WWYD? Excluding a DC from playgroup? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 79 Old 03-09-2010, 05:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
gbailey's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,498
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Five moms in my area (including me) have been getting together with our children for outings or playing at one of our homes. One of the toddlers is 2 years old. She's not talking at all and when she does talk it's just like loud groaning and grunting. She vomits a lot and whenever we go out she covers her ears and screams and cries. I think she may have a developmental issue but the mom hasn't mentioned anything. This is the issue...the other moms don't want include her in our outings anymore. Our last outing was at the zoo. She went ballistic when we went into the monkey house, bird house and the chimp house. She covered her ears and screamed and screamed. The other parents don't want to include her because they are afraid their kids will start to act like this little girl. Truthfully, she doesn't seem to enjoy the outings but there haven't been that many. I think with time she'll get comfortable with us all. The issue is- the other parents are firm in not wanting to invite her and her mom to anymore outings. I don't agree but I'm out numbered here. DD enjoys the playgroups as do I but I also don't feel comfortable leaving out a mom whose daughter may have a learning or developmental issue. Any advice?
gbailey is offline  
#2 of 79 Old 03-09-2010, 05:48 PM
 
pauletoy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,128
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
The little girl sounds like she might have some sensory issues. My ds displayed a lot of the behaviors you described when he was 2. I can't imagine a 2 year old being capable of intentionally behaving that way. It is more possible that situations are overwhelming to her and being 2 she has little to no self control.

As far as the other mothers and the play group, I would not return. If they are willing to shun a 2 year old for 2 year old behavior, then they are not the group for me.

Wife of 20 years to my superhero firefighting DH. SAHM to 2 boys and 2 girls (3 babies in Heaven- Baby # 5 5/2010 & Baby #6 8/2011 & Baby # 7 2/1013). Cancer Survivor 2011 ( Persistent Malignant Gestational Trophoblastic Disease)

pauletoy is offline  
#3 of 79 Old 03-09-2010, 05:49 PM
 
possum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: the far north (sort of)
Posts: 793
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I've seen some pretty catty things happen in our playgroup . It's a lot more like high school than I'd like it to be sometimes.
I would let the other moms know what you think. How do you make decisions about future meet-ups? If they are going to exclude, her they need to let her know up front, and I would insist that someone do this rather than just "forget" her on future emails about outings.
If they do choose to snub them, you don't have to go along with it. You can always start your own playgroup with the little girl and her mama.
FWIW, I told a mother that I was not willing to exclude another family from our playgroup. She's not my favorite person, and were it up to me, I probably wouldn't invite her in the first place, but now that she's coming, I think it would be really nasty to exclude her. Her child plays much better with everyone than my own, and they are just playdates after all - not that big a commitment. I just don't think it's worth alienating perfectly decent people over. After I said I was not willing to go along with excluding them, there hasn't been any further discussion of it.
possum is offline  
#4 of 79 Old 03-09-2010, 05:53 PM
 
MamatoLil's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Central Alabama
Posts: 7
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by pauletoy View Post
The little girl sounds like she might have some sensory issues. My ds displayed a lot of the behaviors you described when he was 2. I can't imagine a 2 year old being capable of intentionally behaving that way. It is more possible that situations are overwhelming to her and being 2 she has little to no self control.

As far as the other mothers and the play group, I would not return. If they are willing to shun a 2 year old for 2 year old behavior, then they are not the group for me.
Good post!

I'm sorry the other mothers have put you in this position. I think that I would tell the other mothers that I will not exclude the other mom and child from the group.
MamatoLil is offline  
#5 of 79 Old 03-09-2010, 05:55 PM
 
mamazee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: US midwest
Posts: 7,500
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Kids don't pick that kind of thing up from other kids.

I wouldn't go back if it's turned into a Jr. High clique thing.
mamazee is offline  
#6 of 79 Old 03-09-2010, 06:08 PM
 
betsyj's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 671
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Why do parents have to put up with a particular child no matter what? I sympathize with the Mom and would invite her to less stressful outings on my own or to my home. But, I want to have fun on my outings too!! And frankly a vomiting screaming child is no fun at all.

Either the kid has issues, or is simply not ready for these kinds of outings. Why keep bringing a kid who is obviously not having fun at all?
betsyj is offline  
#7 of 79 Old 03-09-2010, 07:48 PM
 
newbymom05's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 2,634
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by betsyj View Post
Why do parents have to put up with a particular child no matter what? I sympathize with the Mom and would invite her to less stressful outings on my own or to my home. But, I want to have fun on my outings too!! And frankly a vomiting screaming child is no fun at all.

Either the kid has issues, or is simply not ready for these kinds of outings. Why keep bringing a kid who is obviously not having fun at all?
I agree with this. I don't think it's being jr. high-ish to realize that group dynamics that work as infants change as they become toddlers, preschoolers, etc. It sounds like the OP has made her feelings made to the group, but they disagree. I don't see why the OP should quit a group that works for her and her child. OP, if you feel guilty about the mom being left out, invite her over like the PP suggested.

And I"m curious--who would tell the mom why she wasn't invited and what reason would they give? I don't think it's cruel to leave her off the emails, or at least any more cruel then telling her the reason. I'd stay out of it, OP. You made your feelings known, you can act as inclusively and welcoming (or not) as you want on your own. I'd let the people who are uncomfortable with the little girl handle the drama.
newbymom05 is offline  
#8 of 79 Old 03-09-2010, 07:53 PM
 
mammal_mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Urban Midwestern USA
Posts: 6,797
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 9 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by betsyj View Post
Why do parents have to put up with a particular child no matter what?
No one "has" to be kind, gracious, and inclusive to struggling families. But having been one of those kinds of families ourselves at times -- I agree with the other posters who say that they would not feel right about staying in the group if this family is excluded.

OP, I'd let the other moms know that if they want to exclude this other family, I wouldn't be staying either. This gives them the opportunity to decide whether they really want to close the door on them or not.

If they do become an exclusive group, I agree with the other poster's idea to start your own group with this other mom.

Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
mammal_mama is offline  
#9 of 79 Old 03-09-2010, 08:05 PM
 
dauphinette's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: lalaland
Posts: 406
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by betsyj View Post
Why do parents have to put up with a particular child no matter what? I sympathize with the Mom and would invite her to less stressful outings on my own or to my home. But, I want to have fun on my outings too!! And frankly a vomiting screaming child is no fun at all.

Either the kid has issues, or is simply not ready for these kinds of outings. Why keep bringing a kid who is obviously not having fun at all?

I wouldn't say that I agree with this but I can certainly see the point being made. When I go out with a group of friends/other moms with the intent of enjoying my time I certainly don't imagine that including a screaming/puking kid every.single.time. But~and this is a big but~if I were that other mom then I would need that time out of the house and friends who treat me and my daughter well and like we are part of the group, just for my own sanity!
dauphinette is offline  
#10 of 79 Old 03-09-2010, 08:27 PM
 
mamazee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: US midwest
Posts: 7,500
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
If we were talking about 10 year olds, or even 5 year olds, I'd agree. But we're talking about toddlers, and there's a wide range of normal for toddlers. Many toddlers have high needs, tantrums, and get overstimulated easily. And any of those toddlers could go though similar phases. This toddler could outgrow it. I've had the high needs toddler, who is now a wonderfully behaved 8-year-old, and parents whose kids aren't high needs see "bad kid" and just really don't get it.

Also, "playgroups" for that age are at least as much about support for the parents as about play for the kids. If this mom has a high needs toddler, she really needs the support.

Could someone nicely tell the mom that the screaming scares the other kids and maybe if her dd gets overstimulated and has trouble, could she take her outside until the trouble passes so the other kids don't end up getting overstimulated as well from the screaming? Something like that. It seems like "kids starts screaming sometimes" can be handled differently.

It seems unsustainable to have a group of 2-year-olds and then kick out ones who tantrum. You won't have more than a kid at the end of it.
mamazee is offline  
#11 of 79 Old 03-09-2010, 08:57 PM
 
betsyj's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 671
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
No one "has" to be kind, gracious, and inclusive to struggling families. But having been one of those kinds of families ourselves at times -- I agree with the other posters who say that they would not feel right about staying in the group if this family is excluded.
A toddler who is screaming and vomiting regularly is not a normal set of behaviors. Include this Mom in other outings but there is no way I think it is right that everyone else has to have a crappy time just to be inclusive.

Quote:
Also, "playgroups" for that age are at least as much about support for the parents as about play for the kids. If this mom has a high needs toddler, she really needs the support.
So only the Mom of the puking kid deserves this consideration? And what about the other Moms? They don't deserve a fun outing? This sounds well beyond a high needs kid anyways.

Why not take a break and try when the kid is a bit older and maybe better able to handle such outings?
betsyj is offline  
#12 of 79 Old 03-09-2010, 09:02 PM
 
mamazee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: US midwest
Posts: 7,500
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Tantrums and reflux? I'd call that within the realm of normal for a 20-month-old.
rebecca_n likes this.
mamazee is offline  
#13 of 79 Old 03-09-2010, 09:06 PM
 
GuildJenn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 4,776
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
If your playgroup is 2 year olds I can pretty much guarantee that if you are still meeting by the time the kids are 5, every child will have demonstrated some kind of behaviour that is ban-worthy by then at least once.

I think it's pretty awful to stop inviting someone for behaviour that isn't inconsiderate or thoughtless or rude. I mean the other child is a 2 year old. However, you can't control the group, and sometimes groups do splinter for both good and bad reasons.

I think it's pretty much up to you to decide whether you want to stick with the group (your sanity is important too!) or if you would find it too stressful. And if you want to have the other mom and her kid over that would be nice, but eventually it will probably come out that your kid still sees the other kids (once the kids can talk well enough.)

I personally would want to see a discussion with the other mom. Like "Wow these outings seem to be a bit rough on your child...how is that for you?"

~ Mum to Emily, March 12-16 2004, Noah, born Aug 2005, Liam, born January 2011, and wife to Carl since 1994. ~
GuildJenn is offline  
#14 of 79 Old 03-09-2010, 09:11 PM
 
GuildJenn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 4,776
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by betsyj View Post
So only the Mom of the puking kid deserves this consideration? And what about the other Moms? They don't deserve a fun outing? This sounds well beyond a high needs kid anyways.

Why not take a break and try when the kid is a bit older and maybe better able to handle such outings?
In a group of 2-year olds, esp. once potty learning starts, the chances of any outing being bodily fluid and scream free are definitely not in the adults' favour. I get what you're saying, but the fact is kids can be messy and loud.

Playgroups are messy and stuff does happen. It's hard to say without knowing how extreme it is but it seems to me a little tolerance goes a long, long way. From the way I read the OP, the kid screamed indoors but not the entire trip. It seems like some chat about what a good place for outings would be might go a longer way than exclusion.

I also think -- and this is truly just opinion -- that our insistence that we never ever be inconvenienced or uncomfortable in any way is very exclusionary of people with differences and indeed of children and families. The only way to change that is by being willing to have a scream-filled afternoon now and then.
EarthRootsStarSoul likes this.

~ Mum to Emily, March 12-16 2004, Noah, born Aug 2005, Liam, born January 2011, and wife to Carl since 1994. ~
GuildJenn is offline  
#15 of 79 Old 03-09-2010, 09:16 PM
 
VisionaryMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 3,851
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
If someone's child were screaming and vomiting every time we were together, I'd probably take a break from them, especially if the events were weekly. If it's only when you go out, then maybe suggest staying in people's homes for a while. I don't think you're wrong for not wanting to exclude her, but if the other moms are truly unhappy being on outings with her, then it's probably not in anyone's best interest for it to continue.

It's us: DH , DS ; DD ; and me . Also there's the . And the 3 . I . Oh, and .
VisionaryMom is offline  
#16 of 79 Old 03-09-2010, 09:21 PM
 
NiteNicole's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 4,718
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 8 Post(s)
Quote:
I also think -- and this is truly just opinion -- that our insistence that we never ever be inconvenienced or uncomfortable in any way is very exclusionary of people with differences and indeed of children and families. The only way to change that is by being willing to have a scream-filled afternoon now and then.
Agreed. I would not feel comfortable excluding someone in this situation. I'd feel really REALLY bad about it.
NiteNicole is offline  
#17 of 79 Old 03-09-2010, 09:39 PM
 
Linda on the move's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: basking in the sunshine
Posts: 10,698
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 76 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by betsyj View Post
A toddler who is screaming and vomiting regularly is not a normal set of behaviors. Include this Mom in other outings but there is no way I think it is right that everyone else has to have a crappy time just to be inclusive.
yeah, moms like me with a sn kid should stay home so everyone else can have fun.

One time, my sister looked at my DD and said, "I wish you were different than you are. It would be so much more fun for the rest of us."

My advice, kindly talk to the mother of the child having problems and suggest an evaluation. Be very sweet, hopefully you'll never know the heart break. Stay her friend.

What to do about the playgroup isn't anything I have experience with. I'm the mother of the wierd kid.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

Linda on the move is online now  
#18 of 79 Old 03-09-2010, 09:49 PM
 
becoming's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 11,886
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
These moms don't sound like the type of people I would want to be friends with (what happens if your daughter has a bad day? Are they going to decide to kick you out, too?), so I would bow out gracefully myself.
becoming is offline  
#19 of 79 Old 03-09-2010, 10:10 PM
 
Evan&Anna's_Mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: So. CA
Posts: 4,477
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Seems to me that the group is sort of jumping to conclusions. Has anyone tried discussing things with the other mother? Something along the lines of "Little Suzy seemed really upset at the zoo outing. Do you think she might be overwelmed by this type of outing?" Maybe the other mother would welcome a chance to talk about the situation. Or maybe you could help her see that this might not be entirely typical toddler behavior and suggest a quick check with the pediatrician or something.

At least if you have approached her first then she might understand why she is suddenly left out.

All of that said though, unless you are the appointed leader of the group, it doesn't seem like you can do much to influence the other moms. You can alway continue with this group AND get together separately with the other mother though.
Evan&Anna's_Mom is offline  
#20 of 79 Old 03-09-2010, 10:15 PM
 
newbymom05's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 2,634
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by GuildJenn View Post
I also think -- and this is truly just opinion -- that our insistence that we never ever be inconvenienced or uncomfortable in any way is very exclusionary of people with differences and indeed of children and families. The only way to change that is by being willing to have a scream-filled afternoon now and then.
But it's not now and then, it's every time. And it isn't normal two-year old tantrums, the OP seems pretty clear that she and her group consider it to be out of the realm of normal. I also got the impression from the OP that she agrees the child's behavior puts a damper on the whole group--she's not saying she has such a great time and doesn't understand where the other moms are coming from.

I think it's great that you want to include everyone, and in a perfect world, I'd be saying rock on. But for me personally, my once a week playdate is a big thing. It requires effort and planning on my part and sometimes money, and I need to feel that my child and I have a good time to make it worth it. If one person was consistently making it unpleasant, either they would leave or I would. In the OP's case, the rest of the group has made the decision for her, despite her sympathetic input. Playgroups are just that--they're a group of like-minded individuals that meet for play and social interaction, not some kind of lifetime commitment.

But seriously, I get what you're saying and think you're coming from a heart-felt place, it's just that in a 2 y/o playgroup, for me personally I would have to put my own sanity ahead of someone else.
newbymom05 is offline  
#21 of 79 Old 03-09-2010, 10:28 PM
 
annettemarie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: In the Restricted Section
Posts: 41,722
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
This is obviously a heated topic, and emotions are running high. Please keep your responses within the User Agreement. Thanks!

Flowers, fairies, gardens, and rainbows-- Seasons of Joy: 10 weeks of crafts, handwork, painting, coloring, circle time, fairy tales, and more!
Check out the blog for family fun, homeschooling, books, simple living, and 6 fabulous children, including twin toddlers

annettemarie is offline  
#22 of 79 Old 03-09-2010, 10:29 PM
 
lolar2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 6,579
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It seems to me that the first step might be to ask the mother if she has ideas for outings that might be more fun for her DD.
lolar2 is offline  
#23 of 79 Old 03-09-2010, 10:29 PM
 
SunshineJ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: In transition
Posts: 1,837
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Not directed at any person or post directly in this thread but an overall observation here. I love how we've become so tolerant as a society until it inconveniences us. It sounds like the child has an issue or two, but you know what? That doesn't mean that it's insurmountable OR that no other child will end up with their own issues. Keep kicking kids out of the playgroup when they're going through a bad stage and want to guess how many kids will be there by age 5?

DD reacted that way to loud noises, and yeah, she was a pukey kid. The entire cause of her behaviour was an undiagnosed milk allergy. That's it. And I would have SO appreciated it if someone had suggested that could be causing her hypersensitive hearing! If nothing else, we would have had a clue sooner and she wouldn't have gone on like that until she was 5. I have to agree with some of the others, this isn't a playgroup I'd be comfortable continuing to be involved with.
SunshineJ is offline  
#24 of 79 Old 03-09-2010, 10:42 PM
 
GuildJenn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 4,776
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by newbymom05 View Post
I think it's great that you want to include everyone, and in a perfect world, I'd be saying rock on. But for me personally, my once a week playdate is a big thing. It requires effort and planning on my part and sometimes money, and I need to feel that my child and I have a good time to make it worth it. If one person was consistently making it unpleasant, either they would leave or I would. In the OP's case, the rest of the group has made the decision for her, despite her sympathetic input. Playgroups are just that--they're a group of like-minded individuals that meet for play and social interaction, not some kind of lifetime commitment.

But seriously, I get what you're saying and think you're coming from a heart-felt place, it's just that in a 2 y/o playgroup, for me personally I would have to put my own sanity ahead of someone else.
If it were making me personally insane, sure. I'd agree with you. But if it were just on the indoor bits of the zoo at outings, ehn. It wouldn't drive me nuts. Or I'd just stay a bit longer to decompress after.

I see playgroups as kind of inherently annoying in a way. The kids fight over toys; sand gets in the stroller, whatever. For me they were about being in a group learning to cope with being a parent and helping my child to cope with being a child. In a very - gritty way, I guess. Not that mine were insane, but for sure there were kids you wondered about. Most of them grew out of whatever it was.

Not to get too Jean Vanier on the thread but I really truly believe that people who have differences (and I'm not clear where this child is on that spectrum) bring out our own challenges.

I pretty much think learning to cope with the screaming vomiting child and just be there with that family in that moment is a gift to me so that I can confront my own 'stuff' in accepting those things. I mean if we were talking about a malicious relative or something, that would be different. But we're talking about an innocent child and a parent trying to socialize.

~ Mum to Emily, March 12-16 2004, Noah, born Aug 2005, Liam, born January 2011, and wife to Carl since 1994. ~
GuildJenn is offline  
#25 of 79 Old 03-09-2010, 11:17 PM
 
db1au's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 57
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
As the weird kid and now the weird adult with a weird kid, please talk with this mother. Share your concerns with her, perhaps research sensory issues and give her copies are bring it up with her. Please don't just exclude her without giving her a reason. How can this mother help her child if she has no idea what the issues are or how to deal with them. Chances are the mother already knows the child is "difficult" but may or may not know how to "fix" her child.
db1au is offline  
#26 of 79 Old 03-09-2010, 11:31 PM
 
snoopy5386's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 2,598
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm confused - does the group not want to invite her to anything anymore - both in home playdates and trips? Or just the trips? Who is going to tell her and how? Because finding out that all my friends took a trip to the zoo without me and my kid would feel really hurtful....Also how does the mom handle the child when she has these screaming fits and vomiting episodes? That would be a big factor for me as well.

Mom to Morgan 4-3-06 and announcing Baby Kelsey 4-11-10
snoopy5386 is offline  
#27 of 79 Old 03-09-2010, 11:45 PM
 
scottishmommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: in a little apartment
Posts: 1,095
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
WOW! I can't believe these women. Excluding a pukey two year old? I could understand if the child were violent AND the mother didn't do anything about it. Ya know what? Some kids are different. People need to get over it and accept that the world isn't made up of cookie cutter gingerbread children.

Wife to amazing dh, mama to dd 12/08
scottishmommy is offline  
#28 of 79 Old 03-09-2010, 11:47 PM
 
Encinalien's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: South Texas
Posts: 490
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamazee View Post

Could someone nicely tell the mom that the screaming scares the other kids and maybe if her dd gets overstimulated and has trouble, could she take her outside until the trouble passes so the other kids don't end up getting overstimulated as well from the screaming? Something like that. It seems like "kids starts screaming sometimes" can be handled differently.
Honestly, this sounds like the right suggestion to me. Like if my kid acts up in public I take him outside 'till he can get it togeather. Maybe she thinks that it's ok because it's a kids group and everyone understands. I'd tell her.
It's better she be told than having her feel snubbed by what she calls friends wandering what she did wrong or what rumors were spread.
Encinalien is offline  
#29 of 79 Old 03-10-2010, 12:26 AM
 
mamadelbosque's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Ohio, USA
Posts: 6,946
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't think you should neccasarily exclude her/them, if the moms willing to work with her dd and try and keep the screaming to a minimum. But really, if her dd is screaming and puking on every.single.outting and at every.single.playgroup for weeks or months on end? Then, hows that fun for anyone? Playgroups are supposed to be fun for *everyone* not just a support group for one family whose kids are having issues!!

I goto two different playgroups 2x a week, almost every week. But we've been known to stay home if DS1's just acting crazy and upset about every little thing. I've been known to take him outside or otherwise away from the group if he starts acting crazy. I assume thats standard behavior... if this moms not doing that, if she's assuming that cause' its a playgroup and all toddlers tantrum *some* times, then its OK for her dd to freak out at every single one? THAT I'd have an issue with.

Tolerance and understanding is one thing. Allowing one family to ruin everyones trip every single week? Thats a whole nother ball game. Especially when your going places like the zoo that cost money!!
peainthepod likes this.
mamadelbosque is offline  
#30 of 79 Old 03-10-2010, 12:28 AM
 
lrgs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Northern Alberta, Canada
Posts: 440
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yikes.........I feel bad for that mom and her DD. Forgive my baby brain, do they want her excluded from the group entirely or just from outings? I would also question whether I wanted to spend time with this group of women. What kind of message are they sending? If someone is different then you, requires some extra help, has special needs, is high needs, etc they should be excluded from the group. How about some empathy or trying to help this mom out? I would think she probably needs the support of a good group of friends more then ever, rather then being ostracized. I'm an emotional preggo right now and that actually kind of makes me sad. I can see the point of not really enjoying the outings (and wanting to do so) but surely some type of happy medium can be reached? Could they suggest that she not attend the outings where her DD is like to get overstimulated (as I can see how this wouldn't be fun for anyone involved......the group or the mom and her DD). Tough situation..........good luck OP.

Lana: Mama to Mya Oct/2007 and Ainsley July/2010
lrgs is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off