Parents w/ADD- Support thread- 4! - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 131 Old 05-09-2010, 06:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, here we go, a brand new thread.

Our last thread has outlived its usefullness due to being so very very long.
I thought we might actually do a roll call this time.

Here's me-

Heidi- ADD- on meds for depression and anxiety, but not ADD. My challenges are mainly connected to keeping house, and getting everyone where they need to go. On time does not exist in my world. There's lots more of us- post an introduction, and lmk if you'd like me to edit you into this post.

The main purpose of this thread is to share trials and ideas for dealing with parenting while dealing with ADD or ADHD. We discuss meds/no meds, vitamins, supplements, diet, lifestyle, books.....you get the general idea!

This is one thread where you don't really have to worry about typos or reading the whole thread, or crashing us w/aam stuff! We'd rather you just join us and start talking.

this is a support thread.

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#2 of 131 Old 05-10-2010, 01:42 AM
 
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I hope this an ok thing to ask in your support thread. I'm wondering when/how you (any of you) determined you did have ADD/ADHD. I have been questioning if I have ADD lately. It seems that every year my life gets more and more difficult to manage and keep up with and looking back at the times I have been most able to manage I had someone else to help me organize myself and keep me on track. I have difficulty meeting deadlines--even remembering that I have something to do that has deadline is difficult. It is hard for me to finish things I start and have found myself with so many things going through my mind that I can't focus on anything. So while I know many of things are possible symptoms of ADD (I don't think the H would apply to me) but it seems that it would of been noticed earlier in my life---I'm 44. Anyone else discover they had ADD at a similar point in life? What suggestions can you offer as far as obtaining a diagnosis? Any other ideas that may help me feel a little more on top of my life? Thank you!
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#3 of 131 Old 05-10-2010, 06:43 PM
 
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hi, i'm damona. i'm 30. i've had ADD all my life, but i've never been medicated for it. my biggest challenges are organization and being a perfectionist. it probably sounds odd, but i cannot seem to get my house to stay clean, so i've kind of given up. i never know where to start, we have too much stuff, and i kinda just don't care anymore. i mean, i sweep and vacuum and do dishes (well, DH does!) and that, so it's not filthy, but there are stacks of books and piles of toys and... somebody out there has to understand!

i dropped out of high school in part b/c of the ADD. i just couldn't focus or stay interested, and, at the time, my parents were too wrapped up in their own problems to help me much. i got so tired of hearing the "we don't understand how you can fail ___, we know you're smart" line. so. very. tired. of. it.

i start projects constantly, promise too many people i'll do too many things (tho i'm getting better about that!), and being back online seems to have made it worse. i'll start a post, get sidetracked, and come back to it hours later.

i also have 4 sons, 3 of whom have ADHD and 2 of whom have aspergers or autism. it's like living in a small, disorganized, circus.

ETA: all of them have ADHD, only 3 are medicated. we can't medicate our 7yo b/c it has the reverse effect on his system.

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#4 of 131 Old 05-10-2010, 06:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello! A lot of mommas I've talked to, irl- have only figured it out after having kids for a while! Some people can compensate very well- to a certain point.

If you have insurance- look at your behavioral Health options/coverage, and seek a diagnoses. What you describe is pretty typical, btw.

this is a perfect question for our crazy group. Anyway, If you took your post to a psychiatrist, they'd be able to help. Many of us here have your exact problems!!! We keep trying new things. Generally we'll have a pattern or rhythm for a while that works, but then it doesn't and we need to adjust it. We make lots of lists.

and welcome!!

Hi, Damona!! welcome!

Well, you're not the only Circus Master... Another classic frustrated perfectionist here, too. If it seems undo-able, I just... don't

My DS1 most likely has ADHD...I don't have the H either...although sometimes It seems like it'd be a help!

Both of you fit right in here!

oh, and here's a link to the previous thread.

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...136600&page=15

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#5 of 131 Old 05-11-2010, 11:07 PM
 
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hi! I'm here, still, scatterbrained as ever but I have successfully done most of the housework this evening so .

I'm 22, 2 children (2.5 and a newborn) and have a SO who behaves like a child

Right now I'm taking prozac for depression, which is actually helping. It brought me from a total basket case to functioning decently. as in, I'm not flying off the handle with irritability, I'm not spending the entire day "winding myself up" or asleep or wishing I was asleep, I'm enjoying my kids (to a point, lol) and I have more patience. I'm also able to get 3 hot meals out every day and keep up decently with the housework. so, feeling better. There's still a long way to go for sure, but I do think the medicine is helping me start to feel more normal.

Anyone have any experience with the focus ADDult homeopathic drops? I want to try them but I'm nursing 3 week old dd so I'm a little hesitant.

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#6 of 131 Old 05-11-2010, 11:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi there!

I thought homeopathics were generally safe during nursing? That's why I started taking homeopathic remedies, actually! I've never heard oof them, I'll have to google them.

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#7 of 131 Old 05-12-2010, 05:16 PM
 
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Hey!

I'm Sara, still undiagnosed ADD. Honestly, I'm sure I could get a diagnosis, but it probably wouldn't change anything for me.

Right now I'm the lifehack queen. I just had my DD (still feels weird writing DD ) 2.5 weeks ago, and am slowly adjusting to having 2. Funny enough, it hasn't yet been as rough as I'd thought it would be - Nomi is a very calm baby, and after my high-needs DS, she seems SO easy. Of course, DS is still driving me up the wall (he takes after his mother ), but I'm already used to doing that. Just getting sick of the double diaper changes.

Homeopathics are generally safe while nursing, except for things meant to detox. So you should be ok. You can do some Googling to make sure.

Remember that most women are ADHD - Inattentive, not ADHD - Hyperactive (the typical ADHD you hear about in kids). It manifests very differently in women and men.

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#8 of 131 Old 05-12-2010, 08:25 PM
 
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Hey!

I'm Sara, still undiagnosed ADD. Honestly, I'm sure I could get a diagnosis, but it probably wouldn't change anything for me.
Uh, what she said. No really. I'm also Sara, also undiagnosed, could but have never bothered because then I'd just have a fancy acronym and some doctor's bills, nothing more .

I'm going to TRY to keep up with this thread now. Really, really try. Really really really really really. I need it. I need a support system right now .

And Sara... CONGRATS!

Me+DH+DS1+DS2+Dog=me and a house full of guys, which is really just peachy, thanks.
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#9 of 131 Old 05-12-2010, 10:32 PM
 
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THANK YOU!

And congrats to you too - when are you due again?

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#10 of 131 Old 05-13-2010, 12:28 AM
 
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THANK YOU!

And congrats to you too - when are you due again?
October 20th. I get to stay at home this time; I'm living in a city with adequate medical facilities . No picking my nose in Anchorage for a month.

Me+DH+DS1+DS2+Dog=me and a house full of guys, which is really just peachy, thanks.
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#11 of 131 Old 05-13-2010, 01:09 AM
 
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October 20th. I get to stay at home this time; I'm living in a city with adequate medical facilities . No picking my nose in Anchorage for a month.
Awesomeness! Having my VBAC at home was the coolest thing I have ever done. Seriously. I hope your homebirth is just as awesome.

So cool we'll have BOTH kids about the same age, too!

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#12 of 131 Old 05-13-2010, 05:58 PM
 
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Awesomeness! Having my VBAC at home was the coolest thing I have ever done. Seriously. I hope your homebirth is just as awesome.

So cool we'll have BOTH kids about the same age, too!
Well, I'm not going to be having a HOMEbirth, I don't think (no midwives around here... there's a woman in training but she's not done yet); I just meant that I get to stay in my town until I give birth. A work friend is good friends with the midwife-in-training, and she works/worked at the hospital for a while, so we MIGHT have the option of doing a technically unassisted homebirth with the midwife trainee, but I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that. Otherwise, the midwife-in-training might be able to just get us set up with her in a room in the hospital. The hospital here is pretty great, though, as hospitals go (as far as childbirth goes... they're kinda sketchy otherwise). They have a 5% c-section rate and don't even have epidurals available outside of surgery. They kind of just set you up and expect you to do your thing until you ask for someone to catch . They check up on you in between, of course.

It's an interesting case because it's an IHS-funded (Indian Health Services) hospital, and like I said it has an iffy reputation otherwise, but everyone I've talked to says that they do two things really, really well: delivering babies and short-term emergency care before you can get a medevac flight to Anchorage.

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#13 of 131 Old 05-14-2010, 11:10 PM
 
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They kind of just set you up and expect you to do your thing until you ask for someone to catch
Now THAT is my kind of hospital birth

ETA: I just noticed that this thread has already gone OT. I'm definitely in the right place

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#14 of 131 Old 05-14-2010, 11:18 PM
 
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*snort*

You are amongst the queens of off-topic!

I need a life change, and I think now is a good time. For both my DS and myself (and DD, but she won't care for a while), we need a schedule. We sort of wander through the day, and I think we'd get a lot more done with a loose schedule.

Anyone have tips/ideas that have worked?

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#15 of 131 Old 05-14-2010, 11:32 PM
 
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WOW, I'm so glad I saw this thread in the recent posts!

I am 36 (gulp, feels SO WEIRD to write that) mother of twin boys, one with autism and the other newly dx'd ADHD. All of the reading I've done since his dx makes me realize that I have it too--inattentive type. And I've already learned that that makes sense from this thread, so yippee!

I'm just starting to research treatment options, and I'm coming up kind of short. I see that fish oil is recommended, what else? I'm already on 150 mg of Zoloft for depression and I'd like to try alternative treatments first...I guess I'm nervous about some of the conventional medications for ADHD because some of them are known to *cause* depression, and that's the last thing I need.
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#16 of 131 Old 05-15-2010, 12:24 AM
 
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*snort*

You are amongst the queens of off-topic!

I need a life change, and I think now is a good time. For both my DS and myself (and DD, but she won't care for a while), we need a schedule. We sort of wander through the day, and I think we'd get a lot more done with a loose schedule.

Anyone have tips/ideas that have worked?
heh, well, I'm no supermomfor sure but I every morning I try to get dd down for a nap or if all else fails I put her in the bouncy seat and bounce it with my foot while ds and I do something together. We're sort of doing a loose preschool type thing because he is really into it...anyway our day is basically like
wake up
eat breakfast
get everybody dressed
nurse dd/put her down for a nap
do school with ds
snack time
ds plays starfall or watches nick jr on the computer while I either clean up or nurse the baby depending on whether she's up
we go outside for a bit, if the baby is sleep I play soccer with ds or sling the baby and we all go for a walk
we come in and eat lunch
ds takes a nap --if both kids are asleep this is when I clean house
ds wakes up and we have a snack
we either do something artsy/messy or ds plays outside by himself (I mean I watch him but I don't run around and stuff)
somewhere in there dinner happens
we go for a walk and ds rides his bike and we go to the park
bath time
story time, maybe a little more starfall if the baby is nursing again and then I put the kids to bed, dd first and then ds.

the only time frame we have right now is that I try to have everyone dressed by 10 AM (I know, that's late),ds naps around 12:30-2:30, and bath time is a 7 every night. both kids get a bath every night because it calms them both down wonderfully and anyway if they aren't both in the bath then somebody isn't getting watched.

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#17 of 131 Old 05-15-2010, 03:00 AM
 
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My whole LIFE is off-topic .

Me+DH+DS1+DS2+Dog=me and a house full of guys, which is really just peachy, thanks.
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#18 of 131 Old 05-15-2010, 12:53 PM
 
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I'm here. Another Sara!! I have undiagnosed ADD and just started meds for depression about a month ago. So far, not much has changed, but I guess I'm not at the total bottom anymore so that's an improvement. I'm looking for a loose schedule too for this summer as my older DS won't be in preschool anymore and I don't want our days to just be totally boring. I think a schedule definitely helps me with boredom too.

So lately what's been bugging me is that I can't seem to stop all these random thoughts going through my head constantly. It's SO annoying! It's like my mind is racing all the time. I was thinking about maybe learning more about meditation. I know whenever I try yoga it's ridiculous because my mind is just going a million miles a minute and they're like, having you do all these slow breathing and poses and I'm just like, come on already! But I think meditation would be good for me. So maybe I'll see if there is a class or something that I can take.

I'm realizing that I think I need to get a job or volunteer or something. I'm going nuts at home and I need to use my brain. DP is laid off right now so it is a good time for me to look for something.

Quote:
I hope this an ok thing to ask in your support thread. I'm wondering when/how you (any of you) determined you did have ADD/ADHD. I have been questioning if I have ADD lately. It seems that every year my life gets more and more difficult to manage and keep up with and looking back at the times I have been most able to manage I had someone else to help me organize myself and keep me on track. I have difficulty meeting deadlines--even remembering that I have something to do that has deadline is difficult. It is hard for me to finish things I start and have found myself with so many things going through my mind that I can't focus on anything. So while I know many of things are possible symptoms of ADD (I don't think the H would apply to me) but it seems that it would of been noticed earlier in my life---I'm 44. Anyone else discover they had ADD at a similar point in life? What suggestions can you offer as far as obtaining a diagnosis? Any other ideas that may help me feel a little more on top of my life? Thank you!
For me, I read a book about ADD about 10 years ago and realized that it was describing me my whole life. Then 10 years went by and I had two kids and my life was just crazy chaos that I could not seem to manage even though there wasn't that much going on. I came back to the ADD idea and started reading more. Then I went to counseling where the counselor said I had ADD after asking me a few questions. So I'm not officially diagnosed but everything about it describes me. I think for me, what is helpful is knowing that my brain does not operate like others so theoretically I should not be so hard on myself. I'm still trying to figure that one out!

As for being more on top of life? I really have no idea. I don't do well when I don't have a lot of stuff going on, but then when I do I am really stressed. So I really need to find a balance and I have no idea how to do it. Sorry

Lately I've been spending MUCH less time online and really trying to be present in my own life. It is not easy because I am so unsatisfied with my own life right now, but I need to figure out how to be satisfied because my family is suffering.

waiting2bmommy - do you find it fairly easy to stick to your schedule? I really want to implement something like this and have it up on the wall so ds knows what comes next, but I find myself REALLY resisting it. I HATE to be scheduled, but on the other hand I do so much better when I have one. ARGH! What a catch 22 to be in.

Hope you're all doing well.

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#19 of 131 Old 05-15-2010, 12:58 PM
 
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I really want to implement something like this and have it up on the wall so ds knows what comes next, but I find myself REALLY resisting it. I HATE to be scheduled, but on the other hand I do so much better when I have one.
Me too!

And hi! You spell your name right, too.

waiting2bemommy, that sounds like a nice loose schedule. Maybe I'll have to find something like that.

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#20 of 131 Old 05-15-2010, 03:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi Blizzard babe and BetsyNY!

Yeah off topic is ummm.... on topic for this thread!

IRT schedules- Waiting2bmommy- that's a good one!
Ours has gotten so messed up, it's unrecognizeable anymore. I am working on it, though.

I am struggling with what I have finally realizd is PMDD right now, on top of ADD, and everything else. Having a tough time.

I am doing better at at least trying to clean. My house is just chronically out of control, and I get hyperfocused on it, and tend to forget to take the kids anywhere. :smack But I need to try to make some habits around housecleaning so it gets easier...how long that'll take... ???

I am going to post a list in the Kitchen, Bathroom, and Laundry area of stuff that needs done. Like the bathroom list will be-

wipe out sink
pick up towels/washcloths
wipe down outside of toilet
stock toilet paper

So when I am in ther, if I have a minute, i can do 1 thing... we'll see how it goes.

Smee- I think if you started a schedule that hinged around when everyone needs to eat, you could fill in around it with activities...but it IS OK to just Live right now!

We start with bathroom/diaper
breakfast
momma's coffee time/kids movie time.

We are SO not morning people that it takes us over an hour after breakfast to be ready to do anything.

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#21 of 131 Old 05-15-2010, 03:09 PM
 
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Hi,

Struggling with ADD and am not on meds as I am currently nursing. Researching natural ways to help as I am really struggling in school and other areas.
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#22 of 131 Old 05-15-2010, 10:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi,

Struggling with ADD and am not on meds as I am currently nursing. Researching natural ways to help as I am really struggling in school and other areas.
Here's a link that might help. We have all been there, and we know what its like.

http://www.kellymom.com/health/meds/medref.html

oh, and...


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#23 of 131 Old 05-16-2010, 12:59 AM
 
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i have no idea what i was going to post about. gee, i wonder if i'm in the right thread? *sigh* i really have to learn not to open messenger until i am done posting.


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#24 of 131 Old 05-16-2010, 10:30 AM
 
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Thanks Heidrick,

I will check out the website. There are no meds we can take while nursing for ADD right? That is what I have heard.
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#25 of 131 Old 05-16-2010, 10:33 AM
 
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this semester is out and I so need a break for summer. Anyone else in school struggling with ADD? I am barely been scraping by with A's where it used to be so easy for me on meds. I cant make myself read my books...I sit there and five minutes later I dont realize I have wondered off to thinking about something else. Next semester is going to be even harder. People around me are saying I should wean my son ( 1year old) so I can take meds. That is just not going to happen no weaning here!
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#26 of 131 Old 05-16-2010, 03:10 PM
 
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I too am an ADHD mommy with an ADHD DH

I've been diagnosed since 9yo, no meds, and went to behavioral therapy weekly from 4th-11th grade (and always had a tutor for math subjects).

I dealt with major depression during college and was put on some heavy meds. When I came off the meds, I felt like I had to start over completely with the behavior mods. I implemented all my tools and managed to get back toward "normal."

I always have a 1-2 year adjustment period with newly significant/major life changes. I'm finally getting back to a more productive life. Last year, I was completely focused on adjusting to motherhood so in the past month or so, I've finally been able to start being a mommy and wife

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#27 of 131 Old 05-16-2010, 05:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by damona View Post
i have no idea what i was going to post about. gee, i wonder if i'm in the right thread? *sigh* i really have to learn not to open messenger until i am done posting.

gee...I never do that...


Odinsmommy- welcome! I understand the two year adjustment period! I thought it was just me!

you know, I was afraid that that would happen to me w/meds. I wasn't diagnosed till 19, so I already had a host of coping techniques- although most of them were only suited to schoolwork.

and- my DH has many Aspie characteristics AND many ADD symptoms.

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#28 of 131 Old 05-17-2010, 10:05 AM
 
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Originally Posted by heidirk View Post
gee...I never do that...


Odinsmommy- welcome! I understand the two year adjustment period! I thought it was just me!

you know, I was afraid that that would happen to me w/meds. I wasn't diagnosed till 19, so I already had a host of coping techniques- although most of them were only suited to schoolwork.

and- my DH has many Aspie characteristics AND many ADD symptoms.
Thanks! Yeah, I noticed the 1-2 year adjustment about 10 years ago, and now it seems like I'm in a perpetual state of adjustment.

My DH was never given any tools/techniques for his ADHD, but his parents were happy to medicate him. Grrr! He barely made it/probably shouldn't have out of high school, but I think he's smarter than me. He's been learning more and picking up some behavior mods, particularly with time management. It helps that I formerly provided the outreach services for a college counseling center and spent many hours teaching seminars and one-to-ones on time management, anxiety, study skills, etc.

And, the meds thing freaked me out when I first came off them. First, I was dealing with feeling a range of emotions for the first time in my life, but I was truly happy. Then, my mind was racing 3x the speed it had been for 2 years. It was quite humorous to me (& my professors) just how profound my impulsivity had become in the classroom. Fortunately, I had become friends with many of my professors, and they appreciated everything that I was doing.

PS. I love the craziness my DH and I have together. I'm amazed at where our conversations from beginning to end will go sometimes.

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#29 of 131 Old 05-17-2010, 11:50 AM
 
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Hey peeps - check this out, hot off the press: ADHD linked to pesticide exposure.

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#30 of 131 Old 05-17-2010, 03:41 PM
 
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Do they include lawn pesticides in that.... I need stuff on that, dh is insisting we treat the lawn when we move, and I really DON"T want to. Need to find stuff-- or maybe agree to track down and dig up all intruders in our new lawn to be- but with my ADD mind I know I'll forget, no matter how well intended. Grrr.
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