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#61 of 131 Old 06-26-2010, 11:25 PM
 
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Things are looking up here. DS is going to bed earlier (we're putting him to bed earlier) and things are getting better.

Hi, OM!

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#62 of 131 Old 06-27-2010, 01:53 AM
 
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would it be really pathetic if i admitted that i almost forgot about this thread until it was on the first page again? yeah...

did my house get magically organized? ahahahaahahaaaha. no. not at all.

the day after school was out, i realized that my little darling first grader had brought home a going away from school present to share with all his brothers. yes, that's right, it rhymes with "rice". i had to shave all of them, wash everything... and do it all with natural stuff, cuz my crew is so sensitive to chemical stuff. and what a huge pain in the behind all that was. i think i scrubbed my fingerprints off.

so my house looks like toys r us exploded, cuz i have been too tired to care. it's been hotter than blazes, and i finally nagged enough that the guys decided today that putting in the a/c in the living room was easier than listening to me any longer. (i can be very focused when i want to be... heh.)

i did get to run away and spend tuesday and wednesday at my best friends house, with absolutely no children. it was amazing. coming back home was like culture shock, tho.

oh, and smee? i feel your pain. my older 2 just went to bed at 11pm. i have no life in the summer.

"give me life, give me pain, give me myself again" - tori amos
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#63 of 131 Old 06-28-2010, 01:30 PM
 
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Uh I just need to vent....my apparent lack of housekeeping skills is going to ruin my relationship with SO. I know it sounds petty, but it's so embarrassing. I was doing great for a while but I've started working everything is falling apart. I just have horrible time management, I'm WAY overextended (for example I'm babysitting a friend's kids at her house today until 3, when she will take me home so I can dressed and go to work from 5-10 PM and she will stay with my kids AND hers in my house until their dad gets home from work.). I tried to make quiche the other day and got the engredients out and starting mixing everything, only to discover that I had preheated the stove with a plastic container still stored inside. It caught on fire and filled the house with this horrible stench, and I still can't use the oven because even though I've scraped it out it is still smoking and stinking really bad whenever I turn it on. I planted a garden outside and haven't weeded in a week so there is grass growing in between the cucumbers. I still haven't taken ds' long sleeved clothes out of his drawers so he has a dresser full of clothes but nothing to wear. I had to get a library card for 2 month old dd sot hat we could check out library books, because ds and I both have such huge overdue fines and I can't find the books. I keep forgetting to take my medication. I really want to take adderall or something but I'm nursing so my only choices are prozac for my depression (whic I'm on) and abilify.

SO and I are talking about marriage and stuff and I feel like "who would want to marry me" when I can't even keep the house clean, dinner made and laundry put away. I can't even enjoy DTD because I can't pay attention long enough to enjoy it. It freakin sucks. Sleep deprivation fro working graveyard shift is killing me. I am a MESS.

Very blessed mama to one bouncin' boy bouncy.gif (12/07) one angel3.gif who didn't get to stay (6/09), one potty learning, mess making divaenergy.gif(4/10), and one cheerful milk monster. aabfwoman.gif (12/11) Happy partner to the love of my lifedp_malesling.GIF.  

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#64 of 131 Old 06-28-2010, 10:54 PM
 
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This might not be helpful, so I'm sorry ahead of time, but WHY IS ALL OF THIS YOUR JOB??

Sounds like your SO could be helping out more, IMO.

That's a ton of crap on your plate No wonder it's hard to focus.

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#65 of 131 Old 06-29-2010, 12:44 AM
 
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waiting2be, can you talk to the library people and see if they'll drop the fines if you pay for the books (if that would be less than the fines), or freeze the fines or something? lots of times they will be co-operative about things like that.

as far as forgetting your meds, try taping the bottle to the bathroom mirror. or on the handle of your hair brush, or something else that you will use and see every day. that's what i used to do with my bc pills, otherwise i would forget.

i can't remember the last time i opened a drawer to take out clothes to put on. clothes live in the laundry baskets in my house, and dishes live in the dish drainer. i have too much else to do to fuss with details like that, honestly. and if dh doesn't like it, well, he can just bloody well do it


i've been sleeping on the couch for the last 3 nights, since i started trying to unearth my bedroom from the zillions of clothes that we have. i got as far as sorting my things into separate piles on my bed (short sleeve, long sleeve, sweaters, pj's, pants, skirts), and then got distracted and haven't really cared since. dh works third shift and i hate sleeping upstairs alone, so i know i'm just stalling, but still, i need to finish that project. anyway, the a/c is downstairs, so i keep justifying it that way .

i did manage to get the bathroom cleaned with the help of my 9yo ds yesterday, so there's that.

oh, and i found out that inspections are in july, not august (we live in subsidized housing) so that is a huge pain, cuz the lady who comes around to inspect walks around with a yardstick at waist level and heaven help you if there isn't at least that much clearance everywhere in the whole place, including the basement. 2 years ago she told me that i couldn't store stuff (sams club type big boxes of tp and so on) under the kitchen table b/c that is a trip hazard. i couldn't believe that one. no one i know over the age of 2 walks under a kitchen table. ugh!

"give me life, give me pain, give me myself again" - tori amos
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#66 of 131 Old 07-04-2010, 05:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi people.


bbl

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#67 of 131 Old 07-06-2010, 05:04 PM
 
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waiting2bmommy - That sounds really stressful and I'm sorry you are having to deal with it. Sometimes it's nice to just STOP. Sit and do nothing and wait for a glimmer of motivation. At least that's what I do. Although really, I always feel like I'm just barely hanging on, just keeping us afloat...I do hope it won't always be like that! I chalk it up to having young kids who can't do much for themselves.

Ok people, I am here...each time I get an update on this thread in my email, I mark it so I can go back. I've probably done that like, 5 times and I never go back!

Things are ok here, same as usual. But I quit taking Wellbutrin because frankly, I wasn't feeling any better and I was really cranky. I have been taking my supplements much more regularly and I've been feeling much better. And I've been eating liver much more often even though I don't really like it that much it is FULL of b-12 and I find I have so much more energy. Plus I have like 10 pounds in the freezer .

Summer is finally here in the NW! I'm excited to get out and get some vit d. Hopefully all that will make me happy. I also finally decided that DP and I need to just cough up the money for some counseling. Whatever it takes.

Anyhoo...hope everyone is hanging in there!

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#68 of 131 Old 07-14-2010, 10:46 PM
 
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I hate to always be the one whining on thsi thread (and digging it out of its grave too...)

but I am seriously going bonkers. I don't know why I keep piling more on my plate. I guess I keep telling myself "it will get better when xyz happens" but somehow I'm just never on top of things anymore. I was doing great and now, I'm really not.

i'm also not taking my medicin regularly and I know that's part of the problem.It's sitting right there and I just...don't take it. I want to, I know I need to, I know I'd feel better if I did, but I don't. I don't know why. It makes no sense and I feel so dumb even writing this because I am just so IRRITATED with myself. Maybe someone here could offer me a virtual kick or two in the butt?

I'm tired, can't pay attention to anything very long, am completely overwhelmed by simple things (like going in a room to clean up, I can stand there for 10 minutes trying to figure out what to pick up first). I'm not hungry and I eat probably one meal a day, even though I need and want to gain weight. Or I just eat junk food...a few cookies, some cheese crackers and a bunch of juice to get me through the day. Everything makes me either pissed off, or so upset that I end up in tears. I actually thought I was pregnant again because it's so bad, but I'm not, so it's just me. All in my head, as usual.

I'm so tired of being like this, and constantly struggling with my self to do normal everyday things. I just hate the fact that I need drugs to enable me to do the basic chores of life that millions of women have been doing, under mush harsher circumstances, for several thousand years. It makes me feel like a failure. I don't even know why SO sticks around, I guess for the kids. He deserves better than this and I feel so guilty. Ugh.

And that's my rant....thanks for letting me vent....

Very blessed mama to one bouncin' boy bouncy.gif (12/07) one angel3.gif who didn't get to stay (6/09), one potty learning, mess making divaenergy.gif(4/10), and one cheerful milk monster. aabfwoman.gif (12/11) Happy partner to the love of my lifedp_malesling.GIF.  

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#69 of 131 Old 07-15-2010, 12:57 AM
 
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First, a big . You're not a failure, and clean house or not, both your DH and your kids are better off because YOU ARE THEIRS.

Second, *kicks you in the butt* . Take those meds, gal! I recognize that feeling - when you're reaching for the bottle and say "ah, who the heck cares" and you walk away without taking them. Force yourself to. Email yourself reminders and JUST.DO.IT. You need to give yourself the help you need.

Third, yes, women have been doing this stuff for thousands of years, but we were not met with societal (and familial) pressure to find work outside the home, we were not expected to do it all alone without other women nearby to lean on, and we certainly weren't expected to do it all alone in our houses with our kids, also keeping THEM entertained. Women of the past had closer families, multigenerational housing, and older children and siblings to help. They didn't have to work. They didn't have the additional guilt of the SAHM in this society that they're "not doing anything productive." () They didn't have to battle with technology, and they didn't have to have so little time to themselves.

Women today are in a tough place. We are expected to work AND raise our kids AND do it while keeping a house clean AND a family well-fed AND look good AND please our husbands. Feminism hasn't come as far as most people think, and I think lots of it has been piling MORE responsibility and pressure onto women instead of balancing the scales. Nobody can do all of that, and anyone who looks like they're doing it is FAKING IT.

So there. That's my vent. I hope you feel better. Take those meds.

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#70 of 131 Old 07-20-2010, 12:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Smee is right W2bMommy- and consider yourself kicked. If your relationship with SO is based on your sucess in an unworkable housekeeping situation, why stay in that relationship? idk...I just think you're worth a deeper love than that, yk?


By the way my husband is for sale or trade. We are flat out broke with no end in sight. I need to try earn some money, and I am totally paralysed because I have no idea where to start.


SO I am hating my brain right now, dealing with a lot of stress, and ready to go crawl in a hole. I'm the whiner today I guess.


damona- I know how you feel- I seem to spend an awful lot of time justifying my own inertia.

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#71 of 131 Old 07-27-2010, 10:54 PM
 
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hows everybody doing? you guys know we have to stay on the front page or we'll forget about the thread, and then none of us will have the attention span to sit and search for it

I read jenny mccarthy's second book,"mother warriors" and even though it's about autism I've been thinking a lot about whether some of the biomedical treatments they used are of any help. i'm still desperate to find something that will help my attention span and none of the meds are an option while nursing.

how is summer treating everyone? the warm weather is a great excuse to stay outside and get exercise and get dirty....and then you don't have to clean the house.

Very blessed mama to one bouncin' boy bouncy.gif (12/07) one angel3.gif who didn't get to stay (6/09), one potty learning, mess making divaenergy.gif(4/10), and one cheerful milk monster. aabfwoman.gif (12/11) Happy partner to the love of my lifedp_malesling.GIF.  

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#72 of 131 Old 08-03-2010, 02:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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pretty cruddy all around here. I hate summer.

I would give just about anything to be normal right now.

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#73 of 131 Old 08-03-2010, 03:20 PM
 
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I hate summer too. So freaking humid, and no AC.

What's going on that you're not "normal?" (You seem normal to meeeee.... )

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#74 of 131 Old 08-03-2010, 08:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks...

No, I just wish my brain worked...when I want it to...and ONLY when I want it to.


I have to much to do to have to wrestle my 'uniqenesses' into 'strengths' right now.

I'm exhausted.

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#75 of 131 Old 08-04-2010, 12:44 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by heidirk View Post
Thanks...

No, I just wish my brain worked...when I want it to...and ONLY when I want it to.


I have to much to do to have to wrestle my 'uniqenesses' into 'strengths' right now.

I'm exhausted.
Bleck, I feel you.

Getting my thyroid tested. Evidence has been coming to light that I may not have ADD, it may be a problem like hyperthyroidism because of my weight/focus/anxiety issues. SO blood tests and all that jazz will be had.

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#76 of 131 Old 08-04-2010, 11:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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had mine tested a few times. it's always borderline something. Never enough to test further.

Me- I think each system in my body is off just slightly. Put them all togerther and you have a royal mess.

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#77 of 131 Old 09-04-2010, 11:38 PM
 
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so...hi guys! remember me? It's been, like, a year since I've nee over here. had to search a while to find you cuz i couldn't remember what the thread was called. After having baby #3 I kinda dropped MDC, couldn't handle more than email and facebook. I am so overwhelmed with life right now. I've lost several expensive things and made several expensive errors this year. Dh is in Guam, has been since the beginning of June, and i just can't handle it. I'm so SICk of being scatterbrained, of forgetting and losing things, of not being able to find what i need so taking an hour longer to get out of the house than I intended, of having a messy, dirty house, of having dinner hours later than intended. And more. But I'm stuck. I don't have the energy, time or motivation to help myself. It feels like to big a task. But I don't know how to ask for help. I'm embarrassed to tell dh that I'm positive I have add. We've danced around the subject of both of us having our quirks. And we're getting ds evaluated now for a multitude of things (anxiety, depression, a probable learning disability, and something that we're not sure yet, some of the possibilities are adhd, asperger's or odd...), we'll probably end up getting the other ds in eventually too, I think he has some sensory problems. But i still just can't bring it up. I don't want to be a burden to anyone, I don't want to put any focus on me, I don't want to be doubted or ridiculed. I'm just done. UG!

Genie, mama to T (4/02), I (10/04) and T (7/09)
 
 
 

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#78 of 131 Old 09-05-2010, 03:15 PM
 
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(((mamabohl))))

I'm Andrea - I have three boys - 12 year old twins & an 11 year old

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#79 of 131 Old 09-05-2010, 07:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi mamabohl! sorry things are so hard right now. I understand though, every word. When your world is spinning out of control- it's difficult to have enough perspective to make positive changes.


(speaking of spinning out of control...)

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#80 of 131 Old 09-09-2010, 11:22 PM
 
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thanks! I was having a really bad day. i lost my Maclaren that day.

Genie, mama to T (4/02), I (10/04) and T (7/09)
 
 
 

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#81 of 131 Old 09-13-2010, 05:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh no!

That's a terrible thing to lose! they're so nice.

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#82 of 131 Old 09-13-2010, 07:06 PM
 
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Hi everyone. I haven't read this whole thread (I started at the end and am reading backwards), but I wanted to say "hello" and introduce myself.

I'm Jennifer and I was dx'd with ADHD as an adult in my mid-twenties (I'm just 30 now). I was on meds until I got pregnant with dd (now 3.5) and I'm starting to feel like I'd like to go back on medication again. I am however still nursing my ds (1yo) but he doesn't nurse a lot, so I probably need to talk to our doctor about it. Last year I was going to therapy for what felt like depression (never an official diagnosis) and also to help with the ADHD but I didn't feel like it was helping so I stopped going. I'd like to try going back again. I have no doubt that the ADHD is real, but I also feel like there is other stuff going on as well. I've been researching SPD because I think its an issue for my dd and I'm starting to see a lot of myself in those descriptions, so I'm beginning to wonder if that's an issue for me as well. Things like being very clumsy, difficulty modulating the volume of my voice, very jumpy in response to noises and some other stimuli. Finding noises and smells very distracting. I can't stand the feel of rain falling on my face/head and other stuff too. The other issue I think I may be dealing with is Anxiety. I feel very irritable much of the time, I snap at people and lose my cool with my kids.

As far as ADHD stuff though, I mostly struggle with keeping the house together and tidy. Planning and organizing is hard which can make it hard for me to keep on a schedule or stick to a budget. Impulsivity can be an issue for me too. So I run off to do something fun instead of staying home and taking care of things that I need to take care of. I also really have trouble with follow through and consistency especially when it comes to discipline of dd. She is very persistent and I often don't have a strong enough will to enforce rules etc. I also lose track of time and so often find myself still sitting at my computer and surfing the web endlessly instead of doing better things like playing with my kids.

I just find that frequently I'm not living up to being the kind of parent I want to be. I feel like I'm not patient enough, not present enough. Too lazy.

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#83 of 131 Old 09-14-2010, 01:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Jennifer, first Hugs and Hi! and do not call yourself lazy!

We've all felt that, I think I can speak for everyone. I hope you can get some answers, if only for your own sake, and so you can help your DD.

I know how I felt when I started to realise how much my older son is like me. I think I actually mourned for him for a little.

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#84 of 131 Old 09-14-2010, 04:42 PM
 
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*sticks head in*

for whatever reason I'm picking up an internet signal today so....hi everybody!!!

money problems...BIG money problems, and a constantly messy house are driving my family to the breaking point.In fact, I really need to go clean up right now.....

how's everyone doing with the whole back to school thing? ds is going to preschool 3 days a week andI'm determined to use that as impetus to keep a schedule and routine going. anyone with me?

Very blessed mama to one bouncin' boy bouncy.gif (12/07) one angel3.gif who didn't get to stay (6/09), one potty learning, mess making divaenergy.gif(4/10), and one cheerful milk monster. aabfwoman.gif (12/11) Happy partner to the love of my lifedp_malesling.GIF.  

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#85 of 131 Old 10-01-2010, 12:30 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by junipermuse View Post

I just find that frequently I'm not living up to being the kind of parent I want to be. I feel like I'm not patient enough, not present enough. Too lazy.
Wow i know exactly what you're saying right there! I feel the same way. Welcome.

Genie, mama to T (4/02), I (10/04) and T (7/09)
 
 
 

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#86 of 131 Old 10-01-2010, 12:33 AM
 
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waiting... schedule? routine? those words sound so nice but I'm not sure I know the definition, lol.

Genie, mama to T (4/02), I (10/04) and T (7/09)
 
 
 

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#87 of 131 Old 10-01-2010, 11:55 AM
 
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Jennifer - I totally understand what you are saying. And what sucks is that I and DS1 do SO much better on a schedule/routine. But the thought of having one makes me want to run screaming! But then I run around screaming anyway cause everything is such a mess. So it's a catch 22. I know I need to force myself to do things but I just don't know how. I know it's hard to not label ourselves, but I really think we need to strive to be gentle with ourselves, as we would a friend. Easier said than done, though.

Waiting - sorry about the financial stuff. That is so stressful.

DS1 started K about 3 weeks ago. The beginning was seriously awful. He hated it and would cry and battle with me. I almost thought maybe he wasn't ready. But I met with the teacher and now I feel much better. And even though everyday he says he doesn't want to go and he doesn't like it, I make him go and he usually has a good time.

I am realizing that all of DSs quirks that I thought were just him are maybe more than that. Like Sensory Processing Disorder with maybe a bit of ADD thrown in. I really need to look into getting him evaluated. It was really obvious when we had a little girl from his class over yesterday for about 6 hours. It hurts to think that he is so different and will maybe have a hard time with friends. He was just so obnoxious and he doesn't even realize it!

Anyway, I had a hard week last week. DP works out of town during the week and will be for the foreseeable future. Last week was just tough on me, but I realize that I need to get out of the house everyday, even if just for a walk. And I need to have weekly routines for my sanity so I don't sit around and go crazy.

                                       DS 7 ~ DS 3

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#88 of 131 Old 10-01-2010, 11:57 AM
 
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Oh, smeisnot, did you ever get tested for thyroid stuff?

                                       DS 7 ~ DS 3

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#89 of 131 Old 10-01-2010, 11:51 PM
 
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I did!

Turns out that thyroid isn't directly the issue. Also, DS has NO food allergies.

*I* am the one with the food sensitivities and we both have an intestinal parasite. So I'm off dairy, eggs, and oats, DS can eat anything he wants, and we're doing a parasite cleanse. Only one of the meds is contraindicated during breastfeeding, so i'm on hold right now.

It's REALLY good news, but I want pizza.

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#90 of 131 Old 10-02-2010, 11:42 AM
 
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Sme, where did you go to find out about the parasite? And how did you suspect that something was up with your ds? My ds often says his tummy hurts but it's usually after he eats just about anything. I did have him tested for food sensitivities and there were quite a few. Never thought about the parasite thing. and he hasn't gained weight in like, a year.

                                       DS 7 ~ DS 3

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