIED. We'd work on it. We'd apologize.

Or do some parents really not know what is going on? Do some kids hide their meanness that well? I'm at a loss. I just don't understand. And I'm sick of mean kids!
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Old 02-23-2010, 05:29 AM
 
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I think it's hard - some parents may just not know. In the end two kids tell their stories, both stories go to the principal and then the parents hear what they hear. I think it's hard in that kids tell one another things different from what the parents hear.

My daughter has told me that her friends have done/said things I know where things she did herself, it's her way of telling me the story and gauging my reaction. I often find out when I react well she'll admit it was her, but that is just normal 5 year old behavior to give a better story to her parents.

I think some of these kids may be telling their parents different, and sometimes children who tell about what happened to them are actually telling about what they've done. No children are angels, no children are devlis, they are children learning to interact.

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Old 02-23-2010, 07:29 AM
 
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I think it's hard - some parents may just not know. In the end two kids tell their stories, both stories go to the principal and then the parents hear what they hear. I think it's hard in that kids tell one another things different from what the parents hear.

My daughter has told me that her friends have done/said things I know where things she did herself, it's her way of telling me the story and gauging my reaction. I often find out when I react well she'll admit it was her, but that is just normal 5 year old behavior to give a better story to her parents.

I think some of these kids may be telling their parents different, and sometimes children who tell about what happened to them are actually telling about what they've done. No children are angels, no children are devlis, they are children learning to interact.
I agree with this.

My DS is the one more likely to get bullied, though there's only been on physical incident we know of. He tends to be excluded or shut out of groups, probably because he's not a rough and tumble 'boy's boy' and is quiet, sensitive, artistic, and not athletic.

However, what I've seen is that they parents of the kids who shut him out or exclude (and also physically bullied him the one time we know of) him are good parents. (we go to a small community/neighborhood school and I've known most of the parents since the kids went to daycare together). I'm actually very good friends with the mom of the "leader of the pack." The stories they hear are different from what I hear.

For instance, in the one physical bullying instance that I know of, my DS told me the kids surrounded him and pushed him down. What the other boys told their parents was that my DS wanted to play but wasn't 'doing it right' and then go mad, ran at them, and fell.

So . .. what happened? I suspect that the kids were excluding my DS and he desperately wanted to play. Either he tripped or they pushed him (they're all 6-7 years old). He felt bullied. They felt like he was a clumsy pest.

I talked to all the parents, they all talked to their sons. I also mentioned it to the teachers. I felt like it was taken care of well. I realize, though, that having this sort of relationship with parents isn't always possible.

What I am saying, however, is that kids this age are testing limits of power, leadership, exclusion, and learning how to be social. This certainly doesn't justify bullying! I was livid when I heard what happened to DS. It does mean, though, that not everyone behaves perfectly all the time and we, as parents and as a community, have to teach our kids and model for our kids.

in the case of my son, I'm taking him to a training class on how to be bully-proof. he's learning to be more confident by making better eye contact, looking at people when he speaks, standing strongly and projecting confidence, speaking with strength, and interacting well with other kids. Is it his "fault" he's bullied? NO! but we can do things to help him learn to project more confidence and strength -- and we hope make him more attractive as a friend.

I know my friend, the mom of the leader of the pack, is really working with her son. But she doesn't always know what's going on every single day in every reaction and interaction at school. She also loves him and can get understandably a bit defensive when she feels that he's being labeled as a "bad kid." I approached it by saying, "DS told me this. We're trying to figure out what happened because it's so difficult to know what actually happened with 6 year olds. We want to help DS deal with these kinds of situations. Did your DS say anything? Would you ask him and let me know? That way we can better work with DS." This worked *so* well. I wasn't putting the blame on her DS (was internally but didn't let her know!) and was presenting it as something we were all working on together. I know this is not always possible and that we got such a good outcome because I know the parents on some level personally, and she is a good friend. But my point is more that no one wants to hear their kid, whom they love, accused and blamed. It's just not an effective starting point for conflict resolution. It's necessary some of the time, but not as a starting point.

anyway, I realize this is a bit long and rambly and I know there are just not nice kids and parents out there. but I think most kids are ok and just need guidance in learning to deal with their interactions.
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Old 02-23-2010, 09:42 AM
 
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Where I live a lot of the adults are bullies, so it would be no surprise to me that their kids are, too. My brother was bullied as a kid, though if his dad had his way he would have been one of the bullies.

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Old 02-23-2010, 10:20 AM
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not in defense of bullies in the world but kids are really good at taking their stresses and problems out on other kids because they just don't know how to handle it.

I was a very very difficult kid ( I know this now). I was also pushy and bossy (another word for bully maybe?). However most of my childhood was consumed with my parent's horrible divorce, my mother coming out and several other serious issues that really really impacted me, both positively and negatively. I had so much going on that I was prone to lashing out a lot, and being extremely defensive to the point of attacking before I felt I was going to be attacked (never physically though, I have never ever hit anyone!).

My point is, I certainly would never tolerate my DD being bullied but I also know that those kids who do bully can have some serious issues at home or other underlying problems. They aren't just trying to be mean! I don't think there are just many genuinely mean children. Your LO may have a very very stable loving home to grow and develop but many children don't get the benefit of that at all and I think it shows in how they interact with others!

Instead of just getting mad at those kids/parents stop and think about why those kids may be acting like that!!
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Old 02-23-2010, 10:32 AM
 
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Barbara Coloroso has a great book on Bullying.http://www.amazon.com/Bully-Bullied-...6928300&sr=1-3
In it she speaks of the VERY important role of the bystander.
In my opinion, kids have a very defining role when someone is being bullied by just being a bystander.

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Old 02-23-2010, 10:38 AM
 
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i believe kids that are bullys are being abused in their homes in some way, in some degree. They are acting up what they learn in their homes, that the person who is bigger and has more power, gets his way.
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Old 02-23-2010, 11:37 AM
 
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i believe kids that are bullys are being abused in their homes in some way, in some degree. They are acting up what they learn in their homes, that the person who is bigger and has more power, gets his way.

That is not always true.

I have a son who is being tested for Aspergers, has severe ADHD, along with emotional and behavioral issues. He was caught bullying a kid last year.

He is seeing a counselor, a psychiatrist, and is in a special class in school for kids who have these issues. He also, has been bullied. In fact, one kid threatened him to my face. I informed that child that if my son did something, he is to tell me, but if he (the other child) laid one hand on my son, I would have him arrested and bring his parents into it. He leaves my son alone now.

We DO NOT abuse our son. We do not tolerate bullying in any way, shape or form. He lost privileges and got suspended. There were many long talks.

We watch him, know who his friends are and who their parents are. He is not allowed to just roam around the neighborhood.
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Old 02-23-2010, 12:20 PM
 
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Where I live a lot of the adults are bullies, so it would be no surprise to me that their kids are, too.


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Barbara Coloroso has a great book on Bullying.http://www.amazon.com/Bully-Bullied-...6928300&sr=1-3
In it she speaks of the VERY important role of the bystander.
In my opinion, kids have a very defining role when someone is being bullied by just being a bystander.
This looks interesting. I'm anxious to read it. My poor nephew is in middle school and stood up for a teammate that was being bullied. Then the bully decided to focus on him instead. The coach knew but did nothing.
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Old 02-23-2010, 12:30 PM
 
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I also wanted to point out that some of these kids are afraid of being bullied themselves. Afriends DS is "friends" with the bully and is scared to not go along with the behavior or say anything for fear of being on the recieving end.

His Mom knows about it but is broken as to what to do.

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Old 02-23-2010, 12:40 PM
 
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I was bullied (and bullied) when I was a kid. I don't necessarily know where it came from, or why... there is no excuse good enough to justify it.

As far as Willow is concerned, I pay a lot of attention to how she behaves with other kids. She has a tendency to be rather bossy, and I try to nip it in the bud and engage a dialogue about how people should behave instead. At some point, I'll have to send her out into the world to forge relationships on her own. I want her to be the type of young woman that will stand up for herself and those who are being bullied... that's my goal for her, at any rate.

More needs to be done about bullies, parents need to be more plugged into their kids, I think.

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Old 02-23-2010, 12:48 PM
 
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I think there are several issues.

1. The first is that I see many parents expose their children to things that just aren't good modeling of behavior. A little boy (maybe 6) flipped my son off a few weeks ago and mouthed "f@ck off" because they wanted to play on the same structure. Clearly he's not seeing good conflict resolution, so how would he know how to act any differently? (And geez was he pissed b/c it didn't phase DS, mostly because he had no idea what it meant!)

2. Other cases are children with various behavioral/cognitive/mood disorders. My son is early-onset bipolar, and he's been the bully in 2 incidents that we know of because his teachers told us. In one instance, he choked another child and left hand prints on the other boy's neck. I don't know who that child was since they aren't supposed to tell me.

In the other instance, DS convinced 3 other children to gang up on a little boy and beat him up. I do know who that was because his mom got there when I did. I talked to the other mom. DS got in trouble. That's the last incident we had, and it was about a year ago. Still it wasn't that we didn't care or abuse him. He has a mood disorder, and we're trying to help him learn to communicate.

3. Some people are mean. I don't know why.

4. I believe there are some children who are in desperate need for control of *something*. These kids often are abused or neglected and do take it out on other children.

Overall, though, I'm not sure it's more common. I know my parents - and those of most of my friends - left us to deal with lots of things on our own that parents rush to handle now. I know lots of parents who don't want their children to suffer any discomfort. While I understand that feeling, I sometimes can see how they're making the situation worse by making their child a target because Mom swoops in to handle all of the child's problems.

I don't mean in severe cases of bullying, but I see here and IRL where some people say "Susie said something that hurt my daughter's feelings. I'm discussing this with the teacher" when my mom would've talked to me about how it made me feel and what I could do next time.

To that end, I think the word "bullying" is overused. Like anything, it will lose its effectiveness as a descriptor of bad behavior if it's used too often.

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Old 02-23-2010, 12:49 PM
 
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I think a lot of it is what the media puts out, the younger ages watching said media, they amount of it being watched, and lack of attention with their parents. ( which goes back to the media)
From what I see where I live, I am the ONLY one I know here who DOESN'T let her children watch ANY cartoons or those preteen shows. Whenever I see these shows, sexuallity aside, they always display disrespect, and make it humorous. Add that to the fact that kids do nothing but watch this all day and parents are not watching with them to tell them what is right or wrong.
I know this is not ALWAYS the case but I feel it plays a large roll in it. I think some, no matter how 'well' they are raised are more aggresive by nature. I was very passive in nature, why would it not go the other way? I am only concerned with raising my child, and teaching him right from wrong, and also how to react to the wrong. There is always going to be 'evil' ( not saying mean kids are evil, using in the context of undesiarable behaviour or thoughts) in the world, it is my job to teach my kid how to avoid it and deal with it when confronted with it.

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Old 02-23-2010, 01:37 PM
 
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A lot of times teachers don't tell parents what is going on because they see one time interactions that are normal behavior for that age group. If parents hear what happened and get principal involvement they do work harder to stop the mean behavior, but that doesn't mean they get the other parent involved if they don't view it as bullying. Depending on the school, teachers and principals may be very slow to contact parents because they don't want the children to get smacked at home and view school and the teacher as the enemy. It is very difficult to work with a child who thinks you are the enemy. Bullying is also usually considered a serious ongoing thing, normal childhood behavior doesn't fall under the category of bullying. Sometimes every kid says mean things to a friend, forgets to wait a turn, or even occassionally hurts a friend. Not all interactions are going to be considered serious.

Kids also behave very differently at home or when they are playing around their parents versus at school where there are only two teachers watching three classes of children playing on the playground. The kids who bully may not be doing this in front of their parents so their parents may really not know what is going on.
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Old 02-23-2010, 01:41 PM
 
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Aspergers is a different problem entirely. I used to know the sweetest little boy with aspergers, who ended up holding a knife to another boy who was lying about him / tattling. It goes beyond bully behavior into unreasonable / unstable territory, and should not be grouped in with that.
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Old 02-23-2010, 03:38 PM
 
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i believe kids that are bullys are being abused in their homes in some way, in some degree. They are acting up what they learn in their homes, that the person who is bigger and has more power, gets his way.
I don't think that's always true. I think sometimes kids are just testing their power, like a pp wrote. The only real bully we've encountered is someone in our playgroup, and someone who has the gentlest, most patient, most AP mama I've ever met. Of course she doesn't think her child is a bully at all! We've had several incidents and witnessed incidents w/ other children, but every. single. time. it's the other kid's fault. So I think that can play a role too--some parents just won't believe their child can act mean or bullying and so it really never gets addressed. In my friend's eyes, her child is the victim, no matter the circumstances. As a result, he is one sneaky bully!
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Old 02-23-2010, 05:19 PM
 
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It's so true. Parents are really disconnected these days. It seems that as generations pass parents get more and more immature and it seems so many are caught up in trying to be "cool" themselves so they support their children's bullying behavior brushing it off as them being cool or fitting in. It's such a shame.
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Old 02-23-2010, 05:38 PM
 
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...kids are really good at taking their stresses and problems out on other kids because they just don't know how to handle it.
I agree 100 percent. My son is special needs in terms of his emotional and behavorial needs. I have witnessed him be bullied by children ("nice children from nice families") and I have seen him, in moments of pure confusion and anxiety and anger lash out at other children. He's also "bullyed" because he didn't understand the inappropriateness of a joke.

I am a SAHM and I spent most of last summer shaking my heads at the bullying incidents I'd see on the playground. In addition to the points made above, I feel parents themselves don't have good coping skills, society doesn't particularly advocate peaceful conflict resolution and most parents are working full time and completely unable to keep tabs on their kids! I am reminded of the Lord of the Flies book ....
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Old 02-23-2010, 05:39 PM
 
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I think its a mixture of a lot of things. I don't think all parents know till its to late and then there are some who just won't believe their child is mean/bully. Then you add in normal age behavior and what is acceptable and not acceptable within different households as also the sensitivity of a child.

I was bullied as a kid and for the most part my parents let me fight my own battles till it was time to step in. The one time they stepped in I was 5 and playing with the neighbor kids, one was my age the others were a lot older. We were playing hide and seek and the older one told me to hide under the deck so I did well about 5 seconds later I had a very hot bucket of water poured on me and they all laughed at me while I was crying and runnign home. The older two knew better. When my mom stepped in the parents brushed it off as it was my fault and their kids did no wrong sadly even 20 yrs later their kids are still bullies and the parents see nothing wrong with it.

Then I think there are cases where its a power struggle between kids themselves and does not always equate abuse or neglect.
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Old 02-23-2010, 05:43 PM
 
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I think some kids get positive attention at home from being mean to the "weird" kids and picking on the "weaker" boys. Or at least, I've seen a lot of that. I'm not going to say that there's one cause at the root of all bullying, but I've known some kids with loving parents, nice homes, and big fat attitude problems and the parents think it's funny - the other kid needs to just "toughen up" or "stop being so weird" and it'll all take care of itself.
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Old 02-23-2010, 05:52 PM
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I haven't witnessed any mean kids or bullying in either of my kids' classes or peer groups. They're in pre-K and 1st grade. I think there is a strong anti-bullying sentiment in the schools these days. It's just not cool anymore to be a bully. I'm surprised that so many people have encountered it with their kids.

Maybe I'm totally clueless and my kids *are* the bullies but that would contradict everything their teachers tell me about them. Or maybe I'm just sheltered living in Ann Arbor!
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Old 02-23-2010, 05:53 PM
 
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To that end, I think the word "bullying" is overused. Like anything, it will lose its effectiveness as a descriptor of bad behavior if it's used too often.
An aside but I couldn't agree more, especially when I've heard 2 year olds called "bullies" when they were just acting their age. Or when a child is called a bully when they don't want to play with another child.

Back to the thread...
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Old 02-23-2010, 05:59 PM
 
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It's so true. Parents are really disconnected these days. It seems that as generations pass parents get more and more immature and it seems so many are caught up in trying to be "cool" themselves so they support their children's bullying behavior brushing it off as them being cool or fitting in. It's such a shame.
Okay - as a child of the 70s I have to laugh. Parents were, at least in my group/family, way more disconnected in the 70s. They just threw us all outside or downstairs and had no idea whether we were being bullied or not. I don't think parents are less connected at all.

I also don't think it's a media thing; if you read books going back you'll see bullies in Dickens, etc.

Anyways I think that bullies are, like most kids, individual and probably have individual reasons for what they do. That said, I think OP it's possible you live in an area where it is more tolerated for whatever reason. This is a great opportunity to work with everyone to develop an anti-bullying policy and to make sure the kids and the parents understand the three roles (bully, bullied, and bystander.)

However, if you treat it like kids who are engaging in bullying behaviour must have bad parents, you probably won't get much interest or help from their parents.

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Old 02-23-2010, 07:23 PM
 
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How is it that there are SO MANY MEAN KIDS AND BULLIES around?
I think a lot of reality is perception. If we perceive that there are lots of mean kids around, that bullies are at every turn, then every shove on the playground or unkind remark made in earshot seems like yet another case of bullying.

As PPs have mentioned, while aggressive behavior needs to be addressed and curbed, it is not always some sign of a child in crisis or a society gone wrong. Kids are people who are still learning, and labeling every kid who pushes, takes a toy, screams at someone, or any of the other 1000 anti-social behaviors that sometimes come from our kids as a bully or a mean kid is no more right than labeling every kid who doesn't stand up to the aggressive behavior as a wimp.

At risk of sounding like a "toughen up" advocate, I have noticed that my son interacts very differently with different children. He is almost 3, much larger than most of his peers, and is a bundle of energy and excitement. At 18 months, he was called a bully by a mom in our play group for doing what I see as normal toddler things - taking toys and playing rougher than her son prefers to. She and her husband still refer to my son as the bully in half-jest. To her, my kid really is a bully. I think that the more she puts that idea out there, the more her son will "be" a victim. She has a very coddling nature and coddles him any time she anticipates something might upset him.
Some kids my son plays with love to give big hugs and play hard. *Wrestling* is a fun activity for some of them. They run hard and hold hands and play tug of war with playsilks - all in good fun, and no one gets hurt. I think it is hard for my son at nearly 3 to remember that some people like to play different games. What some kids and parents see as good, physical fun is seen by the mom (who calls my son a bully) as horrifying and aggressive even when her son is not involved.
Perception of the activities/behaviors by different parents makes all the difference.
I think it is our duty as parents to teach our children to treat other people as those people want to be treated. It is also our job to help our children to be strong and confident enough to stand up for themselves and other people. We have a obligation to teach our children not to be bullies or victims.

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Old 02-23-2010, 08:34 PM
 
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I've been developing a thicker skin over the years, but some of the ideas shared in threads like this still make me want to burst out in tears. My oldest DS is at times a mean kid. He picks on other kids. He was expelled from preschool for aggressive behavior. He has many great qualities and can be very kind at times. But other times, he is indeed the mean kid.

I can assure you I have talked with him over and over and over again in many different ways about his behavior. His father has talked with him. His teachers and principals and guidance counselors have talked with him. We have consulted a child psychologist.

I have spent hours and hours and hours of my life weeping. I have felt like a total failure of a parent. You can't even imagine the depth to which I have felt like a failure as a parent. I have read book after book of parenting advice. I have tried many different approaches over these past nine years. I have paid for professional testing. I have had to forgo spending time with friends or enjoying the fun times other parents get to enjoy because my son's behavior prohibited it.

I can assure you: I am definitely NOT OBLIVIOUS TO IT.

My two other kids do not act this way. This school year I've had lots of play dates for my DD while her brothers were in school and it is a totally different parenting experience. I am still amazed that I can sit in the living room chatting with the other moms while my DD plays nicely with other children. I am not a different parent to her than I was to her brother. They are just different kids. If I had only her, I would have NO CLUE what the other mom - the mom of the "mean/bullying kids" was going through. And neither do some of you.

Tanya
Mom to John (age 11), James (age 9) & Katherine (age 5)
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Old 02-23-2010, 10:47 PM
 
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I've been developing a thicker skin over the years, but some of the ideas shared in threads like this still make me want to burst out in tears. My oldest DS is at times a mean kid. He picks on other kids. He was expelled from preschool for aggressive behavior. He has many great qualities and can be very kind at times. But other times, he is indeed the mean kid.

I can assure you I have talked with him over and over and over again in many different ways about his behavior. His father has talked with him. His teachers and principals and guidance counselors have talked with him. We have consulted a child psychologist.

I have spent hours and hours and hours of my life weeping. I have felt like a total failure of a parent. You can't even imagine the depth to which I have felt like a failure as a parent. I have read book after book of parenting advice. I have tried many different approaches over these past nine years. I have paid for professional testing. I have had to forgo spending time with friends or enjoying the fun times other parents get to enjoy because my son's behavior prohibited it.

I can assure you: I am definitely NOT OBLIVIOUS TO IT.

My two other kids do not act this way. This school year I've had lots of play dates for my DD while her brothers were in school and it is a totally different parenting experience. I am still amazed that I can sit in the living room chatting with the other moms while my DD plays nicely with other children. I am not a different parent to her than I was to her brother. They are just different kids. If I had only her, I would have NO CLUE what the other mom - the mom of the "mean/bullying kids" was going through. And neither do some of you.
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Old 02-24-2010, 01:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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It's really great to hear sentiments from parents 'on the other side', seriously. And I really do think that lots of parents have lost positive authority roles through lack of structure and the whole wanting to be 'cool' and their kids' best friends.

It's so frustrating. And when I wrote the post, I wasn't even thinking about the 'playground pushing' type of bullying, but the more insidious, ongoing, emotionally/physically abusive kind. I don't think I'm being particularly sensitive either. I have a friend with an autistic son who sees almost every interaction he has with another child as him being bullied, and steps in to intervene.

Blah. Lord of the Flies.
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Old 02-24-2010, 04:08 AM
 
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I have a very physical, verbally precocious, controlling and popular child. He gets in a lot of trouble for hitting, shoving, etc at school. He says "no" often when other kids ask if they can be his friend. He isn't called a bully mostly simply do to his age (never mind he's amongst the youngest and is the smallest in his class.) A whole bunch of things go into this, none of which I have much control over.
  1. He isn't deliberately mean, he treats others in a way he wouldn't mind being treated. He loves physical play and doen't mind being bumped, jostled, hit, etc.
  2. More kids want to be his friend than he wants as friends. It's very easy to reject kids when everybody wants to play with you. Heck it becomes down right necessary to reject some kids when everybody wants to be your friend.
  3. Since he's so verbal, he can make all kinds of negotiations that other late 3 early 4 yo have a hard time arguing with. He can manipulate and he charm other parents into making their kids give him stuff in the name of sharing. (Yes, I blame other parents for this.)
  4. When his worst behavior comes out at school I'm not there to do anything about it. He behaves 20 times better when I'm around. Really what exactly am I supposed to do about what goes on when I'm not around?
  5. His behavior may dismay his teachers and me, but it works for him. He generally get what he needs out of his interactions, and other kids still like him. If a kid he hits actually hits him back, he is happy as can be. They only rarely react in a way that lets him know what he did was hurtful.

Now obviously I've been working really hard to nip all this in the bud before he evolves into a real bully by elementary school. We're seeing an OT to deal with his high craving for physical contact to satisfy his sensory needs. I talk to him about being gentle and nice all the time. It has been helping, and things are going better in school, but he's only 4 yo. At this age pleasing me his mom and his teachers is high enough on his priority list that he's willing to work on these things, but I don't know if this will all change when he's 10 yo and he being king of the playground as a possibility.

Timmy's Mommy WARNINGyslexic typing with help of preschooler, beware of typos
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Old 02-24-2010, 04:13 AM
 
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I haven't witnessed any mean kids or bullying in either of my kids' classes or peer groups. They're in pre-K and 1st grade. I think there is a strong anti-bullying sentiment in the schools these days. It's just not cool anymore to be a bully. I'm surprised that so many people have encountered it with their kids.

Maybe I'm totally clueless and my kids *are* the bullies but that would contradict everything their teachers tell me about them. Or maybe I'm just sheltered living in Ann Arbor!
I don't think it's just Ann Arbor! And I don't think it's just "kids these days", or "parents these days", either. I've had the same experience at dd's school Parents and teachers are very aware of bullying and try to teach kids not to do it.

When I was in school in the 80s, bullying went on all the time and nobody every did anything about it. I was bullied horribly in the third grade, and I never even considered talking to the teacher or principal about it. Nor did my parents, who were very sympathetic. They just felt I needed to solve my own problems.

And the stories my dad tells from the 50s! He fought all the time, giving kids bloody noses, etc., and never even got in trouble for it. I think people just thought it was what kids did.

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Old 02-24-2010, 04:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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[*]More kids want to be his friend than he wants as friends. It's very easy to reject kids when everybody wants to play with you. Heck it becomes down right necessary to reject some kids when everybody wants to be your friend.
Not at all singling out your post, but I wanted to use this as an example of something: I've noticed that most kids want to be the bully's friend, usually out of fear. It's like they're sucking up to the bully in some sort of survival hope that they aren't the next victim. It's a love/hate thing, and oftentimes has very little to do with a reciprocal and respectful friendship. I read somewhere (Queen Bees and Wannabees?) that that's why some kids are so artificially popular, especially in the later years - it's rule by power and fear of retribution rather than admiration or inherent leadership.
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